mornin, dad drove me to my trg. on journey, told me y mum cried last wk. well, i noe d reason alrdy but i nvr say. i treat s though i duno cos i cant say. looks like i can go act le. well, he admit tt his tone not gd & told me not to follow him. fair enough but it's not d 1st time mum anyhw say le & tt's y i say her but i realized my mistake when dear divert d topic.
dad cont'd link back to old issue bout him askin me eat. sayin it was jokin yet i so serious. d prob is his tone is not jokin but demandin. he's not even smilin or laughin. & even aft i give option to eat next day, he was still 'demandin' so of course i take it tt he's forcin me lah. i'd alrdy use d soft method sayin wat if ltr i felt discomfort but he was angry tt time. so i'm left w no choice but to insist i would not eat. end up become my prob again. sianz...
durin a mtg jus nw, i'm d emcee & my mum gotta share something. i intro her s my mum only oso not right cos thr r ppl who duno her name. i intro her name oso not right so i ended up sayin, my mum, 'her name'. & her say me in front of ppl sayin her daughter call her name but cont'd say she's alright. like i believe. haiz...
mum oso said she got many things to do... blah blah blah... d prob is, if she so busy, she can told her sis tt she would not b gg over anymore. my cousins r alrdy so big. all she have to do is to make sure thr r food for them to eat. daily jus ve to sweep d floor. no need mop daily if maintain well. oso jus make sure watever was taken, jus put back. den no need to tidy so much. at most dust d area, etc & mop d floor every other days. my hse is not tt untidy & dirty. so she doesn't ve to make herself so busy wat.
she busy? well, in my eyes, not fully. she does take nap & go walk walk & eat w grandma. so wat's she so busy bout. i shld say busy thinkin of more negative things ba & livin in her own world. she alrdy worried tt if aunt really hire maid & cousins nvr come, she'll b bored. if really busy, den hw to b bored.
anw, dad asked me help her. say nw i holi. d prob is, i may b holi but i got attachment which may end late. i almost had to go back on sat loh. got a day almost had to stay till ard 9. when i got hm, she had alrdy sweep d floor. i alrdy tried to wear clothes tt no need hand wash. i'm oso tired. so exhausted tt i freq got headache & today pop 2 panadol again. i'm tired & yet dare not quite nap at hm even if possible unless dear came over. i still haven quite look at d hong kong trip plan yet. thr r still many things undone. many things kiv. many other things tt i wish & loves to do but i oso put all aside. d most impt things i need is quality rest. mayb if i can get a couple of days of quality sleep, mayb i'll get d energy to work & help at hm too. even till late at nite. nw i cant even tahan beyond 9 pm le. it's always a struggle. d time tt i gettin ko is gettin earlier & earlier. even day time oso.
recently i saw an article in yahoo which say tt one should get sufficient sleep or death may result. i'm actually do worried at d extent tt i'm movin. will i exhaust myself to tt extent? i'm not surprise if tt's possible esp w all d stress & worries tt i'd to go thru.
i always wonder y m i d only child. if i got siblings, den thr will b someone to share everything. at least, d pressure on me wont b tt great. d impact nw is terrible. mayb if i'm a spoilt child, den mayb i wont feel this way. oh well, i oso duno when i can get d power rest i need. jus hope my body can tahan till then ba or at least jus give me peace lah. if i can get d peace, i'll definitely b happier. & mayb i can take d 'serious' type of joke but i can no longer differentiate btw real & joke. i wish i'm a kid. at least, can forget & jus rmbr happy things. oso den can cont'd b ignorant to d reality. haiz...aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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