1 more paper down. left i core elective on fri... den attachment will commence. duno if i shld email d prof on fri or wat? mayb i shld. still decidin whether to take a break or start immediately on mon.
anw, i duno if i numb w d stress, or d fear, d anxiety, etc... i think i got d bo chap attitude aft i finish every paper though i believed i may not do well. but i still worried i failed again. haiz... but i noe i can b quite expressionless... mayb got d 'expressionless virus' fr 1 of our prof...
well, today, heard tt dear may b attached overseas for 3 mths. well, i oso duno if my emotion had been too numb w d exam stress or wat or cos it's something which i noe may come 1 day due to his job nature & i was sort of pre-prep for such news.
3 mths may seemed short but i guess i had gotten use to at least able to see him every other day. but i'll still support his decision & not restrictin him. i dislike it when ppl restrict me or force me do something so i wont do tt to anyone. if it'll help him & if it's wat he wants, he shld go though i will miss him.
i noe thr will b 2 outcomes, either absence make d heart fonder or it will drift apart. anw, shall take it s a challenge & hope d outcome is d 1st but of course if too much absence den thr is only 1 outcome which is d latter.
well, i still ve attachment, studies, soka mtgs, dance trg, etc which will keep me busy jus tt i might spend more time at hm. hopefully parents esp mum don come out w more stunts. it'd been peaceful for nw & hope it shall cont'd to be when dear not ard cos i dun ve any strength & courage i ve to face more of those stunts. i'd reach my limit tt time jus b4 my term break.
if i havin attachment den, mayb i might work later in d lab if possible cos jus thinkin of facin more nonsense, i cant ctrl my tears fr buildin. guess i fear hm more than exams ba cos i can still stay expressionless even aft exam. i aren't s strong s i may look.
actually, i believed i actually got depression over tt matters. d feelin of not stayin hm, d draggin of feet back everyday, even 'suicidal' thots when i was a kid. & d recent case jus b4 my term break, wantin to escape fr everybody, losing of interest in everything tt i may like, didn't want to face or see anyone, d strong urge to cry, d feelin of wantin to give up every single thing & every single person in my life, etc
it was terrible. & i noe these r symptom of depression. i'm glad i'm still ve d right state of mind in me tt bring myself to chill out at west coast park + dear was thr to accompany me when he could. otherwise, guess i'm not writin in this blog but mayb stayin in IMH. so i can only wish tt thr r no more stunts for my weak heart. can only use attachment/work s an excuse cos i can't go out often...
s for dear, i can only wish he will take care of himself over thr & not feel so stress. his tummy hasn't been tt gd esp aft more oily, spicy or more filling meals. he's easily bloated or havin discomfort. doc said mayb too stress. in SG, it's alrdy restrictin cos at times cant even meet him & see hw he is. if he's thr, he gotta take care of himself. i'd been d 'unlicensed' doc/nurse givin him d med to alleviate prob like block/runnin nose, etc. or to get him herbal tea to reduce his heatyness. so once he goes thr, he'll b by himself.
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