think it's really a bad decision to start attachment tml. hopefully tml 1st day can end early ba... tired sia...
today purposely skip d dance thingy cos jus go support those performin at a far away place fr hm & longer hr so i nvr go. i go for another mtg in d afternoon which was shorter hr & nearer.
was super ko durin d mtg. body no strength again. crossin arms oso no strength. strugglin to b awake fully. cant even sit up straight. wanna lean again something oso dun ve. it was terrible. i shld ve given excuse to skip all.
dad accused me say i nvr slp last nite... -.-" hw can. i alrdy went to slp jus aft 12 le. mayb i shld go slp earlier if tt'll help.
anw, jus nw dad really went to change sgd to hkd. ytd he gave me some $$ to go hk. still got time so can still monitor exchange rate. in d end, while queuein he qs me in a demandin tone to change. either he really wan me change or his tone was not tt gd
i tot of jus mayb change 1/2 d amt while d other 1/2 cont'd monitor. if got better rate den go change. in d end, when dad told d person d amt, d person exchange 1 hkd less. so i use d chance to delay totally. shall monitor see hw.
well, durin all d travellin, i duno if it's due to d gg in & out of air con place, d cold & sudden hot, or d stuffiness, i felt terrible. probably due to me oso feelin tired, ko, w no strength, i felt like i was floatin s i walk but i was actually draggin my feet & i wld tend to try to find support s i walk like i cant support myself. oso felt i don wanna eat + felt nauseous so i took d anti-dizziness cum anti-vomittin med. took a short nap & felt better nw. oso feel hungry nw but if can, i think i could hibernate instead...
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Friday, 7 May 2010
hibernate
think i need to hibernate for days... to really recharge... super flat... i really wish to delay d attachment...
opportunities are rare... must grab...
tired... guess will not go for d sun mornin event at so far away for so long. at most go for d afternoon mtg which will b more dry but at least mornin can rest & nuah...
i still cant decided if i wanna start attachment on mon. hw... v v tempted not to but really didn't wanna stay hm. guess i shall jus start ba (reluctantly).
anw, i shld b glad i got d opportunities right? if i apply fr outside company, den i may not even get d chance cos of my results. my friend said they do request to see d exam results transcipt. gosh... hw to find job in future like tt. so mayb i shall jus grab any opportunities i'll get ba. shall email my prof soon to cfm time to report & wat needs to b done...
i still cant decided if i wanna start attachment on mon. hw... v v tempted not to but really didn't wanna stay hm. guess i shall jus start ba (reluctantly).
anw, i shld b glad i got d opportunities right? if i apply fr outside company, den i may not even get d chance cos of my results. my friend said they do request to see d exam results transcipt. gosh... hw to find job in future like tt. so mayb i shall jus grab any opportunities i'll get ba. shall email my prof soon to cfm time to report & wat needs to b done...
Thursday, 6 May 2010
tired
drowned w tiredness... think i seriously need a long & power slp to recharge back. so i oso duno wat i shld do for sun.
mornin no trg but chief wants d rest of us who aren't performin to go support our friends who r performing at d kampung serai family festival. gotta reach mcpherson mrt by 8.15. can i wake up esp when thr is a mother's day gatherin at grandma's hse d evenin b4? i didn't even noe whr. jus saw d mrt map & realized it's along d circle line. i didn't even noe thr is such a station until i go check out.
either i go for tt den i can miss d afternoon mtg or i simply find excuse to skip tt but den i will ve to go for d afternoon mtg but tt time is shorter s compared to d mornin events. hw...
& i m so drained so shld i go attachment straightaway on mon? i still can ve until tml to tell me prof? hw... but i don wanna stay hm. gosh... wat can i do? but i need sleep/rest oso. haiz...
go for sun mornin event at MacPherson by 8.15 to mayb 1+ or afternoon mtg which is so much nearer fr 2-4? start attachment next wk or stay hm? 2 decision to make but d attachment decision, must decide by tml le...
anw, i guess i tired cos lack of sleep + mayb insufficient nutrient. shld go & pamper myself for going thru wk & wk of bread. it'd been an at least once a wk thingy due to d crazy timetable for 1 of d day every wk.
mornin no trg but chief wants d rest of us who aren't performin to go support our friends who r performing at d kampung serai family festival. gotta reach mcpherson mrt by 8.15. can i wake up esp when thr is a mother's day gatherin at grandma's hse d evenin b4? i didn't even noe whr. jus saw d mrt map & realized it's along d circle line. i didn't even noe thr is such a station until i go check out.
either i go for tt den i can miss d afternoon mtg or i simply find excuse to skip tt but den i will ve to go for d afternoon mtg but tt time is shorter s compared to d mornin events. hw...
& i m so drained so shld i go attachment straightaway on mon? i still can ve until tml to tell me prof? hw... but i don wanna stay hm. gosh... wat can i do? but i need sleep/rest oso. haiz...
go for sun mornin event at MacPherson by 8.15 to mayb 1+ or afternoon mtg which is so much nearer fr 2-4? start attachment next wk or stay hm? 2 decision to make but d attachment decision, must decide by tml le...
anw, i guess i tired cos lack of sleep + mayb insufficient nutrient. shld go & pamper myself for going thru wk & wk of bread. it'd been an at least once a wk thingy due to d crazy timetable for 1 of d day every wk.
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
m i too numb???
1 more paper down. left i core elective on fri... den attachment will commence. duno if i shld email d prof on fri or wat? mayb i shld. still decidin whether to take a break or start immediately on mon.
anw, i duno if i numb w d stress, or d fear, d anxiety, etc... i think i got d bo chap attitude aft i finish every paper though i believed i may not do well. but i still worried i failed again. haiz... but i noe i can b quite expressionless... mayb got d 'expressionless virus' fr 1 of our prof...
well, today, heard tt dear may b attached overseas for 3 mths. well, i oso duno if my emotion had been too numb w d exam stress or wat or cos it's something which i noe may come 1 day due to his job nature & i was sort of pre-prep for such news.
3 mths may seemed short but i guess i had gotten use to at least able to see him every other day. but i'll still support his decision & not restrictin him. i dislike it when ppl restrict me or force me do something so i wont do tt to anyone. if it'll help him & if it's wat he wants, he shld go though i will miss him.
i noe thr will b 2 outcomes, either absence make d heart fonder or it will drift apart. anw, shall take it s a challenge & hope d outcome is d 1st but of course if too much absence den thr is only 1 outcome which is d latter.
well, i still ve attachment, studies, soka mtgs, dance trg, etc which will keep me busy jus tt i might spend more time at hm. hopefully parents esp mum don come out w more stunts. it'd been peaceful for nw & hope it shall cont'd to be when dear not ard cos i dun ve any strength & courage i ve to face more of those stunts. i'd reach my limit tt time jus b4 my term break.
if i havin attachment den, mayb i might work later in d lab if possible cos jus thinkin of facin more nonsense, i cant ctrl my tears fr buildin. guess i fear hm more than exams ba cos i can still stay expressionless even aft exam. i aren't s strong s i may look.
actually, i believed i actually got depression over tt matters. d feelin of not stayin hm, d draggin of feet back everyday, even 'suicidal' thots when i was a kid. & d recent case jus b4 my term break, wantin to escape fr everybody, losing of interest in everything tt i may like, didn't want to face or see anyone, d strong urge to cry, d feelin of wantin to give up every single thing & every single person in my life, etc
it was terrible. & i noe these r symptom of depression. i'm glad i'm still ve d right state of mind in me tt bring myself to chill out at west coast park + dear was thr to accompany me when he could. otherwise, guess i'm not writin in this blog but mayb stayin in IMH. so i can only wish tt thr r no more stunts for my weak heart. can only use attachment/work s an excuse cos i can't go out often...
s for dear, i can only wish he will take care of himself over thr & not feel so stress. his tummy hasn't been tt gd esp aft more oily, spicy or more filling meals. he's easily bloated or havin discomfort. doc said mayb too stress. in SG, it's alrdy restrictin cos at times cant even meet him & see hw he is. if he's thr, he gotta take care of himself. i'd been d 'unlicensed' doc/nurse givin him d med to alleviate prob like block/runnin nose, etc. or to get him herbal tea to reduce his heatyness. so once he goes thr, he'll b by himself.
anw, i duno if i numb w d stress, or d fear, d anxiety, etc... i think i got d bo chap attitude aft i finish every paper though i believed i may not do well. but i still worried i failed again. haiz... but i noe i can b quite expressionless... mayb got d 'expressionless virus' fr 1 of our prof...
well, today, heard tt dear may b attached overseas for 3 mths. well, i oso duno if my emotion had been too numb w d exam stress or wat or cos it's something which i noe may come 1 day due to his job nature & i was sort of pre-prep for such news.
3 mths may seemed short but i guess i had gotten use to at least able to see him every other day. but i'll still support his decision & not restrictin him. i dislike it when ppl restrict me or force me do something so i wont do tt to anyone. if it'll help him & if it's wat he wants, he shld go though i will miss him.
i noe thr will b 2 outcomes, either absence make d heart fonder or it will drift apart. anw, shall take it s a challenge & hope d outcome is d 1st but of course if too much absence den thr is only 1 outcome which is d latter.
well, i still ve attachment, studies, soka mtgs, dance trg, etc which will keep me busy jus tt i might spend more time at hm. hopefully parents esp mum don come out w more stunts. it'd been peaceful for nw & hope it shall cont'd to be when dear not ard cos i dun ve any strength & courage i ve to face more of those stunts. i'd reach my limit tt time jus b4 my term break.
if i havin attachment den, mayb i might work later in d lab if possible cos jus thinkin of facin more nonsense, i cant ctrl my tears fr buildin. guess i fear hm more than exams ba cos i can still stay expressionless even aft exam. i aren't s strong s i may look.
actually, i believed i actually got depression over tt matters. d feelin of not stayin hm, d draggin of feet back everyday, even 'suicidal' thots when i was a kid. & d recent case jus b4 my term break, wantin to escape fr everybody, losing of interest in everything tt i may like, didn't want to face or see anyone, d strong urge to cry, d feelin of wantin to give up every single thing & every single person in my life, etc
it was terrible. & i noe these r symptom of depression. i'm glad i'm still ve d right state of mind in me tt bring myself to chill out at west coast park + dear was thr to accompany me when he could. otherwise, guess i'm not writin in this blog but mayb stayin in IMH. so i can only wish tt thr r no more stunts for my weak heart. can only use attachment/work s an excuse cos i can't go out often...
s for dear, i can only wish he will take care of himself over thr & not feel so stress. his tummy hasn't been tt gd esp aft more oily, spicy or more filling meals. he's easily bloated or havin discomfort. doc said mayb too stress. in SG, it's alrdy restrictin cos at times cant even meet him & see hw he is. if he's thr, he gotta take care of himself. i'd been d 'unlicensed' doc/nurse givin him d med to alleviate prob like block/runnin nose, etc. or to get him herbal tea to reduce his heatyness. so once he goes thr, he'll b by himself.
Monday, 3 May 2010
wasted trip
have i study till i really so blur???
wanted to go sch study today. didn't wanna stay hm s usual. in d end, tot i miss my staff bus but i nvr go out late. so ended up take mrt to sch. found tt lib closed. sch super quiet. suspect sch not in operation. went back my sch to cfm. saw GO really pitch black. well, not exactly pitch black but cfm not like usual. wanted to go resource rm study instead but cant access. so end up go hm loh. no whr to go.
mornin left at 7.40 am. wait bus till 7.50 am. go take lrt to cck, mrt to je. transfer to pioneer, take shuttle bus in. den take bus 179 out of sch. & gotta repeat d train transfer which i sian & tired le. so end up took cab back & reach by 9.35 am. at least i reach hm earlier than mum so need not explain to her. jus let it b this way.
but it's waste of my time. for tt 2 hr, i could ve study more or use d time travellin to sleep another 2-3 hrs. haiz... wat is done cant undone. check email oso nvr say anything so i check d acad calendar. found d followin 'note' at d bottom...
Note: Where a public holiday falls on a Saturday, the public holiday will be substituted and observed by the University on the following Monday and there will be no classes in each instance.
no wonder today sch not in operation la... even lib oso not open... must rmbr next time
wanted to go sch study today. didn't wanna stay hm s usual. in d end, tot i miss my staff bus but i nvr go out late. so ended up take mrt to sch. found tt lib closed. sch super quiet. suspect sch not in operation. went back my sch to cfm. saw GO really pitch black. well, not exactly pitch black but cfm not like usual. wanted to go resource rm study instead but cant access. so end up go hm loh. no whr to go.
mornin left at 7.40 am. wait bus till 7.50 am. go take lrt to cck, mrt to je. transfer to pioneer, take shuttle bus in. den take bus 179 out of sch. & gotta repeat d train transfer which i sian & tired le. so end up took cab back & reach by 9.35 am. at least i reach hm earlier than mum so need not explain to her. jus let it b this way.
but it's waste of my time. for tt 2 hr, i could ve study more or use d time travellin to sleep another 2-3 hrs. haiz... wat is done cant undone. check email oso nvr say anything so i check d acad calendar. found d followin 'note' at d bottom...
Note: Where a public holiday falls on a Saturday, the public holiday will be substituted and observed by the University on the following Monday and there will be no classes in each instance.
no wonder today sch not in operation la... even lib oso not open... must rmbr next time
Saturday, 1 May 2010
灵异事件
thr's a 灵异事件 happenin in my hse btw 7.30 to 7.45 am.
at tt time, heard d kitchen bathroom door closed. i tot dad woke up cos he always use tt bathrm 1st if my he woke up tgt w mum. i cant tell who went to d bathrm cos my door closed so i jus assumed it's my dad.
guess wat. it's not him. mum tot it was me cos parents door oso closed. & dad was beside her. so who is d culprit? my hse only got 3 ppl. i'm slpin in my rm. nvr step out of it. my parents r tgt. only parents got 不在场证明 cos they both r tgt.
anw, it's really weird. it's definitely not fr downstairs or next block cos d door sound is v distinct. somemore, mum said she also heard d water flowin fr d basin. but who can it b? thr r 3 ppl at hm only & no one was in d livin rm or kitchen at tt time. who can it be???
at tt time, heard d kitchen bathroom door closed. i tot dad woke up cos he always use tt bathrm 1st if my he woke up tgt w mum. i cant tell who went to d bathrm cos my door closed so i jus assumed it's my dad.
guess wat. it's not him. mum tot it was me cos parents door oso closed. & dad was beside her. so who is d culprit? my hse only got 3 ppl. i'm slpin in my rm. nvr step out of it. my parents r tgt. only parents got 不在场证明 cos they both r tgt.
anw, it's really weird. it's definitely not fr downstairs or next block cos d door sound is v distinct. somemore, mum said she also heard d water flowin fr d basin. but who can it b? thr r 3 ppl at hm only & no one was in d livin rm or kitchen at tt time. who can it be???
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