over eat again

eat too full jus nw... eat mixed veg rice... jus my parents & i & my 3 cousins & parents order steam fish, sweet & sour pork, broccoli w fishball, fried beancurd skin, fried egg w turnip, stew potato, wanton soup & fried egg w oyster...

anw, luckily i give some rice to dad. by right d portion i could finish cos not tt much but i give him in case he don ve enough. but... still eat till quite full.

den mum cook d 'ba zhen' soup cos she go ask d chinese med stall ppl about me feelin cold & shiverin aft i bath (not all d time but mayb 60%). i noe d reason... cos i don ve as much fats s before since i lost liek mayb 5kg... but she still want to ask.

well, aft d full dinner, go hm have d soup... gosh... feelin awful loh... bloated & pain at upper abdominal. even forcin to burp don help though not v 淑女... at least nw feel better le. & i still got a 'fish' pancake which mum bought at BPP.

long long ago, when thr was still yohan at PS, i quite like d fish pancake but many years don ve le. even mum oso miss it but unlike me, she cant tahan but to buy it when she already full. if i full, i wont feel like buying food. so tt pancake it still in my room. shall see hw ltr... if not, keep till tml... but... chances of eatin it v v slim. s tml a long day.

mornin will ve breakfast, den ard 11++ gotta lunch. den got bbq at d graduate student's hse. d one i was under. think alrdy oso sian. like whole day eat eat eat... & no rest though it's a sun.

2nd attempt fail again

2nd attempt failed again...

tired

tired... slept mayb for 30 min, see sms, den slp anoth 30 min, den watch 2nd 1/2 of wc match, den slp for another 2.5 hr...

anw, was it coincident or wat? ytd got match at 2.30 am but decided to wake up & watch 2nd 1/2 only so i noe d final results. in d end, 1st 1/2 no score but spain score in 2nd 1/2. lol... but d match like nothing big happen...

shall give d 2nd last match a miss & try see if can wake up see d final big match. den d followin day gonna suffer like nw again. haha...

hungry already

oops... stomach growling... eatin bread really don last v long... & duno got wat can be dig out to eat... cant dig nw... mum's still awake... hope she don come in & end up hearin... if, so, guess i'll say i eat v early dinner in sch ba... haiz... y always have to lie



i noe she concern but her over concern at times make herself unhappy den she black black face den i stress stress. if i no confident tt she not hm & it's late & i haven eat, i'll choose not to eat or grab a bun or so. but it's really ridiculous...



& nw... i'm hungry... argh...

讽刺又矛盾

真是讽刺。。。人家想早点回尤其是在星期五，可我却希望能加班，然后迟点回家。。。 回家而已嘛，干吗弄得好像好痛苦一样。。。

或许是阴影吧。。。从很小的时候就想逃离。。。现在更可以的话就越迟回越好。。。现在能用实验来找借口。可我没地方可去啊。因为我没逛街购物的习惯，我的习惯就是没事就回家。真的好矛盾哦。。。

学校，图书馆，公司，实验室，等，都已变成了我另外一个家了。可我却终究得回家，尤其到了一定的时间。

我甚至想或许一个人去看场电影才回家。可我也没一人去过。只要是一个人的时候，我连吃都不想，尤其在外头。一粒面包就这样解决一餐。就算是白面包也行。我想我真的怕孤独吧。我真的好想就留在实验室里不回家了。。。真的好想。至少我是自由的，也少了哪些不愉快的回忆与压力。。。

我对research又爱又恨

not fully recovered but mayb more than 90% ba. at times throat will itch & cough other wise, i'm ok. nvr took d dhasedyl since ytd afternoon though it's in my bag nw & i think i more or less recovered fr d knock-out state...

but... sian... don feel like gg back early yet my friend on course... no place to go... esp carryin heavy laptop even more no mood to shop. i actually wish to OT late today... i don mind. mayb i shld... jus tt heard of d graduate student's encounter w 2 weird guys in a car jus weeks ago... wat shld i do...

cant go back early or mum will really get used to it & always assume... don wish to go shoppin... no place to chill... no one to accompany... go hm oso borin... too tired to even enjoy & practice my piano... d best is to OT late... so i can have things to do yet can serve d net & have d peace & quietness & calmness... mayb research is not tt bad afterall... at least if i wan, i can stay late late.. but no life.. like workaholic. holi or weekend may b burnt...

我对research又爱又恨... mayb i do things slow ba... den stay back... mayb 7 like tt den go? cos i really don wanna go hm... my office is like my hm nw... when sch term, lib is my hm. nw is office & lab...

death...

life is short & extremely fragile... dis afternoon, while busy w lab experiments, doin a couple of experiments at 1 time, heard a sad news. dear's coursemate passed away. usually when we heard of news on unrelated ppl who passed away, we would most often jus brush off & forget soon aft. however, when it happened to someone closed by, it may knock some sense into us...

it's really scarely to hear such sad news, of friends/relatives, esp love ones. all these yrs, had relatives or even someone whom i know passed away. even my previous family doctor had passed away for maybe a decade or more.

i wont get nightmare or wat but seeing their cold & stiff body lying in d coffin will make me upset & wished that all these are just a bad nightmare. i always wonder, hw can a person be livin & talking & den d next moment went to d other world, leavin behind all d loves ones. don't they feel sad to leave them? i think if it's me, i will 舍不得...

a death tt made me rmbr till nw was my dad's cousin. we heard of d news when we were in KL 2 yrs back. her death left behind her elder sis, all alone in d world without any closest kins. their dad had passed away long ago tt i don even noe if i see him b4. their mum was a very nice lady who always welcome us to her house esp even CNY but she passed away almost similar time s my family doc. anw, i do try to keep in contact w my dad's cousin so tt she noe tt we are also her families.

well, i'm not afraid of death but more worried & scared of wat i would left behind. sadness for those who care & even d regrets for not fulfillin our own wishes... mayb tt's wat had kept me gg all these while even when i'm down. at least i got my 理智... if i don, i guess i duno die hw many times le...

life is also unpredictable & you never noe when exactly wat will happen. so do cherish everybody ard you before everything is too late...