had to re-consider my current mission

been a busy holiday during this one month break. wish for longer break but too bad... it's ending soon. sighed.

start of this holiday, busy packing my rooms. dumping many things out to make space for the people who came to fix the new air-con a week after my exam. then repainting the ceilings and the walls of the 3 bedrooms. didn't had the whole day most of the time so only paint bit by bit.

then the holiday season, was asked to make agar-agar and fried bee hoon for the x'mas eve gathering. & just within 4 days, made like almost 20 litres of agar. just on saturday alone, made 4 agar-agar of 13 litres. crazy right? cos saturday, got a friend inviting us over for his house-warming. then on sunday morning, dance training was a celebration, then afternoon got a meeting.

been so busy this holiday that I kept losing track of the date. before I know it, it was the day of results release today. had a long day yesterday till I really forget till my friend sms me. but after I looked at it, I was extremely disappointed. the only 'an wei' is that I managed to clear all modules. but I did more badly than my 2nd semester. was hoping to pull up my GPA but in the end, it was pulled down. anyway, I guessed I can't blame anyone. without time to do tutorial and revised, how to do well? sighed...

ytd, at 1st feel so gd. though tired but havin fun at d morning celebration & met my sec friends, but d moment when gotten the results was like dropped into a deep and steep valley. sighed...

anyway, I am glad I met good friends. friends who encouraged me. last night after coming back from a long awaited gathering with a few of my sec sch friends, I was chatting with 2 of them though 1 left before i got my results, she did calm me and ask me not to worry. the other, even told me to jiayou 3 times more for the coming semester. even my uni friend who is online oso encourage me. even said she'll made me study & tt we could study together. I'm really glad I found such good friends esp my uni friends as they were so much younger than me. yet they never seemed to treat me differently so I didn't have the left out feeling.

but being away fr sch, lessons, books, etc for 4 years is not a good idea. i really find it very tough. i do feel really drained most of the times. I do not have the impression of such feeling when I was in poly.

i dunno if this explanation is acceptable but that is how i assured myself. yr 1 1st semester, did badly - cos i forget everything and lost touch with sch life and had to re-adapt & revise & study. 2nd sem did better cos i slowly get back in track?, 3rd sem, did worst than 2nd sem, mayb even worst than 1st sem - cos of sudden increase of 3 modules, & somemore, assignment & work took up most of those time that I did not have lesson that i do not have time for tutorial & revision.

though I could always find reasons, I do not think that is ok... I can't let myself go on like that. i must really reconsider my current mission... i am a student. though worried bout finance issue, but i think i cant let it affect me. oso do i really took up too many roles? i alrdy gives up my piano. will it get better or do i still have to sacrifice more?

i rmbr when i was young, whenever i got ext tuition, my results be worst cos I can't cope. i oso rmbr my results dropped greatly when i got so much to do for my cca in sec 4. when i didn't had other activity when i am in poly, i did better again. but when there is problem at hm, i did poorly for that sem. guess tt is y i am so burnt out when i started gg back to sch...

I once saw on a Soka magazine fr Japan which got an encouragement fr my mentor for students. it quote, 'Soka students, Devote yourselves to study whether in Japan or in United States, I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible. This is because each one of you has a precious mission to build world peace. No matter what profession you choose in future, I want all of you to become persons who will never forget their debts of gratitude to their parents.'

seeing the sentence, '... I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible...' and remembering a senior who once said that the main focus of students is to study hard. so must i drop dance also? it is from that where I learn to be more confident, it is also a place where I enjoyed myself or is that a past? my hip injury had held me back... is there other issue? did my hip problem & low energy, & studies burnt off the passion like my piano? i'm actually pretty lost... i do not know what is the best option now... sighed...

A long lost friend

Saw an old lost friend yesterday on the journey to grandma's house for dinner. It'd been years since I last saw her. She was already married. Actually I heard news that she got married before but since it's a news, I usually don't care about it after I heard about it.

She even got a 2 year old daughter named, Emily, and her mother-in-law is staying with them. According to her, she is happily married and her mother-in-law is also very helpful. I'm really happy for her.

She had chose to go MIA but I am amazed that she still remember even my mum and called out to her. Otherwise, I might have missed her yesterday. Had given her mobile number but she never call or drop a sms since. Maybe shall drop her a mail to her mum's place since her mum's still staying at the same place.

After Exam Lunch

Yeah! Exam finally over. Though worried about the results but was really relieved that it's finally over. Now must focus on the dance on 29 November 2008.

After the exam, went for a 'celebration' lunch with the 'Piao' family proposed by Michelle even before the final paper. With the idea of taking a group photo from my HW102 project mates, I suggested that we should take photo together. Caren then suggest something that seemed so ancient to me which is to take neoprint together & Michelle even suggest to wear nicer. LOL!

We 'hopped' from Jurong Point to Jurong East but decided to go Lot One in case Jurong Entertainment still under renovation and had our lunch at Siam Kitchen.

After which, went up to the arcade (not to play) but to find neoprint station. While queueing, Michelle comment that our average age was bigger than those around ther arcade and I comment that my age alone could be double those playing. Yet I am there with my 3 friends queueing to take neoprint & 一起玩, 一起疯. 我都几岁了咯... But I enjoyed the afternoon off after the torture for the past few weeks.

Anyway, once I reach home, I started to pack my rooms. No time to lose as I must clear many unwanted things so that I can make space before 6 Dec 08 as my dad bought new multi-split air-con as ours been leaking gas and had been using for a decade or more. Tomorrow (later), can't packed as my senior be using her free time to teach and fine tune my dance steps for saturday.

'Murdered' by BS201

It'd been a while since I felt this bad after an exam paper. I remembered that the first semester was really bad. Not that the second semester was so much better but at least can feel that it was at least better than previous.

Today, had a paper. I remembered looking at the last year past year paper. Though not easy but still seemed do-able. But today's paper is a disaster. I keep skipping and skipping till I am at the last question (still do not know how to do) when it's just about 45 minutes since the start of a 2.5 hour paper. However, I stayed thoughout the 2.5 hours and managed to scribble somethings in my exam script for all the questions. But I know most will be wrong. Sighed... So demoralizing... Felt that I am being 'murdered' by the paper.

Missed my INUYASHA MOVIE 4 - FIRE ON THE MYSTIC ISLAND

AAAHHHH.....!!!!!!

I'm so frustrated with myself. I had been lost in the world of studying studying and more studying that I forgot that today okto is showing the inuyasha movie 4 - fire on the mystic island. Sob! Sob! SOB!!!

I had been chasing after this japanese anime 'inuyasha' for years after my polyfriend lend me her vcds then. Had watched all 167 eps and 3 movies out of 4. Just left this movie 4. Had been waiting for this movie 4 and today okto is screening it and I missed it. ARGH...!

I didn't have time to watch and I forget about it and so never record down so I could watch after all my papers. Damned. Up to Wednesday, I still remember but since the day before my 1st paper, I totally forget about this. I can study till I forget the time and didn't realized that it was 11pm before I called my senior to check if I could miss the training tomorrow to study.

I want my inuyasha movie 4... Sob Sob...

Anyway, I am glad I got very nice and understanding chief and senior from my dance group. They allow me to take 'leave' to study for my exam and even cheer me on! Thanks! but I'm still very upset...

Battle begins

The actual battle consisting of 6 papers will begin tomorrow and only end on the 27 November. Must really strive for this last lap then rest before the next battle begins.

Yesterday, my HW102 groupmates went to look for our tutor to review our assignment 3 while me (the 'leader') 'eat snake'. No lah. Didn't want to travel all the way to school and back just to review the paper which we can't do anything about the grading. I rather spend quality time to study for my exams. Furthermore, when got home, will be pretty tired to study. Anyway, my groupmate told me that we got an 'A-' for the assignment. So glad that our hard effort was paid off.

We got 'B+' for 1st assignment and I got 'B+' for the 2nd assignment (individual) and there is still an assignment 4 (individual). Hope I can really break the record for getting a 'B' for the overall final for an English-based modules. *Hoping*

Tireness

So much for the 'panic' (I hope). My hip did got better the day after and yesterday managed to get through the long training from 9 to almost 5. Well, towards the end, I could feel that the leg totally got not much strength left. Actually is both legs as I used more strength on my left leg for balancing, etc.

By the time, I reached home, I was dead tired both physically and mentally. Can't study at all and went to bed at almost 11. One of the earliest day I went to bed. Knocked off immediately and today, still woke up with tired and sore body due to the training yesterday. Had difficulties to 'pull' myself up. How I wished I could just sleep my day through but I can't. I still got to study for my exams.

Day after my leg seemed to go worse, had very itchy and sometimes runny nose. Yesterday, worst still, tummy keep rumbling in the morning. Luckily it got better during the day. So end of last week wasn't a good week for me. Hope it shall get better now. Can't afford to fall ill at this critical period.

And I hope I can break the record of staying this healthy and even better (though I had a few time of running nose this semester but was alright maximum of after a few days when I took medicine when it's slightly more serious).