i'm v angry, v pissed off, v fed up, v sad, v upset...

hw many times do i ve to go thru this? i shld ve 学乖 aft though not tt many overseas trips...

i'm suddenly not look forward to d HK trip in june. all thks to u noe who... i'm so angry... so pissed off... so fed up.... so upset... so sad... y? y do they ve to do this?

they say wanna go HK. mum said wanna bring cousin & she likes to go disney. i object to bring her oso no use. forget it. mum oso suggest disney tt time. today, when dad list out d no of days for d trip & eliminate d days for disney, i said tt is not i wan one but they wan. mum said she nvr say... i really wanna faint on d spot...

d trip was 6d5n. 1d at disney, 1d macau, 1d shenzhen, 1/2d city tour, 1/2 a day gone to travel to HK, almost another 1/2 day gone to travel back to airport... so don ve much time left...

they still wanna follow our friend's itinerary say shenzhen 1d not enough. so ask us to find out if can extend a nite at shen zhen which i don see d pt. parents say v rush jus go shen zhen 1d. but she oso say nite time more to walk. so y stay 1 nite thr? next day 12 we still gotta check out. so wat can they do thr in mornin?

if get transfer by travel agency, sure more exp. if transfer by their 'MRT', sure v mafan & they sure grumble. i got my friend's itinerary & noe they go thr 3d2n but parents insist is 2d1n. so do they mean they wan extend another 2n at shen zhen?

wat they heard is shen zhen sell cheaper than HK. den they jus go shen zhen la. i understand tt they wanna utilize d time thr & since thr, go s many places s possible. but i can say even 8d7n go both HK & Shen Zhen oso not enough one lah. unless they stay thr for mayb 1/2 a yr?

d thing i really mad & angry is tt they ask us plan. yet they do this again. history repeat all over itself when i did more intensive research nw in findin detail map, in finding places to shop, etc. d transfer, etc. I DON WANNA PLAN AGAIN. I DON WANNA GO HOLI W THEM AGAIN!!! jus gonna b 2nd trip & dear alrdy reach max. said wont go w them again.

i can say i sch busy. for attachment, for FYP, & den for work. but... tt means if dear/friends wanna go overseas or wat, i cant go oso. cos i suppose to b 'busy'. but i really don wanna go w them... nvr again... hw... if i go w them, i don noe hw can i cope... i really donno... cos i definitely no whr to go but stick w them for those days esp if i alone w them.

i was alrdy angry w them for pushin away d disney idea, & den addin in more stun. durin dinner, saw d soup only left 1 prawn & dad likes prawn so i jus say i don wan tt bowl of soup & took d prawn to dad's bowl & say i don wanna eat so many seafood oso cos of my allergy. but main reason is dad (but i keep hush bout tt). in d end, mum say i 没胆. cannot b scared...

i wanna blurt out & say if i 没胆,
i wont go play in d sea water since sec sch d beach even though parents don allow,
i wont learn cyclin behind their back,
i wont go kayakin out to d sea when i don noe hw to swim,
i wont sneak to wild wild wet yrs ago when i don noe hw to swim at all,
i wont lie & get d chance to stay o/n w friends in d hotel aft my poly d&d
i wont ve d intention to go to d pub, etc durin d nite stay at d hotel
i wont go try pick up swimmin w my friends ignorin my parents' concern,
i wont join d dance gp i'm in nw & performed in front of many ppl,
i wont take up d role s my friend's weddin banquet emcee,
i wont go try roller blading w my friends,
etc

thr r many many things they don noe bout me. & i'm sure thr r many things i would like to try & if i don try nw, when do i? when i old? can they jus face it? i'm no longer a kid. can they don instill their thinkin & treat it s mine?

tt's not all d blow today. they ordered 3 dishes + 1 soup + 30 satay today for dinner. i stopped when i full & oso remind dear not to force cos dad keep askin him to 'help clear'. dad comment say i not cannot squeeze but i don wanna squeeze. say i capable of eatin many. if yrs back, i agree but not nw. told him tt i went buffet w friends mths ago & i end up v bloated & uncomfortable & end up takin med. told him, if he wan, i force in & asked d med fr him. he said eat & squeeze 1 or 2 more time wont pain le. -.-'''

oso told them tt dear tt time, end up vomittin & stomachache for whole nite & even vomit again in middle of d nite till his mum questioned me wat he ate. bout dear, i alrdy told mum cos dad always keep askin dear to 'help' clear d food but mum seemed to forget or choose to forget. guess wat, he said d same thing by saying squeeze 1 or 2 more time b ok le. he oso said if dear's mum asked, he'll say his mom nvr let him eat much. told him not so cos his mum always cook alot & cant finish. his reply was, d food not to dear's liking. -.-''' so i ended up sayin tt at least his mom nvr forced us to eat & ltr his mom forbid him come eat w us. mum said it's ok. at most she & my dad eat tgt loh.

so aft d trip issue, & me 没胆 + wanna forced us eat when we cant, i was v v v angry & upset alrdy. dear by my side & tryin to comfort me actually made me more emo cos i can see tt he care but my saddness overwhelm me. & tt's not all.

neighbout bout fried oyster egg for us. parents asked us share. we ate 1st & they said still many so i said if cant finish, jus throw. they say i nvr eat so i said i did cos i really do. i say i cant squeeze anymore or ltr i too bloated. dad got angry. say i nvr eat yet keep sayin stomachache. of course i angry. 1 noe my reply v harsh. i said, 'ok. next time divide into 4. if i can finish i finish. if not i throw my portion.' i don understand cos if dad overeat, he oso stomach pain. y he like tt? of all ppl, he shld understand better... yet...

2 days ago, he said i v free one when mum wanted a photo for her hp wallpaper. d photo in dad's hp. so cant he jus sent it over? mum said i busy but dad keep insistin tt i v free. shoot him back & asked him to study himself. told him i still got many projects, reports, presentation on hand. ytd oso shoot him back when he say me again. say i teach mum to play sudoko but not him. so i shoot him back even fr my rm when he's in d living rm. ask him y he keep sayin me. mum only noe hw to laugh.

w d consecutive blow of attacks within hrs, i really cannot take it. my eyes keep gettin wet & i had to fight back to hold back my tears but dear's comfort only make d tears flow more uncontrollably tt i ran to d bathrm a couple of times. he said, 'dear, don sad sad, boy boy stay w you', 'dear, hw can i make you not so sad?', etc etc...

dear must ve seen my red eyes tt jus aft he left, he sms & asked me not to cry though i didn't cry in front of him. seein d sms, made my tears flow again tt i dash off to d bathrm for a shower cum a cry out session. even go to d last resort to fill up d basin & dip my face into d water. it's amazin hw it help me after a few tries. i calm down more. but dear's worries bout me do make me feel emo again when he asked if i ok & said he worried & said he will stand by me.

since late afternoon, i kanna headache again. at 1st, dad was nappin, so i took d chance to nap s well, when it rained, i closed d window & soon aft dad woke up, i dare not sleep le. & even when i got d headache, i oso nvr dare slp. den they came out w all tt. can they b more reasonable? i can really exhange everything i ve, my phone, etc. i can slp on d hard floor. i jus wan them to b reasonable. m i askin for too much?

Dear, Thanks!

dis mornin, i duno if i really itchy mouth or really cos of my stomach upset. jus 2 sip of kopi-o & soon stomach started to churn. & didn't wanna tell mum or she worry so i try to walk faster aft alightin fr dad's car aft breakfast but she walk slow.... sighed... aft tt i took charcoal pill again & dug out a few pkt of d lacteol fort. & luckily aft tt felt better & ok since... *keepin fingers crossed* but i avoid chilli for my chicken rice lunch cos chicken rice oso pretty oily le.

anw, d main thing i wanna say is tt i today oso quite suay... dropped my hp in water again. ya. hp went swimmin again. almost a yr since this happened. last yr was april, durin my exam period. nw is mar. haiz... & it happened jus b4 i need to go sch...

i quickly dismantle & try to dry it as much as possible & swop my sim card into my mum's old hp w/o d clear button. guess wat... it need to set up & i by accident click bahasa indonesia... -.-''' totally cant understand. not quite la. but w my limited vocab, i oso cant change back language.

i assume bahasa is language but when i click tt, thr were 2 options rather than a whole list of d diff types of languages... so i really cant find out. d last time i use d phone was so long ago tt i forgot hw to lock it. w d foreign language, i cant find my sim contacts. i cant really type sms. i cant send cos i donno my friend's contact.

in d end, rmbr tt dear's took malay class b4 & he had a malay-english translation dictionary in his shelf. so decided to go to his house since he was already on his way back. so i sort of got no choice but to skip class oso in case i need to send my hp for servicing. but i unsure. cos warranty over. last time, they changed d 'main board' which cost like $300+ but under warranty so no need pay. if really spoilt & gotta pay tt much i really duno wat to do. tt price can get a decent new hp le. but this phone is bought by dad. so ltr he ask hw...

anw, think d phone is ok but thr r condensation in my camera lens so i decided to let it dry o/n. hope really ok. *fingers crossed*

but i must really THANK DEAR. he jus finish work & was on d way hm & was near hm but he came over to pick me knowing the trouble i'd gotten myself in. & he really listen to me & drove back to his place but realized tt i actually jus wanna used his dictionary, he helped me see & changed back d language at his lift lobby. he den saw tt thr is still time for me to go for lesson, he nvr even go up to change fr his uniform & he u-turn back to his car & sent me to sch. & he picked me up again after my class again.

Dear, THANKS!!!

recently, when i was so down tt i went to west coast to chill, he oso went to pick me up aft work. tt period of time, he would try to accompany me if he was not workin. actually, he would try to do so all d time. but at least he understood my plight. Thanks!

Say NO to affairs...

recently thr had been too much scam... previously tiger wood, ... till nw jack neo, a 'celebrities' so near to us.

jus saw d video of d press conference he held w his wife. i'm really tongue-tighted... i donno wat i shld say bout his wife. did she really forgive him or is it jus another act? if she really forgive him, wat really makes her have such a big heart?

if it's me, wat would i do? i wont ve such a big heart to forgive & forget d hurt tt will incur to me. even if i got kid(s) & no matter hw young d child(ren) is/are. i wont stay w such husband. NEVER. cos who noes when he'll go haywire again? + he would be a bad example for d kid(s). furthermore, i may not get a gd qualification but i wont go hungry. i have d ability to take care of myself & even kid(s). i'll make sure he would nvr get d chance to find me & disturb my future life.

ya. i may sound too harsh but s a modern woman, we do ve a ability to look aft ourselve & need not depend on the husband. so we must fight for our rights & nvr get bullied by ur other halves...

anw, i can be nice & sweet & yet d opposite dependin on hw i'm treated. like a friend said in her blog. i agreed totally w wat she said:

"...No matter what age the other party is, extra marital affair cannot be condone... An affair is an affair, and the age doesn’t matter. ... And guys who are rich or relatively well off, the multiple zeros in your bank account doesn’t give you the right to fool around. If money means a guy can have mistresses, then I rather be the wife of a poor man. At least, if my husband is mine and mine alone, then I can be counted as the richest lady in the world."

stomach upset...

1 word to describe me... 'sian'...

ytd mornin a while aft breakfast, kanna stomachache. stomach lots of wind. still churnin when i reach d LT for my test. so i ended up takin charcoal pill. was ok in d afternoon till... nw... i tot was ok le. but a while ago, it came back again. sighed...

do i really ve to take pills every week? i hope i get better. cos early tml mornin got test at 8.30. haiz...

actually 2 nite ago, when i slpin, in middle of d nite, i suddenly cough & feel like vomittin but was ok after tt. mayb since tt nite, stomach alrdy unwell. shall avoid d kopi-o tml cos i oso cant drink too much one. jus hope let me get thru tml test... let me feel ok at least btw 8 to 9.30 tml...

picnic at work...

a sweet treat fr colleagues who cant tahan me... & ignoring me & gg to get d pastry fr soemwhr despite me saying, i no need d cake... i think if i really work thr, can really gain weight... sometimes, buffet oso... lol...

jus nw, colleagues said they forgot get d cake for me & asked if i wan so they go take. i alrdy ate sandwich so i full le. don wanna snack so i decline their kind offer. in d end, my colleague v funny... try all means to try tempt me. say d cake v nice. i must try. it's worth d try, etc... lol... so funny... in d end, i thks her but told her tt it will nvr tempt me cos i not 'chan zui' & i don snack & she pretty sad sad. she gave up in d end but said she don care, will go get for me & 'drop' tt 2 on d table in front of me...

i kept aside since i don feel like snackin 'yet' & when she saw, she suddenly asked if i wanna wait for it to get mouldy. i 'jumped' cos i was trying to find out some name & got too engross. so i gotta tell her not to 'pound on me' anymore cos when i engross, i'll get 'scared' easily... lol...

anw, she made me finished up tt 2 piece of cakes. luckily not v big. or i gotta die being too too full. but she gave me another piece soon aft i finished. they even wanna gave me coffee/tea/lemon tea. lol... i oso wonder if i go thr work or go thr picnic...

anw, aft all d commotion tt ppl keep thinkin i 'jian fei'... w such nice colleagues, hw to? plus will some one on diet go eat mac, kfc, etc... so i really don understand y ppl keep thinkin i 'jian fei' actually, i do eat slightly more than previous le leh. at least i can try finished up a bowl of rice (normal portion) if i want to but i'll b pretty bloated le.

but i cant admit d fact tt my weight was lesser than b4. mayb 3-5 kg diff back on d inaccurate bathrm scale i got at hm. but d prob is all d pants i bought long long time ago (in poly) & those i bought throughout d yrs r still wearable.

y i cant recall...

aft all d summarizin work & studyin & gp-in certain name & associate w d drug class, i got confused... i noe tt d drugs r agonist or antagonist yet i cant rmbr exactly which pg of my summary or top or bottom part... i'm so mad at myself... my summary list does help but i cant recall... i blank thr... baka baka baka...

anw, 1 down & 1 more test to go... den tests b over. den focus on projects, reports, etc... all d nvr ending task... gambatte!!!

pharmacology

studyin for pharmacology is crazy. all d drugs names, class, etc...

my friend's comment in fb: Hmm.. I was wondering how the pharmacists & doctors remember all the drugs' names & classes... 佩服!!!

today went to d dentist & he had a chat w me b4 he began his work. he said tt actually clinician/doc, etc don need to noe d literature behind d drugs. tt's job of researchers or future researchers... accordin to d dentist, they (he was referrin to doc) don even need to read up d literature of d drug. most of d time, they don even understand wat d paper was saying. oopss...

they jus wanna noe if d drug is safe, wat it's meant for & wat r d side effects or contraindications. tt reminds me of hw 'limited' d no of drugs in d clinic unlike d whole list of drugs we needs to rmbr. doc jus see which is d best drugs & get those & prescript to patients.

guess if i managed to memorize all d drugs & wat they target & whr, i guess next time, if sick, i can jus go to d clinic, see doc & asked for this or tt med... no need doc to prescript le. jus need d doc signature. lol...