MeMoRiEs @ MeMoRY LaNe

photo takin

2012-01-17T00:34:00.002+08:00

back to sg, back to reality... it'd been a total diff experience... a 180 deg change fr d life in sg or mayb i exaggerate. anw, d trip was really cold & quite tiring & tedious.

early day 1 (8/1/12) mornin, b4 day break, cx in at airport & at 8 plus, flight took off & only landed at ard 12. we dragged d big & heavy lugguage (~24kg) ard till we cannot take it & find a nearby fastfood (KFC) to for lunch & rest & drag our time b4 headin to d train station whr we found place to deposit our lugguage. den we walked ard till no whr to go & sat outside a quieter road side beside d train station for hours w our iphone & ipod touch game s our leisure. we den search for dinner & drag time more before gg back to d train stn to collect our lugguage & cx in for our night train. anw, d temperature was ok initially. it feels s though like at genting highland. nice n coolin but s day goes, it became colder. d queue was terrible.

aft tryin to head on to board d train, it gave me a knock in d head & tt i would oso give an advice to all those who travel to country they nvr been b4. d advice is 'nvr to stuff everything into a big lugguage thinkin tt thr would be wheels to drag & so it would b easy.' 'RMBR NVR DO SO'. cos unlike sg, thr is no escalator or lift. & we or rather dear had to carry d bulky & heavy lugguage down flights of stairs packed w many ppl & so, his steps r oso restricted cos of ppl in front. though i ended up carryin d handcarry bag w shawls, gloves, caps, umbrella, water, laptop, etc, at least all r hangin on my shoulder where my body support d whole weight rather than only usin lower arm muscle to carry at an odd angle cos of d bulky-ness. tt's not all. in d train, thr r stairs too... d cabin r not all in 1 plane... thr is upper & lower lvl. & d corridor is v narrow oso.

though i booked luxury class cabin w soft cabin for the train, d cabin is still small & d bed is oso hard. w habit of not comfortable slpin w strangers, i had no choice cos it's a 4 pax cabin. anw, jus for d night & chances of bumpin to d same pax b super slim. but i still don like d idea tt a guy got d opp upper bunk while i'm below. anw, cos of d stairs experience, i exchanged out some heavier items into my backpack worryin tt it would be d same situation or even worse when reached esp if this time we would ve to climb up d stairs. but in such a narrow n small space w strangers, i didn't quite manage to pull out more items.

well, d train was quite jerky & duno y, it stopped a couple of times. thr is a time whr it stopped for ~30 min or so. though stopped for so long, it still reached on time. anw, my head was near d window & so i could see d stars clearly. i always love to see d glittery stars in d dark sky & it's definitely much more beautiful when in such a brightly litted sg.

when reached (9/1/12), we ended up gotta climb down stairs but this time, we waited till most ppl go down b4 we go so tt at least our path is not restricted but in d end we found actually thr is another way down which is a slope. @@

d time was 7 plus but it was still dark & d wind is really cold. d sky only brighten aft 8 & by den, we alrdy reached whr we stayed. it's at d shop itself which is oso their house which oso d accomodation of their employees. d boss picked us up & helped us carried d lugguage. d boss had 2 gals & they r twins. 2 yrs plus only but elder sis looked smaller size than smaller sis. for d 1st time, i feel tt it's so lucky to b d younger sis cos she would wear new or newer clothes den pass to d elder sis cos usually it's d opp. haha.

d place was so cold tt for d 1st time, i could breathe out vapor. a total new experience. d rm is quite small. jus a platform queen sized bed w tv at a corner & jus some walkin space. d bed is equiped w heating underpad. but cos of their plug, we could only choose either tt or to charge our electronic devices. so another things to note is to bring more universal plug adaptor. anw, we were given 2 nights of stay but we would need another 3 nights thr & cos of d coldness s thr is no heater in d rm, we did ponder of gg another place to stay but d price diff made us cont'd stayin.

tt day, we walked ard & we could catch d glimpse of d snow mt which we wanted to go. a place which dear found out & KIV for more than 2 yrs. but d followin day, while i was havin my hair-do & make-up, thr was changed of plan of swoppin day 2 iternary w d day 1 cos d snow mt is too foggy.

so on 'day 1' (10/1/12), we had 5 sets of costumes & took photos fr mornin till night cos we took d night shot. surprisingly, dinner was provided cos it's not stated in d contract, mayb it's included in d night shot but not stated. d day shot were bearable initially till when at d open space but still alright. d night shot was really cold & tirin cos we were walkin a long way. n ppl oso snappin pic of us like we r celebrities. well, it's cos we braved d coldness by wearin so little for d photo takin.

tt night, s i slp, i felt my throat givin way but i was too tired to bother & d followin mornin (11/1/12), i woke up w a terrible sore throat. luckily i brought anti-swell med for throat. i'm glad to ve been trained in st john & oso previous experience to bring s many necessary emergency items & tt is oso y our lugguage is so heavy. 出门在外, better to b prep.

while gettin ready to change, was told d snow mt still looked cloudy & foggy & so we decided to push back to another day but 30 min ltr, thr is a knock on d door sayin tt d fog seemed to b clearin, though they would suggest gg up tt day, they still seeked our advice & idea but of cos we follow their idea since they should know d weather thr better than us.

thus, we braved d cold once again while i'm havin sore throat & head to d snow mt. they said we were lucky cos recently it snowed & so d mt had more snow. but when we were reachin, it started to snow. 1st time i see snow. wow... & 1st time i feel d snow esp when it hit on my bare shoulder & hands. well, it's still foggy but we decided to go up d mt cos since we alrdy thr, we didn't want to jus give up. so d photos background r mostly blurry.

d most 辛苦 is d lady lor cos wearin so little, still gotta take off d cold wear 1st to take individual shots b4 d guy took off his to take tgt. & yet dear wearin 3 top & 2 long bottom & yet he still keep complainin it's cold makin me oso hard to 忍. & he's d 1st to say 'cut' for d shots. d photographer actually still wanted to cont'd esp aft we supposed to ve warmed up w coffee & tea but we decided to go down for d snowy forest shots.

thinkin tt aft gg thru d snow mt, d rest of d shots would b much easier & better? actually no. at d mt, thr isn't much wind so d cold is stationary & even. but d other place is really much worse esp all d open space. d wind is really strong plus it's snowin, plus i'm wearin so little esp d last shot w d short dress. d background scenary doesn't look cold but d place & d wind is really unbearable till i cant help but scolded dear when he tried to help me take off my cold wear at our last station. cos we r suppose to b takin tgt & either we took off d cold wear tgt or he should take off 1st since he got 3 layers s compared to me. tt's y i cant help but scolded him when he tried to help me, mayb thinkin tt i too stiff. i guess his mind oso got too stiff by d coldness so mayb to him, he's jus helpin me & tryin to get over.

d next few days, we walked ard, sit at d coffee hse, drinkin tea, etc, & spend time on our ipod touch & iphone games. we oso went for massage on 2 evenin. d ppl thr r really so relax. they can open d shop anytime they wan & closed anytime they wan. thr isn't many ppl in d shop. it's a peaceful & quiet place & really slow paced s compared to d fast pace sg. but we are really not used to d food thr. we went ard to search for jap food, italian food, KFC, pizza hut, american bf, bread, western food but not everytime successful. sg is really so much better. thr r so many range of food like chinese, western, malay, indian, taiwan, HK, jap, korean, italian, etc. & yet we always complain tt we didn't noe wat to eat. haiz...

anw, b4 comin back to sg, we packed our bags so tt d lugguage would b much lighter s compared to b4. on d last day (14/1/12) thr b4 our transit, it snowed again but lightly & shortly. & tt night after dinner, we head to d train station for our night train. seein our bed no & w previous experience, we assume tt once enterin d train, we wont need to carry d lugguage up or down d stairs & yet tt side of d door isn't open so enterin fr another side means to carry lugguage down & up d narrow stairs to d other side of d cabin. @@

in tt cabin, thr is a lady who speaks really loudly & even answer call in mid of d night loudly. @@ & d guy at opp upper bed (i'm at upper bed oso) made me feel even more uncomfortable. cos when everybody laid down, & lights still on, he took off clothes 1 aft another. i cant bear to see how much he took off till at d bottom but his top left singlet. d next uncomfortable experience is tt d supposely locked door keep openin by itself. so it made me feel really insecure so in d end i didn't quite slp & even if i did i didn't slp well. i keep wakin up & looked ard & cx my stuff. initially i did tried to close & lock d door myself den i even throw my pillow down to dear's face so he could help me but we gave up but hw can i slp well if d door is opened. it's so much unsafe.

anw, aft we reach (15/1/12), we head to d airport cos we don't feel like draggin d lugguage ard anymore. tt time, cos i lighten d lugguage for dear, my backpack became so much heavier. when cx in at airport, i found tt his lugguage is lighten by ~7kg while my backpack became 8.9 kg cos when we come, it's jus d coldwear which is really light.

overall, it's really a brand new experience. d coldness, d wind, d road/path r made of stones, d snow, & it's really cold to come out fr shower & d water outside for washin hands r really cold. thr is really lots of walkin & d roads can oso b really bumpy.

however, d photographer & his gang r really professional. helpin us carryin our things, even prep warm water when we go to d snow mt, tryin to warm my frozen fingers, standin at edges to reflect lights, photographer climb tree, laid on ground, stepped into d water jus to capture nice shots for us. he even walked faster in front to cx out d place to find nice spot for photo takin. a thumbs up for their service. & if not cos we decided to stop, actually he still wanted to cont'd takin photos for us & findin new spots for us cos he didn't want to end tt early. anw, i really like d make-up, though patch up aft patch up, it's still looked quite natural & i still can recognize myself in d photos. haha.

d only cons is tt it's external location, certain place might end up be burnt off or so & so would ve to b prep to walk a bit w d photographer till he finds a new nice spot. but d pros means, mayb u wont get same spots s previous customer. :)

Lack of slp

2011-12-23T21:43:00.001+08:00

Today decided to see doctor for my persistent headache which Panadol doesn't help for days. Suspected due to lack of slp n true enough. N best part, found out tt lack of slp oso cos chest pain/discomfort which I did tell dear a couple of times le. So though I initially did think of asking d doc bout my chest discomfort n though I didn't eventually, I found out d root cause of it. So all my friends pls take note to try sleep early k.

growin up

2011-12-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

end of last week, i received my 1st x'mas card fr 1 of my uni xiao mei. it's not exactly much of a surprise since she had asked me for my add jus recently but receiving it reminds me of myself long long time ago.

like her, i used to send greeting cards to my grandma, godma, uncles, aunts, teachers, & friends. it's a practice tt my mum trained me since young & I jus cont'd after. I used to spend efforts in searching for nice & pretty greeting cards but subsequently I slowly stopped doing so esp in recent yrs. thr had been so much of other things for me to take care of. studies & work had been draining off my energy & nw another sets of stuffs for me to take care of.

sometimes, i really wished i had more than 24/7. i oso wished i m a robot so i no need to slp but then robot oso would need servicing & lubricating & robot would oso breakdown. i oso wished i don ve a heart so i can b 铁石心肠. i oso wished i don ve a brain so my head would b v light n not ve d constant tightness feel tt sometimes felt like it can explode any moment. n if i can choose, i rather not b a virgo & not ve d virgo traits of being a perfectionist & keep thinking & worrying. i really wished i can ignore everything. i wished i could chop off my head. indeed crying out will help slightly but it doesn't really help much when everything came clashing in.

so it actually reflected back to me if i m suitable for sales kinda job w datelines & target to hit kinda stress even if d ease of meetin & tokin to diff ppl can b trained. so wat worries me most is d ability to cope w tt kinda stress. i jus noe tt i cant stay in NTU forever. i had been here for 8.5 yrs. but d ultimate reason for me is tt i'd gotta a new flat at Sengkang. tt's jus too far fr NTU. so i need to get out of NTU, out of my comfort zone. anw, d other reason is d pay cos it will jus allow me to get thru my basic needs, givin min to my parents. i'm afraid. i'm scared of rainy days. ppl will nvr understand wat i had been thru & i hate it when parents jus spend on rolex, massage chair, etc w/o worryin of rainy days. so until nw, i don quite fancy branded products. those r luxury items & unless necessary, if not i won't get.

friends would also asked me to buy things if we went out tgt, they would say they feel stress seeing tt i m empty-handed while they had their hands full but if nothing catches my eyes & nothing is necessary or if thr r reasons for me to buy, i won't buy at all. even my colleagues who kept shoppin said tt they can influence me n i should go out w them but i nvr go out w them & i don wanna get influence. in fact, recently i had spend quite alot fr online shopping but it's on for necessary items. items tt i need & r much cheaper than outside.

w d new house comin, savin of $ is impt. reno, furnishin, electric appliances, basic necessities, basic essential items, misc items all can mark up to a significant amt even if gettin only those necessary.

d things to do lists r also increasin b it at work or at home. lab can b busy till i had to bring back log book home to write or sequencin results to check. while at home, thr r so many things to check & research on with diff 'datelines'. plus to add on, dad would come to me for mio, iphone, ipad 2, etc prob. so can anybody understand how pack & heavy my brain can b? i only ve 2 hands & i only got 24/7 like everybody else & like everyone, i oso need sufficient rest. i kept workin my brain till every night, i only go to bed at ave 2-3 am & wakin up on ave 7 am & mostly i got trouble sleepin & i noe d main reason is tt i worked my brain too hard. if not b'cos when dear's ard, tt i'll ve limited things to do s he's usin d laptop plus, he wouldn't slp late, i oso wont b able to slp earlier when he's ard.

& i had already gone to d extent tt i need assistant fr my iphone reminder to remind me of all my bills date, etc. i can easily forget things tt i had been doin if i'm jus being distracted for a while & tt happened quite a few times in d lab. i can feel lost on wat i wanna do. my body & soul can even b out of sync. i can b tired but when i wanna slp i jus cant & got insomnia.

& w all these gg on in my head, my mood & temper is oso affected & i noe it too but i cant help it. i wanna laugh whole-heartedly. i wanna enjoy my life, enjoy every process. but i'm stress. i can say i don wanna care & try to slp but end up, my mind is still thinkin till i can't help but cry. i don wan it to b like tt. it made me feel like maybe i should take a break fr my usual routine, maybe to go to d beach or simply jus westcoast park to get my body, mind & eyes off d usual tasks & to simply cry it out like last time when i couldn't stand it further. but den, i oso wanted to save my leave for better things. life is such a dilemma. it's so contradicting & complicated.

if can, i wanna go back to d past. i noe bein a kid is impossible but at least can i ve sufficient rest & balance out everything? i cant wait till d time tt i can jus laze at home on weekends/PH. if not b'cos of all d things to accomplish by these few weekends, i oso wished i could jus stay home but can i?

avoidable

2011-11-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

wat is unavoidable is still unavoidable. last nite, dad passed me his thumbdrive to help him upload photos into FB. before i do so, i browse thru d photos. they r jus pictures. capture of how the place he visited looked like. even d red moon is jus 1 round red circle right smack in the middle of the photo with no nice background scenaries. no depth of field, no color contrast, etc. furthermore, d photos contains none of my relatives. thus, to me, even if i don ve such photos, it fine. they will jus b photos jus to rmbr d place but if i wan, i can jus snap myself. so, y did he want to insist to open d FB acc & to insist to upload d photos.

well, i guess d main ans is tt, 'got ppl wan my photos leh'. guess mayb it jus d proud & satisfied feeling ba. but even if d person nvr save d image, will he know? maybe jus a 随口说说.

d other ans might b cos, ppl got FB, i oso wan. ppl got iphone i oso wan. ppl got ipad, i oso wan. but does he really need? actually no. since b4 he got d ipad, i did ask him wat will he do w it. ppl use for work, ppl use it to read, ppl use it to do impt things. but still he buy & end up so far jus played games. i refused to let him know that it might b possible to load movies/drama to watch. i refused to touch his ipad. cos i noe, if i did, i'll get more task.

& jus nw, while waitin for dinner, tt time i was quite sad cos b4 gg out for dinner, parents were outside & asked about dinner. i repeated my ans but mum didn't hear & when i speak louder, she don't seem happy & hang up shortly. wat is this? she couldn't hear cos of wherever she is & yet i got no right to speak louder so she oculd hear? so durin dinner, while waiting i really didn't wan to face them & so i took iphone to play game but i noe for sure dad will asked & even see wat i play & even asked me to load for him. certain games r paid version, some i got when they r free but not nw. i don wanna use my acc to load for him cos when needed update, he'll sure keep lookin for me & even bug me for my p/w which i got no intention to give. so in d end, i oso cant play d game i wanted but a game which i oso load to his b4. & true enough, he asked me waht i play & look at my screen. it proofed to me tt he wanted watever others have but does it mean tt wat i play suit him like maplestory? etc?

& i jus can't stand it that every gadget got prob, he'll look for me. like d mio tv. i nvr use it b4 so hw i noe hw to rectify & hw i noe wat d exact prob unlike internet? wat will i tell d person when i call? who noe best should call wat. in past when i m a kid, hw they settle all d prob?

he wanted to go batam & unsure of which hotel oso look for me. tot d agency ppl should noe best? he asked me to call for him to check which is best. hw i noe wat he wanted? diff hotel diff location, diff package. some gd for shoppin, some gd for others. he should noe wat he want best. & keep askin where i stay b4 & said i went thr many time & so stay which one better. er... i not stay batam, i not work thr, hw i noe. end up, he still settle himself & not even knowing where exactly he's stayin. i really got nothing much to say.

it's jus like ppl do wat, they wanna follow. they oso didn't seemed to bother if it would trouble others or wat & can jus comment & asked my uncle & viet aunt to bring them to viet at yr end. did they asked if they free to go? they can say asked my nephew to bring them to taiwan next yr end oso cos he went b4.

his or my FB acc?

2011-11-27T09:48:00.002+08:00

jus s expected... last nite, dad came to my rm & pass me his thumbdrive tellin me to help him to upload d photos. gosh... cant imagine if everytime he took photos den he ask me to upload for him all d time. cant he jus learn & do it himself? den wat for he got d FB acc? & i don see any special bout those photos he took & had selected. so upload or not make no special meaning. @@ haiz

dad made me created a FB acc for him

2011-11-20T23:18:00.002+08:00

OMG!!!

almost d moment parents got back fr their 1D malaysia trip w my da yi & her eldest daughter, dad asked me if creatin FB acc is difficult. mum said cousin wan dad's photos & so i bet my cousin asked if dad got FB acc. dad said he tried but cannot. isn't creatin such acc jus followin d instructions?

of cos if can, i'll drag forever to delay helpin him. so mayb 1 day he'll do it & learn himself or mayb he might eventually decided not to do so. end up, wat cant b avoided can nvr b avoided. shortly aft he asked me, he came to my rm askin me hw to do. so i do in front of him for him while followin d instruction. he understood english so i don understand hw he cant do it. he jus wanna rely on me, expectin me to do. den wat for creatin d acc? cos it is not maintained by him. dear said tt it's cos he wanted watever ppl ve. ppl got new hp he itch for it. ppl got iphone he oso wan. ppl got ipad he oso go buy. end up wat they did w d ipad? play games only & even mum commented so.

well, though i believed they can oso watch movie on ipad, i refused to figure out or to tell them. even till nw, they don even noe i actually got apps to transfer movies to my iphone to watch movie cos they would definitely asked me to do it for them all d time. i really really don ve tt many spare time. thr r so many things to do & sometimes i still bring back work to do like designin primers, creatin slides, checkin sequences, writin logbk cos i really got no time at work. i alrdy spend much less time on game. i do ve a few 'fake' acc for d game but den nwadays, i can even not login to play on those acc. even d main i only play much shorter time s before.

anw, while creatin his FB acc, i cont'd to do my stuff & aft it was finally created, he asked me hw to u/l photos & i simply jus tell him to go to his name & click on photos den d link w 'upload photos' will show up. i was tryin not to do for him & yet jus s he was leavin, he asked me to teach him tml, sayin tt i'm doin my stuff nw & it's late den. erm... tml i got my dental appt aft work. i'm alrdy worried if thr is infection. & i oso got other things i wished to do. yet he's here disruptin my plans? w tt final demand, i told myslef tt i shan't deceived myself further. it'll b my job to u/l for him in future. but hello, 1D trip can take hundreds of photos. need time to transfer to comp leh. & need time to vet thru oso & need time to u/l to FB. tt amt of time i can do many other things leh. since he duno hw to do, & don seemed to wish to learn or to read thoroughly by himself, den y bother to wanna do it. it's not like wan me to do hsework or wat. hsework i noe cant avoid but even washin toilet i oso too shag to do it ever since i started workin.

imagine rushin lab work & don even ve time for purchasin duties & comin back w either work or other things to do till i even spend lesser time on game & yet i cant complete wat i wish to accomplish. & thr r forever things or new things to do or to find out. i m so tired out tt i really got no energy to wash d common bathrm till it was super dirty till i really cannot tahan tt i ended up washin on my 1st day of MC fr my wisdom tooth surgery.

can u imagine hw crazy i am? jus hrs ago at ard 2000hr, i completed d wisdom tooth surgery, & it hurt whenever i rest till i gotta do things to distract myself fr d pain & so i got trouble fallin aslp. & yet at 1200hr + d next day, i washed clothes & washed d bathrm & tidied my rm cos i could no longer take d mess. it's not i don wanna do but i 有心无力. so unless if necessary like hsework, if not, can don give me extra work to do? esp if not impt task? at least when u back hm, u can watch tv & slp leh. at least once u hm, u no need to do work. at least u oso no need to do hsework. can spare me?

w d FB creation, etc. i cant help but felt tt my virtual self is gradually losin my virtual habit, my privacy. it's gettin so much limited on wat i can say or to post online. i even wish i could jus delete off my acc. though i 光明磊落but i still don like it tt eventually they can see my post or friends' b it serious or jokin. they wont like it & i'll suffer.

mayb it might really b gd if wat d fengshui master at china said is true tt i should venture overseas for my career. at least i'll b free fr them fr all these tasks. & i'll b a free piggy... but tt brings me to a pt tt actually did d fengshui master felt so or mayb cos he had seen hw my parents could still force me to write my name down when i'm alrdy at my age & so he commented so? sometimes, certain things don ve to guess, jus by 细心观察, everything will tell. looks like i can nvr 脱离my parent's clutch...

busy busy busy

2011-11-07T21:54:00.002+08:00

it had been weeks of hard works, fun, laughters, heartpain & more hard works ever since oct...

startin w d commencement of bi-weekly lab mtgs + me fallin unwell... actually even till nw, my nose & cough still persist actually. tried western & oso even TCM. haiz...

anw, cos of d lab mtg, when at krabi, i still try to retrieve my sequencin results cos jus b4 i left, my mio down again. so in case no internet access, no choice but to hard work a bit at krabi. tt's d only flaw for my trip den but ended up no lab mtg.

den a weekend aft tt trip, went to batam. found d polo ralph lauren shop finally & more shoppin area. so finally see d other side of batam rather than d usual rest & relax side of batam.

since no news of lab mtg, we had started to do things at normal pace till tt time boss suddenly called for another lab mtg for dis comin fri. so next few days gotta struggle w slides again... aiyo... anw, since he called for d mtg only end of last week, oso no time for us to rush for our work alrdy esp mine is dependant on lots of cells growth so forget it.

jus on fri & sat, went for 1 ROM dinner & 1 weddin dinner. d ROM dinner is kinda rush but d we were too early for d weddin dinner cos we ended d appt b4 much earlier than expected. i'm glad dear went w me for tt dinner or i think i'll feel really awkward eatin w jus 1 new colleague & my boss & his wife. so overall, d dinner still manageable.

though this weekend is supposely a long weekend, w dinner on fri & sat evenin plus appointments to attend make d weekend really short. jus on sun itself, had 7 appt... in fact, i'm jus too tired & wish to rest. & i'm not sure if i'll get to rest 1 week ltr cos i had book appt to extract my wisdom tooth. a tough decision. but i bet it's a must.

w all d things gg on, i really hope i can really get well fr my cough & blk nose. but i duno when i can finally slow down for a teeny tiny bit...

4D3N Krabi Tour

2011-10-20T19:01:00.002+08:00

Day 1:

MRT to Changi Airport then transfer shuttle bus to budget terminal for Tiger Airway flight to Krabi. Upon reaching Krabi Airport, we were brought to their Tiger Cave Temple to look around. It is a cave where people believed that there is a tiger that lived in d cave & died there & the tiger spirit is still there. The temple is built into the cave itself.

Following on, we were bought to their 'restaurant' for duck noodle or fried rice. the guide said that we can eat fried rice anywhere & so most of us chose duck noodle. the taste of the soup actually reminded me of an instant duck noodle which I bought & eat before in Singapore. Anyway, though I had got 2 duck thighs with their noodle aka small kway teow, it is still not that filling. well, why I said 'restaurant' is because, actually it isn't d restaurant like what we have in Singapore. it's open concept & built of wood & in a ulu location.

We were then brought to a souvenior shop which I almost faint when I see 'Pearl' at the entrance (memories of Shanghai tour flash back). luckily the pearl shop is partition in side d souvenior shop and the souvenior shop is simply just a shop selling some foods like mee sua, shrimp paste, etc. I only bought a package of mee sua for my mum as there is nothing interesting to get.

The last iternary for the 1/2 day tour is to a marine breeding ground. It is not compulsory depending if all of us wanted to go but none rejected and so off we go. there were hugh ponds where there were small & larges fishes and even a huge stingray that swam up towards us, poping it's eyes beyond the water as if to see if we would feed it.

in the sheltered building, there were glass tanks with different fishes & even lionfish. further in, there were large concret tank where they breed marine fishes like seahorses, nemo aka clownfishes, etc. i'd seen baby seahorse before so nothing new to me but baby fishes & baby nemo are just so tiny. so small till we have to look carefully to notice that actually the tank is filled with fishes and not dirts debris. we were told that what they do is actually to collect the weaker fishes in the sea and then breed them. they will then sell 1/2 the population and return the other 1/2 back to the sea.

actually even till now, i still can't decide if it's a good or bad idea. at least they don't catch from the sea to sell, disrupting the eco-system but will those breeded fish be able to survive the harsh environment beyond their breeding tank?

anyway, after that tour, we were brought to our hotel aka resort. i'm super surprised at the tiny stoned path entrance and a recept counter in a small hut. but later that night, i realized the reason. It's because their actual main entrance and reception area is under renovation. though we can't get the pool access room, our room is still not that bad. a king sized bed in a relatively huge room with a balcony that can see the pool but i realized that their staircase is really narrow. Only 1 pax can pass at a time only.

Since it isn't that late, we decided to walk out. our hotel is quite near to a stretch of shops where we can shop and there are many restaurants around too. our purpose then is to search for massage but actually i also bought 2 dresses. that was because we were told that there is snorkeling activities and I never bought enough clothes for such activities as it wasn't in the stated iternary. i'd packed swim wear as i know there is swimming pool in the hotel so i'm still lucky enough.

after strolling through a stretch of shops, we stopped for a massage & by the time we were done, there were heavy downpour. it's really raining cats & dogs. totally out of expectation as the sky seemed alright when we entered the shop for massage.

Though we had umbrella, it's still not enough & so we just stopped over a restaurant for our dinner with their tom yam soup, pineapple rice, fried prawn but we were still not full after that & so we ordered another hawaiian pizza. by then the rain almost stopped. actually, during our dinner, the rain stopped & just when shop owners outside started to reopen their shops & the restaurant staffs opened up the sheltered, it downpour again. it's really an unpredictable weather.

Day 2:

after breakfast at the hotel, we set off for our 4 island hopping tour. there isn't many people around, the water is super clear, the sand is thin & soft, the beach 'backdrop' r d rocky hills covered with trees. it's just paradise.

for the 2nd island, actually, we never landed on any island but we went off for snorkeling. my 1st ever snorkeling. i always wanted to try but never got the chance to & i'm so glad that it's actually included in the package if not i wonder if i would still get to try after this but i know if my parents were around, I'm sure i would never get to try it because to them, i don't know how to swim. To some extend, true because i self-mastered just frog style & seldom swim so my stamina aren't strong but i still strongly believed with life vest, i should be fine. anyway, from the longtail boat, i can see that there were many of 1 type of fish which I think is called sergeant fish or similar to what I had just google out.

well, of course, before going down the water, i would worry if the water will get into the mouth pieces for breathing from the top if i got too deep in the water. I would worry how deep is the water & if i would be able to hop & touch the bottom which would make me feel safer. & when i heard that the water seem quite deep, it make me more nervous. inside the water, when i'm able to float, i felt better but i simply just keep sucking in salt water instead of breathing in air when i use the mouthpiece. i took a while to get season to how to breath through the mouthpiece but there is another problem. i'm not sure if i didn't tighten the goggle properly that water seep in or because of my incorrect breathing & thus, making my goggle even more blur & thus irritated my eyes till it tears. but after a while, after tightening my goggle and wetting it, i seemed to be able to see better. The next problem come, it's not as easy to move wherever I wanted to or to stay still especially with people cluttered around as I keep kicking whoever in my path as I didn't know how to control & at time, i'm being swept to float chest up or side way till i gotta try to position myself back. & with all these positioning, my google became blur again so i always can't really see clearly in the water till I wondered if my contact lens had dropped off from the tearing. dear had pointed to me to other position & yet i really couldn't see anything except blury rocks. it's only after dear told me to wet the goggle again then I managed to see another type of fish which is the moorish idol, the one which is in Finding Nemo cartoon. it's so much bigger than i expected. it's so exciting. if not because the life vest had caused painful abrasion on my right arm, i would wish to stay in the water longer, to get more used to snorkeling & to see better & hopefully more fishes too. if i got a 2nd chance, i would wear a tee over my swim wear so as to minimize d abrasion from the life vest.

after getting real wet, we went off to the 3rd island which is interlink of 2 different islands. the waves came from 2 different direction, hitting on the sandy pathway. & then we were off to the 4th island with our lunch. our lunch is fried rice in a much shallow styrofoam box s compared to d type used in singapore so not really tt filling again so we had an ice cream after our meal.

oh by the way, to go up the longtail boat for our 4 island tour, our legs would get wet because we gotta walk into the water before we could climb up and into our boat.

after a slight washup at the hotel, we went out again to see if we could catch another land activity before ending off the day. if so, then we could catch another water activity the following day which is suppose to be free and easy. otherwise, we would leave relatively early on the last day.

we managed to find, book & go for a land package on day 2 afternoon starting with a >30 min elephant ride which i don't enjoy very much after seeing a open wound of at least 50 cent coin big on d head of the elephant plus, there were a few other lacerated heeled up wounds on the top of its head.

we then had an ATV ride through the race course and into the 'wood' with path & along the way, the ground is muddy so i tried not to go too fast on that so as not to get splash too much. i guess because of that & the winding path, dear's ATV keep stalling as I think he keep using the break which I had been told not to touch. & while waiting for him, my engine also died a couple of times. after the ride, i then realized that actually his ATV & mine is different. his is to turn for speed like motor cycle while mine is to press using my right thumb. i pressed till my thumb hurts as it's pretty tight.

following ATV ride, we had our try on the Go-Kart. it's also something which I also had been wanting to try. But instead of trying on the race track, we were brought to the road. yes. we drive the Go-Kart on the road with cars, motors, vans, buses, etc passing by us. but we don't have side or rear mirrors so gotta turn back to look out. once again, the stirring wheel is bit tight & the break and accelerator is also tight to press behind the stirring wheel. but it's an experience. after the journey, i realized that actually it was stated on the Go-Kart not to go on public road. Oops... LOL... & we ended off the day with another massage before a free dinner at the hotel before turning off.

Day 3:

After breakfast, we went to another town for water rafting. It's also something which i wanted to try. Dear also wanted to try but hesitated because he had promised my mum to take care of me. so on day 1 when we were told that the ATV, Go-Kart & elephant ride would take 1 day while the water rafting would take another. with only 1 day free, dear actually chose ATV & Go-Kart as he said that might be more safe. i did try to talk him into more consideration as water rafting may not be as common as Go-Kart. If not because we could do the ATV and Go-Kart in the afternoon of Day 2, I am unsure if i would still get the chance for water rafting in my life.

in our boat, there was another couple from singapore. but they only have 2 extra peddle for the 2 guys in our group. dear didn't hold much to the rope even though it would get more bumpy & so i ended up slidin my hand through his life vest strip before grabbing on to the robe. well, of course if he will fall, i might be dragged down too but my strength is relative strong. that had been tested when d staff tried to but failed to tug me down to the water when we were at a peaceful area where some people went down to swim. the only proble is that i feel the pain on my sun burnt shoulders while he tugged me.

overall, it's really a fun experience. even if you don't get that wet from the bumping through the rapids, you will get splashed by either of the 2 staffs that follow you. otherwise, from other staffs from other boats or even other passengers like us who were holding on to the peddles. so we also had fun splashin other people.

my boat got stuck once & i'm quite amazed that the staffs simply just jumped down & dragged the boat before jumping back in. they were really profesional. & many times, they would purposely stirred the boat to bump to rocks, etc so as to make you fly off your sitting position.

the only thing i don't understand is why would ladies wanted to go for such activities, wearing make-up & worse is non-waterproof make-up like mascara. sitting opposit me is the lady of the other couple with us. initially, she was also laughing but there is once when we were splashed by the staff & her mascara melt, she lost her laughter & trying to wipe her eyes. i really don't understand why such people wanted adventure & yet wanted to be so 'ku niang'.

after the water rafting, is buffet lunch (provided) then we head on to a waterfall where people jumped in from a height even though there is a sign that said 'do not jump'. before my group could head in, i saw an ang-moh lady pointing to a really bruised last toe of her feet. looking at the sign, i really feel that sometimes, it really what these people were asking for. Anyway, because we had already bath & changed as the guide initially said the waterfall activities had been cancelled, thus, we never get into the water to get ourselves wet.

we then head to the 2nd camp where we had our fish spa, while others had other activities like elephant rides & ATV ride. since we had it the day before, we never signed up for those activities & thus, we had to wait for them before seeing the monkey & elephant shows.

our last destination is a fruit farm but we didn't go in. they displayed harvested fruits at a side while getting us seated in 2 huts with cuts fruits for us to eat. there is guava, red dragonfruit, pineapples, watermelon, chiku & also a fuit which i only know the term in dialect which is called 'leng kim'. there are 5 other people sitting with us. all of which are Singaporean & they didn't know there is red dragonfruits, they never know and tasted chiku & leng kim before which i'm quite surprise. there are many chiku plants just in my neighbourhood & also in my tiny garden outside. actually, i also had grow dragonfruit just that i'm not sure what colour they would be.

we ended our final evening with a seafood dinner consisting of fried fish in thai sauce, fried lala, bbq prawns, fried kang kong, rice & 2 coconut juice plus, watermelon & pineapple as free desert & the meals cost only 710 baht which cost less than SGD30 for 2 pax.

after all these activities, i thank dear for bring me & allowing me to continue & also pled him to never to leave me out if he wanted to go for more in future. i wanted to do & try while i'm still young, while i still can & not regret in future.

if you asked me to choose, i would choose adventure trip instead of shopping spree because one can never stay forever young and energetic for all the activities.

general

2011-10-20T18:55:00.002+08:00

aft a few crazy wks due to d mc followed by lab mtg, n den another wk to rush for another lab mtg b4 gg on OL, i'm alrdy back fr a 4d3n trip to krabi... gd times always fly pass so swiftly... but at least thr is no lab mtg s scheduled tml... but i'm super duper sun burnt esp on my shoulder n i believed my head too... will i get mc if i see doc for tt sun burnt? cos a slight brush thru a small area can oso hurt badly till nw i wear tube top instead of norm sleeveless top or tees... oso bit lazy go back jus for 1 day n i cant do much oso in 1 day cos i need continuous days for my exp... anw, my nose started peelin alrdy...

acknowledgement or demanding???

2011-09-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

recently, prof seemed to wanna start a series of lab mtg aft mtg... jus last fri, i'd my 1st ever lab mtg in my life & is oso d 1st ever i noe of since i'd been w his lab for ~4 mth attachment in mid 2010; den ~4 mth FYP in early 2011 & den ~2 mth s his PO.

b4 tt, s i was waitin for d 2nd ab, my proj + another co-operated w a Ph.D student had been stagnant & think he saw me quite free den & gave me another proj. well, he did ask politely if he can add on but i noe cant reject la. but tt's sort of my 1st proj tt aft he told me more than jus briefly, i did my own research n plannin n discussed w him rather than i'm bein spoon-fed cos usually, he'll talk w me n d Ph.D student so she'll explain to me or advice me wat to do. anw, haven really start tt proj yet. more or less still at plannin stage but once sequencin results is back n ok, i'm ready to proceed.

today, thr is an interviewee. not sure for student or staff but like usual, prof will intro to each of us n wat we r doin. in d office when he came out w d interviewee, thr is only 3 staff includin me. he intro to d only guy staff 1st n jus said v briefin on a proj tt he's doin. den when my turn, he said tt i'm currently doin quite a few things. to research on dis n blah blah blah. said till i got numerous things on hand n v busy.

well, currently still not exactly busy cos was waitin for my cells to grow so i can lyse them. will have to do numerous lysis & run numerous gel & den western blots... so i bet i can oso get super busy. but while waitin for d cells, i can sit almost whole day in office n do d necessary purchasin la. so when he said so, i sort of felt quite guilty cos nw not productive in lab work.

but tt doesn't mean i no do work. i got my asset. my past experience n memories of purchasin & so in jus a while, i can source like 9 co sellin d item which prof is lookin at... plus, i'm thinkin beyond d current step on wat i shoudl proceed on eventually. till d Ph.D student told me tt i can think s time goes cos d mutation i gonna do might take quite a while.

on d other hand, i felt tt actually, it seemed like other than pushin me to b more 'productive' in lab work, i oso felt tt actually he do noe tt i'd all these projects on hand n tt he 'recognized' my effort? so i guess, it's still a gd thing tt he noe & hopefully if i can get d hypothesized results, den will do gd for my 'career', resume, ...

Stunned

2011-09-23T01:59:00.001+08:00

I noe tt my prof likes to ask, 'hw's thing?' n he's referring to experiment. He ESP like to ask when he sees tt we seemed to b in office for too long. But ytd morning I was stunned by his questions...

While running my sds-page, I was back to d office n serve net awhile n then prof came in w his mac coffee cup. When he was taking key to open his office. He turned to face me n ask his fav line. Aft answering him, he turned back n I cont'd wat I was doin.

Den he suddenly turned back n blurt out, 'J, r u married?'
Me: *stunned* 'no'
Me: *thinking* (huh? Y he ask? Tot he should noe? He hire me so should ve seen my profile. Plus he oso noe I jus graduated so hw possible?)
Prof then asked something like 'y not?', or 'when?'
Me became super stunned n blur cos I totally nvr expect to get tt kinda questions at this time when I been working here for 2 mths le so not s if i'm applying for a job... Thus hw can I not b stunned...

complicated humans

2011-09-20T19:19:00.002+08:00

while on d journey home today, thoughts flash thru my mind. thinkin of this, thinkin of tt, wonderin if it work, wonderin when is d best time... humans r really a complicated species... if can, i wish i can don grow up, or rather i hope in this world thr is no $$, no tradin, & tt d world won't progress so fast...

well, i don exactly like research but i don mind doin experiments... yet, i'm in a research lab now. though i'm jus a project officer, i'm hired under research grant & so, i must & ve to do research which will affect my PB & increment. & PB is my only bonus cos thr r none others for this contract. at least i'm glad i got a job immediately aft the endin of my FYP & graduation trips. at least i'm paid though not exactly well-paid cos overall, not much diff fr my previous full-time job.

tt made me think of jumpin out, findin another job but i feel bad if i search & leave nw cos my prof is nice enough to take me in. so i tot to give myself more time. but jus nw, i ponder to myself. is it a wise decision? which is d best decision?

s i'm workin, i'm gainin more insights & knowledge of workin in a research environment. dis fri i'll ve my 1st ever lab meetin whr we need to present. i'm assigned projects to do s though i'm 1 of d Ph.D student, i'm expected to find some source of information myself. & if gg well, my name be added in published papers. tt'll b gd for me, for my resume if i wanna stay in dis field esp when my paper qualification sucks. so for dis reason, i shoudl stay on right? furthermore, so far here aint s bad yet cos i may b v busy runnin ard at times but den at least more or less i can go back on time. can even meet dear for lunch if he workin late in d afternoon cos he stay not tt far away. & so all in all, i feel i'm gettin quite used to it here.

on d other hand, mainly cos of d pay, i feel tt i should venture out. but tt'll b a bold step out. i'd been in d same environment for more than 8 yrs. it'll b steppin out of my comfort zone. but i felt tt i should cos i can't possibly stay on here forever right? though thr r many familiar faces.

but surely i noe i wont venture out to research anymore. mayb sales or purchasin? & tt bring bout another Qs. though i got experience in purchasin b it d SAP or d GeBIZ, is it really enough to bring me out? Is it really worth to venture out oso? like d give n take, will i end up spend more though i may earn more? hw much more can i earn? savin will b more or less aft removin all changed expenditure?

& i oso ended up wonderin if i shouldn't ve taken my degree. mayb i should ve tried others like biz mgmt or so den mayb tt way i'll b on better stand to venture out. & tt actually made me think back. if i had not taken my degree, whr would i b? if i'd not taken my 1st job wantin & hopin to further studies, i guess i would had become a paramedic. if i had not taken biotech in poly, i guess i might b in nursin sch in NYP then. if i'd chosen to change sec sch, would i still take d same path s now?

but if i'm given a 2nd chance, i guess i might not ve choosen sci s my path cos it's like w jus a degree, u r jus hangin in mid air w extreme low chance to climb up at all cos w tt qualification, cant even manage ppl. it's like u r stuck in btw.

feelin stuck, & yet feelin in comfort zone, if not cos of $$ & location factor, i guess i might end up stayin on for life. guess tt's y my friend told me tt actually i shoudl leave ASAP if not cos i felt bad if i do so.

i'd been tellin myself tt i shoudl work for mayb 6 mth to 1 yr den leave but den jus nw, i wonder if tt's a gd time. cos wat my next job would b is still unknown. is it really a pay jump or a pay cut? my savin & CPF income would become uncertain which is not gd. well, esp when i'd jus sign up for more insurance policy cos i'm not covered totally in case of anything happen. though wat i sign up nw is jus coverin a little, at least better than none. hear case of accident & become paralyse, etc. jus too scary. plus, i oso need to save up too... so based on dis, it seemed like it's best to source out nw but i still feel bad leh.

well, nw, my current decision is sort of to try find job mayb in nov cos tt might b a mth whr ppl might tender aft gettin their yr end bonus. & yet i hope i can only start mayb aft 1Q 2012. & yet i oso hope tt btw d 2 job, i can get a break aka holiday too. but i oso noe tt i can't stay unemployed for long due to many reasons. gosh... tt's y i say humans r complicated... haiz

to their benefits & to our disadvantages

2011-09-09T20:37:00.003+08:00

to summarize, things been fine when i started work. purchasin etc is fine w me cos i got past experience. & i like to keep track of my purchasin so i noe d status. so since my colleague (Y) was leavin, i'd been chasin aft her, volunteerin to take over all her present purchase. best part is she left everything hangin in mid air. expectin me to noe everything.

1) a requester (F) ask me status of an item den realize i got no info & so FC check my email & den no choice, she go source again & pass me info. even prof worried tt actually Y purchase & he was hesitatin when cfm-in to get me to buy.

2) d microscope servicin status. totally no idea hw. no contact, no service contract no, etc. was chased aft by prof for status twice 2 weeks ago. den finally got a name fr Y which she only rmbr & all her info she oso cant access cos she no longer can. & yet d main company couldn't find d guy & so no ans. end up prof dig out a useful email w d guy's full name & contact no. found out Y gave him wrong contact no of mine & forward to wrong ppl. + she gave away my HP no (though wrong) jus like tt.

3) in 1 of Y's last email, she jus say tt she did purchase secondary anti-mouse & will get back to us once she got d status. den, d other purchaser (L) was chased twice for d status last week & then L come & chase aft me. thanks lor. found thr is a purchase in jun but tt's bit too long for delivery. today finally can contact Y & yet she forget wat name & company. WTH... but managed to figure out d brand & name for her to check & asked for her to get me her updated status record too.

3) aft much delay, i finally received d record fr Y & best part of all. her last purchase was 'passed' to me but i totally got no idea. she den say mayb she email wrong ppl again & ask me get quotation again 'tml'. diao. tml sat leh. not working leh. so i tot can do it on mon. but decided to check on d web since can get quotation online. well, y i did cos d name seem incomplete again. den to be nice, i asked her to let me noe who requested for it so i can cfm w d person & yet, tt person is F, d one gg to India tgt w Y in tonight flight. peng. tried calling d F but HP off so i had to calm down den call Y. cos i really need d info cos if not den hw i purchase? end up F oso cant rmbr exactly & so no choice gotta put off lor. can only pray hard tt prof wont not happy w me cos it's really really not my fault.

i really cant wait to get over this crazy period cos dealin w d mess is really crazy. but in a way, i'm lucky tt i got her record today so at least i found out tt thr is such a 'pendin' purchase. at least if d prof really not happy, i can say i only got to noe today & tt i totally got no detailed info to proceed for d purchasin.

on d other side, dear's OL for Krabi in Oct w me seemed to b drawn out by duno who. thr seemed to have a ghost at his workplace swoppin his shift & cancelin his OL cos no 1 wanna admit. so i super duper pissed off w all these black sheep.

y cant ppl do wat they suppose to do? y for their benefit & yet to our disadvantage? Today is fri, i got many things i planna do & yet thanks to such ppl, i spend lots of time tryin to find d item, tryin to clear ppl's mess. i'm really really angry tt i really don wish to see d person again. she still ve d cheek to say she will come back & visit us b4 leavin for her further studies. i really don wish to see her at this pt of time.

BIG MESS

2011-09-06T23:01:00.003+08:00

it's almost 2 mth since i started work. & nw, i'm felt i'm dump w mess again like d time when i started my 1st perm job. however, it's much diff than last time. at least thr is no on-going purchasin, servicin, etc to track & at least d mess ain't tt much cos it was a relatively much newer lab than now.

well, i sort of concluded tt actually i prefer to work in a new lab, startin off everything afresh & keepin clear record of everything esp since i'd got d template to track d purchasin & could spend much lesser time to source rather than flip thru d piles of doc manually like searchin needles in d sea. if not possible, at least work in a much newer lab ba. w 4 yrs of workin experiences w d 1st yr tryin to settle & get all d records, i felt tt subsequent yrs seemed to b much easier.

durin my 4 yrs break for studies, i oso continued doin diff part time. & oso in d purchasin dept too. i really don understand y ppl can jus pat their backside & leave a big mess for d next person. esp w missin records or info. hw do they expect ppl to source out? & nw, i felt d mess pilin on me.

anw, 1 question, hw to differentiate btw friends/colleagues?

yes. i'm in a place tt i'm familiar w. i noe d prof for more than 8 yrs. i prep d prac for d prof for 4 yrs, i did my attachment in his lab more than a yr ago, i did my FYP thr & nw i cont'd workin in his lab. i noe most of d ppl well & we're closed. so i bet we're friends & i wished to believe so. but i'm not so sure now. will a friend leave a mess for his/her friends? or is it cos of d age gap? or differences in d seriousness lvl? i rmbr i updated everything properly before leaving for my studies last time. i even track d time & reminded my friend when she should do certain things. i forwarded all impt emails to my yahoo mail cos i noe d work mail will be inactivated. tt's for sure. hw can anyone not noe? tt's common sense right?

currently, i'm sort of taking over a friend or rather ex-colleague who is leaving for studies oso. much b4 she left, i reminded her many times to update me & pass me everything. day b4 shee left, i still check w her even for d servcing, i found out she had an excel file which she will sort of update for purchasin, though not s comprehensive than mine, at least min she shoudl send a final copy to me b4 she left but she didnt.

is it cos d lab is too lenient? prof allow ppl to come in by 10am & didn't really comment much bout disappearance so i admit once a while i took longer lunch when i meet dear. but mostly i don leave tt early like near 1 & i try get back by slightly aft 2. but i see tt ppl took chances to go to JP, to go to service ctr, to go to ambassy.

on d last day of my ex-colleague, she went to d ambassy to get her visa. k. fine. i treat s if i dono. however, when she got back, i still check w her even till i die die wanna leave. cos i alrdy miss my bus cos i was waiting for her updates. i waited till i give up but i trusted her to pass me all items. guess it's bad move. but do i ve to chase aft her & till wat time? if it's my experiment or cos of prof i accept but cos of an irresponsible colleague who keep delayin? hw can i accept tt?

& thanks to her, last week, i was asked twice by my prof on status of d microscope servicing, w d only info tt she called Nikon directly, i ve no other info. this kinda matter is best either u got d service contract no or at least d DID of d person in-charge but i'd none. a PhD student can contact her so i seek her help & was told tt my colleague emailed me. i swear i nvr receive it. & true enough after d student search my email acc. den i was told tt my ex-colleague could no longer access her email. great. but she got a name w no surname so i call d company but i couldn't find d person in-charge. & then my prof check w me for d status for d 3rd time. F*** luckily d prof got d mail & printed for me.

guess wat. i found tt she had given my HP & email to d guy but gave him 9 digit HP no instead of 8. i'm not happy tt she jus give my HP no away jus like tt. i super don like it like tt. she should ve d courtesy to check w me if not den give d lab no la. & d email add is oso wrong. she had search for a student instead of a staff & happily said she forward me d mail. it's not even my undergrad email add lor. i really 'pei fu' her. whr is her heart s she work? photoshop? photography? friends? fun?

today, i was asked by another student on d delivery of another item. & best part. d only info i got fr her excel file is tt thr is a similar or same item bought in june & supposely pending delivery but d file update is till mid of jul only. so is it really pending delivery? is it tt item? so i can jus try contact d company? or had it been delieved & thr is another item from same or diff company aft mid jul? she did send me an email w regards to tt matter. she said she will check w d company via email & get back to me & she nvr forward me d details of her conversation. & nw, i guess she can say tt cos her email acc is locked, she could n't check le lor. wah lan eh. hw many more mess had she left behind? hw many more do i ve to clear?

best part. for purchasin, i'm not d only one doing, thr is another gal & both of us had d acc to purchase fr GS. however, ppl in d lab only keep tellin me they need this they need tt. helo! thr is 1 more person when i'm busy lor. & even best part. ytd, tt gal w d acc came & tell me tt 1 of d item is finishin & she was gg to rest at her desk then. seein so, though i free then, i felt tt i shouldn't 'zhong rong' them. i told her bluntly, 'then buy lor'. y did she have to tell me? if i need something & i'm free, instead of tellin her, i would rather ask if she had anything to buy den i consolidat & get tgt ma. so wat? she is expectin me to buy when she is free? if tt's d case, she can b free fr d duty le la.

previously, before d risk assessment audit, b4 d long weekend, prof wanted someone to volunteer to update d MSDS but no 1 did & so i did. i noe surely many things r missing & true enough. I need to search, print & update in jus 1 day & i couldn't finish. Luckily thr r ppl who volunteer to help me. if not, i cant even finish if auditor really came in. i guess they noe all these r messy stuff so no one wanna b d one in charge ba.

tt's y i say, it's really gd if i can help start of a new lab or at least a realatively new lab so things ain't tt messy. & can really c d true color of ppl when such things happen. i'm really disappointed w tt so call friend who jus pat her backside & leave.

weird dreams/nightmares

2011-09-05T08:58:00.002+08:00

wat is it tt will cos ppl to dream? y do ppl dream? though dreamin may b common, & wakin up cant rmbring any dream is oso v common. but once a blue moon, i would tend to get weird dreams or mayb u can call it nightmares.

previously, i dreamt of scratches tt open up into open wounds; escapin fr war scene; of my late grandma being trapped & i unlock her & she came back to find me; & oso finding weird eggs while fishin out in d sea tt become worms then evolved to diff forms of large creatures which is illegal to rear, etc.

last nite, i had weird & eerie dreams again. & i not sure if it's 2 or actually it's linked up cos their is a common character which is my grandma. however, it's jus weird. cos my grandma don ve long curly hair.

let us say it's 2 diff dreams.

1)
i was out somewhr w my grandma. it's like a open space carpark whr i saw a man smashing a big box of cigarette & a young lady got really mad (think it's hers ba). den aft i walk 1 round around d place, i found another big pack of cigarette. somehow, for duno wat reasons, d lady's anger become mine, as if i'm her & i started to throw d cigarette out & up but i didn't throw in 1 location but walked ard & throw. then d place evolved. d place had more trees ard. in d middle area whr d carpark is was rows of trees. s i throw, it was s though i was givin d cigarette to d underworld ppl. some of d cigarette even got stuck on d tree brunches. at tt time, d sky got darker & d wind got stronger. d place started to become misty/foggy too. it's s though it is getting more & more eerie & d eerie-ness creep into me. but knowing i had nothing to b afraid of, this time i started finding my grandma & thr is a landmark for me to locate d spot whr is left her. (i was at d back of d place actually) & as i move forward to find d spot, it seemed like i was at a cemetry w tombstone. when i reach, i couldn't find her but thr is a young girl who call me 'jie jie'. s we looked ard, we spotted 'our' grandma. she is at d front corner squatin down trying to lit joss sticks. s we approached her, she managed to lit 4 joss sticks & said something like to ask d evil spirit to go away as tt is not d place for them & asked all of us to apologise. we did & at tt point of time, d sky started to clear & only then in front of me, i saw an unconsious boy waking up & wat's more weird is tt he's my bro.

2)
in memory, i was told by my mum tt grandma wanted someone to accompany her for shopping. in d 'reality' i was bringin my grandma w dear to a supermarket whr it sell diff kinda deep frozen fishes, etc. 1st round, grandma picked her items. den duno y, we walked ard den i sense tt her leg hurts. so i asked if she needs to rest before continuing or does she wanted to go back. well, she doesn't seem to wanna go back. so i carried her bags of 'loot' & walked another round w her. this time, i even see frozen sharks. & in her bags, it's mixtures of raw stuffs like frog legs, weird looking fishes, etc. it looked so yucky but had no choice but to carry for her. & for duno wat reasons, thr is a point whr i'm all alone, s though i'm lost in a big shopping mall. a place i nvr being before. den wat i rmbr next is tt i'm w my grandma & my mum was lookin at clothes at a pushcart stall & then think we all left to take bus back. it's only 1/2 way along d journey tt i realized & wonder y we taking bus cos dear's ard & he jus said to me tt he's not driving to my place. y is he not driving? he gonna take public transport back fr my place? s all these questions flashed in my head, i woke up.

in btw both dreams, i woke up. so i'm not sure if thr is any link btw both but it's jus weird. really weird. my 'grandma' don seemed like mine, i got a 'bro' & 'sis', y i got mad over d cigarette? y i throw d other found box of cigarette, y d place can suddenly become so eerie & then gone aft 'grandma' burn joss stick & ask d evil spirit to go away & aft we apologize, my 'bro' wake up? & whr is d mall tt i went to when i nvr see tt place b4? & d supermarket inside is so big & thr r deep frozen meats & even sharks? if it's not real, den y r there real characters like my mum & dear? & y he didn't wanna drive? & y i nvr notice in d 1st place tt we r taking bus instead of his car?

well, in my dreams thr is much more details but hard to explain out totally. like my friend said, weird dreams oso mean bad quality sleep esp to start of d week but i'm jus more puzzled now than to think of quality sleep. & somemore, actually think thr is more weird dreams tt i can't rmbr even for a short trip s i dozed of btw home & work. wat's d meaning?

问心无愧

2011-08-05T23:55:00.002+08:00

is it cos boss had been promoted up & so encountering more stress? my fellow colleagues said tt it seemed like he's gg thru PMS like women. lol. but he seemed more grumpy recently. i oso concluded so cos comparing to d period when i do attachment (3 mths) & FYP (4 mths), think he only called everyone in to scold. ya. even me s a attachment & FYP student wasn't spared. however, since i started work in july, when it's not even 1 mth. jus this week, all of us were called in twice le.

well, all these while all actually not my prob except for d indirect case jus days ago. so it's quite sian tt i'm called in & got to face the music.

if tok bout punctuality, i can b d 1st to reach btw 8.15 to 8.40 depending on my staff bus & traffic. so when he emphasized tt he wanted all to b in latest by 10. it's not a prob for me. somemore i'm a staff. so i should noe when i need to b in. & i'm independant enough to do d lab work or anything by myself w/o assistant. so long s i'm told hw to do, i can jus do alone. anw, he scolded tt not jus once le. till i reminded d Ph.D student tt i follow to note cos of her timing.

den for d FYP case, d 1st one. I was thr duno 1st or 2nd day. end up being called in & got scolded for d waste bin tt was overfilling. er... not my fault right? n those who knew me sure know i wont do tt. right?

tt special case whr i said it is indirectly my fault was cos think prof see me in office often cos d reagent i need is depletin n new stock is awaiting delivery. but i never do nothing. i type out my protocol so i can jus 'ctrl+F' to find rather than flippin here & thr. i oso did purchasin, & awaiting boss confirmation on d item. & seeing d mail bout d risk management audit in sep, i decided to complete my personal risk assessment form which i'd been putting back. but i guess he couldn't see my screen so i guess too bad la. but anw, it's not this issue i wanna say.

it's cos, of d experiment which i did, actually, for each set of experiment, i use equal number of cells for each condition. but i never count d no of cells which i used. it's not cos i lazy but cos d graduate student said tt it doesn't matter so long as there r equal no for each & every condition for every batch. so i follow. how on earth do i noe tt it's really not appropiate since thr is such advice. end up 'ALL' was called in to prof office & he scolded till say tt we weren't serious, we jus come here to play & have fun & tt we should jus leave. yes. he said v directly n crudely. haiz. i can't say not totally my fault but i did check & i don ve experience like them to hypothesize project & protocols. i'm d kind, u give me proj, & protocols, i do & return u d results lor. if i so clever, i oso shoudl consider doing Ph.D.

he oso scolded bout keepin record of d protocol. i do have a written copy in d lab & also had typed out with hard copy in my office & in my CPU, thumbdrive, ext HDD & also my personal lappy. so for tt, felt quite sian again.

oh ya. if u notice, d 'all' above is cap. reason: prof left out a new guy who was thr for 2 days le. i don see y he had to be left out. in d 1st place, though he knew me for ~8yrs, when i was an attachment student n had come in on time, why did he need me to go in for the scolding. 2nd, when it was jus my 1st few days s a FYP student, y was i being called to scold bout d waste? & also punctuality? y wasn't d other FYP student being called in? & oso, tt time, thr is a new Ph.D student who was thr oso jus 1 or 2 day & he also asked her to go in & get scolded & be warned. so why did the new guy have privilege? jus cos he's a guy? jus cos he's d ONLY guy other than d prof himself? pian xin... anw, i don see why he shouldn't go in to listen sicne prof also wanna emphasize bout noting down protocols, etc. actually, all d more he should listen too.

well, forget bout tt. today, aft lunch, all was called in to prof office again. this time is really all. prof found out a microscope is down & seemed like down for a while & ppl noe but never report. 1st person prof ask is me. he pointed to me & ask firmly, angrily & seriously, 'J, do you know d microscope in d tissue culture rm is down?' me: shake head, 'no i don'. den he seemed not convinced & said tt we shouldn't lie & had to be frank. he then turn to d guy & ask. he oso didn't noe. he only 2nd day startin experiment lor. den he ask d Ph.D student & they knew. great... who is d culprit?

i was quite upset tt he didn't seemed convinced tt i didn't noe. er... if i noe, u think i wont try to solve meh? whr was i fr? wat exp do i ve? i was a lab tech before leh. i oso take care of eqpt & maintenance & liase for servicing. given protocol, i can try to rectify myself before callin engineer wor. do i need to keep quiet? & it's those who r guilty for all d scoldin tt dare not talk to boss so y i need to be afraid of? i even had my past record of purchasing & d name cards of as much as possible lor. jus tt it's bit outdated la. but i can check w my ex-colleague for contacts since we r under d same sch so vendor/engineer should b d same lor. if i got no record, i wont noe d estimated price of d freezer & if i had no experience, i wont noe whr to check d freezer information fr d freezer le lor. hello!!! can boss pls wake up?

& if i really so lazy, actually beginning of d week, it's my turn to clear waste & i cleared partially if not cos thr is not enough biohazard waste bag. den d next in d roster had alrdy change to her name on d whiteboard. so in a way, i can say i no need to tie up d waste & send down today. if i could clear at beginning of week, i only got 3 bag of waste, at most 4 but nw i got 6 lor.

if i'm tt lazy, i oso won't go & ask d new guy for mobile no. not cos i wanna get to noe him. but cos we need to update our emergency contact list in d lab & office. i even thought of re-typing cos i don ve soft copies fr previous but my colleague send me eventually. i oso updated d roster list so tt everybody will noe. & in d morning, i oso use d time to type d risk assessment lor. i even copied all risk assessment for d whole lab rather than individual & save a copy before deleting & editing into my own copy. if i don care bout d lab, i oso wont check w d 2 other new staffs (1 earlier than me & d new guy) if they did d risk assessment form yet since d audit is comin. i even send them d full template & not d one amended for my duty so tt they can jus do some minor changes only lor.

well, my workplace can b quite an enjoyable place w nice ppl ard except for d pay which i wish to get more, if not, i won't mind staying for long but den, seeing d boss gettin more grumpy & picky recently, i cant help but feel tt it might b a pushin factor tt would chase me out of thr. but it wont b anytime soon. if i can find a new place w gd pay & gd location & gd time, tt'll b most ripe time to leave. if not so long s 1 or more of those factors were in, i might jus go 1st b4 thinkin of next step. i shall give it till 2012. i don wanna rush nw & end up felt guilty cos actually boss is kind enough to take me in when i had no news fr all d jobs i applied for.

well, now, i can only say, time shall speak out for me. to show wat i can do under my boss now & den whr i shall proceed next. no pt getting sore bout anything so long as 问心无愧...

conclusion

2011-07-29T00:58:00.001+08:00

it finally concluded. it's finally over... it had been a tiring & strugglin 4 yrs but it's over. since it's over, there is no turning back. no pt to regret d decision. can only move forward hopin tt it's d best decision made. jus gotta strive on.

warmth

2011-07-22T21:11:00.001+08:00

on a cold rainy day, it's so nice n comfty w d warmth beside dear when he met me for lunch aft my live cell imaging trainin today...

plans

2011-07-22T19:09:00.003+08:00

一转眼，第二个星期也过了... ya... ended my 2nd work week le n thr r more to go. well, actually, i do think of next plan... s in my future endeavour... shall i cont'd here forever or for long??? i doubt so cos of d pay oso la. but i'm glad i'm employed now. can u imagine if i not workin nw. totally no income leh plus gotta pay poly sch fee. but nw tt i'm employed, i decided n had increase my mthly repayment amt. i wanna clear debt in shortest possible time. esp b4 uni fee started comin n rollin.

i was stupid n naive last time. dad had a pt, payin min means less siong for me. but den, w not many friends n no exp, i believed tt though i b payin interest, at least it's to dad. however, nw, i find tt it's not tt true. bank loan or cpf loan, both oso got interest. if i no touch his cpf, his cpf money will oso cont'd to grow interest. d interest incurred to me is oso wat he could earn if i didn't use his account for edu. so i had been payin his interest all these yrs for him instead of he got d interest fr d cpf board aka govt. so in a way, actually, i should pay whatever i could afford last time. den i pay less interest. i save tt amt of interest for my use while dad will still cont'd to accumulate d interest fr cpf board. thus, w/o tellin dad, i increase my amt le. s for my uni fee, i oso check out d max amt i can repay in d shortest possible time though can repay in 12 yrs installment. by payin d max amt i can afford, i can save 2-2.5k of interest leh. n not say dad wont get tt 2-2.5k. he will oso, so it's a win-win situation. guess d economics n biz mgmt course i took oso did make me 开窍. haha.

oh well, anw, back track to last week. prof assigned me a proj trial w d graduate student i was under last time durin attachment & FYP & so i guess i'll b pairin w her. workin w her. in a way, oso quite gd for me la. cos we partner till in a way tt i reach work early, i start work 1st, den she go back ltr, so she cont'd. n since weekend she comin back to do exp plus i get cells fr her, basically i can say i mostly no need go back on weekend or PH. so i guess it's gd for me. this is wat attract me to stay on. but she will oso graduate in 1-2 yrs. so she'll oso leave den surely i wont b so 好命 la. watever it is, 走一步看一步ba...

sat, went to my friend's new place at punggol. a nice n cosy place jus for 2 pax. not tt many things oso. tt's my aim for future cos seein my hse so pack make it look so much smaller. plus, oso not tt easy to clean. so it'll b gd w s little things, min deco items, smooth, plain surface for easy wipin. haha. anw, i like d idea of savin water in her bathrooms. at least wont waste water. well, at her place, felt kind sua ku. cos recent flat no longer use bamboo pole to dry clothes le. so i was like snappin photo here n thr. hehe.

tt same day, i last min met up w d friend who we always try to catch each other. somehow, tt day she oso tryin to find if i free to watch harry potter but den i didn't noe. so by d time, it was too late. left only front 2 row or something like tt so we forget it. cos both of us experience d agony for sittin on 1st row esp tt was an action pack movie aka transformer part 1.

she told me bout her interview encounter & gave me advice. n she asked me to job hop within 3 mths. er... bit kua zhang. i jus started work lor. well, tt friend actually advice me to jump totally out. she insists tt i do ve experience like my purchasin background n say tt i must push all these knowlegde out. it's like wat she was sayin was like wat d manager of my ex-colleagues had told me last week. so i shall heel their advice when i managed to find n b shortlisted for interview. but before tt, i must prep CV instead of jus resume. resume is summary of everything. it doesn't emphasis what i noe or did before. lots of work need to b done but wat had to b done will ve to b done.

aft wat my ex-colleagues' manager n wat my friend had told me, it made me think bout it. 3 mths to job hop is bit kua zhang n i'll feel bad so i give it till 2012? 2-3 days ago, prof suddenly jus ask me find quotation n purchase things. tt's wat i did b4 so i not sure if tt's d reason, so he simply jus tell me wat he wanted. n i had no other info. well, lucky me. i did save d info fr my previous job. it's of use nw. it really did cos d vendor gave me quotation of a much sophisicated n much expensive equipment n it's d same vendor i looked for yrs ago. hehe. don treat me s a noble can? u messin w wrong pax. haha.

n gettin quotation n doin purchasing is wat i did b4 so it's really nothing new to me. no need learn much. jus need update of info cos i'd been away for 4 yrs. so in a way, it really proof to me tt i do ve such experience like wat my friend n d manager had told me. but instead of total switch of field, which i bet thr is still difficulties though i can try sell wat i can do, i ve another idea. but i need to find out more. cos tt'll b a steppin stone oso. n hopefully i can earn bit more. but i don 排除 total field switch. well, quite bad of me to think of leavin when i was in midst of 2nd workin week. haha. ;p

so my 1st step is to find out more fr my friends. if suitable, i shall implement my search. oso cos i must try to earn more plus i'm not 18 or 19 anymore to play ard. but at least w a job now, i'm still financially 'stable' for me to find out more. i hope i can get wat i wanted.

anw, i fail my plan to sell off my piano though i nvr tot of profitting fr it cos i'll gave money back to dad. mum seemed to wanna keep it which i see no pt since thr r still many yrs of warranty now. best to sell it b4 it become valueless ma. so i guess unless i can find real gd value for it, if not, i guess i'll ve to keep it n cont'd w d maintenance. haiz... guess gotta keep aside $1/day for d maintenance le. it may not b much but den d livin std is gettin more exp. $1/day is actually alot in a way than to waste it off like tt. at least i can eat slightly better leh. watever la. see hw in future but if anyone know of someone gettin a 2nd hand piano, let me noe wor.

stuck but secured

2011-07-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

though i'm d 1st to leave amg d gp of friends, aft makin a big round, i'm still stuck in d same place. d only diff is i'm always holdin diff positions confusin those othes who noe me.

havin worked 4 yrs s a lab tech, i become a student for another 4 yrs, n nw workin s a PO. hopefully wont stay another 4 yrs till i move on le ba. tt's bit too long le.

while i was a student, i got many opportunities to work in lab, in office, in store, s attachment student, s FYP student, etc. thus, i knew i confused countless of ppl who must b wonderin wat position i'm holdin. but nw, don worry. i'm not back for more confusion. jus wanna b employed while searchin for a better offer elsewhr. preferrably non-lab based or non-research based w better prospect n advancement, n w better pay n benefit too. i wont request for even higher pay job but min same pay s nw w all d bonus n benefit la. if thr r such lobang, let me noe.

well, aft days of worries n slpless night, i finalized my expenditure budget n budget plans for my poly n uni repayment.

sorry dear for buggin u w d figures all these days till u say u got sick of it. but i still wanna thank you for ur support cos nw tt i finalized, though really really min savings, so long s i 省着点用, i might still b able to save slightly slightly more n by slightly more than 5 yrs, i should b clear of debts. n if i can find a job w addition of bonuses, i cfm believed i'll do even better than nw. so keepin fingers cross for nw.

cant imagine if i nvr take up this job offer though eventually found out tt thr r no bonus. if not, den i duno ve to wait for duno hw long den i'll get my 1st pay. think i cant even survive till den cos broke liao. at least nw, every mth i still got $$ to clear bills, meals, transport, poly sch fees, etc.

anw, aiming to clear poly sch fee by mid 2012. don wanna pay min anymore cos will drag till 2013. at least by den, i can focus on my uni fee. n i oso wanna clear in d shortest possible yrs to min d interest incur. since when $$ go into dad's cpf acc, he can oso accumulate d same remaining interets fr cpf ma. n yet i no need pay d extra interest. he get his interest, i get to save more. win-win wor.

i jus realized i so stupid when i graduated fr poly. tt time, go listen to dad n pay min sum. true tt it wont hit me so much every mth, but d amt of interest tt accumulate is not gonna b a small sum. esp when i cant clear off n den had to put on hold while i study n d interest cont'd accumulate. tt time, i should ve jus clear off d remaining but scare not enough $$ to last till i graduate ma.

oso realized tt actually, cpf loan fr dad or fr bank actually not much diff. mayb diff is d interest rate ba. but eventually still gotta pay interest. so no matter whr u loan fr. even if fr bank, dad's cpf will still accumulate interest fr cpf board. was really brain washed by them tt time but nw i got more sharp le.

well well, nw tt i settle my calculation, i bet i can slp better tonight. i really hope so. it's really hard to last thru d day like tt. d only time i can slp better is when dear is beside. while he surf d net, i doze off beside leanin on his shoulder cos felt so relax n secure cos he's thr givin me support but he is only ard for a short while den all d worries kick in. pls pls let me slp better tonight ba

job lobang?

2011-07-11T21:56:00.003+08:00

anyone if got lobang for a job w at least $2.5k take home pay with bonus like d 13th mth plse let me noe.

i'm a b.sc graduate in bio sci w dip in biotech. had 4 yrs of lab tech work exp tt did purchasing, etc n did many part time in HR, admin, support, etc. i'm willin to learn even fr scratch. i'm willin to venture out of my field of study.

d only disadvantage for me is tt i don wan shift work, n pref s close to office hr or even flexi hr.

thank you very much... will deeply appreciate ur help.

solve w plain bread s all my meals?

2011-07-11T21:51:00.004+08:00

solution: eat plain bread daily, drink water fr water cooler, don fall sick, n mayb i should sell off my piano. though money should go to my dad cos he paid most of it except tt i pay mayb one fifth to one quarter of d amt only. at least i no need to maintain it every yr.

oh ya. leisure n tour is no longer included in my expenses le. & oso i jus realized i nvr tot of gettin even clothes for myself once a while. great... mayb shall cont'd wear clothes even if torn...

if they still not satisfied n wanna compare w their friends/colleagues, mayb they should kill me instead. no no. mayb they should curse me to die immediately in an accident. once n for all, den they can get d insurance money. haiz...

financial crisis

2011-07-11T21:23:00.003+08:00

OMG...

today is my 1st day of work. last nite insomnia again. this time cos i was vex w d pay amt & hw to sort things out s in for all d expenses. thks to d small pay & oso no bonus...

option 1: i give my parents more but den in far future, i ve to cut their 'salaries'.

option 2: i give them watever i could afford in future rather than nw so no 'pay cut' for them?

think of it, option 2 seems gd. it oso means i can save up d rest of d amt nw. but... d prob is... i'm in debt of my poly n uni fee...

today, my friend told me tt actually d pay amt stated exclude own cpf contribution so which means i need to minus 20% off. n based on logic, my uni fee min payback sum should b d 4 times of my poly min sum. but is it really true? or is it more?

substracting only my own expenses for insurance, food n transport n all d cfm gifts amt for occassion like bday, mothers' day, CNY, mid-autumn fest, x'mas, weddins, hse warming, bb showers, etc etc, n oso all d basic necessities, utilities, misc, i'm jus left w estimate of less than $200. this exclude d amt for my uni sch fee n d amt to give my parents n grandma n godma.

so, even option 2 is not applicable for me. but if i don give any to them, surely they wont b happy. they alrdy been sayin their friends/colleagues got like hundreds fr their kids every mth n on their bday. but den even my plan for their bday celebration amt is jus a 2 whole no & no whr near d 3 digit figure which they seemed to b expecting.

w only less than 200 to settle their allowance n my uni fee, even if i gave my parents only w jus 100 per mth, it oso seemed too little. n tt means my uni fee is another prob.

i shouldn't ve study uni since there isn't much increase in pay anyway esp when there is no bonus. i b better off w/o d uni cert cos i wont b in d heavier debt of d uni sch fee s compared to my poly sch fee.

wat should i do? i noe cfm i cannot give them more nw. tt's for sure though cpf haven bug me to return d $$. cos if by den, i sure ve to cut d amt even more to give them.

tt's y i was so stress up on sat when mum kip sayin tt my aunt should get money fr my cousin for all d trips, etc. i'm in d wrong field la. even my dad earn so much more than me lor.

Graduation trip

2011-07-10T22:50:00.000+08:00

Went for a longer trip with my parents & dear. initially i only asked if dear can accompany me for a slight longer trip instead of just 3d2n. was expectin like mayb 5d4n or so but in d end, aft researchin on, he found d shanghai trip worth gg for cos it's 7-8 days. & since it's gp tour n need to ve a min no of ppl b4 it's green light for d tour to proceed, he asked my parents along.

we left singapore in d afternoon of 24 june & reach hangzhou 12 midnight +/- & we left hangzhou jus aft 12 midnight on 2 July. we went to many places like hangzhou, suzhou, wuxi, luzhi, nanjing and spend 3 nights in shanghai. followin tour, many places like d pearl ctr, jade ctr, etc r unavoidable but sorry ah. not catchin my attention for such places. brought some tea back so can put in office n at home to drink.

btw, d ave travellin time fr places to place is ~1.5-3 h. plus d flight is bout 5 h in budget airline w/o much room for movement. it's really a torture durin all d travelling. but it's an eye opener. their expressway/highway is unlike ours whr we only ve 1 layer of overlap. theirs seemed to loop ard w many layers. think i got see up to 4 or 5 layers fr d bottom up n i'm not sure hw high but definitely more than 7 or 8 stories high for d 3th or 4th layer.

i was dyin to get back to sg even when we haven even reach shanghai cos i got sick of d chinese meals daily. ave excludin white rice n most of d time dessert of water melon, thr r total of 9-10 other dishes for both lunch n dinner. most of d time, we got cabbage, egg, tomato, big bean sprout & when i think tt lunch or dinner is comin, though hungry, my stomach started to turn off. i miss singapore whr we can get variety of food, jap, korean, chinese, western, italian, etc. i got so sick tt till nw, i still repel fr mixed veg rice or similar. *shivered* & their beer is like their plain water. every meal oso got. my 1st time drink beer for every meal when i reach thr but i stopped aft i got sick of d food cos i noe beer is no gd for my tummy den.

well, in addition to d amt we pay in singapore for air tix, accom & tours, thr is an additional compulsory tour of rmb 400 plus d tour guide n bell boy tips of rmb 250. we oso add on an addition trip to a shoppin area + a performance at shanghai 'esplanade' for rmb 280 which we felt tt d whole trip is worth cos all d hotel we stay seemed really gd. for some, we seemed to be stayin in those biz suite.

anw, d photo below summarized most of d trip:

20110625

Haiwaihai Baina Hotel at Hangzhou - check in after 12 midnight; mornin call at 6.30 am; check out after 8 am

Cruise on West Lake (Hangzhou) - it's raining cats & dogs; dampen the whole atmosphere if not it would ve such nice n beautiful view - a big disappointment

Lunch at Hangzhou

Suzhou Industrial Park - place whr singapore seemed to help build or so

Hanshan Temple & Santang Historial and Cultural Street in Suzhou (but for the Santang place, we only were thr to take pic)

Dinner in Suzhou

Check in to Nanlin Hotel in Suzhou after our dinner

20110626

Wangshi Garden in Suzhou - status of the wealthy ppl

Lunch after visiting Longevity Silk Factory - bought a set of king size silk mattress cover & blanket (our king size is their queen size & they had got 2 size larger than our king size bed. wow)

Dr Sun Yat-Sen's Mausoleum (Nanjing) - the place where Dr Sun was buried & we have to climb 300 flights of stairs before reaching the top to see the statue but it's worth the climb to see the majestic view of scenaries.

Nanjing Massacre Memorial Hall - this place showcase people who were killed by the Jap. It's theme is black & white (pic taken by dad)

Dinner at Nanjing

Fuzimiao District (Nanjing) - they sell squirrel oso, n all pets were cages in small enclosure. poor things

Glarun Jinling Hotel (Nanjing)

20110627

Jade-craving exhibition Centre (Nanjing)

Yangtze River Bridge (Nanjing) - the bridge was build by human only even in the river & to avoid buildin in fast water, they build it during winter & some died of cold...

Lunch

Taihu Film and TV studio (Wuxi) - the place where they film three kindom

Dinner at Wuxi

Landison Hotel (Wuxi)

20110628

Lihu Lake Scenic Area (Wuxi)

Lunch at Wuxi

Luzhi Water town - thr r super many mini studio whr ppl can take pics in d gu zhuang like d wu xia show

Yu-Shanghai Dinner - a meal which i finally not feel so fan wei cos it's more close to our singapore taste. think it's opened by singapore or so

Chenghuangmiao (Shanghai)

Yinxing Crown Plaza Hotel (Shanghai)

20110629

Shanghai World Financial Centre - we all went up to d highest lvl w some see thru floor n mum dare not walk on those cos scare it will break

Lunch (Shanghai)

Madame Tussauds wax museum (Shanghai) - not tt many celebraties, etc.

Nanjing Road (Shanghai) - walkin thr, it's something like walkin at orchard so knowin me, of cos no spending oso la.

Dinner (Shanghai)

ERA performance (Shanghai) - finale w a metal cage w 8 running motorcycles n 2 of d cyclists r girls. so don play play. seat price tt we were told we had is rmb 300 plus

20110630

The Bund (Shanghai) - 1 side see d new shanghai like our cityhall/raffles place, another is d olden days shanghai whr d other countries take over.

Xianghuang Yidu (Shanghai) & the expressway/highway - look at d expressway i was talking bout. this is d best i took le.

Lunch (Shanghai)

Qi Bao Gu Zheng (Shanghai) - this is d place whr we opt to do when we were supposed to b free n easy. this is d place w nicer xiao long bao.

20110701

Bullet Train (Shanghai-Hangzhou) - d highest speed is 351 km/h for our train.

Grandma's Cuisine Lunch (Hangzhou)

Another part of west lake (Hangzhou)

Longjing Tea Plantation (Hangzhou) - d man fried d tea w bare hand on d wok tt temp can go to more than 100 or 200 deg C...

Dinner at Hangzhou

West Lake Performance (Hangzhou) - d cheapest for this seat cos rmb 160 or so

overdoing

2011-07-09T22:48:00.002+08:00

is tt a joke? if so, u r overdoin it le. but to me, in front of me & others, it's no longer a joke. y is it tt u always wanna joke this way in front of me & others? y not behind me or only to me? it's like on purpose lor. u ain't givin me any leeway for chance to react. i can't say or comment anything. yes or no oso not right. if i say u back, u b angry cos u feel lose face. WTF...

so wat if i graduated n b startin work on comin mon. so wat if i'm a uni graduate. alrdy told u i no bonus, no 13th mth. & oso u noe i wont b paid highly. in fact, jus slight increase fr my last full time pay n jus slight increase in d annual salary cos no bonus at all. in front of me, so nice say u understand. in front of ppl, use their son to 'joke' n hint me? say he working liao den parents can ask $$ for tours. it's time for parents to slow down n go for tours. hw can i say yes? if i got spare cash n can sponsor u once a while for either nearby or far trip, u should b happy. yet, is it tt u expect tt all d trip u wanna go (near or far), u should ask $$ fr me? if u wanna go 10 trips/yr, den i shall sponsor all 10 trips? can i afford? if say no, den wat? ppl will sure think i unfilial? do u noe hw bad i felt when i was told back to do d same?

u oso noe i'm in debt of my poly n uni sch fee. yes, i haven clear my poly sch fee cos my dad ask me pay min tt time so s not to put too much burden on me. but den look. nw i got 2 sch fee to pay back. so u think hw much will i ve left? thr r many things for me to settle soon oso leh. n u said u understand.

lucky me. was so worried bout my overseas data roamin charges. luckily jus $30+ & not hundreds or thousands like those fr d news.

jus imagine aft 4 yrs of study, w/o askin for any cents fr u or anyone? i pay for my phone bills, ur phone bills which sometimes u overspent, my life insurance, my short getaway trips, my transport, my textbooks, my piano sch fee den, my piano maintenance, my laptop, my laptop maintenance, my medical bills, my misc sch fee, my haircut, etc. y do i do part time? y do i work so hard? cos i noe $$ is impt n i don wanna burden u both.

i'm grateful tt once a while when u both strike 4d or so, n u give me some small amt. but in fact, u no need to give me. lottery this kind of thing, actually to think of it, it's more out den in. tt's y i reject in 1st place n not simply out of courtesy.

i'm grateful tt u both sponsor me for d shanghai trip n give me some $$ to spent thr. in fact, yes, i noe i low on cash. but i nvr thought of wanting $$ fr u or any sponsorship. i was super pissed when eventually, u keep askin me hw much RMB i ve left. i rather u keep d $$ u give me n i change d $$ myself. i noe based on my shoppin skill, i surely wont get something which i no need n not overspent like u both on jade bangle, jade pendant, stacks of tea.... at least, i believed i would feel happier cos i'm spendin my own $$ no not constantly being ask hw much i ve left cos u both not enough $$. wat pissed me more is tt when D asked me, i ask back to check hw much 3 of us ve left so i can roughly noe how to ration out d spendin. yet i was told tt M wanna keep her RMB for her own spendin. jus cos my RMB isn't originated fr my own pocket so i'm not entitled to spend n needed tt for backup?

n i wont b surprise if u both will link d part whr parents askin their kid for $$ for tour to all d sponsorship for my past tour but it's not fair. when i was workin yrs ago, did u wanna go for tour, when i was back to sch, u started to want to go for tour. i can don go but would u agree, u wan me go n u pay so? den aft i noe dear n when we go for those short getaway, i nvr get any $$ fr u. i used my own spending. HK is cos u both wanna go. u think i happy thr? it was a dread for being caught in btw. so it'll b really unfair if u would link up tt for askin for all d trip sponsorship for both of u. can u b reasonable? do u ve ur own retirement plan?

i ve mine. if i got kid(s), aft they r independent n when i reach retirement age, i would sell off my hse n get a studio unit to stay. d $$ i ve, i shall slowly use for basic necessities n meals n go for affordable trips within my means. i don wanna depend on ppl. i wanna b independent. i wanna b free. not to see ppl face.

i'm sick n tired. mon i'm startin work. yet this is wat i got. i felt like i'm ur investment. nw it's time for returns. i'll b ur atm when my life is jus 'startin' n thr is a long way for me to go when u can slow down since 8 yrs ago cos u both no need to support me. do u really wanna drain me like tt? yes i can eat plain bread daily. is tt wat u expect me to do so tt i can get my life going n to sponsor all ur trips, etc?

i'm sick n tired of hearin u say tt d 2 sons of our family friend gave his parents hw much a mth n each give 1k bday angbao to each parent. esp when in fact, d amt isn't so huge. u alrdy exaggerate it. is tt wat u expect fr me? do u noe hw much they earn s compare to me?

i'm sick n tired of hearin u say tt 1 of d son would bring d mom out durin day to eat here or thr. wat's his job? he's a financial consultant. he meet client mainly at night so daytime more free n he got car. so he can bring his mom out to eat. for my job, no OT is alrdy gd enough. OT oso no $$, OT oso no time off. PH or WE no need work oso gd enough cos i'll b growin animal cells leh.

i'm sick n tired of hearin u say tt ur colleague son, a uni graduate earn hw much n ask for hw much pay n got hw much bonus n gave parents hw much. wat field is he in while wat field m i in? i can say i'm not talented for tt kinda education n career. can u accept me for who i'm?

in front of me, u treat like u v modern n understandin. in fact, ur thinking so old. expect uni graduate to get high pay, gd job, gd life. if u think i'm bluffin u, i don mind printin out my pay slip n show u every mth. still don believed, go my HR ask for d proof lor. in fact, i'm gettin much lesser pay than my dad who nvr graduate fr even pri sch. i bluff u for wat? i still need to save up for emergency. i'm scare since poly incident. somemore, my godma who always give me $$ oso is facin some health prob nw. her job security is at risk. if she really need help, monetary or so, can i don help? she no kids no husband oso. somemore, i'm d only child. so touchwood if anything happen at home, i'll b d only one to face everything. i got no one to share d load w (esp monetary). n everyone will grow old. 生老病死 is an unavoidable process. if everyone can b so lucky to jus 生老死, hw gd it would be. not tt i wanna think on bad side la but ve to b prep for any kinds of prob ma.

so pls, b4 u decide to say or comment anything, pls put urself in my shoe can or not? i'm alrdy tryin my best. i'm really dyin hard to get away. no wonder at d 'bi xiu' shop, aft lookin at my name, d feng shui master say tt it's best for me to venture my career overseas or away fr home. it guess not for my career but for my whole life.

d more u do/say, d more u r pushin me away fr u. d more i would bounce away cos thr is always a limit in every one. i alrdy hold back n not to talk back in front of others. if not surely, u'll b angry n say i make u lose face. pls stop all d nonsense cos i really cant take it anymore.

pre-employment trip

2011-07-09T02:07:00.002+08:00

jus ended my 2nd trip tt came jus aft my graduation trip to shanghai... this time, went to bintan. my 1st time thr but think it's d 3rd time or so for dear. if not cos of dis trip, i would ve started working for prob 5 days le. compared to d shanghai trip, this is a more relaxing one. sleep till wake up naturally, watch drama, laze around, go for traditional massage which is cheap n shiok.

d only unhappy part is tt, i met w my 1st vehicle accident since i gotten my drivin license. it's was d buggy accident. turned into wrong lane while driving back to villa to get bottle water before wanting to go book ktv for d night den go to d pasar oleh-oleh for d massage which was d plan for our 2nd day thr. my plan was to drive back to d villa den let dear drive but i drove to wrong lane n while reversin out, duno for wat reason, stepped on d accelerator instead of brake. not used to d pedal size n location la... :( hw stupid. ended up in grass patch while 1 wheel hanging above a small drain. was so afraid d damage was super ex but i guess still managable but aft i get my pay la.

anw, though i beginner in playin pool, felt tt 1h pool is better than 1 game of pool cos i can get to play more. try more times. need many practice n skill sia. like hw to ctrl d white ball, whr to stop, etc.

if not cos of d buggy accident, d trip spendin is actually really small. cos we got d villa w kitchen stove, microwave oven, etc, we brought frozen pizza, loaf of white bread, cheese, strawberry jam, tea, coffee, cereal, mee sua & instant porridge + 2 lor neng (egg). so we only spend on 2 meals while d rest we eat in. n dear insisted on cookin d mee sua & porridge for us but like usual, he don wan me ard to see. hehe.

oh ya. did i mention, d villa is hugh, think bigger than current 4 room flat though total oso got 3 bedrooms, 2 bathroom, 1 kitchen + dining area, 1 living rm, 1 service yard & thr is oso a bbq pit + bench w table + swing outside. & d resort is sellin few of d villas. such villa cost sgd375k wor. exp or not u decide ba. but i felt it is. imagine surroundin nothing to shop or walk ard unlike in singapore.

but good times ended today while my work is commencing on coming monday. really dread d day esp aft days of holidaying & relaxing + it's not my home, so don even need to bother to do any housework. but of course got wash all d dishes la. but d place is bit too big for 2 pax la. cos we mainly stay in bedroom watchin tv. didn't even enter d other 2 room. guess tt might wat it'll feel like if get own place to stay. if can, i still wish i can don come back so no need work. been havin weird dreams lately... bout wantin to try find clothes for work, etc. haiz... but i need d salary cos soon i gonna pay back d uni sch fee in addition to my poly sch fee. & my data roaming bill when i was at shanghai. hope it's not gonna b too exp cos i really nvr wanna used it at all but forgotten tt i must off when overseas. & oso, i actually haven pay back dear for this bintan trip actually. told him i owe him 1st cos till my pay, i cant overspent. luckily my shanghai trip was sponsored for but den...

m i gettin impatient???

2011-06-21T00:02:00.002+08:00

have i become inpatient or have all d companies i encountered recently become so incompetent?

mths ago started off w picture me. took d studio shots w dear n my parents n yet d collection got delayed when they promised tt it'll b ready in 2 weeks. since i don freq suntec mall, or tt area, luckily i called if not b gg on wasted trip(s).

den encountered another company which promised to get back in 3-4 weeks but ended up become 3-4 mths. den for another issue, stated bout 3 mths but den nw still no news. d reasons for d delays were all invalid. gosh...

den recently, i sign up a membership but den till nw, totally no news. send mail to them to ask but totally no reply. called up n they say they just starting to call n ask me wait somemore. -.-"

n next. HR asked me get d letter of cert fr sch yet given me wrong info all d time confusin me w upper degree graduate so i always ve to clarity b4 i can proceed on. last tue went to sch to get d letter but was told need 3 workin days. was told tt fri can get but they will oso email to inform. so since no mail on fri, i no go down. den i plan to go today yet still no mail. i went to check d website for info again n guess wat i saw. either submit online to get d letter which mayb they will snail mail over or to go down n can collect ON THE SPOT. so y was i told tt i can only collect aft 3 working days n tt thr b email notification which i failed to get? called up n aft d person check, he said tt it was alrdy ready for collection. WTH...

all these companies r so not customer orientated. if they cant deliver, den don promised la. give longer time frame, don promised to email, etc la. i'm super pissed off w all these companies le. if it's u, will u b pissed or m i d impatient one?

inexpensive gift at right time for dear?

2011-06-16T21:51:00.002+08:00

though i m on verge to 'declare blankrupt', i m glad i found an inexpensive little gift for dear. it's a black IMAZINE Silicon Ion Watch. was so afraid he couldn't wear cos of d size left for black but d price is so tempting tt i decided to buy. worse come to worse, i wear lor n so i bought n received it today. n jus happened tt dear's power balance bangle broke. though both diff w diff function, think at least he can wear d watch even at work unlike d power balance bangle. n d ion watch got function to increase immunity oso. though not an expensive purchase, hope it will do its job to help him ba esp when his immune defense is weak now.

screwed up HR

2011-06-14T21:16:00.002+08:00

end last week, gotten an email fr HR askin me to get 'letter of conferment' fr graduate student office. n while searchin for d location n info, found tt it's meant for higher degree. -.-" so i research further to find tt for undergraduate student, it's actually letter of certification fr the office of acad la... anw, it's not d 1st time d HR mixed up. tt time oso ask me submit my Ph.D cert or so. diaoz... so i cfm w her n oso to check hw i should get d letter. thus, initially wanted to go ytd but cant cos wait for her reply n confirmation n decided to go today sicne she say jus get n give her n somemore same buildin but diff lvl. easy ma.

ended up, dear working afternoon so tot since i free, i go his place in morning den go sch to settle d doc but dear decided to see doc for his fever n so he didn't go work. he said d doc said it's HFMD... rare but not impossible. thus, while he restin aft takin med, at 11am, i decided to head to ntu cos i dun wanna reached durin their so called lunch hour. thus, i ask dear if can take his car n took hiss car to sch. reach in bout 15 min. tot at most wait awhiel for d letter but was told tt they need 3 workin days. peng... i go all d way thr tot can settle in a day like wat HR had said but in d end, in less than 3 min, i gotta go. so by 11.35 am, i reach back to dear's house. n den i gotta go down another day, earliest fri to collect it n bring it upstairs. mayb can settle in less than 15-30 min again. gosh... so inefficient. cant they jus send it upstair for me?

anw, i'm lucky tt i got dear's car today. jus imagine taking public transport? i need like bout 1 hour +/- to reach sch n another 1 +/- hour to reach home leh. even if i take staff bus thr or back, i still need bout 30-40 min to reach dependin on traffic. n i can only choose either 1 trip (to or fro) cos it's ridiculous to wait whole day for d round trip back home. stupid HR la n oso stupid NTU. i rmbr last time when i finish my poly course, they got send a mail to say i finished n graduated n i can used tt to find job. no need like now, to go request for d letter den collect another day n submit.

my advice to my friends who need tt letter. pls go online to request for it. den go collect when ready. if not cos HR said i can go thr get n den bring upstairs, i wont go thr. i would request via online cos i really tot can get it on d spot if go thr personally w d studnet pass. if not, u will ve to go thr write a form for request, den go back at least 3 working days ltr to get n den bring to ur company to submit. i'm still lucky in d sense tt my submission will b jus upstairs aft i collect. so don b so naive like me to listen to d blur HR who always tot i m a graduate student. -.-"

cars

2011-06-13T23:04:00.002+08:00

durin these period of time, i concluded tt i'd become a much confident driver. initially, i tot is cos dear's previous honda fit is a smaller size car but recently aft he fall sick n i become his chauffeur, i gotta drive his current car which is a norm size car. even drive alone to submit his mc n it was raining heavily den. somemore, ytd mornin, drove out to tiong bahru w my friend for breakfast den to d clinic i worked b4 in d night to buy med for my dad. den to drive to pick my parents. though i may still ve hiccup while driving n may need more time when parking at time, i no longer fear of parkin whr got vehicles beside. so far, i had driven alone durin peak hr fr town to home, den, in d heavy downpour, den at night too. however, i think my next challenge would b parallel parking. nvr tried tt b4 since i pass yrs ago wor. think if i can master tt, no need to be v v gd, so long s i can park, i think i b v v happy le.

jus last week, i actually experience d feelin of wishin for a car n yet not. mid of last week, had photography course at botanical garden at d ulu ulu gate. had to walk ~1 km, took me almost 18-20 min walk fr busstop n my speed not tt slow one wor. i really wished for the convenience of a car. den fri when my phone is down, i went to PS to check n finally changed d phone. my 3rd handset le. really no comment for iphone 4. i oso walked opps PS cos thr b a day whr my lesson b at fort canning. it's really gd to ve a car. anw, aft tt, i took mrt to SK den Lrt to FV to check out the transport n timing. it's really quite blur for 1st timer n i almost give up n take cab back. d journey was really long. cant imagine if future hw. so i felt tt having a car is really convenient but d petrol, coe, etc is enough to kill.

so much for wishing for a car, when hear mum say my nephew got a car n drove d mum ard, i felt tt since i had no car, tt's gd cos tt way, my mum cant compare. but i cant help but say tt if got no spare 1k per mth, don ever think of gettin a car. d loan, d insurance, d petrol, d servicing, etc. all is $$$... since my pay is v not much, i cfm cant get a car. furthermore, if i got a car, when my parents wanna go soemwhr, they would oso expect me to drive them ard. so tt is so much for having a car.

n ytd, aft i go get dad's med, i dropped my phone cos i forgot it's outside on d car seat n hook to my ear w d ear piece only. so it flew out n got v terrible scratches. even d casing didn't help cos d side of my phone chipped. nw i can only wish tt d screen protector tt was scratched did protect d screen. if not, if anything happen to d phone, i think they can easily treat s it's my fault cos i don take care. WTF...

forget bout d phone. back to car. later ytd night, dad asked me go pick them aft their trip. so i went. it's been i guess 2 yrs since i last drove dad's car n he oso enhance d security sys n so i really not used tt d car would auto lock all d door when engine started. ended up, cos he cant open d boot n he shouted angrily at me. how i noe la. i made a pt to go pick them n yet tt's wat i got? not appreciative leh. so it further enhance me tt it's best i shall nvr get any car. NEVER even if i got spare 1k. $$ save up n keep in my bank for interest better. den go for trip. lol.

but it's still gd if thr is a car at times so can only hope tt thr is cheap hourly rental ard ba. but of cos i shall not let my parents noe if thr is such lobang. i jus wanna drive at my convenience when i really need.

kanna superbugs???

2011-06-05T22:43:00.002+08:00

after dear got sick, den dad, den mum & me when dear still can ve aches & feel weak at times...

n i seemed to ve gotten d combination of all of them. mayb a superbug or rather many bugs/viruses...

started of w aches/fever/chills, den sore throat, den blk nose on right, den itchy throat tt wanna cough at times n realized got a lump at right lymph node. dear n doc say my left lymph node too but i don feel it leh... but den nw blk nose on left tt itch n makin me wanna ah choo... i oso got d left tip of my tongue tt is sore n painful... i don wanna waste my holi/break b4 my work start leh.

anw, ytd in d afternoon, went for a spa w dear. he bought deals fr groupon. den we had dinner at yoshinoya. simple but more than gd enough to celebrate our 2nd yr anniversary. it's d companion tt matters. if not cos he had book d spa, i might not even ask him out cos he once a while will get d aches & in d late mornin/noon when he came over, he's running fever again. but i made sure he no fever n ache b4 we go for d spa la. i rather waste tt $$ den to go out when he's unwell. but generally, both of us r 2 sick piggies now. either he or me got aches/fever or both tgt. plus, i got dizzy spell tt will make me blackout if i got up & walk too quickly.

生病的人像小孩...

2011-06-01T20:54:00.002+08:00

guess s one is unwell, it's d time in need of d love one beside. n suay suay... when i down on 1st nite w fever, dear's friend who is getting married d followin day wanna meet all d bros & dear is 1 of them. & so thr he goes... cos my parents would paranoid, i usually would try not to tell them till i really buay tahan... n tt day aft dear left, n parents were still not hm, n my temp climb, i suddenly felt so pitiful. cos they all fever, i will try to take note of med time, get d ling yang drink, etc. yet, when it's my turn, no one is ard. i felt so ke lian but i still don wanna tell my parents even when they back. anw, when they back, my fever dropped le cos i took panadol earlier.

den ytd, aft comin back fr med cx up, lab, meet friend, x-ray, felt really shag tt i simply jus slp w/o showerin/changing till my alarm wake me up. felt quite bad again so took temp n true enough, slight fever again. n throat become v itchy aft tt. initially wonder if d temp cos of d jab i took but cough??? i don think so. plus, days ago, i oso fever. so i conclude tt it's myself n not d jab. cos it's jus slight fever, i refused to take panadol this time. cos i felt i took too much panadol le. always finish up & went to buy. though within or even less than max daily dose, i dont like to keep takin med. n luckily my temp went down towards d end of day till jus nw. dear got ask last nite when my parents not back. he ask if i wanna c doc but tt time, temp got hint of droppin so i push away d idea cos tt time, he just finish work & he jus reach home. if i wan, tt mean he had to come over n pick me cos my side d doc surely no more space.

jus nw, in afternoon, i still feel shag but napped only a short while before going out. went to find d shower hose cos d one in d common bath broke n i sometimes used tt bathroom while dear always use thr when he come over. so, decided to buy & fixed it rather than waiting for dad since it's small case for me. when i back, i still ok. but awhile later, my feet started to ache n i noe d ache is not a gd sign. took temp & it's 37.6 deg. it seemed to get higher than last 2 times at least. den i felt cold. covered in my furry leopard print blanket. at tt time, d ache, d cold make me felt like a kid, wanting d closest person beside for comfort. but dear went back home. ytd he said he might be going out n by right he wont end work early. so even if he didn't meet his friend, based on his work timing, we oso wont meet. but knowing tt he's home already, made me felt more like a kid crying for d comfort. ya. i did cry actually. den seeing him in fb, tot can chat w him thr a while. at least get to chat will feel less bad ma. but den thr is no reply.

actually tt time think he's prep to go out but i didn't noe n waited like a 傻瓜. so i ended up 发脾气 on him when he sms me later on. think back, it's really like wat he comment last time, when 1 is sick, he/she become like a kid making stupid fuss... esp it's like to me, i jus wan attention n comfort. i oso wanna feel pampered n b taken care of but not over kanchiong-ness like fr my parents. but i cant get wat i felt tt it's a simple task/movement/gesture/attention, so i jus explode. i really don like it to fall sick esp when he's not ard n esp worse if not cos of serious reason like work but rather to meet friends. i guess mayb it's d time when i wan d full attention, if not it felt s if his friends is more impt. so childish right? now, can only hope like last few days, my temp will drop ba. cos it's been almost 2 hr since it crept up... i don wanna b so silly again leh...

nose bleed again

2011-05-26T18:14:00.002+08:00

nose bleed again today. aft since duno when. today more jialet than last few times. those time, i don rmbr i use so many tissue/cotton cos it aren't soak so fast. jus nw, when i put tissue or cotton to dap d inside, it's bloody immediately so gotta use another clean area but soon, i gotta throw away d tissue/cotton.

initially, when i went into d bathroom, i tot i can jus blow my nose gently to get rid of d blood n wash it n dry like d 1st time but i end up messing up d wash basin area w spackle of blood even on d wall. ewk... so grab d toilet paper nearby. den tissue n den cotton when tissue still didn't help esp cos not s absorbant than cotton.

for whole day, was sittin on my bed usin my laptop but when i wanna go kitchen n get something, realized i'm weak oso. my head heavy. slight black out but manage to get back to my bed. not sure cos didn't eat really fillin cos both mornin n lunch, ate d plain porridge w omelete n canned peanuts. so either not fillin enough or oso cos not tt much of nutrients or mayb both. mayb added on w my lack of slp + heaty body ba. haiz...

it's over

2011-05-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

it's finally over. my 4 yrs of torture is over. ended it off w pains in my feet on every step i made in d shoes & aches in my whole body. i oso found tt though my acad standin aren't tt gd, my pay for my comin job is actually quite decent actually when i'd been complainin tt i shouldn't ve resign to further my study.

though dis period had been tough esp w all d happenings, i find tt actually i'm still quite blessed. cos my prof wont b in sg, i'd to do my poster early so when all things happened, i didn't ve to bother bout it. den when everybody seeemd ok, i had my presentation.

howveer, jus when i tot tt things r back to norm, my mum's neck got 1 lump like dear & dad is down w sorethroat & fever. haiz... when then can thing get norm? i need d much lost rest & also i got many other things tt i wanna do. i oso wanna go meet my close friend for lunch. i oso wish to go for swim & jog. i oso wish to try learn photography. i oso wish to learn photo editin. i oso wish to go out take pic. i oso wish to draw. i oso need to go for med cx up. i oso wish to read. i oso wish to do more beading works. n thr r many more other things i wanna do, & basically, all these is to keep me occupied esp when dear is working but at this rate things r gg, i doubt i can even get to catch back all my lost slp... so i oso duno i shoudl count myself lucky or not, to laugh or to cry. but i'm still glad tt things been happenin 1aft another & not consecutively.

driving

2011-05-20T08:58:00.002+08:00

hope things r getting in ctrl fr nw on... been thru chaotic weeks... but oso cos of which, i guess i'd become a more confident driver nw...

realized tt i'm always being 'forced' to drive under crazy condition. last time when i jus passed, my dad was sick n i'd to drive his pick-up to bring him to doc. pick-up leh, not car wor. furthermore, tt time, b4 i reach his pick-up, i alrdy slip n fall into a drain. pain till i cannot even stand up but i still stood up, walk to d car n drive him to d clinic n back.

den aft long time nvr drive, 2 yrs back, i drove cos of my cousins' dare... stupid reason right? lol. den once i jus merely suggest drivin dear to meet his friend cos he leavin his car over so he be coming back aft his meet-up n he actually agree when he noe i seldom drive n not stable. so i drove back alone durin peak hr. another craze... once, he got fever, i oso drive him to see doc. but tt time he's drivin honda fit. a smaller size car.

since he changed his car, i nvr drive yet n last fri, i drove his car for d 1st time cos he got fever n v unwell. den for days, i kept drivin ard. w him or not but even w him oso make no diff cos he's jus too sick to bother whr i go or wat i do but he kept saying i slow. well, i do keep w/in speed limit so i don think i tt slow la. n aft days of drivin, i pick up speed faster n oso much more confident in drivin le. but of cos i need more practice n experience to judge others' speed more accurately n to swop lane. nw i swop when i get my chance even if thr is still a distance so tt i wont miss my chance esp if i no confident to if i move forward more. parkin wise, i no longer afraid but only for vertical parkin. last time, i would choose many empty lots to park but nw, i always choose those w cars beside. cos can see easier actually. lol. but den, i need learn my parallel parking. cos surely not all places r vertical parking. i need to practice tt b4 i can 100% say tt i can drive out alone to anywhr n everywhr. den mayb in future, if his car is w me, i can go supper somewhr else w my friend or to go n get things tt i need oso. hehe...

2011-05-14T07:42:00.002+08:00

Don tell me or if I dono den I won't feel so angry. Thurs, I don update my aunt le though I one godma might not b discharge tt day. But if she could, was hopin my xiao Yi more auto to go down n pick my godma aka her sis back since she not working n got car. End up... Mum told me Xiao Yi got go... But... She say carpark full so she go back. Is it carpark full or did she even go? Dear go down so many time oso carpark full. How come he gotta wait n she don? She still update in her fb say w pic post fr her iPhone. Pic of a puppy sold somewhere for almost 4k. She still say d puppy's ear v nice. D puppy v lovely. V tempted but she can't. WTF... So she on leave n had plan so she don care watever emergency fr home? This is waste of time? Her program more impt? Or at least tt's wat her post is telling. I alrdy tired till I no energy to check mail when got home. I wish I can lie flat n slp. I oso forgot I need check convo website to get more tix. Yet she still post this n tt in her fb. Korean mv oso got.

I jus keep quiet. I don Wana get affected by this kinda ppl. But jus nw, wat mum say made me piss off again. She say Xiao Yi ytd say tt I oso always rush here m thr. The... Since u noe den y u on leave nvr help? Still ve d cheek to say. So thick skinned. So irritating. I nvr dislike her but aft this episode, I buay tahan le. Won't look for her unless necessary. Cos no pt. Luckily nvr go work at whr she b or whr her friends b. Phew...

i not wonder woman, dear not ironman

2011-05-11T21:30:00.003+08:00

if thr is another world, can i go over nw? i'm not a wonder woman leh. can don everything oso 'ah shan' this 'ah shan' tt???

i noe my godma v pitiful. no kids n jus divorce fr an old yet a playboy husband. but she got 8 siblings oso leh. sun, all went down makin me felt tt they all r so closely knitted. so gd.

den...

mum pek chek ytd say san yi kept callin to ask but nvr go down visit. initially, i still feel tt mayb she couldn't go over but den nw, i oso pek chek w my xiao yi. xiao yi is d youngest of d siblings. d one with d highest edu w d help of d siblings. d one who studied sci oso. so other than me who noe bout sci n bio, she is actually d best person to speak to le.

my godma who is my er yi ma had been my godma since i was v v v small. n since everybody else is workin, i do a flavor to b d one to try to talk w d doc to understand more bout her condition rather tahn doc tellin my mum who don understand n will exaggerate d whole story. of course to visit my godma at same time la.

d thing tt made me super duper pissed off today is tt, actually ytd mornin when i went nuh 1st to udnerstand more n found out tt godma need check blood vessel bloakage 1st b4 can proceed on for either pace maker or defibrillator, i inform my xiao yi. i'm alway d one who inform her n she nvr even bother to ask like my san yi. she thank me n say tt wed n thurs she not workin so she can go down except tt wed she can only go down aft her aircon servicin appt. fine... i told her i rush back sch aft tt. den oso inform her tt i rushin back to nuh to sign consent for d defibrillator. she thank me again n tt she will go over. but she only stay a while. initially, tot can take her car back but den luckily dear came over aft work cos xiao yi say she got program n left w her friend. & den she today toatlly no news.

at 3+ pm today, mum called. say godma can change bed. ask if i'll go over w dear so tt he can take godma's gift n drive back. at 1st, i did tot tt mayb i can get a break today w/o d need to rush over since my da yi n er jiu will sure b thr. i can go over but wat i don like is tt mum was too reliant on me n on d fact tt dear got car. yes, dear got car but like dad, xiao yi n my san yi zhang, all also workin n they oso got car. y mum only think of dear jus cos dad say he busy dis few days? all can b busy w work n she didn't want to look for them n so she ask dear when he oso not sure wwhen can go back home? pls la. xiao yi's work is more fixed hr than dear lor. so told mum off. don care if she angry. told her d fact tt dear is worrkin so she oso cannot alway think tt he got car. mum defend herself n say tt if dear come, she wont ve to take cab. she can take mrt. take cab take cab la. she will take n share cab w my er jiu mu wor. so? it'll b cheaper wor. den she say till if don take, den my godma tml might discharge n oso will need to take things n oso to hold my godma. say like so chiam. so i end up rush cab over. but even if i go, n if dear oso busy, den i oso gotta take cab ma. so wat's d diff of her takin cab back?

somemore, actually, while in cab, realized tt cab fare might more or less b d same s d amt taken to drive thr n park thr for 2-3 hr. cos d parkin itself can easily b like 5+, 6+... if u take a single trip of cab, guess it's mroe or less d same wat. so don think tt got car is cheaper. so actually, take d trouble to take cab can actually save trouble of more ppl wor.

in cab, i rmrb my xiao yi, she not workin ma, so i tot can asked her go take things back. end up, xiao yi said she bringing dog to d vet. cannot go over. -.-" it's her sis in d hospital leh. hw can she not ask? she not worrkin n totally nvr come down when she got car oso leh. so y i bother to inform her? she is d one who will understand d whole situation than everybody else n yet did she bother? her dog is much mroe impt than her sis. it made me boil. i wanna scream. i wanna cry. cos everything always fall on me. i do everybody a flavor to find out more n do her d flavor to inform her. but when she is supposely free, did she bother to help me back when she alrdy noe ytd i rush fr hospital to sch n den back to hospital. can she be more automatic?

i got piss off oso when i reach, saw tt my godma's side tabel was empty. all d gifts were gone. my da yi puzzlely ask me y i rush over. i told her tt mum called n ask me bring things back. n called her many times to cfm aft more than 30 min but failed so i rushed over. my da yi said tt actualy min aft mum called me, actually, my da yi had already asked her son to drive things back le. n my mum left min later. it's only a while aft i reach tt mum said tell me not to rush over. i really wanna scream at her. i shot back n say 'u too late, i alrdy rush cab over. i alrdy reach. u should v tell me earlier'.

i'm oso pek chek though i noe eventually b me who b cleanin my godma's wound n change her dressing cos hw my grandma will do but i tot tt mayb my san jiu mu (fr vietnam) might help cos they stay under 1 roof. it's still fine tt i ve to do it but i don like to b volunteered by ppl. yet my mum volunteered me. fine. i still can tolerate but i don like it when it had to b fixed timing daily n w/o consulting me, jus fixed at evening for me. hw she sure it's such a gd time for me? can she ve d courtesy to call me n cfm d time?

last sun was mother's day n cos of this, nvr go dine w dear's mom so told him to tell his mom tt mayb dis sat or so den treat her. yet if fixed at evening, does tt mean tt i gotta forgot d dinner? i alrdy disappoint dear's nanny. i'm sure they understand but it made me feel bad. so i decided to fix at 9+ pm to change d dressing. late but den wat else can i do? tt's d best timing whr i can accomodate to everybody.

actually, mum almost everyday except sun nvr go over to my cousins' place which is jus next block fr my godma n grandma. so i ask y don she do it, den she can do in morning. she say her hand ltr tremble. y she always so scare of thsi & tt. even da yi said tt if not cos stay quite a distance away, if not she will change for my godma. even my er jiu suggest changed in daytime n mayb he ask his wife go help so don ve to all rely on me. they oso see tt i always rush over n by cab lor. they oso noe it's late n wodner hw i go back today cos dear end up late oso.

ytd dear didn't quite ve lunch n worked till 6.30 like tt n rush over n his tummy weird weird le. today, he also almost couldn't go over cos got urgent matter to deal w towards d end of d day n it was only settle or actually not (i oso not sure) but he only started to come over at ard 7.35 pm n so we all only eat at ard 8+pm b4 he drive my da yi, er jiu n me back.

awhile ago, dear called, say he felt feverish. n tml he workin 24 hr n had a presentation. n he die die ve to go n die die must finish presentation b4 can c doc n d earliest possible time b 2 pm den can c doc. gosh... hope it's jus cos not enough slp n body heaty n he b ok after d slp. if not, i can really go crazy. cos if he sick, yet cannot c doc n rest, den he'll b more tired n get more serious. den wat shall i do? n he always in front of other ppl will sure say, 'nvm', 'it's ok', 'no prob', so tt's y i oso not happy tt mum oso started to take advantage of him le. she took advantage of me, pushin me ard, volunteer me is alrdy gg beyond my limit le leh. nw still wan take advantage cos he got car. see la, nw he oso fallin sick.

mum oso fri should go check on her liver aft she had found her liver profile not tt gd aft her medical checkup tt day. i'm gettin crazy...

crazy weekend

2011-05-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

it'd been a crazy weekend though many might b in celebration mood.

sat, mum received a call tt her sis aka my godma fainted n fall at work n was bleeding lot so we rushed down. end up it's not bleedin but a hug swell at back of her head. tt's y i don like words tt r passed down.

d story we found out was tt godma was at work n den they heard loud bang n found her on d floor. they tried to wake her up for quite a while n den brought her to clinic downstair to c doc. godma vomitted at clinic n doc referred her to nuh. d supervisor called my grandma to ask her to bring my godma to hospital so grandma called my mum instead. n durin journey to nuh, godma vomited twice again.

when i initially heard bleedin, i asked y d supervisor n colleagues nvr call ambulance. den when heard she vomitted n when doc refer her to nuh, y nobody call for ambulance again. next qs i ask is, y they call my grandma, my godma is alrdy in her 60s n grandma in 80s. my grandma is alrdy old n hw she got d strength to support my godma who is still giddy n blur n in tt condition. furthermore, hw my grandma noe hwo to admit my godma at d hosp even if they get a cab to go nuh.

when i heard tt they tried to wake her up for quite sometime, i asked next qs, y they nvr call hospital immediatley? or get d doc fr d clinic downstair up to check on her? den i found out tt actually d supervisor actually still wanted to bring my godma to company clinic elsewhr when actually thr is a clinic downstair only. -.-"

mayb i got my trainin in sjab, mayb cos i worked b4 n i noe thr should ve a risk assessment n sop to deal w such situation. so i felt tt my godma's workplace's safety is really bad. n when d supervisor came to visit my godma n saw all of us thr, she can try to comfort us by telling us not to worry so much but instead, she said 'don worry so much, she looked v well, her color tone is norm, she is ok'. F*** la, if she really ok, she wont b in hospital, bedridden w tag of high risk of fall n admitted to d 'icu' for d cardiac patient n she wont need temp pacer to control her heart beat le.

oh. anw, tt day godma was admitted, we waited quite a while n end up didn't cos dad call it a day sayin tt it oso shall b a lesson for godma s no one 'visit' her s she always ignore her doc advice to cut down on certain food for her hypertension n chloesterol. but i felt bad cos godma jus got divorce recently n she had no child n she quite dote me.

tt evening (sat), hospital called n say they moved her to d 'icu' cos found her heart got 2nd deg block (heard fr d hospital staff). n sun mornin, heard fr mum tt godma called grandma n said middle of night her heart stop beatin. my heart skipped a beat den but though i was skeptical cos thru words of mouth, hw can i not b affected to hear tt heart of someone close to me stopped beating.

actually, it didn't stop but it was super weak. so i was more relieved cos i was so worried till i got panic attack earlier at dear's nanny's house cos they celebratin her nanny's birthday cum mother's day n i skipped lunch w them. dear oso accompany me n skipped d lunch. really thank him for his company.

n nw, when i c miss call, i would feel v uneasy cos w someone close n w heart prob in d hospital, it's really scary to see calls esp unknown no or calls at unexpected time. think i'm freak out.

i guess for these few days or so, i might b running fr home to sch den to nuh n vice versa. i jus hope tt godma b ok aft they implant a perm pacemaker for her. n den prob i would oso ve clear up my poster oso.

luckily my prof quite nice to sit w us n edit our thesis n oso to look at d poster. if not i might gg even crazier. n oso luckily i started my poster early. i got my 2nd draft out le but today no time to show him. i jus basically go n hand in my thesis hardcopy to him n leave aft i go w dear for his medical checkup den print d thesis.

while worried for my godma, dear brought me to watch a movie but i was bit too tired tt i dozed off once a while for few min. n den send me over to hospital aft hearin tt d doc wanted to speak w someone. thks dear dear. ur effort is registered in my memory le.

sorry to those who read this, it's v not oriented well cos i not really thinking well. paiseh. d flow is everywhere.

fyp again

2011-05-05T14:21:00.001+08:00

2nd draft done but prof not ard... great... hope can give him today n get back tml...

while waitin, think of hw to do my poster ba... shag...

i'm not octopus. i wanna stay out if i can get my things done

2011-05-04T20:47:00.003+08:00

i m gettin crazy le la... jus when i say i'm tryin to rush my thesis 2nd draft by today includin editin d results pic n so might get v little slp + i gotta oso try to do another things, den dad call

he ask me check his email for him for his photography workshop & d payment. wat's d diff of me checkin nw n when he check when he come back ltr. i check nw, i become middle person to tell him when he can read it himself n b more clear of wat's gg on.

i'm not an octopus la. T.T dis oso look for me tt oso look for me. think i wat? i didnt get much slp n when i got d chance to wanna catch back my slp, u aren't happy n jealous of me. wat is this?

hw i wish i can go out nw. i don mind stayin in lab office to slp so i can get peace n get my things done. i really cannot take it le lah...

thesis 2nd draft

2011-05-04T19:50:00.002+08:00

gotten my 1st draft of my thesis. need to edit nw. or rather i'd edited d abstract, intro, results, discussion n conclusion. need to find 2 ref nw n den edit my materials & methods b done le.

initially, was quite worried for major revamp but thr is actually but prof quite nice to sit me thru since mornin askin me to open d softcopy n actually told me wat to type. can really see d diff btw a prof like him who had read countless of papers n written many too. cos he jus see what i wanna convey on d hardcopy den within sec, came out w new flow of para w words tt i didn't noe n nvr tot of. wow... if i really get an A, must really really thk him. so s he 'edit' i type so my editin is sort of quite fast la.

shall edit n change my result pics cos realized it's quite dark aft printin out for d western blot results. shall try edit d size till can use for poster oso. cos righht nw, so so small aft i put in poster to see. -.-" since i need to edit d brightness, may s well edit d size oso. save d hastle for double work.

but if so, i guess i will ve a slpless nite or a v v short slp or mayb i shall call it a nap den. haiz. but i'm hopin to rush so i can give prof d thesis tml den i can embark on my poster w d images ready.

anw, glad today report is back cos initially, dear say he '1/2' day, den end up ask me go back 1st den end up couldn't meet up. i'm still learnin to b super open n not feel d pinch of disappointment...

coincident?

2011-05-03T21:45:00.002+08:00

it's coincident or do i ve 6th sense or m i so 准? ytd evening, on a norm conversation, i jus said tt a v close sec sch friend might give birth soon n at ard 2am last nite, her aminotic sac(waterbag) burst n she gave birth today at 2pm to a healthy baby boy.

durin her whole pregnancy, didn't manage to go & visit her esp when she been feelin awful during at least the 1st 1/2 of her pregnancy. sorry gal but u made it. cheers!

though i didn't get to c her & didn't chat w her durin d beginnin of her 2nd 1/2 of her pregnancy, i still manage to chat w her durin d initial stage when she felt awful & also durin d last stage where she got bored at home.

shall try to visit her soon. mayb aft i m settle w my fyp. mayb by den, i did learn hw to use d nikon d3000 cam n den can help her take pic of her 心肝宝贝. nw is oso not a gd time to visit her s supposely, d chinese say tt it's v 伤身 aft birth so need to rest n 补一补.

blur

2011-05-01T17:58:00.002+08:00

i'm so so blur... nw is ~6pm n gonna go out dinner soon... i went to washrm to change n wash my face yet i took my toothbrush and put toothpaste on it s though i jus woke up in d morning. gosh... wat is happenin to me??? 6pm not 6am leh. 6pm sky bright bright but 6am sky still dark dark wor. so so big diff leh...

thr goes my chance to relax...

2011-04-30T16:36:00.002+08:00

jus when i tot prof no intention to check d thesis, ytd he asked me & d other student bout it & gave us deadline on comin wed, 4 may. s d submission deadline is on 9 may, so thr wont b tt many days to edit eventually esp if major revamp. so since i'm left w conclusion n abstract, decided to rush ytd when i was thr n i managed to complete n submit to him b4 leavin.

ytd, he wanted to give treat to d Ph.D student who had gotten thru her confirmation n oso treat d whole lab n since i'm free fr d thesis for a couple of days, i agreed to go though my initially plan was to go back n wash toilet den cont'd my thesis. it ended much later then i expected cos i tot nothing to tok bout so jus eat n go but i do enjoyed d session. when i almost could leave, dear oso finish work n so he suggested to pick me back n stay over n i'm glad he did cos i end up stomachache. surely got prob 1/2 way d journey if i go back myself.

dear tt day told me tt he got intention to go movie threatre to watch THOR & another movie but nw, i not sure if thr is time. he's always so busy esp since wed when his dad fainted in d mornin n was admited to hospital for o/n observation den followin day to fetch his dad back den at evenin family gatherin, den ytd meetin till late n today he go meet friends n tml his parents ask him to go airport to send his cousin n family off n mon he b workin den b meeting friends again.

felt quite sad cos jus when i got more free time to relax n spend more quality time w him, he's so tight up. i would rather i still got my thesis to bury myself nw so i wont feel so empty esp when dis is a long weekend. haiz... guess jus not my luck to b more free... shall embark on my poster since i need to show my prof b4 14 may cos he flyin off to china for work.

got chance to relax yet no opportunity to. d chance jus fly away... great... -.-"

report

2011-04-28T07:25:00.002+08:00

finally left w conclusion n abstract section nw... & oso to add in references into my discussion la.

tt day go check w prof on intro flow. i rush so hard to come out w intro, materials & methods n result & yet he ask 'do i ve to read it?' (w hintin tone n 'disgust' look tt if he can choose, he didn't want to read).

so i guess, it'll all by myself nw n so i guess i'm ahead of time nw since i no need let him check. shall print out to read n edit by myself den. no choice. but i scare i include unnecessary things which i don even need to mention... gosh... hw...

2011-04-26T08:02:00.002+08:00

U can ask n by right I can tell but I not sure if I wanna tell. I m scare u end up like last time. I m afraid ur habit nvr change.

Morning, mum ask me when I finish my sem. B4 tt, I was think of going back lab or even lib den go somewhere. I got things tt I wanna do like swimming, jogging, take d Dslr cam go somewhere play ard, do some beading, go settle my laptop language prob, draw, do research on other things which I'd been puttin back n thr r so many things I need to checkout on, I wanna learn photoshop, i wanna go meet an old fiend for lunch n d list go on. I not even sure if I'll b able to catch back d lost slp.

Yet when mum ask n wanted to noe exact date, I suddenly rmbr last time. When she noe I no class, I not workin, etc, she will plan plan schedule for me. Like go here go thr, or do this or tt. N somemore, tt time oso sch holi period wor. So cousins b ard n high likely she might end up say bring cousins here or thr tgt w her, etc.

Sometimes it's a habit tt can't b change so I m really reluctant to tell her. But hiddin up is oso v tough. Mayb I shall jus tell den ignore her schedule. I at most will add in housework like sweep, mop floor n wash toilet n change bedsheets lor. Tt's d max I can do le ba. If she plan, let her plan but tell her I got plan le. Shan't bother if she angry. Haiz. But if so, swimmin plan b out cos she sure Wont allow me go swim alone unless I w dear or another friend. My plan is to b able to swim longer n stay in a position in water for a while cos it been yrs since I wanna pick up scuba oso but oso behind parents back la. Argh. Wat shall I do?

racing against time

2011-04-23T21:50:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure if dis happen to any of u but i always find tt when i need certain items esp when urgently, i tend to ve difficulties findin it or recallin whr i always see it. haiz.

anw, i'm left w d remainin 2 weekends to complete my report. i'm done w d 2nd draft of material & methods n 1st draft of results. wanna do d discussion but realized i got not much background info for discussion section so i went to browse thru all d 20+ scientific papers which i had got since i need it for my intro also. no time to read thoroughly but i'm amazed i can jus browse thru n got d background info for each of d major proteins. however, it oso spell a prob. cos it cant link like hw i hope it will b n so i'm still stuck. it's a stage tt i need to breakthru cos once settle, den i noe i can get it done faster. tryin n hopin to give prof check d draft by mid of d week so i got time to edit but at this rate i'm gg, it's hard. i need miracle.

i cant wait for this stage to b finally over. cos aft tt b gg to another stage of my life or rather, mayb gg back to hw my life might b liek 4 yrs ago. of cos aft a break la but hopefully wont get too stress up being at home. s always like all my vacation break, i got a list of thinsg which i wanna do durin d break actually & i really hope to accomplish them including slpin s long s i could.

but i shoudl say i'm lucky alrdy cos i got a job n it start aft my holi to shanghai & another short getaway. but it's d process nw tt is quite tough right nw. not only i'm racin again time to cough out my report but oso trying to help find & create something (electronic) w my limited knowledge.

think d electronic knowledge of fixing cables, batteries, etc is limited to those i learnt in pri sch sci ba. cant even recall if lower sec got learn oso. hope i didn't get tt basic knowledge wrong or i'll b 'yue bang yue mang'. (sorry, no chinese input on my lappy nw for duno wat reasons).

while thinkin bout d connection problems, etc, i suddenly tot i'm in engineering or so. but i guess if i manage to figure out, think i'll pick up 1 more knowledge le. i can really say i'm a 'all-rounder' ba but i'm oso a master of none la.

i really think i'm not a 'shu nu' cos i do things like climbin up n down. change light bulb, pick up tools, i don do shoppin or online shoppin but i once a blue blue moon will shop ard in shop like popular, guardian, watsons & DIY. but's it's oso cos of tt which i roughly believed whr i can find certain things.

watever it is, i hope i can get thru these 2 weeks. hopefully, my idea worked oso cos i don ve time to really go try & error. so must work on 1st time. fine-tunin part can do aft tt but main thing is to get my report done den my poster & d out of FYP assignment oso. i need mroe time.

backache

2011-04-21T00:04:00.002+08:00

i seriously wish my fyp is over. my backache is gettin worse... this is a problem cos i think my sitting position not gd n so it continuously strain my back.

anw, usually if i sit for too too long w/o shiftin much of my position, say in LT for whole day for lecture, my lower back will become uncomfortable but den, nw, it had accumulate to d upper back le... haiz... stand n do lab work too long, my bottom of feet n ankle b pain. n sit too long oso got prob... i so mafan... :(

stomach discomfort

2011-04-18T22:29:00.004+08:00

these few days i not sure if my stomach feelin weird is due to stress but say gastric oso not quite, say hungry, yet no appetite but still can eat, say acidic oso not quite, say got contraction oso not quite. jus noe it's at upper abdomen. n felt 淡淡 n bit 闷闷 at back of my throat.

1 of d nite, took dear's magnesium syrup den go slp n jus nw took it again. but awhile ltr, felt nausic but cant vomit out. n whole head or whole body felt like floatin.

i don like my parents to noe so i'm glad they r not back. n shant let them noe esp nw mum sick again. if not they worry n b paranoid. but i oso don like it when i'm alone when i felt blur blur. i blackout once in bathrm b4 & woke up awhile later on d floor. i blackout at outside b4, n a couple of times when stand up oso see black. so wat i wan?

& yet i still wish to cont'd w my report. i'm really behind time. gosh...

heart attacks

2011-04-18T21:28:00.003+08:00

early this morning, had a heart attack or rather heart attacks.

1) tot i miss d bus cos nwadays i always go out at v v last min.

2) saw d stupid bus uncle stoppin b4 d bus stop though it was rainin but this is nothing

3) saw d dumb bus uncle reversing back continuously even though thr is a van right behind d bus

4) & tt reckless bus uncle cont'd to reverse even when d van honk at him so loudly & for v long until d van oso scare & reverse back

5) den tt bus uncle finally go forward & i & another colleague tot he finally saw us but he jus cont'd drive on ignorin us. hey, it was already 8 plus then le leh. hw can he like tt dumb us thr. & luckily he eventually stop so my colleague n i gotta go in d rain when we initially had shelter to board d bus. & stupidly, he refused to open d back door so we had to walk further. whr is his common sense?

6) at a bend, he cut all d way to d opp lane when i nvr even see a transitlink bus turn till tt way b4 lor. d car at opps oso ended up stoppin for him & honking at him for long. -.-"

7) den, instead of turning left, he go turn right & all of us so puzzeld but it's cos he missed a passenger at d bus stop b4 mine. & so he wanted to turn over. fine.

8) he so blur, happily drivin forward though he wanted to turn n so he abruptly stop d bus. heng, behind no vehicle again.

durin tt time, in my mind, it was fill with '!@##@%$#&%$&$'... if he isn't so reckless n careless, i wont b so pissed off cos he was just hired last week to drive us to work. if he can't recognize us yet, it's ok but new to d route & being reckless is 2 diff issue. & he wasn't even alert to his surrounding. he's just like drivin in his own world.

jus imagine if d van behind nvr notice & honk & eventually reverse back tgt. jus imagine if it's not a vehicle stopping thr but pedestarian trying to cross d rd behind d bus. early tt time, thr were many mummies/grannies bringing their kids/grandkids to sch using tt path lor. & jus imagine if there were vehicles behind him & he suddenly stop cos he wanted to turn right but drive so smoothly before stopping abruptly. how can d driver behind noe he wanna turn la.

aft today incident, i'm actually quite scare of his driving & being in his bus. if he don't change, surely 1 day thr b an accident tt he'll regret for life & not only tt, if he woudl post danger to his passengers & also to ppl outside. gosh... pray hard tt he will wake up soon. at times, i may wish i'm dead but i'm still young, i still ve many things i wanna try & do. don take away tt chance fr me or others pls.

深长不漏

2011-04-17T22:11:00.003+08:00

currently, it's not d time for big fish big meat... tt little time left is so precious in d midst of d stress. shall endure till d end.

anw, havin days of workin till late & d hallucination of hearin sounds, realized tt my biological clock is out of sync w sg time. usually k/o fr 3+ till 11+ & s i cont'd to work on, d k/o feelin b gone. but i noe i'd not enough slp.

so when dear's ard, i'll try to take break fr my report cos hw long can i see him every time. so it's only when he's ard tt i take break for my mind or do i? cos today, i still thinkin of my report when he's ard in d afternoon. well, it's still more relax than when i kept workin non-stop. d lvl of comfort is still thr to contain my stress.

& today, after a late fillin breakfast, initially he said he could do w/o lunch but at ard 1pm, he felt hungry & so ate 2 london choco rolls but still not enough. s thr is nothing much at hm except instant noodles, cup noodles, & white bread, he decided to fry egg to eat w bread. ask him wat type of egg cos i tot i go cook but he said he'll cook & will fry omelete & ask if i wan.

b4 he wanted tt egg, i still no mood for lunch, mayb too stress w fyp but when he said he'll cook, i oso wan cos i wanna taste his cookin. wanna c him cook but he ask me go back rm to do my stuff but i took pic of his cookin.

don talk bout instant noodle, dis is d 1st time he cook for me wor. n i should say he did a good job. added enough soy sauce to d egg. & d omelete is so round n not broken anywhr. i shoudl say he's really 深长不漏. guess it's not he dono but rather whether he wanna do or not. it may b a simple dish but it's definitely a comfortin dish which cant b compared w 三珍海味...

brain dead zombie

2011-04-14T21:29:00.003+08:00

a zombie had jus washed d bathrm... -.-

no worries, u aint c wrong. thr is really a zombie tt wash d bathrm awhile ago.

2 nights ago, i cant help but cont to finish my last bit of my methology section 1st draft till ~2.30am n end up hard to fall aslp aft workin my brain till so late. so ytd, i was super shag. & aft tryin to edit d sequences made up of 4 alphabets 'A, T, G & C' for hrs in d day, i see stars at d end of d day n kept yawnin my evenin away. dear was ard den n leanin by his shoulder, i can really drift to slp. however, aft he left, i pull out d word doc to contd editin my methology & once again, i edit (v roughly) till almost 3 am again n cant get to sleep easily again. i managed to cut 3k of words ytd wor...

so today, by mid day, i was alrdy brain dead. yes. i really mean it. i was editin my methology & den s i was wonderin hw to edit 1 of d experiment protocol, i tot of flowchart of workflow to c hw i shld type my results section. tt flowchart i can oso use for my poster actually but s i was thinkin, i really cant recall y i do a particular experiment n hw to cont'd & it was 1 of d thing which i had been doing for long. even aft flippin thru my scramble notes here n thr for more than 30 min, i'm still lost.

so i concluded: 2 days of working till almost 3am + insomnia aft tt + slpin for less than 3 h = a brain dead zombie... i was so tired tt i wish i can jus slp on d table in d office n not go home. i wanna jus slp till d next day even d position is not comfortable but i cant afford tt nw.

& dis stupid brain dead zombie who miss bus n came hm late still went to wash d bathrm esp since dear not ard. it's not always possible to c him so i decided to wash d bathrm today so i can b 'freed' if he could meet me esp if got long day for weekends. so tt's y i push myself forward once again n soon aft dis, i'll go back to d task tt'll make my brain more dead.

frankly speakin, so long s i can plan n ve freedom of time to do watever i like n whenever i like even when parents ard n w/o their sudden flare, i don mind if i had to work so hard on day like today n den enjoy my whole day off on another. i always like d after feelin of 先苦后甜 cos it can b shiok to jus nuah n laze ard n b ownself. so jus hope tt d peace shall cont'd so tt i can ve d motivation to push myself forward for d next 1.5 mth.

words reduction

2011-04-14T02:30:00.003+08:00

wow... 5.2k of words for m&m was reduced to 2k nw n i didn't read n edit v specifically. think can reduce bit more but enough for nw... it's alrdy 2.30 am le. better go slp if not i'll b a zombie tml, worse then today (or rather ytd)...

m&m 1st draft out

2011-04-13T02:11:00.002+08:00

aft days of typin, addin & editin, finally draft out my material & method section for my thesis. my thesis supposely to b 6k words, yet my m&m itself took up almost 5.5k of d word limit le. so i'm left w 500 words for intro, results, discussion & finally conclusion? tt's IMPOSSIBLE... tml shall print den go c prof & tell him of d word limit & to c wat i no need include cos nw i include all & wat i did durin attachment too. oso need to cfm w him d title & oso d objectives of d project so tt i can do paper research for my intro. it's totally blank right nw. i guess only aft i get my aims right, den i can figure out hw to do intro den hw to arrange d results n den discuss & finally conclude. so dependin on my progress of d intro. if it took too long, den i gotta rush for d other sections which hopefully not ba.

anw, oso need check w prof when i shall stop include data into d report or rather when can stop work but den, if minimal work, i oso don mind cos better than be at home all day right? lib not such a gd place cos i think ppl choppin place for exam study soon ba. so d lab still a gd place to b if thr r minimal work so i can oso do my thesis. it's really finally d last last lap.

dslr

2011-04-11T22:56:00.002+08:00

last 2 nites, v hard to fall aslp n today end up super tired esp aft doin lab n editin my m&m for whole day. hope tonite i can fall asleep more easily since i'm so tired.

anw, jus nw, dad came over w his new toy. he bought a new dslr cam again. a slight upgrade version of his previous. tt time, he bought nikon d3000 but end up got 1/2 price rebate in form of voucher. n nw he went to d it fair at suntec ytd to get another dslr. he bought nikon d5000. i not sure bout d diff of both. hope got more new n better things ba. if not i find it a waste. i noe him. he got it cos d3000 gotta c thru d eye piece but for d5000, live image r shown on d screen.

ppl say d3000 is a starter kit n most ppl prefer olympus. in past, when i so free, i did tot of learnin n playin w such cam but i felt it's exp. end up, hw irony, nw dad got it, in fact, he got 2 n yet i got no time to play ard. haiz...

he nw got 2 cam n 2 lens (18-55 & 55-200), to me, it's jus figures nw... dad did ask me sign up for d course but i si bei bo eng nw leh. in less than a mth, my report is due leh. if can sign up for june, i don mind gg & wanna go for d course since i got d interest but 1st, i need to catch up my sleep.

3 days of excitments

2011-04-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

had a great 3 relaxin days n yet nw i gotta b back to face d reality.

took a break fr d lab n went for a short getaway. 1st day relaxin w swimmin n dinner while 2nd day, had a 30 min foot reflexology, a game of bowlin n spa n a romantic evenin created by dear. n sadly d last day by jus lazin ard watchin movie n nappin.

anw, swimmin on 1st day, i tried to thread (or watever u say or spell), manage to do bit. had been so wantin to try learn tt. my swimmin skill is actually self pick-up. had no prof guidance. it's a much delay n slow progress but at least i'm progressin. but den i wonder if i will ever get a chance to at least try snorkering or scuba divin... it's yrs since i got tempted aft hearin fr my colleagues/friends... but of cos $$ is 1 factor tt pull me back. d other is tt i gotta do it so tt my parents wont noe. they surely won allow but hw much longer of youth can i get? cos of them, i nvr try so many things. i miss out many things though i secretly pick up cycling n d swimming but hw often can i do it? i can say i'm still at beginner lvl lor... haiz... hope i get to try n do more adventure...

s for tt foot reflexology, it's my 1st virgin attempt. i nvr tot it can b so painful at certain part whr they so call link w body organs. d kidney part really strike me hard cos like wat d person ask, i really nvr drink much water. oops... i shall try to change tt bad habit of mine. but watever it is, i still enjoy d session but i shant try when i got open wound on my foot again. last sun, went to cemetery den foot itchy n i scratch till a layer of d outer skin peel. cos it's jus a thin layer, by right it can dry up n heel quite fast. but den, cos it's at d end of my jeans openin n it kept brushing on it, it heel much slower le but it's drying. however, d foot reflexology guy kept brushing thru it w his hand n to make it worse, at times, he brush n massage thru it over a towel. can u imagine a towel w d thick cloth fiber brushin thru d open wound? gosh... den d spa also brush thru it except it was jus w hand. n nw, it's like more injured like tt. deeper wound which was red n swollen surroundin d open wound. hope it can heel faster but i not sure hw come i can tahan durin d massages... mayb overall is too relaxin le...

oh ya. y d romantic evening by dear. he bought many packets of sparkles n he draw n wrote on d sand w his name n a heart den my name. he den put d sparkles over d names n heart which he drew/wrote n he lit them up. it was such a beautiful sight despite d smoke given by d sparkles. if only d sparkles can last much longer den i can snap pic of d whole thing rather than only few sparkles here n thr. watever it is, d image shall always b kept inside our minds n d memories shall only b ours forever. if it wasn't tt windy, dear oso wanna put flower petals over d words too but d wind blew too strongly tt d petals will fly away. tt time he still say he isn't romantic. i totally nvr tot dis would happen before my eyes but dear make it happened. i loved d nite much more when i saw d star filled sky. i always love to see stars in d dark dark sky. i can walk lookin at d shimmerin, glitterin star(s) or kept starin at it when travelling in a vehicle. thr r so many diff constellations though i only noe hw to see d orion. hehe. but seein d stars is like givin me beauty n hope in d dark. so tt evenin is really unforgetable for me cos not only d dark sky had stars but even on d dark sand (cos night time), was lit by d sparkles on dear's drawings. hw i wish time could freeze then n it's hard for me to fall asleep tt night cos d wonderful images kept flashing in my mind.

tired sia

2011-04-04T16:21:00.003+08:00

so damn tired... got time sit in office oso tired... er... no lah. cos i not sit thr do nothing. was cont'd to & tryin to type out all d protocol for wat i had done for attachment n d lab but v taxin esp on my eyes. since mornin, either 1 eye would b affected w d stingy feelin & i'm glad i brought eye drop w me. n nw, i really wish i can jus laid on d desk to sleep.

oso don feel like gg back home cos go home oso cant sleep oso esp when parents home esp dad but i wish to sleep for mayb 30 min to 1 hr at least. my mind is alrdy floatin but it cant float off to dreamland.

i wan sleep... anw, my word count jus for my methology so far is bout 3.3k liao. -.-" & i haven even complete but i'm startin on wat i do for d fyp le...

fyp thesis

2011-04-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

hmm... tt day, prof asked me to include wat i did for my attachment into my FYP thesis cos it's related to my FYP & i alrdy had doubt on d word count & true enough... i haven't even complete all d protocol fo my methology & d word count includin d headin & subheadin r almost 1.8k words.

d prob is... my whole thesis includin intro, methology (materials & methods), results, discussion & conclusion is only 6k leh. so shoudl i cont'd to include wat i did durin attachment? nw i did d methology cos it's d most easiest since it's jus typin out in words/para on wat i had done all these while but i oso didn't wanna waste my effort if i can used it to mayb read up on papers for my intro. hw??? or can i ve an appendix on wat i did durin attachment but this section was not included in d thesis criteria.

i guess i shall cont'd to draft out d methology den print out n check w prof le. if he want, den i cont'd on for all other section w my attachment stuff. if not den shall not cont'd further but it'll b like 1 big chunk of stuffs eliminated fr my thesis.

anw, i really don understand y on earth is it called thesis when d word limit is jus 6k. my poly fyp report (mind u, it's called a report) & yet it was like many times more than dis degree thesis. it's like so useless lor...

too much of lab

2011-04-01T07:33:00.003+08:00

guess i got too much of lab. currently, go only 2 places. daytime = lab, night time = home = sleep. & so not surprisingly i dreamt of lab settings all d time cos tt's d most of d time whr i worked my brain. gosh... i need a break. for my mind to get away fr d fix environment i'm facin right nw...

changes

2011-03-29T22:59:00.002+08:00

dis yr seemed to b a yr of changes. 1stly, instead of d usual lectures, tutorials, quizzes, exams, etc, it's a sem which is totally diff cos it's purely fyp = lab work. it's finally whr my strength is but can do oso not necessarily means can write... & recently, gotta adapt to d change of dear's car cos d old one really 'chui' alrdy... & soon, will leave d study lives & go back to d working lives... but i guess i most likely only miss d 'freedom' & d long holidays. at least i managed to survive 4 yrs w my past savings & oso my part-time jobs. but dis is jus 1Q 2011 & yet i alrdy spent lots of $$ like for my insurance, & other commitments... nvm... i'll b workin & earnin $$ soon in a few months time...

late info

2011-03-26T17:50:00.002+08:00

it's a bit late info but oh well...

wohoo... convo is on 28/7 2pm... yay!!! can see d light at d end of d tunnel le... final sprint towards d end... & i managed to survive (in every aspects but most importantly financially. not easy to jus survive on my limited savings fr last time & doin some part time here n thr for all my daily expenses includin insurance, piano maintenace, bills, transports, foods, & even last time my piano lesson & music theory lesson fees & d exam fees... it's been a really tough 4 yrs.

& i oso b gg for a graduation trip... erm... actually not quite cos not go w friends but w my parents & dear... initially ask dear accompany me go a trip (w/o parents) cos v sian go w them when they not happy dis n tt but i hope this trip b better cos not f & e... dear suggest ask them along cos group tour oso need min 10 pax b4 d tour b a success. so add 2 of them den b higher chance of a success ba. so nw, i told myself. even if they not happy, i don care le. cos not my fault. not i plan one. haha. 3 meals sort of all provided so i oso no need bother if they when hungry, they don eat wat. hehe. i'm so lookin forward to d trip. oh. ya. blabbin so much but nvr say gg whr. b gg shanghai 8 days but in actual fact, it's jus 7 days w tour cos 1st day reach at night.

i'm happy but i'm oso drained... cant wake up these few weeks... jialet. not gd sign cos body really cannot take it. will i get to sleep all i wan aft i submit my thesis n done my poster presentation & b4 my grad trip? or will i end up doin more work at home... n will dad b angry i sleep more? haiz... tt's d other set of problem i'll b facin cos by den wat excuse can i give? i cant say busy w sch work or project le... damn... i need sleep...

cars

2011-03-20T01:01:00.002+08:00

wat u think of cars? convenience? or is it not? think bout it...

in a way, havin a car means conveniences but d price to pay seemed quite high. jus imagine, nw my transportation is less than 100/mth but if u own a car, u would need 10x d amt needed by takin public transport. but d time save is oso much more if own a car cos no waitin time for public transport & so can slp more. however, when hit d road w jam, den tt's it, mayb mrt will b faster. but when in time of need like tt day when i forget to off a machine in d lab, if i got car, i can reach in 15 min but w/o, i would only reach in 1h. 45 min diff per trip = 1.5 hr in total leh...

last time, dad is d only close one who drive & he always go servicin, etc w/o me knowing. so i totally duno anything bout cars... i can try dismantle lock, unscrew things, try to unclog d draining pipe below d sink, etc... but i noe nothing about car n d mechanism on hw it works...

but in this 2 yrs aft i noe dear, i learn more bout it, or rather d prob tt might arise... i noe bout d ncd & for d insurance, & even after servicing oso gotta check properly cos wheel might roll off if nvr screw tight, hw small punctate can cos d rubber tyre to come off, 1st time experience in an accident (minor) & hw to go about d claim, etc. jus last week, i oso 1st time noe tt hole might happen somewhr in d car causin d 'floor' to b wet... i cant imagne whr till dear show me. many things is so unexpected if u nvr experience b4. oso learn fr dear on roughly wat is OMV, etc. felt so suaku but nvm, life is full of chances to learn new things b it minor or big... hehe...

so i guess in future, if i ever got 1k to spare, i oso wont go invest in any car. unless my job requires me to travel alot ard sg. if not, i would nvr ever get a car to give me all these prob.

blur n sucky day

2011-03-15T23:36:00.004+08:00

gosh... i so blur... or mayb cos i multi-task till i blur. always was asked to do this n tt mayb jus cos i noe hw to juggle n catch d incubation time in btw to do others.

cos i don like to work till too late, always squeeze in n do many things at one short but of course puttin priority to those needed la.

end up, today after usin d FPLC machine, left it to wash in d afternoon n forgot bout it after do other experiments n d dental.

jus nw, d graduate student check if i got off it. initally, i jus tot tt d beaker collecting d waste would b overflowin n wonder if i should go back to off it. but aft thinkin, it's best to go n off it but not sure if she would go back or i would.

i cant say i got car but mayb i can sneak n drive dad's car out but surely, my parents b angry aft tt. but if i tell them, it's harder for me to drive back alone. n surely they would nag & grumble at me w/o knowin wat i'm gg thru all these while. d next solution i can think of is to get dear to drive me back. i noe he wont nag or scold me n b more than willin to send me back, it would oso make me feel bad cos he oso been v tired. if only he stay v v nearby den i can take his car out.

sometimes, i really wish i got a car or at least a van to drive but car is so exp. d monthly installment, d servicin, d insurance, d taxes, licences, maintenances, petrol, n not to say d other prob tt might happen. n car is jus too chim for me too. duno d mechanism so totally ve no idea waht might happen n wat cos wat...

anw, while i was waitin for reply to c if i should b gg back, my dad wanna swop back his spare phone w my spare phone. cos he more used to d alarm clock fr tt phone. n he asked me to transfer d pic fr his phone to d other. since i was copying usin d sd card fr d phone, i oso transfer pic taken fr d studio beginning this yr for him & set for him s wallpaper for his hp.

guess wat, when mum noe, she kept sayin, 'she do for u, nvr do for me, blah blah blah'. wah lan eh... dad's phone usin micro sd card n i got sd card reader n d sd/micro sd card adaptor so of course i cant transfer la. her phone is sony ericsson, use diff memory card so hw transfer. somemroe, my laptops both weren't installed w d connection softward for her phones. n somemore, i oso duno whr her cables r. n oso i usin iphone so hw to transfer photos to her phone when d bluetooth is diff. told dad to blue tooth d pic to mum's phone cos tt's d only way yet mum still repeatin n repeatedly say, 'she do for u, nvr do for me, blah blah blah'.

i hear le super vex. i cant help but told her staright not to say tt way cos it's really not i wan. i cant care if she get angry b'cos of tt. i alrdy do wat i can n more even. i told myself, i shall nvr do any of these extra things ever again. will jus do watever i'm being ask to will do. y put myself in such situation again.

say mum, she will angry, don say her, she kept sayin till i don wanna do for her n i did for dad or etc. i really had enough le. i don even have time to dig out older photos to put in dad's phone oso lor. those pic r wat i had in my laptop nw wor. n oso copied fr his phone. like tt oso wanna get jealous n not happy. win le lor...

next time, don complain tt i totally nvr do anything, i totally nvr 'care'. ^$*%^%(

dentist visits

2011-03-15T23:19:00.002+08:00

i swear i would nvr ever go back to d dentist in my sch anymore le... nvr ever again...

last time, i went, i felt pain cos of d round mirror held by d dentist on my gums s he did d cleanin, etc n alrdy not happy w d service le. but still i gave 1 more chance since i oso like to ve my tooth clean.

guess wat happen ytd. fr my memory, i rmbr tt my appt is ytd mornin n i free so i don mind gg back but den when i call to cfm, d assistant told me 2.50 pm n since got bit of time, i still go but den realized tt my time is actually 9 am while another hs is at 2.50 pm. cant they check properly. surely not 2 HS got same surname even if, highly fr diff sch wat...

anw, it's cheaper than outside but basically only for ~15 min. initially will do ok. but i noe s it got ltr, cleanin not s long s d start on each tooth. but i don expect it to b so bad tt aft d cleanin, i can still feel something stuck in btw my tooth even w/o usin my tongue to feel it. end up, guess wat? i use floss n pick out vege fr btw tt tooth. pls la. vege leh, it's green leh, tooth r white wor. so obvious, not those white white stuff, meaty stuff wor.

wat i sian more is tt, initially after dentist looked into my mouth, he said review 6 mth ltr den c hw & so b jus doing clenain ytd. n aft he reach my top row of tooth, he den say, cannot wait 6 mth. d back of my front tooth not so gd condition & need patch up. -.-" s a dentist, if u cant cfm initially, den don say lah. WTH

if not cos my d back of my front tooth r not in gd condition n need patch up, i wont go back again. manage to fix today for tt appt. went back. guess wat... d whole process, i heard countless of 'sorry' fr d dentist aft i felt pain fr my gum. n actually, i think nw, got bit of d patch work chip off.

enough is enough. i'm not gonna go back unless dis patch work don last s it should. so pls b warn... esp for those who nvr go to d dentist in ntu, pls pls don ever go to d dentist thr... really cannot make it.

eeky, peelin hands

2011-03-13T20:45:00.002+08:00

gosh... aft wks of being assigned to wash d bathrm every weekends, think my palms & fingers gettin more n more fragile.

last time when i was workin, i do wash d bathrm & clean d hse once a while. but thr is a period whr i woke up much much earlier daily to sweep & mop d floor & hang d done laundry cos tt time i v sian when my mum kept black face aft doin d biz but they ended it le.

oh well, since i started sch, i only once a blue moon tidy up my 2 rms until recently when mum asked me to wash d bathrm on weekly basis.

i had a habit. if i don do, den i will close an eye till i cant take d state of hw d bathrm is. jus like my mum's bathrm. d mirror & d inside got d black slimy stuff & it's gettin more n more but since they can accept, i leave it s it is. however, i simply cannot accept d bathrm to b in tt state so i would clean d common bathrm, d 1 i used more often, when i really cant close an eye anymore.

nw tt i'm asked to wash on weekly basis, i oso have a habit. if i wanna do, den i do it proper. cannot anyhw do. so though i do weekly, i wont jus 随随便便 wash. but i should say i alrdy not s 'strict' s last time when i do once a blue moon & esp when cny is ard d corner. tt time, i really scrub every inch & every corner. & brushed d edge of d tiles w old & unwanted toothbrush so last time i can take hours washin a bathrm. n tt time, to clean thoroughly, i oso would use stronger detergent & i really manage to scrub d blackend wall tiles edge to become white.

even if i not s particular s last time, i still scrub & clean everywhere i can. 1st wk, i can feel my hands dry aft washin so i applied lotion & hands ok. but s it progress on, last wk realized tt my hands started peelin but dis week it had gotten worse.

jus nw, saw my hands in d state which i feel so eeky... it's peelin worse than last week. last week don look obvious but nw it's is so so obvious. d dry flaky skin looked so 'hairy'. d whole hand feel so rough. & it's peelin esp fr d bendable area & yet cant really peel all out. hw i wish i m like a snake whr d whole dried & dead skin can jus peel off leavin a whole new skin. at least it wont look & feel in such terrible state like nw.

i hope sometime in dis whole week (weekday), i got time go find & buy a box of latex glove (small size) so i can use b4 d next washin. i noe it may not help 100% cos surely water & detergent will flow in somehw fr d opening since it's not coverin d whole hand but at least should b better. anw, this kind of glove at least won't make me feel so retarded & clumsy s those normal, thick & big glove sold outside for washin.

hw i wish thr is a cleanin solution tt is strong & gd enough to wash d bathrm & yet not damagin to skin...

:(

2011-03-12T01:45:00.000+08:00

i hate mar 11 or rather i hate 2011, i hate rabbit yr ba... :(

weight gain/loss

2011-03-11T00:39:00.003+08:00

my body weight been movin up & down... actually it was gg up since sec sch & maintained ard thr till ard 2008-09 when i lose my appetite for quite a while. my weight dropped to ard 5 kg then but this 1 yr or so, slowly gain back ard 2-3 kg.

however, d recent 病 cos me to at times got no appetite again & end up nw, my weight dropped back another 2-3 kg.

recently, it's like i can b hungry but after i eat like 1/2 way, no more appetite to finish & had to struggle to finish. if not den totally don feel like eatin. but at times, i still can eat like norm. & sometimes, i get hungry late at nite too but i refrain fr eatin so late unless really v hungry. so by right d next mornin i should b hungry oso right? but den no loh. when i wake up, i no appetite again & not feelin hungry oso. weird... so i nvr finish my breakfast most of d time, at times don even complete 1/2.

anw, weight loss oso mayb cos i prep simple simple dinner for ownself ba. cos if i cook rice w 1 dish, i oso can save $$. but will become day in day out, steam egg, can campbelle's soup, can sardine, fried egg... sometimes if tired, will end up eatin instant noodle oso.

it's not easy to cfm wat time i can go back daily so best not to end up get mum buy or cook or else she will keep askin me & callin me all d time to cfm. i noe she care but den it's addin me pressure tt i must go back eat even if late, etc. w/o cfm w her, i got more flexible time.

anw, jus hope my weight don go any lower or wont hit healthy BMI... i no intention to lose weight. i jus wanna tone my tummy, & d flabby muscles lah... lol...

Chris Medina - What Are Words

2011-03-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

What are words – Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

indeed, words will jus b words if they had no meaning behind... it'll b so empty... if one don mean it, den don say it since thr is no meaning behind d words.

1st run of d yr

2011-03-07T19:55:00.002+08:00

had my 1st run of d yr. & oso since most prob a yr ago. weaker stamina than b4 but i oso not sure if oso due to me haven really recover fr d stupid 病... actually, last wk, alrdy had d mood to wanna run for at least 3 of d days but cos i was coughin, decided not to.

wonder y i suddenly wanna go run again? i guess i been hearin too much of it in d lab cos my lab friends often go run tgt in d late late afternoon ba. anw, i cant join them cos d distance they run is ~5km w numerous slopes. i noe my limit. i don ve such stamina yet so i don wanna strain & aggravate my right hip problem. i had enough of d pain & discomfort. anw, not only fr my lab friends but oso fr dear who oso been running.

d other reason is oso to be healthier & oso to let time passed more easily when i'm more free. actually, i miss d weekly swim w my friends long time ago. if not cos i still a learner & d time tt i can swim is when d crowds come, i guess i might oso go swimming oso.

to think of it, when is d last time which i really exercise? i bet it's when i was in pri & sec sch & when i was in d jc 3 mth course & when i was still in wushu till dec 2000 ba. & my injury might oso b cos by wushu too.

& cos of d pain, i stopped exercisin till b4 i join d dance gp in 2005. tt time, s i kept falling sick, decided to start running weekly to b healthier till i join d dance gp. it's oso in d gp tt i realized tt d hip pain is cos by strenous exercise.

anw, since i join d gp, i stopped running again until last yr, i ran but never continue again when my dance gp oso started a running exercise. den i stopped completely when i didn't ve time to go for trg.

tt time i can still run ~1.6 km non-stopped. but jus nw, bit struggling even ard 400 m but i pressed on till i hit 1km b4 i walked for 200m den made myself run again for another 400 m. wat's d pt if i wanna stop thr. may s well don start d run. since i wanna start, den at least complete a min of 1.6 km w min walking. i hope i wont give up again & press on to continue to build up my stamina. shall aim to continue to strengthen myself & to hit 2.4 km n beyond w/o walking & to gain on my speed ba. i noe age not like when i in sec sch or jc but tt time i can press on & end up finishin 2.4 in 15+ min when initially, i near failure when i was in sec 1, i guess, i can slowly build up my stamina.

因果

2011-03-06T12:46:00.001+08:00

i suddenly tot of dis. 1 may ve $$ & can live in bigger hse. yes u can get a hse w $$ but can u get a home? d more $$ u ve doesn't mean u'll ve a great home. u cant buy a home w $$ & likewise u can't buy love & feelings w $$.

yet sad to say, ppl r really workin so hard for $$ in order to survive in dis era. ppl r fightin for power, ppl r tryin to get more $$ & yet try to siam & push things for others to do.

sad to say, there r diff btw ppl oso. some can b so thick-skinned to push things ard & yet get away w it while some responsible chap will end up doin more things. life is jus so unfair. & ppl r jus a slavery of $$...

no matter what u work s, upper most mgmt lvl or s a cleaner, etc. everybody r workin so hard & d more harder u work, d more diff it is btw d rich & d poor cos d rate of $ income increase is jus so diff. d rich ppl will live more n more comfortably while d poor is always sufferin & strugglin to manage their own lives. & yet d expenses is forever increasing. housin, coe, food, sch fees, basic necessities. & oso hw much increment can 1 get yrly? esp esp for d lower income workers.

hw many a time can 1 really sit down & relax w/o workin ur brain & worrying bout anything? i guess mayb when u r lying in ur coffin, buried 6 ft underneath. i rather not b born in this world actually.

well, d other reason is oso cos human r always not satisfied. they would want more things at d end of d day & so keep carry on to work & work to satisfy their needs. & cos thr is such needs, thr d demand & so d supply & tt marked up d cost of living to. so in a way, can say 自作自受 but oso can say 害人害己. ppl r really sufferin nw fr wat they had sow. 因果ah... 有因必有果...

2nd doc

2011-02-24T21:31:00.003+08:00

gettin more sick when i woke up this mornin. actually last nite oso.

last nite, aft take med, & slowly tidy up to go sleep, felt v 反胃 again. d stomach acid kept purgin up again n my head so heavy n blurry. it was only better if i laid down & it was hard to stay upright w/o feeling worse n worse so i quickly laid on my bed n sleep hopin today b better.

end up, still had d terrible painful throat, my throat is still swollen, i totally no voice. had to clear n clear throat n tried a couple of times b4 i can say something but in a v soft n coarse voice. n best part. i got terrible headache on my right side which spread to d eye thr & even movin my eye will hurt too. my body oso achin once a while here n thr fr within like fever but today my temp is within d norm range unlike ytd nite.

manage to go to sch in such state n ctrl not to cough too much in bus cos ltr ppl scare or not happy. n guess wat, in school i felt 反胃 again. esp worse if i stand. n my headache oso worse if i stand or made sudden movement. it's terrible.

like i said, certain experiment once started, had to cont'd till certain step. n since d experiment will take d whole day, i nvr listen to dear to see doc in d mornin which i really regret. yet cos of d experiment, i forced myself to finish till certain steps before i left to see doc cos i really cant take it. at times, i really wish to run to d washroom to vomit but d washroom is quite a distance away. can i last tt way for d whole day? n i oso can blackout for brief sec when i suddenly stand up. so i noe i cant cont'd n tot of gg sch medical ctr to see doc but surely got queue at tt time le. n it's a distance away too. n thinkin of gg back hm also make me 不知所措... i noe i can sleep but mum b worried n b thr niam-in... but sch oso no place for me to rest.

end up, luckily dear could go back early & so he came to pick me on d way & send me back to d clinic near home. n he was ard to accompany me n so mum nvr come niam so much. phew... tt's y i like it when he's ard. 耳根轻静.

anw, my 反胃 is due to d antibiotic given to me earlier by doc fr another clinic. i shall note down d name of d med cos it don suit me. given an almost full new set of medications n took after reach home. n aft a disturbin nap fr my cough, i felt much better. but initially, i could still experience d brief blackout when i suddenly stood up. n i got my voice back or at last it's so much better.

getting worse

2011-02-23T22:08:00.002+08:00

my illness gettin worse each day.

last week dry & slight discomfort throat for 2-3 days so took med
den green phlegm/mucus tt deposited over d night.
den even got blood n swollen throat so went see doc cos believed need antibiotic le.
den, jus minutes aft took med fr d doc, vomited.
1 day aft seein doc, woke up w v v painful throat. see it's more swollen.

today, still woke up w d v v painful throat. n s d time passed, sometime my nose block or bit harder to breathe thru nose so use mouth n it irritate my throat makin it drier & wanted to clear it & ended up coughin. n den i oso no voice. had to clear my throat to talk but most often w cough too. & jus nw when i reach hm, took temp & realized i was slight feverish oso... no energy to go buy or cook or even eat. after bath jus lie on bed.

initially today, not much to do so tot can leave earlier but end up, thks lor... cos i got experience n can multi-task, i end up dealin w a couple of experiments at d same time. gotta rmbr this time & tt timin. prof not ard & 1 graduate student went for class, another went to b teachin assistant, & another takin a nap while me, jus a fyp student busy like hell in d lab w/o time for me to even go drink some water so needless to say, cant take cough syrup oso.

& tml mornin i doubt i can go see doc again. got things to do oso. haiz...

burden

2011-02-22T21:08:00.003+08:00

today, went to d career fair. not tt beneficial at all. potential employers actually lookin for non sci students actually. WTH!!! wat career fair is this... anw, i alrdy said i open to more options. thus, still submit application to like TTSH though it's non-sci based job.

tt apart, if no 'accident', i guess i would ve 1 more stone relieved fr my shoulder but thr r still many. at least d relievin of 1 is better than nothing. & hopefully i not so stress up s days pass ba.

but i'm still sick. ytd see doc den vomit aft den today d sorethraot got worse n even my cough too. even my voice not really same in afternoon. kinda worried d nvr endin cough haunt me again. it's been quite long since it came back le. so pls cont'd to stay away fr me. thks...

sick

2011-02-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

it'd been quite some time since i got ill enough till i vomited... my 老毛病 is nose & throat which end up w bloody phlegm/mucus & oso long-duration cough tt takes months to recover. always managed to ctrl to prevent cough cos i noe i cant afford to.

anw, last week, my throat started givin way. dry till irritated till can cough once a while. took duro-tuss dry cough lozenges cos cough syrup running out. & past 2-3 days ago started to have green phelgm/mucus when wake up but today worse cos got spots of blood again.

went doc in morning & tt doc usually don give antibiotic but he gave today. awhile aft took med, out of d blue, i felt v bad. stomach purging d acidic fluid up my mouth till i cant take it & dash to d toilet to vomit. den i took d only sweet i'd left. s i suck d sweet, was still manageable but once d sweet ran out, a while later, i 1/2 ran to d toilet to vomit again. think at tt time, my stomach isn't hungry but had already digested my breakfast so no solid came out. vomit till even my upper abdomen cramp up & it jus felt so terrible tt tears flow again.

at tt time, when i felt so terrible, my thoughts oso ran wild again. was askin myself y i cant rest all these while, y parents like tt, i'm really tired n need rest, n y i'm d one who always had to think for others & put myself in other's shoes & push myself further. y when i needed d care n concern n ppl to dote me & sayang me, i still have to ask for it? y it seemed no one will automatic come to me?

luckily today, cos of my throat, decided to see doctor n nvr went lab. wonder hw i can work tt way. dear was ard n he gave me warm water & asked me to nap so tt i'll feel better cos sleepin. but b4 i nap, was sortin some docu & could feel my head getting heavy n spinning. but scare d docu will fly away, i forced myself to finish sortin & almost ran to d toilet to vomit again.

for lunch, dear went to pack for me but i could only finish 1/2 of d noodle soup. at least i felt much better in d afternoon. prob cos i got take d anti-dizzy cum anti-vomit med. luckily i had tt med oso. it's supposed to be taken 3 times a day but i only took in d late mornin cos i vomited. but a while ago, i jus took it again cos my 胃doesnt feel tt gd again.

in fact, i not sure y but i oso easily felt head spinnin. i cant bend my head low for even a short while inside movin car to search for something inside my bag & oso not for long even if jus sittin down on my bed. i tot was d cough syrup but seemed like not cos even my 胃 started to b not gd oso. it's really not a gd timing to b sick la.

& best part, a big ant dropped on my in d lift & back hm, a tiny 小强 crawled around in front of me & a mosquito challenged my speed for 3 times. thks... wat a day.

it's dear's bday & i so blur till i forget to get him a bday cake. n i oso nvr wish him happy bday d moment he SMS me in morning or 1st thing in fb. at least managed to treat him for dinner. today it's oso my friend's bday n i oso cant rmbr to wish her too. haiz... sorry dear, sorry cecilia! i really didn't mean to forget.

scary & eerie nightmare or???

2011-02-20T08:11:00.002+08:00

last nite had a scary & eerie nightmare or is it not?

i always squeezed to a corner of my bed to slp & place bolster & pillow on my other side. fr young, i always like small space cos it made me more secure.

fr my memory, i sense something at d bolster & pillow side. it's like someone is thr but either i cant see or i cant even turn to see. but i really 抗拒 tt presence which seemed to wanna pull me towards it. it tugged & pulled my hand which i resist.

den i suddenly felt s if someone wanna carry me fr below my knee & back. & it's trying to carry me off & out of my bed. i cant moved still but i managed to move my hand & grab on my mattress cover & so it failed to get me out of my bed again.

failing to do so, i suddenly felt something pressing on my throat & chest s if trying to suffocate me. i can feel out of breath. esp due to d pressure on my neck. i tot this time, i gonna die but somehw, d presence left.

i guess i'm still scare of dying. scare of leavin. but wat is d purpose of tt something? who or wat is it? d only someone who i can associate w is my grandma whom i always cried to bring me away when i'm really low? is it her? did she come to prove to me tt i actually didn't wanna die? if not her, then who else? *shivered*

shag

2011-02-17T23:26:00.003+08:00

wah sey... since last week, been really busy in lab esp esp early in mornin. can start a couple of experiments almost at 1 time, 1 aft another during d waiting time in btw & runnin ard like crazy fr lab to core area. in & out, in & out numerous times within minutes till my feet (esp heels & thighs) hurts & my back oso tensed up. though got a place to sit in office oso like nvr sit for long. 1st time reach at 8.30 +/-, is to tie hair, change shoes & go lab n start work.

shag shag shag aft all these... & today, i really cannot take it but took another 5 min slp b4 i head to sch & in bus really k/o. but d moment i reach, start work again cos i need to spin down d bacteria aft growin them for 6-7 hours. i wished i can sleep more n rest more at hm but i guess it's gonna b hard. n my feet nw hurts quite bad even when not standing & worse when i stood up but den still will have hsework to do esp on weekends.

i started this rabbit yr w prob at hm n ended d cny w tonnes of works. jus great... but at least d cny ended off w a pcs of gd news ba. it's something tt give me more reason to cont'd work hard to look forward to. 1 of d things i had to settle & thr r many others tt i'm tryin to settle or r awaitin me to settle.

n this yr i'll b graduatin, so i guess this yr will b a yr of changes for me ba. hopefully it's changes for d better. shall not look back on all d unhappiness no matter hw bad i'd started off this rabbit yr. tt day, my friend gave me 兔肉干. mayb i shall eat it up to conquer this yr. if i dare to eat it...

20110214 - Valentine's Day Surprise

2011-02-14T15:10:00.002+08:00

Got a Valentine's Day surprise from Dear. I know he this year never agreed to order flower from his friend but apparently he ordered fr his cousin & asked his cousin to send to sch. i duno hw he got d add cos i tot he jus noe hw to come but oh well, it we send to d GO.

& my colleague called me near noon & said thr was a delivery for me which was weird. if thr is lab delivery, should be call d lab staff & not me wat. but i tot tt mayb line engage or so. end up saw his cousin at d counter whr i work b4.

& i sign d DO & it was correctly stated 60 Nanyang Drive. wow... & students r sellin/deliverin pre-ordered flowers & mine was so much bigger. at d lift lobby, saw a friend & enterin d lift, thr is a student w many bouquet of small small flowers to deliver but d size of mine was like similar to wat she was holdin & she kept starin at mine till i duno wat or hw to react.

but it was a pleasant surprise for me. thanks dear!

pure smiles?

2011-02-13T00:28:00.003+08:00

today went to a family friends hse for cny gatherin. 1st time i went thr durin cny. i think so. anw, i was invited tgt w my bf cos he's d sec sch friend of d younger son & it was their family gatherin plus sch friends gatherin.

since d family were a long friends of mine, d auntie was d friend whom my mum been talkin to all these while & so i had a long talk w her. i really envy their family. so happy & can joke ard & d auntie is really understandin & talked w me & encourage me to b happier fr nw on. i'll try but easier said than done.

anw, aft tellin d auntie d whole story, when she asked mon hw i gonna celebrate cos it's valentine's day plus oso sort of d day dear n i noe each other. told d auntie tt i duno cos 1) duno wat time dear workin & till wat time he'll end & 2) i oso duno wat time my lab work will end too though dinner might b possible but if busy den might b v late. 3) even if got time, hw much energy will we have or rather will i have? & oso wat is d possible time? at least d auntie understand unlike my mum who kept thinkin tt i kept gg to his place to eat & dun wan her. i seldom go over nw le wor.

well, though i really seldom talk w d auntie, when i did, i always felt more relax & at ease after chattin w her. she is 1 of those ppl whom i would confide in esp since last yr but seldom cos she is afterall a 长辈. & though tt day i wished to call her, i nvr cos i noe she oso must b busy for cny & oso takin care of 2 grandsons. her 2 grandsons r really adorable.

d auntie treat me like a daughter & her 2 sons treat me like sis though we weren't in much contact in d past. & so it made me d 姑姑 of her 2 grandsons but i only see d elder 1 for 2 time & d other 1 time since they were born. thus, today was either d 3rd or d 2nd time i see them. & i'm surprised tt d elder one who was in d walker actually opened up his arms wantin me to carry him. & i oso managed to make d younger one smile so widely till he got hiccups.

i really loved to see their smile & hear their laughter. it's so pure, so innocent, so 单纯, so bright, so true, so energetic, etc. it glow inside my darken heart tt i wished i could smile like them ever again. recently, even if i laugh or smile, it'll soon be embraced by d darkness fr deep within me. it's like d death eaters or watsoever fr harry potter story were hauntin me, following me ard but d smile & laughter fr my 2 nephews give me some hope to wan to get a chance to smile like them too. will i ever?

Technology

2011-02-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

technology is forever advancin. can 1 catch up w d forever advancin technology? can 1 b so up to date to have all d latest technology? n is all these technology so gd? r thr any flaws? will they fail u?

long time ago, hw do ppl rmbr other ppl's contact no or address esp those u usually keep in ocntact like families, relatives & friends? esp for contact no, most ppl rmbr it w their brain unless ppl don mind bringin d handwritten phone book but rather than flipping manually, i guess it's so much faster to browse thru fr d brain.

so nw hw ppl rmbr? or did they even rmbr or bother to rmbr? almost everyone got hp nw. & hp can save contact no. so most ppl don bother rmbr d no ba. jus type d person's name & d no would come out. hw many ppl can rmbr all ur immediately families no, relatives no & close friends' no? i cant. i can only rmbr my parents no & dear's no. so hw much u usin ur brain?

so wat bout address? unless u got keep gg to d place, if not u oso wont rmbr & tt is cos of d conditioning of one's brain. u may noe hw to go but if ask u to write out d add, can u? so wat happen if don rmbr, jus call or sms d person right?

wat if phone no batt, no reception, or phone dead for wat so ever reasons? human had become too dependent & rely too much on such technology. when phone or contact lost, oh, nvm, got fb, got email.

months ago, i lost all my email contacts cos i deleted off fr my old phone cos it sync n mess up my contact book in my phone & somehw, it got sync back to my email acc. so thks ah. i noe i had lost some impt email contact which till nw i cant rmbr who. s for friends constantly being contacted, can get back their email add by sms, by fb or even when meetup.

den if u usin a norm old model phone & d batt weak le. batt dead den will u rmbr d no u need to call if u r meetin tt someone?

even if u got d newest model phone, a really popular phone. does it meant tt this wont happen, i got friend whose phone batt guage isn't accurate & her phone can went dead. den hw? even iphone oso got flaws.

recently, went to service ctr cos reception weak & got sms late or got incident tt i nvr received. plus phone oso got many background noise tt cant make out wat other party is trying to say. den hw? luckily got a replacement set & they transfer all my contact for me. if not, den i would have to use email (which i don ve a full list) or else thru facebook to get back all my contact le.

& tt time, mum kisiao cos dad nvr pick up her call & y? cos phone's prob + volume somehw got turn to minimum. & oso tt time my mio down & esp when durin time when i need d web for research. so?

i guess i'm startin to hate d ever advancin technology. technology can make ur life so much simpler. so much till u'll feel handicapped w/o it. i think i'm better of livin in d old old era whr communication is so much harder. den i wont ve to face prob of havin many miss call fr hm, etc.

anw, all these jus a tot cos today my friend told me bout her trip w her husband to japan. 1 of a place on d hill (resort or so). cos it's was d only time she managed to spend quality time w her husband cos usually ppl would b glued to d tv, d cpu, d laptop, game, hp, etc.

like dad, when he's watchin tv, u tell him things he oso wont notice. happened w dear b4 oso. & apparently my friend oso experience too. i wonder oso if it's cos ppl nwadays find leisure fr all these gadgets & end up throwin out all d negative things on ppl & 发泄 on them? i wish things aint like this. it's really sad.

afterall, we r all human. human ve our own needs. we aint robort. we need genuine care & concern fr d bottom of d heart. we need encouragment & support. n sorry but i ve to say this tt human r oso selfish & didn't like to share ppl or things. so mayb tt's oso y mum not happy cos thr is another person sharin my time w her. n at times, i dislike sharin dear's time w his ipod touch or internet too esp if i feelin down cos i cant find any comfort fr all these gadgets.

面子

2011-02-10T22:20:00.002+08:00

什么是面子？为什么那么多人都死爱面子？面子能带来健康与财富吗？面子能当饭吃吗？如果为了面子但是会伤害自己或身边的人，你还会选择面子吗？为什么人往往都把面子看得那么的重呢？

有时候我会想，是面子的问题还是人的自尊心在作祟？是自卑吗？是好胜吗？可是赢了又怎样？输了又怎样？会死吗？

考试拿第一名又怎样？工资领很多又怎样？家里很有钱又怎样？驾大汽车又怎样？住大房子又怎样？很能喝又怎样？每个人都是独一无二的。要怎么比？行就是行，可以就是可以，是就是是，不就是不。

为什么人就不能知足常乐？为什么人不能学者爱惜自己和他人呢？为什么人不能接受他人的优和缺点呢？

有句话说：不管是什么车，只要能带你到目的地的就是好车。而且，不管是什么车，就算是跑车，遇到塞车，还不是一样不能冲？所以就算你有面子，如果没健康，没真正关心你的人在的活还不是很孤独很没用？

我真的对这面子这事而觉得好厌烦啊！

almost self-medicated

2011-02-09T22:47:00.002+08:00

had & found a few slpin pills at hm. almost self-medicate hopin for a better rest though i noe side effect not so gd. jus wanna forget everything for nw den plan for next when time come but read up on depression & it stated tt one shouldn't self-medicate cos it is extremely dangerous & can b fatal. so shall forgo d slpin pill le.

anw, will drinkin help to relieve d tension nw? i nvr drink till get drunk b4. wat's d feelin like? i wish i can try esp if it can help even if jus temporary measure...

i oso think of loud music w strong bass so it can muffle d noise inside my mind. but dear don like me blastin my earpiece though i don ve those blasting type of music in my phone.

drink + loud music, mayb 1 day if mine at home explode again, i should go to 1 of d pub, etc to get d music + drink since i oso curious on wat it looked like & hw it was like. can kill many birds w jus a move wor. since alrdy exploded, jus let it cont'd to explode lor.

anw, not all d time when i feel low tt i need loud music. sometimes i wan soothin music while sometimes i wanna b in quiet & peaceful environmant away fr ppl & eevrything & b embrace by d nature. so i guess if ever 1 day i went mia, it wont b easy to track me since i don ve any fixed preference on wat i like to do when i'm feelin down.

depression

2011-02-09T21:01:00.002+08:00

i think i'm fallin apart... can get really siao at times... d phobia n nightmare n past bad experiences r tearin me apart... i not sure but i'm afraid i'm walkin d path of depression nw... esp w d suicidal tot whenever i felt like thrown into d valley...

wat i'm experiencin nw...
bad childhood memories of being blamed
bad memories of being scolded for thousand & 1 reason
bad memories of being over protected
bad memories of being restricted
bad memories of being a 'sandbag'
feelin of being trapped cos cant go out much
feelin really drained out mentally & physically yet cant & dare not rest
stress financially
worry bout findin a job
scare of being alone yet cant go out
scare to stay in a home filled with mines & yet no whr else to go

cry over small things

cry easily even when jus tryin to talk out

stress to always b in a fully equiped & geared up mode

losin interest in everything

losin d ability to smile & laugh fr d heart

wishin so much to b freed even if tt means death
wantin to let go of everything
wantin to hack care everything
wantin to hurt myself

& mum's mood swing & grumpyness & negativity r makin me feelin worse. it's prob due to pms for her but it's not doin gd for me cos i even more afraid to face her & b at hm. furthermore, she oso like 2 headed snake. i oso duno if i should believe & listen or not

& dad not in same frequency s me. he don understand tt study & workin is not any easier than jus workin. n so all he sees is jus d surface. tt i nap or wat & feel i so eng & wan me do more & unhappy if i nap. hw many hr did i slp s compare to him? each day on ave, i only slp 4-5 hr leh.

& all these while, i kept pushin myself to d limit but think d eve of cny eve eruption had gone beyond my limit. since then, i had been cryin everyday & every night. i'm scare. i got phobia & ended up i not scare of death cos once no breathe, no heartbeat, i wont feel anything anymore. i wont feel d pain deep inside. i no need to cry, i no need to ctrl & not to scream out.

all these while, i got dear & an old friend who noe me & d prob since more than a decade ago. so i'm so much at ease w them & i could find them even if not immediately but maximum would be 1 day ba. but my friend is busy w study & work & knowin tt dear b away for ~10 days. tt made me really scare & had to hold back n not to cry for d whole day today.

i wonder if 1 day, if i lose all these supports & encouragement & if i had to go thru all d unhappiness, hw long can i endure? will i go mia & hid fr everyone or mia totally fr dis world?

nw i can only wish time would pass faster. at least nw, i no need scare of test & exams. & aft i clear my fyp & found a job, at least another 2 big stones r thrown away & thus less worries.

losing my 避风港

2011-02-09T11:48:00.002+08:00

haiz... 1 aft another... nvr endin prob... nvr endin trouble... nvr endin bad news...

mum still s grumpy s ever. if she like she will ans back if not only got silence. but even if she ans back, oso v grumpy tone. so tt made me so much wanna get away fr hm. wish for a short break, a short weekend getaway so i can get out of my hse even for a day.

anw, all these while, i can still sms dear when i really upset & when possible he will call me & chat w me. & come to accompany me but jus heard of a bad news. he'll b attached overseas soon. initially it was jus rumor so i chose not to believe & hope for miracle but looks like i'm really down on my luck when d rabbit starts to hop over to chase the tiger away.

jus nw, he gave me a cfm dates on when he would b away n it's end of d mth. he will b away fr 28 feb to 8 mar. i'm scare actually. i'm scare tt if things r not s smooth at hm again which i doubt in short term will, i not sure hw my heart can take it alone. n i doubt my friend would b free to meet up too cos she busy w work n study too. all these while, i either look for dear or tt friend but den soon i'll ve none.

d only thing i can 安慰 myself is tt he wont b away for months which was what he said he might ve to b away for. tt time, tt news came when i was gg into my exam hall for my exam. haiz... anw, i doubt i can 安慰 myself n say d sooner it's over, d better cos surely thr will ve such cases in future. but when he's away, i'll really ve no other 避风港... really hope can bury myself w tonnes of lab work or to read up & start my report ba. if only hm can b whr i enjoy to b at. den i wont feel so jialet nw.

i'm losin a 避风港 so whr is my real 避风港???

weird dreams

2011-02-08T09:10:00.002+08:00

Not sure if it's cos of all d tensions/stress which i'd been gg thru. i had a really weird n eerie dream last nite.

dreamt tt i dreamt tt thr is some spirits/something not fr this world or so in my study rm & whichever corner i turned to or stand at in my study rm, i would b reminded of d dream w spirits & i would get d creep down my spine so i ended up quickly got out of d rm.

den i was at a place i not sure. a place which i had another family. i even had a bro. i ain't see dad. anw, mum was unhappy cos another plant had grown on her plant which she called 人字树. wat a weird name. & it was grown right in front of a fence. she went mad & chop off d whole plan. mum & i sense something not right & so we got bro out & somehw thr is a courtyard or garden right outside my hse.

n i can hear d eerie screechie sound fr 1 of d trees. s we passed by d tree to wanna get away fr d place, i saw & realized whr d sound came fr. it apparently came out fr a water sprinkler somewhr right at d top of d tree. so seein tt it was leaky, i was so relieved to know whr d sound came fr. cos it's not fr some spirit.

i was so relieved tt i nvr bother anything but since bro n i had to go somewhr (sch or wat), we asked if mum wanna drive us thr & she agreed immediately like wantin so much to get away fr d hse. in d end, s bro n i sat at d backseat while mum drove, she became really weird like being possessed. it was really scary but we can only stay inside d movin car.

i cant rmbr wat happened next but i noe soon aft, i was woken up by my 1st alarm. n i really duno hw to decipher my weird n eerie dream. mayb i too stress w study till in my mind it seemed like a monster to me. den d fence is like i'm being caged up w no freedom. n d possessed mum is like hw much i scare of my mum nw n a bro is mayb wat i'd been hopin for to protect me & share all d burden w me? & it oso seemed so coincidentally similar w my feelin for hm. wantin to get out yet wanna go back if it's safe.

though i cant decipher my dream, i still can managed to find link w my reality. so mayb it's really cos by my subconscious mind. it oso showed hw much i'm affected by d cold hard reality tt even in my dream, i can make up such a weird story.

i'm a maid

2011-02-06T00:08:00.002+08:00

aft i confess to parents tt i oso worry for $$, told them wat i busy bout like work, sch, FYP, info research, lab research, report, etc so end up nvr oso help much at hm cos i'm really tired oso. end up, i'm still ask to sweep d floor on weekend (actually i noe oso include p. holi la). fine w me. not a v heavy choir anw but i don think i could get s much rest s b4 like takin a nap for a while esp when dear's ard.

n though i nvr get s much ang bao $ s last yr, d amt is still within wat i tot i would get n so $$ wise is still under control. jus when i tot everything under ctrl, everything should b gg on ok, i can b more at ease at hm, dad jus nw give me some $$ n say tt i should ve told them tt i oso worry for $$. wat for i say? i should ve enough unless i nvr work all these while. if i no work n get $$ fr them, i think i b more stress.

n soon aft tt pushin of $$ ard, i finally accepted it but a while ltr, dad talk talk n den say tt when i'm hm on weekend, i should help to wash d toilet too. -.-" great. i suddenly feel like i'm paid to wash d toilet. another part-time job when i didn't wanna work cos i wanna focus on my FYP!!!

wa kao... i tot i alrdy told them i wanna focus on my FYP. n i alrdy said it's not jus 1-2 day effort. everyday i duno wat time end. n weekend or p. holi oso may kanna. n not jus doin FYP in lab leh. i oso need to find paper, read up more, n write my thesis & do up my poster at d end. n i cant jus read up late late leh. i alrdy told them my grades sucks n FYP is my last chance. yet... they don seemed to understand. still wan me do this n tt. den i may s well jus cont'd workin lah.

n oso, though i had graduated fr my dance, i still ve soka meetings leh. jus tt haven really start cos cny. n b startin real soon. i oso duno if i got time go for d plannin n rehearsal for d actual meetin every mth n if i gotta go back lab on d sun when thr is d meetin. n oso thr r other meetings oso leh.

wat for i had been wishin tt i graduated from my dance? so i can put more focus on study n rest more.

y i quit fr my clinic job? so i can put more focus on study n rest more oso.

y i choose attachment than work when i noe i need $$ oso? cos i need a more recent related work experiences to fight for job w those who got 3rd class honor n above.

y i seldom go dance n mtg for last sem? so i can put more effort on my studies cos i'm scare i fail any module n oso hopin to try to bring up to at least a 3rd class honor which i fail to get but i managed to pass everything.

y i choose not to take up my last dance proj in d dance grp which probably might b my last major performance? cos study is more impt.

y i actually wish to choose not to work in jan? cos i'm drained n i hope to rest but cos i was given high rate n cos i cant rest much at hm, so decided to push myself again n work.

i noe, it's impossible to get a 3rd class anymore but i still wanna aim for an 'A' for my FYP to tell my future employee tt though my acad is poor, my hands-on is good cos i'm experience. i'm trained fr poly, i'm trained s a technician, i'm trained in attachment, i'm trained n had done well in my FYP. at least chances of securin a job is slightly higher. so this FYP is really impt.

i'm drained n i noe i can't n dare not nap at hm unless dear ard cos parents wont say anything but looks like they still 看不爽... still wanna find things for me to do. d f* up thing is tt, mum can say, 'oh, i oso heart pain u so tired, i oso duno wan u to b so tired. i noe u oso 辛苦'. yet still ask me to sweep d floor n den nw dad still ask me wash d toilet.

for him, aft work means aft work. me aft lab, still ve things to do. all he noe is slp or go out take pic. den wat bout me? seein me slp so eye sore? in lab, may b busy till no chance to do any read up leh. n i cant absorb when i'm tired. i can get ko w/o completin a para leh. when can i get all d rest tt i had lost?

i alrdy ask for few more mths of understandin. if i'm workin s a technician like last time, i wont mind helpin on weekend. weekdays is oso tough cos i help out b4. i was oso v drained then. mum's arm pain, leg pain n yet she still wanna go out, shop, etc. den end up wanna throw evrything to me? den i drain who i throw all d choir to? nw all i'm askin is a few more mths till i finish my fyp, is it tt much tt i'm askin?

last time, w dear, we still go out movies n eat like almost every mth or so. he brought me watch countless of movies then but then nw? can u ask urself, when is d last time i went for a movie w dear? i alrdy no such leisure le leh n stayin hm more le leh. y still unhappy?

i really feel like i had no place to go. no place for real rest. i cant nap in lab/office, i cant nap at hm, i don feel gd to nap at dear's place esp when his mom ard n esp when she busy. i basically had no place for rest. unless sleep at nite. n i oso cant slp till late liek for weekend.

i'm thinkin n wonderin if i don get d $$, can i don get all the choirs? mayb they should use d money to get a maid instead. since mum 'can't' do, dad don wanna help, me oso really drained. at most aft i found a job, i pay for d maid lor. at least i'm relieved fr all these wor.

but still, d prob of me restin n they seem eye sore is not solved. hw can i solve tt prob lah. even if stayin in hostel oso cant solve cos i still have d cleanin to do wor. haiz...

i need a 避风港, a place whr i can rest n relax n allow me to focus on wat i had to do for at least these few months. i wan a place whr, if i'm tired, i can slp n den wake up afresh to cont'd wat i'd to. i wan a place w/o any prob to add on to mine. i oso need ppl to understand my needs rather than wantin me to do wat u needs. i really really REALLY REGRET takin this degree course. i don feel i gain any knowledge at all.

mayb i'll b better off workin s a paramedic last time. cos work is unpredictable. parents wont b able to ctrl me. i b more free. aft work, if day time, if i wanna slp they oso cant say anything. if not, i stay in a bunker n slp loh. at least i wont b so miserable like nw.

terrible terrible 1st Feb

2011-02-02T10:22:00.002+08:00

1st day of d mth ended up really really bad... i wish i could simply jus dump everything n ignorin everything but i cant...

after dinner, reach home to find mum alrdy hm. she apparently had done many things during d day. she went to take care of my cousins in mornin den went to her youngest sis's place to clean up & den she still tidy at hm & rearrange d sofa & her massage chair.

anw, she seemed fine then. & she still went to cook agar agar as she said my cousins wanted. well, she had sprained her ankle recently & was jus recoverin fr serious flu & yet she still did so many unnecessary things esp like d agar agar so i commented tt she could do another time. she was still alright then. she even warn me tt it's milk agar agar den cos i cant take milk smell & after she added almond essence, i went back to d kitchen to joke a bit too.

well, even gg to her sis's place oso not necessary. knowin tt she wanna tidy own house w her recoverin ankle, etc, since it's gonna ve long holiday, she can jus let her sis to tidy herself wat. so i guess eventually prob set in.

at d end of d day, think her ankle hurts terribly & she kept dad wantin him to drive her to get ankle guard or so but dad nvr pick up & knowin my parents stupid habit, they would call non-stop n surely it'll make u frustrated. anw, i only noe these details aft d whole hoo haa...

fr wat i know fr d beginnin, i jus noe she suddenly go out. i tot she was gg to open letterbox w dad like usual & so i nvr bother. when dad call, i tot they bought something n needed me to go down n take but i cant make out wat dad was sayin w a v disrupted background. so i hang up & call him. in d end, he haven call mum n he suspected w determination tt mum was unhappy cos of numerous miss calls. dad said tt something is wrong w his phone cos he also had many other miss calls for d whole day.

dad den call mum's phone & she nvr brought out again. & dad asked y i nvr ask whr she go. hw i noe? it's norm tt she went out ard tt time esp when dad not back yet to accompany him to sing post to open d letterbox. & she don always have to report to me tt she gg thr. so i assume she went out w him so i nvr ask but my dad is unhappy about it.

when dad reached home, mum wasn't back yet. dad haven even shower n he was really grumpy n mad tt mum must b gg crazy again n felt tt she don understand him. he was further determined tt she called n cant get him & left d hse when he saw whr he placed her phone.

aft shower, w/o even appearin fr his rm, dad alrdy blamed tt i nvr help at hm anymore. did he ever help? y must it b me only? cos i'm a gal? cos i'm their daughter? i not a maid oso wor. n i not playin in sch leh. i work i study. my work oso not jus sit thr doin nothin wor. so wat if i'm an undergrads? i oso work in store, movin cartons of things. n nw, i'm doin fyp. do research is not like d usual 8-5 or 9-6 job. cant go on d dot one leh. n aft gg back still ve other things to do. hw to help so much s compare to last time when i was workin a 8.30-5.45 job only to ve OT once a while.

i think he'd d mentality tt i should be doin easy job w my edu lvl. so he always cant take it tt i'm sittin in front of my laptop at hm thinkin tt i'm playin n when he sees me slpin. does he know tt i go to sleep really late? n i don sleep till tt late even on weekends. w him ard, i oso scare to take nap. y? cos he's not happy. n nw i not usin laptop for fun oso. i doin research, findin papers, updatin resume, n oso checkin n monitorin my finance.

think i don ve stress? think everything so simple? if my fam is rich, do i ve to work part-time? do i ve to use my savings for all my expenses? do i ve to worry bout money? even when i in poly, i alrdy tot of quittin sch. when admitted to ntu, i was really scare. if not cos my friends encourage me, i wont even take up d offer n i really regret. i'm strugglin.

i'm strugglin w my study, to catch up but i nvr did. yet i'd to work to be financially stable & tt take off my study/rest time too. it made sudyin more difficult but i nvr complain. all my grades r mainly Cs n Ds. i can't even get a 3rd class honor. & i failed a module b4 jus tt i nvr say. i was so scare when i was getting my most recent results. i was so scare i fail again or fail others or i cant graduate on time. den i would ve to declare 'bankrupt' le. my $$ is runnin low. i cant afford to delay graduation. i need job almost s immediately s when i graduate but think so easy find meh?

w my grades, compare to those w 1st class or 2nd class honor, wat is my stand? even 3rd class honor student oso might not find tt easily so wat bout me? think i might b better of applyin for a job for diploma rather than a degree. n seein my cert, i'm alrdy demoralized. i don ve much of a mastery. i'm a master of none. so?

n i'm really gettin insufficient sleep. it's hard to get up & i can drift off even if i'm standin. n yet i cant really nap at hm. wat's is all this? i'm physically n mentally stressed n drained but i'm still pushin myself forward. w all d stupid hoo haa... it's makin things worse. i really wish to dump everything, & thought tt though death cant change anything or make things better, at least i wont noe anymore.

last time when i was workin, aft work means no more work. i can go back. i can learn piano, music theory, cookery class, go meet friend, practice piano, cook, wash, clean but now is diff. can he put himself in my shoe b4 blamin tt i nvr help?

cos of feelin so 'yuan wan' & all d stress is eruptin out, i cant control n started cryin. i need to release n cool down but seein tt i was cryin, dad was unhappy again & throw his phone down n said angrily tt he may s well jus die cos 1 angry cos of miss call, another cry jus cos he say i nvr help at hm but i cry not cos of tt only.

he den went out (to search for mum) but nvr brought his phone along. so i pass to him timidly. i oso wish to go out but i was cryin even worse then so i nvr. luckily dear noe i upset & so he called & ask me to calm down & advice me to stay home so tt if mum's back, i can inform dad.

& truly, mum came back alone. & so i called dad. tried to tell mum tt dad's phone got prob, purposely say loudly over d phone tt i'll check dad's phone when he come back. but it nvr help. not even when i check dad's phone & ask him wat d prob n advice him to go to PS to change his phone n confessed tt i did change b4. mum was still angry & so i ask her to calm down cos dad didn't do it on purpose but she still angry.

say she's in pain n wanted dad to bring her to buy something but dad don pick up n ignore her. dad said tt she could call another no but she nvr & still she was unhappy. told her tt i was hm & she could ve asked me to get for her but she said till like both of us don wan her. wat is this? did i say i don wan her? i was hm most of d time oso leh.

to make things worse, she didn't want dad to go into d rm n hit him to get him out n say she didn't want him anymore. she hit so hard on dad's chest n face tt he usually had high tolerance of pain n yet he shouted 'ouch' n kept backin out.

dad kept tryin to explain n she didn't want to listen n she threw both of her hp on d floor sayin tt since he didn't want to pick up, she also didn't want any phone any form of contact. & she sat in d kitchen floor. n kept shoutin for dad to get out.

dad sat thr to accompany her she also shouted for him to get out. she even throw glass container, she also smashed down d plastic rack filled with things. but when dad wanted to go out, which is suspect he said tt life is meaningless again, mum shouted & scream for him to come back.

i was in study rm den writin notes for them n so i end up sittin at d gate to prevent dad fr gg out. actually, if he insisted, i think in d end, i would be d one runnin out. i wanna get out, to run away fr everything. b uncontactable. n let them had d feel of wat it's like.

anw, last week aft sprainin her leg, mum said tt this week she didn't want to look aft my cousins sayin tt their dad isn't workin so mon aft my fyp, i called back to see if she wanted dinner but she wasn't home. n she still denied sayin tt she wont b lookin aft cousins cos she still went over when uncle is around. if i wanna ignore her, i wont even bother to ask if she wanted dinner. if i don wan her, y i still get her d keychains, still get d photo package, talk to her once a while though i wanna do other things. i talk to her more than few mths back le leh. y she cant be satisfied?

& since her ankle hurts, y she wanted to do so many things? she jus makin it worse n it's wat i should say 自找. n relatives not comin over for cny le wor. y she wanted to do so many things? she could ve rested for s long s she can.

n i don understand. y my cousins can say her so directly n yet i twist ard n yet she still think like i don wan her. y i'm always their target no matter if d fault is w me or not. to other ppl, they will smile smile even if they late or wat but behind, they grumble or nag at me though it's other ppl who r late or do wrong. i'm not a sandbag oso. i really felt really hurt. since upper pri, how many times had i cried cos i felt so yuan wan? hw many times i cried cos i don feel d love? hw many times do i ve to cry cos of stress? hw many times ve i cry cos of stupid hoo haa? i cant rmbr le. & hw many times did i had d feelin of jus die? hw many times i cried in front of ancestor tablet, cryin for my ah ma to advice me or take me away? i also can't rmbr le.

do they noe tt wat they actually r doin r makin me more distant fr them? i'm scare, i'm stress. hw long can my thoughts run wild b4 something really happen to me? will they regret after tt? mayb someday u might see a pc of news sayin tt a lady commited suicide n make sure tt she will die by takin pills, cuttin wrist n jump fr a buildin tt cos multiple fractures? frankly speakin, tt's wat i tot last nite cos if i wanna die, i'll make sure i wont survive further. i really don noe hw long i cant last like this for. i ended up writin my thought n stress to let them noe tt i'd my own prob too n i don look s carefree s i'm. i care for them too.

i sittin at a corner of my bed. huggin my big bear n cried for very long. n when alarm rang, i realized tt i'd to call dear cos he had to work. it's only aft tt as i cry, i drift to sleep but i was still at d corner of my bed when i woke up w really swollen eyes.

when saw tt mum was rubbin medicated oil on her ankle, i volunteer to put for her but she still coldy say no. so wat do i ve to do? wat i did wrong? they only think of themselves den wat bout my feelings? i put down my pride, my pain n act norm but tt doesn't mean i'm ok. i cant stay tt long at home so i left since i really had to go back to d lab to work cos there r things tt i'd to do otherwise cny holi i'd to come back. but aft doin wat i had to, i ended up standin at a ulu corridor n transport myself to lvl 4 link way until d sun was jus too hot to bear. but going to d lab is quite terrible cos i didn't wanna b w ppl who duno wat i'd been gg thru so far. i cant explain fr beginning. wat i need is someone whom alrdy had background knowledge of wat i'd gone thru but none is available. my friend is at work. dear is at work. tot of callin d auntie but today cny eve. n she must b busy too n she had to take care of 2 grandsons too. so i didn't wanna bother her. so thr is no whr tt can 容纳 me. no one to embrace me. no one to support me nw. i'm all alone.

cert

2011-01-31T23:13:00.002+08:00

hmm... jus pack my files w all my cert aft gettin my cert of graduation fr my dance gp at beginnin this mth... realized something. b it big or small, impt or unimpt, i actually got cert every yr fr yr 1994 till 2008 except for 2009 & 2010.

so 2009 & 2010 i didnt accomplish anything??? eerr... actually, on serious note, by right should ve graduated fr dance gp in 2010 but got delayed due to d xmas day performance so i should only say just left 2009?

so i didn't accomplish anything in 2009? not exactly again cos i had a breakthrough to b a emcee for d 1st time & it's in front of ~300+ ppl for a weddin banquet.

however, sad to say, not all things will ve d so call certificate to proof wat u had done. & seein d empty 2009 & 2010 cert did sadden me in a way cos d trend of cert collection yrly was broken. but nvm tt. so wat if thr r so many cert? hw many r useful when i seachin for my future job? guess d main r my 'o' lvl cert, my poly cert & my uni cert ba. & at most my testimonials.

if i apply for job beyond my field of study, mayb a few other cert might b useful but tt oso depend on wat type of job. but still some cert r useless... though i work hard. wat u may like b4 may not b of help nw.

like i like maths last time, represent sch go other sch for comp but jus get a cert of participation. so wat if i got a prize? so wat if i top sch for maths? w jus an expire maths, wat job can i find?

& i was in uniform gp, was in sjab & cant go for camp. parents did allow eventually but they kept scarin me till i got panick attack & dare not go. so, i was jus a small fry & yet hold many positions like logistic, secretary, public duty, first aid i/c, etc which my sch only recognize 1 which was 'climb' to d top which was secretary cos d rest were jus an assistant. so wat? w effort done, i jus got a b3 for my eca. anw, think of it, even if i got A, so wat again? wat i'll b doing next? will i need d knowledge of 1st aid? do i need to lead ppl? do i ve wat it takes to lead ppl? i not in nursin, i not a paramedic, so wat i'd again might not b of use...

& next. so wat when i got a grade 5 piano & music theory cert? can i teach & earn extra w tt? no. can i perform to earn? no. can i use it for job hunt? no. will i need for job in my field or sales or admin? no. it end up jus for recretion only.

so all in all, havin so many cert oso no use. it only show tt i'm a master of none. but at least will ve a decently professionalism which is bio sci ba. but still, if u ask me do, ok but if u ask me theory. i'm dead again.

& so, seeing my rojak cert made me feel more demoralize actually unlike when i was a fresh graduate from poly. so much optimistic to think tt this might help, tt might do. but nw. aft facin d harsh reality, know d impossibility unless miracle.

irritating, thick skinned, selfish ppl

2011-01-31T14:46:00.002+08:00

i don understand... y thr r such irritatin & thick skinned ppl ard... i agreed w d prof who wanted anyone to jus clear d waste bag once full & though i m jus a fyp student, i still did it... anw, it's not d 1st time i did this kinda rubbish work le. i did for 4 yrs when i was still workin b4 i came back to study, clearin all d bags of rubbish which d students dump.

anw, thr is an autoclave rm at b1 unlike last time when i'd to autoclave to sterilize all d waste myself so jus nw, seein d bin was full, i changed a new bag.

actually, thr was a duty rooster in d lab. each wk, some1, graduate student/staff, would clear it esp to write d necessary info & bring downstair. & apparently, i was doin right beside d graduate student, ZH, & she treat s if nothing had happened. nvm tt. i oso duno she was d 1 but seein d bin full & can't throw anymore so i clear & ask d 1 i was under on wat to write. was told tt it was ZH's turn & since i alrdy clear, all i ve to do is to ask her to write & prob send down. Don need her to clear d bins le but den...

when ask ZH, she act blur like duno wat happen & y she need to write. & she still asked if it's her turn & she still ask if another graduate student had done yet. i alrdy help her to clear d bin & tie up leh. she alrdy is in advantage & yet still wanna push to this & tt... & she den act act n see see & say, 'oh u alrdy do ah? den u put thr loh'. didn't even bother to thk me. i did not jus 1 bag beside her. i did 2 bags right beside her leh. auntie, r u too much???

everything oso wan ppl let u use 1st. everything oso want d best. scare ppl take ur things. r u a prof? r u a president? r u a queen? u r jus a graduate students like 2 others in d lab lah. & u r not even graduating yet loh. wat's so big deal bout ur project? u gonna find some breakthru for d whole world? if not den shut up lah. ppl cannoy put things on ur desk but u can put urs on others? u r a selfish old hag lah... u r not so old but ur doing is makin u looks really old & ugly fr within.

a lost dragonfly

2011-01-30T23:21:00.002+08:00

1 aft another...

b4 my tummy got any much better... saw something fly into my rm. tot was d small beetle so ignore but d sound really irritate me cos it's late at nite & i don like d fear tt it'll fly to me in d middle of d nite so turn to look ard for tt 'beetle', wantin to grab a plastic bag to catch it & dump it outside.

in d end, wat i saw was not d usual beetle i always encounter. it's a dragonfly!!! OMG!!! a big dragonfly jus flew into my rm. hw to catch it? it'll bound it fly ard if i try to catch it w a ntuc plastic bag & d probability of touchin me is super high s compared to catchin d small beetle w tt size of plastic bag. gosh...

plan A:
off d bedrm light
on d livin rm light, since it's not a pest, wont breed like tt, let my parents settle it d next mornin when they went into d livin rm ba.
& i left my window open so it can fly out too.
den i realized my laptop screen still on & i quickly off it.

so did it work? i tot it did cos i no hear anymore of d irritating flyin sound & so i tot i can slp in peace until a while ltr when i heard d irritatin flatterin of d wings again ard my wall mount fan. use torch to look carefully n saw it was caught behind d fan. cos it's not a pest, i didn't wanna harm it & yet i was worried it was alrdy injured. & so,

plan B:
off bedrm light
on livin rm light
window alrdy close. didn't wanna waste time open since probability of flyin to livin rm higher cos of d light
pulled my mattress away fr d wall cos if it was injured, it would fall. didn't wan it to land on my mattress or pillow or i'll ve to figure out hw to get rid of it & hw i slp ltr on?
den off my fan

outcome?
s i off my fan, saw my laptop screen still on. so, i quickly wanna off it but... it flew to my hand s i was tryin to off d screen. i got a 'heart attack' & almost scream out loud if it's not too late. s i jumped backwards, it fly & stop on my laptop. OMG!!! hw to off d screen? if don off, den will it stay thr whole night? den isn't it d same s slpin w it in my rm w d chances of kissin it in d middle of d nite.

so hw? parents said gd nite le, dear went back le. wat to do? lucky for me, saw parents rm light still on. so mum haven slp. ask her for help le cos no choice. mum caught it & let it out of my window but it flew back in & fly ard. aft much accomodation, mum re-caught it & let it off at d main door & off it went. *phew*

overbloatedness

2011-01-30T21:38:00.002+08:00

tummy weird since aft steamboat... believed it's cos by too full...

i understand tt parents wanted more ingredients & thus, much more food & try to clear s much s possible but tot they oso understood tt if full, tt's? esp aft let them noe tt dear went for endoscopy??? & since previous steamboat they nvr force us???

jus nw, dad took d pig kidney & left 3 & ask us to clear. & last time, he asked if we wan d prawn den put in but jus nw, he jus dump in & say each pax is 3 prawns. & he oso bought 1 flower crab for each pax & dump in at d end.

was full almost to d v max but tot 3 prawn & 1 small flower crab wont harm much but looks like i'm wrong. v bloated, v xin ku & dear ask me took d MMT. didn't quite felt better & in d end felt like vomittin. dashed to d bathrm but cant vomit anything out but tears were forced out... took anti vomitin med aft tt. nw tummy still weird weird la... :(

when can my parents learn their lesson? do i really ve to look unwell in front of them? to show them hw back it felt rather than tryin to look ok? do i ve to vomit in front of them then they can b happy? hw many times do i ve to say i don wanna eat too full? & esp for dear?

he's other ppl's son. does they wanna make him unwell den happy oso? last time when went for dinner w his nanny's family & he ended up vomitin at nite alrdy made me felt so guilty. if it's due to my parents, i'll feel even worse. can they put themselves in my shoes?

anw, jus hope d terrible feelin will go away. last time i rmbr feelin d overbloatedness in serious case was oso steamboat but was w my friends at turf city. & it lasted till d next day. hope this time wont ba.

change of role...

2011-01-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

changed of role...

had been a lab tech prep & guidin undergrads for their yr 1 & 2 prac class n apparently, a staff in my prof's lab was 1 of d students den n recently, she had advice me to go for endnote course which is supposed to help me in d referencin for my fyp report & taught me on some of d function of MS word...

jus nw, she taught me on other functions again & i even learn bout d 2 diff color settin of photos. she oso taught me on other things. 风水轮流转... lol... & she is leavin le. haiz... too bad...

anw, by right our fate should ve ended in 07 when she entered into yr 3 cos i only take 1st 2 yrs of prac. but cos i further my studies n had chosen to do attachment n fyp in this lab, i got d chance to know her s a friend. life is jus unpredictable...

BORED!!!

2011-01-24T19:40:00.003+08:00

bored... I'm super bored... dear workin 24 hr, my friend everday lesson, planna go jog aft work yet sky dark dark n started rainin when i reachin my stop... n hm don ve photoshop for me to play w... s d pic & so tempted to edit. i should ve jus stay at d lab instead... once hm means hm, JAILED... jus not a gd day today, not a gd start of d week... :(

tired yet too early sleep, n too tired to enjoy playin piano so no pt... only thing i wish can do is jus photoshop la cos i don believed i cant get d softcopy out fr d hardcopy. wanna 气死 picture ME & to feel more 爽 but no chance to. no other mood for other things. I'M SO SO BORED!!! 闷死人啦!!!

heart attack

2011-01-22T10:01:00.002+08:00

ytd took time off to go for workshop on endnote which a friend in d lab recommended when i was doin attachment mths ago. it supposed to end at 2 pm so i tot got lunch break n i forward d mail to d prof to say i need time off during d time for course. end up, no lunch break. jus a slight longer break w old chang kee curry puff at ard 10.30 am. so i end up gg straight to lab cos prof been really unhappy bout punctuality lately. n was busy immediately. luckily got incubation time so went downstair to find something to eat but d hotdog bun was like cannot make it. it's not only cold. d bread's hard & dry too. no wonder whenever i go thr find something eat, i end up walking off. haiz...

well, beside tt, i got a heart attack during my 2nd break (toilet break) of d course. received a SMS fr dear saying tt his tyre came off when he alrdy said he's gg off awhile ago aft his car was serviced at paya lebar. d duration oso meant tt he should be somewhr else le so it's even more scary. but to receive his SMS, it oso tells me tt he's still 'ok'. but hw 'ok'? tt i not sure. so i quickly call him.

thru d phone, he assured me tt he's alrite. he was still ard d workshop area. his speed was slow. initially hear softer sound so he slow down bit. den sound grew louder n he go even slower till when d sound got super loud tt he stop immediately & walk ard check n found a miss wheel. he oso nvr go find d wheel but walked straight to d workshop to get d ppl to come n check.

when i got to see him, found out it's d back wheel at d left side tt came off n d car was slanted n d wheel was found like ~10 m away. can't imagine if he's gg at higher speed or worse, at expressway at peak hr. dangerous to himself n oso to others cos of d loose wheel.

ask if d workshop compensate anything or refund d $$ for servicin, n there is none. jus say if car got prob n is related to this, they will service for free. who wanna go back thr la... i forbid dear to go back. i rather spend more if other place is more exp n to make sure tt d car is really safe to drive n tt d driver n all passengers will b safe n sound. n oso not pose danger to other drivers on d road than to get this kinda of slip short service. should check properly den give back d keys lor.

anw, i don think dear will go complain tt company cos he go thr cos it's an old friend of his mom. but no matter wat d relation is, should check properly ma. i don care d relationship. i jus wan dear to b safe so i wont allow him to go back thr again. 1 careless mistake can take away ppl's life leh... life is not something to play w...

20110118 - 2 Free Pictures taken at Snapz Image

2011-01-20T22:35:00.002+08:00

last fri played w photoshop (PS) CS5 usin d healin tools & i got hooked to d software... had PS 7 but not s suang s PS CS5... damn... but whr got cheap cheap lobang???

anw, did my minor touch-up usin PS CS5 on d CPU in lab ancillary office behind prof's back... *ssshhhh....* didn't ve much time to explore cos 1st day in lab alrdy super busy... & cant do it openly oso la...

didn't noe hw to do much... jus removed d uneven paintin of d background, remove d grey floor for d standing pic, removed d loose hair dangling ard... wish got time to explore more & wish i'd a softcopy to try at hm too...

anw, these shoots were FOC... they somehw got dear's no & call him & so we went & no scam & pestering. they quite suang kuai. n i believed it's d same place my friend went to last yr for her 2 free photos too... & oso same period (january)... coincident? watever... it's free anw w free make-over & oso help me removed d make-up & hairdo & even advice me hw to wash my sprayed hair...

20110102 - taken at picture ME again cos 无知

2011-01-20T22:23:00.002+08:00

5R

4R

we 无知 & we went thr again for photo takin w my parents... haiz...

20101223 - Photo Shoot from the 'well-known' picture ME at Suntec

2011-01-20T22:19:00.003+08:00

5R

4R

well-known for 'i'll get back to u again' -.-"

anw, pardon me for d pic w lots of noise. still wonderin hw to reduce tt cos they printed it on v rough photo paper... -.-" anybody noe can teach me??? thanks!!!

phew i can graduate in mid this yr le...

2011-01-18T00:52:00.002+08:00

though i cant say i'm really satisfied, i'm glad tt i can say nw tt i can graduate by mid this yr... *phew*

was super duper scared & worried all these while but thks to dear who kept me accompany all these while, encouragin me, stayin w me despite my jumpy temper, willin to go thru w me even if it's d worse, cheerin me up, & esp thru chattin w me on d line jus nw till i finally noe my grades even though u wanted to go slp le.

well, actually, frankly speakin, i'd forgotten tt results b out at 12 am of 18 jan 11 esp when i'd a day which i nvr expected to b so. i noe all these while, i always rmbr but jus duno y somehw, i totally forget results b out jus in less than 24 hr when mon arrived. guess i jus refused to rmbr ba cos i still rmbr i'm startin my fyp on d 18th. funny right? i happened to fix d fyp on date of exam results release n i can rmbr my fyp but not my results.

i was still so lookin forward to 'tml' n yet when my dear friend reminded me tt results is comin out, my mood totally changed. i was really afraid & worried. it's my last sem of exam & if i can't clear, it meant tt i'll end up delayin my graduation. i dread d time tt passed. i don wanna noe. i'm scare to noe. i'm scare till i almost cried n actually wish dear was ard but he's at hm but he called. b4 he called, i actually scare till i went to kneel down n chant for a while till dear call.

n b4 tt, due to my stress, when a sick indian guy called n askin me hw i'm & cont'd a few times, n when asked who is he & who he's lookin for, he said his name & den asked if i can talk to him. & thks to him, i managed to destress bit s i scolded him w a 'f' word & hung up. & he dared not call back le.

i can nw slp at ease le. :)

driving

2011-01-16T23:09:00.002+08:00

oso, ytd i drove back fr ps but sort of lost my way lah... cos i went ps n forget my other phone, dear went thr to look for me in case i'd to leave my phone thr n thus, become uncontactable. but s he had drink many d nite b4 fr his gatherin n end up w terrible hangover + vomited 2 more times when he reached ps, he asked me to take over d wheels.

he, himself oso didn't really noe d way back & worse is tt he's feelin so terrible & so at times, he told me pretty last min to turn or keep to whichever lane. & was worried for him so i forget to turn which he asked me to & had to move ard to find back a right path. & many times, i had to literally cut across a few lanes to get to d opp lane to make a turn. wasn't such a gd experiences on d wheel but it's alright la. still so much better than being beside dad or take dad's car.

anw, i got back my gps navigator app bought by my dad. so next time, shouldn't ve d prob of missin a turn or goin in wrong way. haha... i think i'm more used to drivin w d 'trainin' fr dear. at least, i can have a rough idea if i can change lane w d speed of another car fr my side mirror. last time, gotta think longer but nw, shorter time to think & go.

hopefully, will get more practice. honda fit is a really gd car to start off w to practice. it's small & it's auto gear. haha. shall practice more if can & oso learn parallel parkin ba. if all ok, den mayb 1 day if can, try on manual gear car den on van/lorry. haha... i super long time nvr drive manual gear le lah. last time, tried w pickup but stressful cos dad beside, nvr get to learn n practice much.

anw, thanks to dear for d trust la. car not a cheap asset but he let me drive n practice. n cos of tt, managed to noe hw to go to orchard n city hall thr, n oso d lanes of d rd at jurong thr. seated s passenger is really diff. won't notice all tt but when drive, den prob will come cos in wrong lane, den haha, u'll end up gg other places. hee...

new iphone 4 handset

2011-01-16T22:29:00.003+08:00

oh ya... i'd gotten a new set of iphone 4 ytd at ps... cos recently my phone been havin sort of poor reception.

initially, i notice tt i received sms late fr dear but might b due to d telco reception. but in past nvr had this prob except like on 12am of x'mas, new yr or cny.

anw, dear was 1st to notice s he can't contact me when he called. which made me take note too.

den, we oso noticed tt sometimes when he called or i called him, we couldn't hear each other n thr r weird background sound. only after we hung up n call again den ok.

den tt day, when i met my friend aft my dance gp graduation, my friend oso said she cant get hold of me when she reached & try to locate me. & tt made me suspect tt it's fr my phone. b4, i can't cfm s dear's phone oso bit siao siao & he'd been complainin bout it. but aft my friend oso experience tt, i believed it's fr my phone.

anw, most of my call & sms is w dear & i cont'd to experience d delayed sms once a while & d weird noisy background noise & uncontactable once a while.

i got d phone in sep last yr & in ard nov, it blackout once & i ended up havin a prepaid card on an old spare phone which i still can use nw but it's expirin. n tt time, when i called up m1, i managed to revive my phone & no need to ask my dad to go down to service centre. i'll b dead if he knew i actually did drop my phone tt day.

so since i noe tt my dad must b presence, i'd been kiv for my phone prob until late late fri nite, in fact, it's sat le. aft meetin my friend n reached hm, i wanna informed dear like usual so he wont worry. along d journey hm, i'd exchanged a couple of sms w him & my phone was still alright. but when i reached hm & dropped him a sms, d sms failed to send & i notice aft my shower. tried many times but d sending bar was stuck at ~80%. i tried to send to my friend but oso d same & so it's not cos of dear's phone again. luckily my friend oso give me d wat's app which she bought & it was workin & so i managed to get my friend to test n check my phone w me.

conclusion den was, i can't call out, ppl cant call in, i cant sms out n cant received sms too. however, i can use d wat's app which uses 3G. & tt means tt my internet service should be alright but not d calls n sms. It's only normal aft i did d master reset which i learnt months ago when my phone blackout.

thus, i can't take it any further but to wait till d next mornin n called up m1 to check whr d service ctr is. i called at 8.40 but was stated tt line only open at 9 am. called at 9.20 am but cant get hold of technician for many times. wanted to go IMM s thr is 1 service ctr thr but luckily tried d general enquires s iphone service ctr r only at ps or paragon.

i seldom frequent orchard so d most easiest place is ps s it's aft d istana. & i went thr immediately cos i don wanna b in too far queue. reach in an hr but haven open n so walked ard but when i got back, got a no of ppl queuin le. luckily i nvr walked till d door open.

i went down cos d person say if jus checkin, no need my dad's presence. only if need to do other things. but in d end, d person at counter told me tt it was due to software prob w/o even testin. so i guess this had happened to others too. he oso told me tt blackin out is quite common for iphone. gosh... tt's terrible. luckily only happened once. n so i guess, it's not cos i dropped my phone a couple of times but i nvr say tt lah. since d person say change a new set, den change loh. & so i nvr ask much le. & best part is don even need dad to b ard. haha... phew. till nw, he didn't noe i had a replacement handset le. oops...

n d weird thing was tt it was workin fine but when i reachin home, i wanna call my friend to check if she was hm so tt i can pass her ext hdd back but i cant type or do anything inside d phone call app. i got quite fed up then s i tot i'll ve to go back to ps again when i'm jus few blocks fr hm but aft doin a master reset, it's ok again. shall moniter n see hw but i'm still happy w a new handset cos i'd dropped d previous one for bit far too many times. haha...

anw, it's amazin tt d synchronizing of previous phone (app, doc, pics, mp3, etc) all r transferred back to my phone aft i plug in n type in my id & p/w. power. initially, i tot i'll ve to reload everything but didn't ve to do so 1 by 1. cool. save so much time. so it's 1 more plus pt of iphone despite d hanging, etc. quite a neat phone.

WARNING!!!

2011-01-16T22:16:00.002+08:00

WARNING!!!

pls b warned tt picture ME (suntec) after services suck to d core. it's motto / values / vision & mission r 'I'LL GET BACK TO YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR ORDERS COLLECTIONS' & 'delayed of promised order collection date'...

i went on 23/12 for 1st set, went to try make use of a slight cheaper promo fr d ndp booklet. was told can collect in 2 wks + will call me. on 2/1, went w my parents to take another set so happen to ask them, & they say ready on 7/1, but when call to enquire, can't find & say get back to me, den say need 2-3 more days. & nw, still can't find n say get back to me. called 3x to d shop, attended by 3 diff staffs, all say same thing & nvr get back to me. & worse was to hear tt 1 of d earlier staff actually went for dinner. !@#$%^&* was referred to manager but still say get back to me again.

given a choice for them to mail over but i won't. don trust them anymore. wat if photo of gd? must go thr personally to check. think like tt can get rid of me? not so easy.

ask for all softcopy s compensation, manager say get back to me again. call at least 3x aft >1hr ltr, no pick-up. sms oso no reply. when finally pick-up, say again i'll get back to you shortly. den when finally call back, say can only give me another offer of $88 package when d original package is $99. say tt's d best she can compensate.

wat sort of compensation is tt? i still have to pay $88 for 1x 8R, 2x 5R & 2x 4R only? & it's jus cheaper by $11? & den go through d whole process of hearing 'i'll get back to you again'? even if you give me FOC, i oso will ve to consider. will nvr go back for graduation pic when i graduate...

& d crap reason she gave for calls i made today to d shop was cos d photographer in charge was on leave n they cant find him. den wat bout those other days when i all b4? she oso said tt d delay was because d production got problem. she even said d order alrdy stated call when ready but it oso state '2 WEEKS'. if production got prob, when i call all these while, y nvr inform me & ask for a ltr date tt u can promise? even d 2nd set which by right today can collect couldn't b found oso wor. luckily i nvr go down today w my parents. luckily i decided to call s i tot of gg down tml b4 my fyp start.

wat sort of service they r providin? can't promise such an earlier date den state a later date la? production got problem, pls inform ur customer & apologise la. F*** @#$%^&*

i not in biz field oso noe tt a company should ve a vision & mission esp a customer based service company & to abide to it w customer 1st thinkin. but thr isn't any vision & mission fr tt studio website & all they say is 'i'll get back to u again'. if i noe, i wont ve get another package for my parents. so f*** up...