while on d journey home today, thoughts flash thru my mind. thinkin of this, thinkin of tt, wonderin if it work, wonderin when is d best time... humans r really a complicated species... if can, i wish i can don grow up, or rather i hope in this world thr is no $$, no tradin, & tt d world won't progress so fast...
well, i don exactly like research but i don mind doin experiments... yet, i'm in a research lab now. though i'm jus a project officer, i'm hired under research grant & so, i must & ve to do research which will affect my PB & increment. & PB is my only bonus cos thr r none others for this contract. at least i'm glad i got a job immediately aft the endin of my FYP & graduation trips. at least i'm paid though not exactly well-paid cos overall, not much diff fr my previous full-time job.
tt made me think of jumpin out, findin another job but i feel bad if i search & leave nw cos my prof is nice enough to take me in. so i tot to give myself more time. but jus nw, i ponder to myself. is it a wise decision? which is d best decision?
s i'm workin, i'm gainin more insights & knowledge of workin in a research environment. dis fri i'll ve my 1st ever lab meetin whr we need to present. i'm assigned projects to do s though i'm 1 of d Ph.D student, i'm expected to find some source of information myself. & if gg well, my name be added in published papers. tt'll b gd for me, for my resume if i wanna stay in dis field esp when my paper qualification sucks. so for dis reason, i shoudl stay on right? furthermore, so far here aint s bad yet cos i may b v busy runnin ard at times but den at least more or less i can go back on time. can even meet dear for lunch if he workin late in d afternoon cos he stay not tt far away. & so all in all, i feel i'm gettin quite used to it here.
on d other hand, mainly cos of d pay, i feel tt i should venture out. but tt'll b a bold step out. i'd been in d same environment for more than 8 yrs. it'll b steppin out of my comfort zone. but i felt tt i should cos i can't possibly stay on here forever right? though thr r many familiar faces.
but surely i noe i wont venture out to research anymore. mayb sales or purchasin? & tt bring bout another Qs. though i got experience in purchasin b it d SAP or d GeBIZ, is it really enough to bring me out? Is it really worth to venture out oso? like d give n take, will i end up spend more though i may earn more? hw much more can i earn? savin will b more or less aft removin all changed expenditure?
& i oso ended up wonderin if i shouldn't ve taken my degree. mayb i should ve tried others like biz mgmt or so den mayb tt way i'll b on better stand to venture out. & tt actually made me think back. if i had not taken my degree, whr would i b? if i'd not taken my 1st job wantin & hopin to further studies, i guess i would had become a paramedic. if i had not taken biotech in poly, i guess i might b in nursin sch in NYP then. if i'd chosen to change sec sch, would i still take d same path s now?
but if i'm given a 2nd chance, i guess i might not ve choosen sci s my path cos it's like w jus a degree, u r jus hangin in mid air w extreme low chance to climb up at all cos w tt qualification, cant even manage ppl. it's like u r stuck in btw.
feelin stuck, & yet feelin in comfort zone, if not cos of $$ & location factor, i guess i might end up stayin on for life. guess tt's y my friend told me tt actually i shoudl leave ASAP if not cos i felt bad if i do so.
i'd been tellin myself tt i shoudl work for mayb 6 mth to 1 yr den leave but den jus nw, i wonder if tt's a gd time. cos wat my next job would b is still unknown. is it really a pay jump or a pay cut? my savin & CPF income would become uncertain which is not gd. well, esp when i'd jus sign up for more insurance policy cos i'm not covered totally in case of anything happen. though wat i sign up nw is jus coverin a little, at least better than none. hear case of accident & become paralyse, etc. jus too scary. plus, i oso need to save up too... so based on dis, it seemed like it's best to source out nw but i still feel bad leh.
well, nw, my current decision is sort of to try find job mayb in nov cos tt might b a mth whr ppl might tender aft gettin their yr end bonus. & yet i hope i can only start mayb aft 1Q 2012. & yet i oso hope tt btw d 2 job, i can get a break aka holiday too. but i oso noe tt i can't stay unemployed for long due to many reasons. gosh... tt's y i say humans r complicated... haiz
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