thr goes my chance to relax...

jus when i tot prof no intention to check d thesis, ytd he asked me & d other student bout it & gave us deadline on comin wed, 4 may. s d submission deadline is on 9 may, so thr wont b tt many days to edit eventually esp if major revamp. so since i'm left w conclusion n abstract, decided to rush ytd when i was thr n i managed to complete n submit to him b4 leavin.

ytd, he wanted to give treat to d Ph.D student who had gotten thru her confirmation n oso treat d whole lab n since i'm free fr d thesis for a couple of days, i agreed to go though my initially plan was to go back n wash toilet den cont'd my thesis. it ended much later then i expected cos i tot nothing to tok bout so jus eat n go but i do enjoyed d session. when i almost could leave, dear oso finish work n so he suggested to pick me back n stay over n i'm glad he did cos i end up stomachache. surely got prob 1/2 way d journey if i go back myself.

dear tt day told me tt he got intention to go movie threatre to watch THOR & another movie but nw, i not sure if thr is time. he's always so busy esp since wed when his dad fainted in d mornin n was admited to hospital for o/n observation den followin day to fetch his dad back den at evenin family gatherin, den ytd meetin till late n today he go meet friends n tml his parents ask him to go airport to send his cousin n family off n mon he b workin den b meeting friends again.

felt quite sad cos jus when i got more free time to relax n spend more quality time w him, he's so tight up. i would rather i still got my thesis to bury myself nw so i wont feel so empty esp when dis is a long weekend. haiz... guess jus not my luck to b more free... shall embark on my poster since i need to show my prof b4 14 may cos he flyin off to china for work.

got chance to relax yet no opportunity to. d chance jus fly away... great... -.-"

report

finally left w conclusion n abstract section nw... & oso to add in references into my discussion la.

tt day go check w prof on intro flow. i rush so hard to come out w intro, materials & methods n result & yet he ask 'do i ve to read it?' (w hintin tone n 'disgust' look tt if he can choose, he didn't want to read).

so i guess, it'll all by myself nw n so i guess i'm ahead of time nw since i no need let him check. shall print out to read n edit by myself den. no choice. but i scare i include unnecessary things which i don even need to mention... gosh... hw...

U can ask n by right I can tell but I not sure if I wanna tell. I m scare u end up like last time. I m afraid ur habit nvr change.

Morning, mum ask me when I finish my sem. B4 tt, I was think of going back lab or even lib den go somewhere. I got things tt I wanna do like swimming, jogging, take d Dslr cam go somewhere play ard, do some beading, go settle my laptop language prob, draw, do research on other things which I'd been puttin back n thr r so many things I need to checkout on, I wanna learn photoshop, i wanna go meet an old fiend for lunch n d list go on. I not even sure if I'll b able to catch back d lost slp.

Yet when mum ask n wanted to noe exact date, I suddenly rmbr last time. When she noe I no class, I not workin, etc, she will plan plan schedule for me. Like go here go thr, or do this or tt. N somemore, tt time oso sch holi period wor. So cousins b ard n high likely she might end up say bring cousins here or thr tgt w her, etc.

Sometimes it's a habit tt can't b change so I m really reluctant to tell her. But hiddin up is oso v tough. Mayb I shall jus tell den ignore her schedule. I at most will add in housework like sweep, mop floor n wash toilet n change bedsheets lor. Tt's d max I can do le ba. If she plan, let her plan but tell her I got plan le. Shan't bother if she angry. Haiz. But if so, swimmin plan b out cos she sure Wont allow me go swim alone unless I w dear or another friend. My plan is to b able to swim longer n stay in a position in water for a while cos it been yrs since I wanna pick up scuba oso but oso behind parents back la. Argh. Wat shall I do?

racing against time

i'm not sure if dis happen to any of u but i always find tt when i need certain items esp when urgently, i tend to ve difficulties findin it or recallin whr i always see it. haiz.

anw, i'm left w d remainin 2 weekends to complete my report. i'm done w d 2nd draft of material & methods n 1st draft of results. wanna do d discussion but realized i got not much background info for discussion section so i went to browse thru all d 20+ scientific papers which i had got since i need it for my intro also. no time to read thoroughly but i'm amazed i can jus browse thru n got d background info for each of d major proteins. however, it oso spell a prob. cos it cant link like hw i hope it will b n so i'm still stuck. it's a stage tt i need to breakthru cos once settle, den i noe i can get it done faster. tryin n hopin to give prof check d draft by mid of d week so i got time to edit but at this rate i'm gg, it's hard. i need miracle.

i cant wait for this stage to b finally over. cos aft tt b gg to another stage of my life or rather, mayb gg back to hw my life might b liek 4 yrs ago. of cos aft a break la but hopefully wont get too stress up being at home. s always like all my vacation break, i got a list of thinsg which i wanna do durin d break actually & i really hope to accomplish them including slpin s long s i could.

but i shoudl say i'm lucky alrdy cos i got a job n it start aft my holi to shanghai & another short getaway. but it's d process nw tt is quite tough right nw. not only i'm racin again time to cough out my report but oso trying to help find & create something (electronic) w my limited knowledge.

think d electronic knowledge of fixing cables, batteries, etc is limited to those i learnt in pri sch sci ba. cant even recall if lower sec got learn oso. hope i didn't get tt basic knowledge wrong or i'll b 'yue bang yue mang'. (sorry, no chinese input on my lappy nw for duno wat reasons).

while thinkin bout d connection problems, etc, i suddenly tot i'm in engineering or so. but i guess if i manage to figure out, think i'll pick up 1 more knowledge le. i can really say i'm a 'all-rounder' ba but i'm oso a master of none la.

i really think i'm not a 'shu nu' cos i do things like climbin up n down. change light bulb, pick up tools, i don do shoppin or online shoppin but i once a blue blue moon will shop ard in shop like popular, guardian, watsons & DIY. but's it's oso cos of tt which i roughly believed whr i can find certain things.

watever it is, i hope i can get thru these 2 weeks. hopefully, my idea worked oso cos i don ve time to really go try & error. so must work on 1st time. fine-tunin part can do aft tt but main thing is to get my report done den my poster & d out of FYP assignment oso. i need mroe time.

backache

i seriously wish my fyp is over. my backache is gettin worse... this is a problem cos i think my sitting position not gd n so it continuously strain my back.

anw, usually if i sit for too too long w/o shiftin much of my position, say in LT for whole day for lecture, my lower back will become uncomfortable but den, nw, it had accumulate to d upper back le... haiz... stand n do lab work too long, my bottom of feet n ankle b pain. n sit too long oso got prob... i so mafan... :(

stomach discomfort

these few days i not sure if my stomach feelin weird is due to stress but say gastric oso not quite, say hungry, yet no appetite but still can eat, say acidic oso not quite, say got contraction oso not quite. jus noe it's at upper abdomen. n felt 淡淡 n bit 闷闷 at back of my throat.

1 of d nite, took dear's magnesium syrup den go slp n jus nw took it again. but awhile ltr, felt nausic but cant vomit out. n whole head or whole body felt like floatin.

i don like my parents to noe so i'm glad they r not back. n shant let them noe esp nw mum sick again. if not they worry n b paranoid. but i oso don like it when i'm alone when i felt blur blur. i blackout once in bathrm b4 & woke up awhile later on d floor. i blackout at outside b4, n a couple of times when stand up oso see black. so wat i wan?

& yet i still wish to cont'd w my report. i'm really behind time. gosh...

heart attacks

early this morning, had a heart attack or rather heart attacks.

1) tot i miss d bus cos nwadays i always go out at v v last min.

2) saw d stupid bus uncle stoppin b4 d bus stop though it was rainin but this is nothing

3) saw d dumb bus uncle reversing back continuously even though thr is a van right behind d bus

4) & tt reckless bus uncle cont'd to reverse even when d van honk at him so loudly & for v long until d van oso scare & reverse back

5) den tt bus uncle finally go forward & i & another colleague tot he finally saw us but he jus cont'd drive on ignorin us. hey, it was already 8 plus then le leh. hw can he like tt dumb us thr. & luckily he eventually stop so my colleague n i gotta go in d rain when we initially had shelter to board d bus. & stupidly, he refused to open d back door so we had to walk further. whr is his common sense?

6) at a bend, he cut all d way to d opp lane when i nvr even see a transitlink bus turn till tt way b4 lor. d car at opps oso ended up stoppin for him & honking at him for long. -.-"

7) den, instead of turning left, he go turn right & all of us so puzzeld but it's cos he missed a passenger at d bus stop b4 mine. & so he wanted to turn over. fine.

8) he so blur, happily drivin forward though he wanted to turn n so he abruptly stop d bus. heng, behind no vehicle again.

durin tt time, in my mind, it was fill with '!@##@%$#&%$&$'... if he isn't so reckless n careless, i wont b so pissed off cos he was just hired last week to drive us to work. if he can't recognize us yet, it's ok but new to d route & being reckless is 2 diff issue. & he wasn't even alert to his surrounding. he's just like drivin in his own world.

jus imagine if d van behind nvr notice & honk & eventually reverse back tgt. jus imagine if it's not a vehicle stopping thr but pedestarian trying to cross d rd behind d bus. early tt time, thr were many mummies/grannies bringing their kids/grandkids to sch using tt path lor. & jus imagine if there were vehicles behind him & he suddenly stop cos he wanted to turn right but drive so smoothly before stopping abruptly. how can d driver behind noe he wanna turn la.

aft today incident, i'm actually quite scare of his driving & being in his bus. if he don't change, surely 1 day thr b an accident tt he'll regret for life & not only tt, if he woudl post danger to his passengers & also to ppl outside. gosh... pray hard tt he will wake up soon. at times, i may wish i'm dead but i'm still young, i still ve many things i wanna try & do. don take away tt chance fr me or others pls.

深长不漏

currently, it's not d time for big fish big meat... tt little time left is so precious in d midst of d stress. shall endure till d end.

anw, havin days of workin till late & d hallucination of hearin sounds, realized tt my biological clock is out of sync w sg time. usually k/o fr 3+ till 11+ & s i cont'd to work on, d k/o feelin b gone. but i noe i'd not enough slp.

so when dear's ard, i'll try to take break fr my report cos hw long can i see him every time. so it's only when he's ard tt i take break for my mind or do i? cos today, i still thinkin of my report when he's ard in d afternoon. well, it's still more relax than when i kept workin non-stop. d lvl of comfort is still thr to contain my stress.

& today, after a late fillin breakfast, initially he said he could do w/o lunch but at ard 1pm, he felt hungry & so ate 2 london choco rolls but still not enough. s thr is nothing much at hm except instant noodles, cup noodles, & white bread, he decided to fry egg to eat w bread. ask him wat type of egg cos i tot i go cook but he said he'll cook & will fry omelete & ask if i wan.

b4 he wanted tt egg, i still no mood for lunch, mayb too stress w fyp but when he said he'll cook, i oso wan cos i wanna taste his cookin. wanna c him cook but he ask me go back rm to do my stuff but i took pic of his cookin.

don talk bout instant noodle, dis is d 1st time he cook for me wor. n i should say he did a good job. added enough soy sauce to d egg. & d omelete is so round n not broken anywhr. i shoudl say he's really 深长不漏. guess it's not he dono but rather whether he wanna do or not. it may b a simple dish but it's definitely a comfortin dish which cant b compared w 三珍海味...

brain dead zombie

a zombie had jus washed d bathrm... -.-

no worries, u aint c wrong. thr is really a zombie tt wash d bathrm awhile ago.

2 nights ago, i cant help but cont to finish my last bit of my methology section 1st draft till ~2.30am n end up hard to fall aslp aft workin my brain till so late. so ytd, i was super shag. & aft tryin to edit d sequences made up of 4 alphabets 'A, T, G & C' for hrs in d day, i see stars at d end of d day n kept yawnin my evenin away. dear was ard den n leanin by his shoulder, i can really drift to slp. however, aft he left, i pull out d word doc to contd editin my methology & once again, i edit (v roughly) till almost 3 am again n cant get to sleep easily again. i managed to cut 3k of words ytd wor...

so today, by mid day, i was alrdy brain dead. yes. i really mean it. i was editin my methology & den s i was wonderin hw to edit 1 of d experiment protocol, i tot of flowchart of workflow to c hw i shld type my results section. tt flowchart i can oso use for my poster actually but s i was thinkin, i really cant recall y i do a particular experiment n hw to cont'd & it was 1 of d thing which i had been doing for long. even aft flippin thru my scramble notes here n thr for more than 30 min, i'm still lost.

so i concluded: 2 days of working till almost 3am + insomnia aft tt + slpin for less than 3 h = a brain dead zombie... i was so tired tt i wish i can jus slp on d table in d office n not go home. i wanna jus slp till d next day even d position is not comfortable but i cant afford tt nw.

& dis stupid brain dead zombie who miss bus n came hm late still went to wash d bathrm esp since dear not ard. it's not always possible to c him so i decided to wash d bathrm today so i can b 'freed' if he could meet me esp if got long day for weekends. so tt's y i push myself forward once again n soon aft dis, i'll go back to d task tt'll make my brain more dead.

frankly speakin, so long s i can plan n ve freedom of time to do watever i like n whenever i like even when parents ard n w/o their sudden flare, i don mind if i had to work so hard on day like today n den enjoy my whole day off on another. i always like d after feelin of 先苦后甜 cos it can b shiok to jus nuah n laze ard n b ownself. so jus hope tt d peace shall cont'd so tt i can ve d motivation to push myself forward for d next 1.5 mth.

words reduction

wow... 5.2k of words for m&m was reduced to 2k nw n i didn't read n edit v specifically. think can reduce bit more but enough for nw... it's alrdy 2.30 am le. better go slp if not i'll b a zombie tml, worse then today (or rather ytd)...

m&m 1st draft out

aft days of typin, addin & editin, finally draft out my material & method section for my thesis. my thesis supposely to b 6k words, yet my m&m itself took up almost 5.5k of d word limit le. so i'm left w 500 words for intro, results, discussion & finally conclusion? tt's IMPOSSIBLE... tml shall print den go c prof & tell him of d word limit & to c wat i no need include cos nw i include all & wat i did durin attachment too. oso need to cfm w him d title & oso d objectives of d project so tt i can do paper research for my intro. it's totally blank right nw. i guess only aft i get my aims right, den i can figure out hw to do intro den hw to arrange d results n den discuss & finally conclude. so dependin on my progress of d intro. if it took too long, den i gotta rush for d other sections which hopefully not ba.

anw, oso need check w prof when i shall stop include data into d report or rather when can stop work but den, if minimal work, i oso don mind cos better than be at home all day right? lib not such a gd place cos i think ppl choppin place for exam study soon ba. so d lab still a gd place to b if thr r minimal work so i can oso do my thesis. it's really finally d last last lap.

dslr

last 2 nites, v hard to fall aslp n today end up super tired esp aft doin lab n editin my m&m for whole day. hope tonite i can fall asleep more easily since i'm so tired.

anw, jus nw, dad came over w his new toy. he bought a new dslr cam again. a slight upgrade version of his previous. tt time, he bought nikon d3000 but end up got 1/2 price rebate in form of voucher. n nw he went to d it fair at suntec ytd to get another dslr. he bought nikon d5000. i not sure bout d diff of both. hope got more new n better things ba. if not i find it a waste. i noe him. he got it cos d3000 gotta c thru d eye piece but for d5000, live image r shown on d screen.

ppl say d3000 is a starter kit n most ppl prefer olympus. in past, when i so free, i did tot of learnin n playin w such cam but i felt it's exp. end up, hw irony, nw dad got it, in fact, he got 2 n yet i got no time to play ard. haiz...

he nw got 2 cam n 2 lens (18-55 & 55-200), to me, it's jus figures nw... dad did ask me sign up for d course but i si bei bo eng nw leh. in less than a mth, my report is due leh. if can sign up for june, i don mind gg & wanna go for d course since i got d interest but 1st, i need to catch up my sleep.

3 days of excitments

had a great 3 relaxin days n yet nw i gotta b back to face d reality.

took a break fr d lab n went for a short getaway. 1st day relaxin w swimmin n dinner while 2nd day, had a 30 min foot reflexology, a game of bowlin n spa n a romantic evenin created by dear. n sadly d last day by jus lazin ard watchin movie n nappin.

anw, swimmin on 1st day, i tried to thread (or watever u say or spell), manage to do bit. had been so wantin to try learn tt. my swimmin skill is actually self pick-up. had no prof guidance. it's a much delay n slow progress but at least i'm progressin. but den i wonder if i will ever get a chance to at least try snorkering or scuba divin... it's yrs since i got tempted aft hearin fr my colleagues/friends... but of cos $$ is 1 factor tt pull me back. d other is tt i gotta do it so tt my parents wont noe. they surely won allow but hw much longer of youth can i get? cos of them, i nvr try so many things. i miss out many things though i secretly pick up cycling n d swimming but hw often can i do it? i can say i'm still at beginner lvl lor... haiz... hope i get to try n do more adventure...

s for tt foot reflexology, it's my 1st virgin attempt. i nvr tot it can b so painful at certain part whr they so call link w body organs. d kidney part really strike me hard cos like wat d person ask, i really nvr drink much water. oops... i shall try to change tt bad habit of mine. but watever it is, i still enjoy d session but i shant try when i got open wound on my foot again. last sun, went to cemetery den foot itchy n i scratch till a layer of d outer skin peel. cos it's jus a thin layer, by right it can dry up n heel quite fast. but den, cos it's at d end of my jeans openin n it kept brushing on it, it heel much slower le but it's drying. however, d foot reflexology guy kept brushing thru it w his hand n to make it worse, at times, he brush n massage thru it over a towel. can u imagine a towel w d thick cloth fiber brushin thru d open wound? gosh... den d spa also brush thru it except it was jus w hand. n nw, it's like more injured like tt. deeper wound which was red n swollen surroundin d open wound. hope it can heel faster but i not sure hw come i can tahan durin d massages... mayb overall is too relaxin le...

oh ya. y d romantic evening by dear. he bought many packets of sparkles n he draw n wrote on d sand w his name n a heart den my name. he den put d sparkles over d names n heart which he drew/wrote n he lit them up. it was such a beautiful sight despite d smoke given by d sparkles. if only d sparkles can last much longer den i can snap pic of d whole thing rather than only few sparkles here n thr. watever it is, d image shall always b kept inside our minds n d memories shall only b ours forever. if it wasn't tt windy, dear oso wanna put flower petals over d words too but d wind blew too strongly tt d petals will fly away. tt time he still say he isn't romantic. i totally nvr tot dis would happen before my eyes but dear make it happened. i loved d nite much more when i saw d star filled sky. i always love to see stars in d dark dark sky. i can walk lookin at d shimmerin, glitterin star(s) or kept starin at it when travelling in a vehicle. thr r so many diff constellations though i only noe hw to see d orion. hehe. but seein d stars is like givin me beauty n hope in d dark. so tt evenin is really unforgetable for me cos not only d dark sky had stars but even on d dark sand (cos night time), was lit by d sparkles on dear's drawings. hw i wish time could freeze then n it's hard for me to fall asleep tt night cos d wonderful images kept flashing in my mind.

tired sia

so damn tired... got time sit in office oso tired... er... no lah. cos i not sit thr do nothing. was cont'd to & tryin to type out all d protocol for wat i had done for attachment n d lab but v taxin esp on my eyes. since mornin, either 1 eye would b affected w d stingy feelin & i'm glad i brought eye drop w me. n nw, i really wish i can jus laid on d desk to sleep.

oso don feel like gg back home cos go home oso cant sleep oso esp when parents home esp dad but i wish to sleep for mayb 30 min to 1 hr at least. my mind is alrdy floatin but it cant float off to dreamland.

i wan sleep... anw, my word count jus for my methology so far is bout 3.3k liao. -.-" & i haven even complete but i'm startin on wat i do for d fyp le...

fyp thesis

hmm... tt day, prof asked me to include wat i did for my attachment into my FYP thesis cos it's related to my FYP & i alrdy had doubt on d word count & true enough... i haven't even complete all d protocol fo my methology & d word count includin d headin & subheadin r almost 1.8k words.

d prob is... my whole thesis includin intro, methology (materials & methods), results, discussion & conclusion is only 6k leh. so shoudl i cont'd to include wat i did durin attachment? nw i did d methology cos it's d most easiest since it's jus typin out in words/para on wat i had done all these while but i oso didn't wanna waste my effort if i can used it to mayb read up on papers for my intro. hw??? or can i ve an appendix on wat i did durin attachment but this section was not included in d thesis criteria.

i guess i shall cont'd to draft out d methology den print out n check w prof le. if he want, den i cont'd on for all other section w my attachment stuff. if not den shall not cont'd further but it'll b like 1 big chunk of stuffs eliminated fr my thesis.

anw, i really don understand y on earth is it called thesis when d word limit is jus 6k. my poly fyp report (mind u, it's called a report) & yet it was like many times more than dis degree thesis. it's like so useless lor...

too much of lab

guess i got too much of lab. currently, go only 2 places. daytime = lab, night time = home = sleep. & so not surprisingly i dreamt of lab settings all d time cos tt's d most of d time whr i worked my brain. gosh... i need a break. for my mind to get away fr d fix environment i'm facin right nw...