had to re-consider my current mission

been a busy holiday during this one month break. wish for longer break but too bad... it's ending soon. sighed.

start of this holiday, busy packing my rooms. dumping many things out to make space for the people who came to fix the new air-con a week after my exam. then repainting the ceilings and the walls of the 3 bedrooms. didn't had the whole day most of the time so only paint bit by bit.

then the holiday season, was asked to make agar-agar and fried bee hoon for the x'mas eve gathering. & just within 4 days, made like almost 20 litres of agar. just on saturday alone, made 4 agar-agar of 13 litres. crazy right? cos saturday, got a friend inviting us over for his house-warming. then on sunday morning, dance training was a celebration, then afternoon got a meeting.

been so busy this holiday that I kept losing track of the date. before I know it, it was the day of results release today. had a long day yesterday till I really forget till my friend sms me. but after I looked at it, I was extremely disappointed. the only 'an wei' is that I managed to clear all modules. but I did more badly than my 2nd semester. was hoping to pull up my GPA but in the end, it was pulled down. anyway, I guessed I can't blame anyone. without time to do tutorial and revised, how to do well? sighed...

ytd, at 1st feel so gd. though tired but havin fun at d morning celebration & met my sec friends, but d moment when gotten the results was like dropped into a deep and steep valley. sighed...

anyway, I am glad I met good friends. friends who encouraged me. last night after coming back from a long awaited gathering with a few of my sec sch friends, I was chatting with 2 of them though 1 left before i got my results, she did calm me and ask me not to worry. the other, even told me to jiayou 3 times more for the coming semester. even my uni friend who is online oso encourage me. even said she'll made me study & tt we could study together. I'm really glad I found such good friends esp my uni friends as they were so much younger than me. yet they never seemed to treat me differently so I didn't have the left out feeling.

but being away fr sch, lessons, books, etc for 4 years is not a good idea. i really find it very tough. i do feel really drained most of the times. I do not have the impression of such feeling when I was in poly.

i dunno if this explanation is acceptable but that is how i assured myself. yr 1 1st semester, did badly - cos i forget everything and lost touch with sch life and had to re-adapt & revise & study. 2nd sem did better cos i slowly get back in track?, 3rd sem, did worst than 2nd sem, mayb even worst than 1st sem - cos of sudden increase of 3 modules, & somemore, assignment & work took up most of those time that I did not have lesson that i do not have time for tutorial & revision.

though I could always find reasons, I do not think that is ok... I can't let myself go on like that. i must really reconsider my current mission... i am a student. though worried bout finance issue, but i think i cant let it affect me. oso do i really took up too many roles? i alrdy gives up my piano. will it get better or do i still have to sacrifice more?

i rmbr when i was young, whenever i got ext tuition, my results be worst cos I can't cope. i oso rmbr my results dropped greatly when i got so much to do for my cca in sec 4. when i didn't had other activity when i am in poly, i did better again. but when there is problem at hm, i did poorly for that sem. guess tt is y i am so burnt out when i started gg back to sch...

I once saw on a Soka magazine fr Japan which got an encouragement fr my mentor for students. it quote, 'Soka students, Devote yourselves to study whether in Japan or in United States, I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible. This is because each one of you has a precious mission to build world peace. No matter what profession you choose in future, I want all of you to become persons who will never forget their debts of gratitude to their parents.'

seeing the sentence, '... I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible...' and remembering a senior who once said that the main focus of students is to study hard. so must i drop dance also? it is from that where I learn to be more confident, it is also a place where I enjoyed myself or is that a past? my hip injury had held me back... is there other issue? did my hip problem & low energy, & studies burnt off the passion like my piano? i'm actually pretty lost... i do not know what is the best option now... sighed...

A long lost friend

Saw an old lost friend yesterday on the journey to grandma's house for dinner. It'd been years since I last saw her. She was already married. Actually I heard news that she got married before but since it's a news, I usually don't care about it after I heard about it.

She even got a 2 year old daughter named, Emily, and her mother-in-law is staying with them. According to her, she is happily married and her mother-in-law is also very helpful. I'm really happy for her.

She had chose to go MIA but I am amazed that she still remember even my mum and called out to her. Otherwise, I might have missed her yesterday. Had given her mobile number but she never call or drop a sms since. Maybe shall drop her a mail to her mum's place since her mum's still staying at the same place.