U can ask n by right I can tell but I not sure if I wanna tell. I m scare u end up like last time. I m afraid ur habit nvr change.

Morning, mum ask me when I finish my sem. B4 tt, I was think of going back lab or even lib den go somewhere. I got things tt I wanna do like swimming, jogging, take d Dslr cam go somewhere play ard, do some beading, go settle my laptop language prob, draw, do research on other things which I'd been puttin back n thr r so many things I need to checkout on, I wanna learn photoshop, i wanna go meet an old fiend for lunch n d list go on. I not even sure if I'll b able to catch back d lost slp.

Yet when mum ask n wanted to noe exact date, I suddenly rmbr last time. When she noe I no class, I not workin, etc, she will plan plan schedule for me. Like go here go thr, or do this or tt. N somemore, tt time oso sch holi period wor. So cousins b ard n high likely she might end up say bring cousins here or thr tgt w her, etc.

Sometimes it's a habit tt can't b change so I m really reluctant to tell her. But hiddin up is oso v tough. Mayb I shall jus tell den ignore her schedule. I at most will add in housework like sweep, mop floor n wash toilet n change bedsheets lor. Tt's d max I can do le ba. If she plan, let her plan but tell her I got plan le. Shan't bother if she angry. Haiz. But if so, swimmin plan b out cos she sure Wont allow me go swim alone unless I w dear or another friend. My plan is to b able to swim longer n stay in a position in water for a while cos it been yrs since I wanna pick up scuba oso but oso behind parents back la. Argh. Wat shall I do?

racing against time

i'm not sure if dis happen to any of u but i always find tt when i need certain items esp when urgently, i tend to ve difficulties findin it or recallin whr i always see it. haiz.

anw, i'm left w d remainin 2 weekends to complete my report. i'm done w d 2nd draft of material & methods n 1st draft of results. wanna do d discussion but realized i got not much background info for discussion section so i went to browse thru all d 20+ scientific papers which i had got since i need it for my intro also. no time to read thoroughly but i'm amazed i can jus browse thru n got d background info for each of d major proteins. however, it oso spell a prob. cos it cant link like hw i hope it will b n so i'm still stuck. it's a stage tt i need to breakthru cos once settle, den i noe i can get it done faster. tryin n hopin to give prof check d draft by mid of d week so i got time to edit but at this rate i'm gg, it's hard. i need miracle.

i cant wait for this stage to b finally over. cos aft tt b gg to another stage of my life or rather, mayb gg back to hw my life might b liek 4 yrs ago. of cos aft a break la but hopefully wont get too stress up being at home. s always like all my vacation break, i got a list of thinsg which i wanna do durin d break actually & i really hope to accomplish them including slpin s long s i could.

but i shoudl say i'm lucky alrdy cos i got a job n it start aft my holi to shanghai & another short getaway. but it's d process nw tt is quite tough right nw. not only i'm racin again time to cough out my report but oso trying to help find & create something (electronic) w my limited knowledge.

think d electronic knowledge of fixing cables, batteries, etc is limited to those i learnt in pri sch sci ba. cant even recall if lower sec got learn oso. hope i didn't get tt basic knowledge wrong or i'll b 'yue bang yue mang'. (sorry, no chinese input on my lappy nw for duno wat reasons).

while thinkin bout d connection problems, etc, i suddenly tot i'm in engineering or so. but i guess if i manage to figure out, think i'll pick up 1 more knowledge le. i can really say i'm a 'all-rounder' ba but i'm oso a master of none la.

i really think i'm not a 'shu nu' cos i do things like climbin up n down. change light bulb, pick up tools, i don do shoppin or online shoppin but i once a blue blue moon will shop ard in shop like popular, guardian, watsons & DIY. but's it's oso cos of tt which i roughly believed whr i can find certain things.

watever it is, i hope i can get thru these 2 weeks. hopefully, my idea worked oso cos i don ve time to really go try & error. so must work on 1st time. fine-tunin part can do aft tt but main thing is to get my report done den my poster & d out of FYP assignment oso. i need mroe time.

backache

i seriously wish my fyp is over. my backache is gettin worse... this is a problem cos i think my sitting position not gd n so it continuously strain my back.

anw, usually if i sit for too too long w/o shiftin much of my position, say in LT for whole day for lecture, my lower back will become uncomfortable but den, nw, it had accumulate to d upper back le... haiz... stand n do lab work too long, my bottom of feet n ankle b pain. n sit too long oso got prob... i so mafan... :(

stomach discomfort

these few days i not sure if my stomach feelin weird is due to stress but say gastric oso not quite, say hungry, yet no appetite but still can eat, say acidic oso not quite, say got contraction oso not quite. jus noe it's at upper abdomen. n felt 淡淡 n bit 闷闷 at back of my throat.

1 of d nite, took dear's magnesium syrup den go slp n jus nw took it again. but awhile ltr, felt nausic but cant vomit out. n whole head or whole body felt like floatin.

i don like my parents to noe so i'm glad they r not back. n shant let them noe esp nw mum sick again. if not they worry n b paranoid. but i oso don like it when i'm alone when i felt blur blur. i blackout once in bathrm b4 & woke up awhile later on d floor. i blackout at outside b4, n a couple of times when stand up oso see black. so wat i wan?

& yet i still wish to cont'd w my report. i'm really behind time. gosh...

heart attacks

early this morning, had a heart attack or rather heart attacks.

1) tot i miss d bus cos nwadays i always go out at v v last min.

2) saw d stupid bus uncle stoppin b4 d bus stop though it was rainin but this is nothing

3) saw d dumb bus uncle reversing back continuously even though thr is a van right behind d bus

4) & tt reckless bus uncle cont'd to reverse even when d van honk at him so loudly & for v long until d van oso scare & reverse back

5) den tt bus uncle finally go forward & i & another colleague tot he finally saw us but he jus cont'd drive on ignorin us. hey, it was already 8 plus then le leh. hw can he like tt dumb us thr. & luckily he eventually stop so my colleague n i gotta go in d rain when we initially had shelter to board d bus. & stupidly, he refused to open d back door so we had to walk further. whr is his common sense?

6) at a bend, he cut all d way to d opp lane when i nvr even see a transitlink bus turn till tt way b4 lor. d car at opps oso ended up stoppin for him & honking at him for long. -.-"

7) den, instead of turning left, he go turn right & all of us so puzzeld but it's cos he missed a passenger at d bus stop b4 mine. & so he wanted to turn over. fine.

8) he so blur, happily drivin forward though he wanted to turn n so he abruptly stop d bus. heng, behind no vehicle again.

durin tt time, in my mind, it was fill with '!@##@%$#&%$&$'... if he isn't so reckless n careless, i wont b so pissed off cos he was just hired last week to drive us to work. if he can't recognize us yet, it's ok but new to d route & being reckless is 2 diff issue. & he wasn't even alert to his surrounding. he's just like drivin in his own world.

jus imagine if d van behind nvr notice & honk & eventually reverse back tgt. jus imagine if it's not a vehicle stopping thr but pedestarian trying to cross d rd behind d bus. early tt time, thr were many mummies/grannies bringing their kids/grandkids to sch using tt path lor. & jus imagine if there were vehicles behind him & he suddenly stop cos he wanted to turn right but drive so smoothly before stopping abruptly. how can d driver behind noe he wanna turn la.

aft today incident, i'm actually quite scare of his driving & being in his bus. if he don't change, surely 1 day thr b an accident tt he'll regret for life & not only tt, if he woudl post danger to his passengers & also to ppl outside. gosh... pray hard tt he will wake up soon. at times, i may wish i'm dead but i'm still young, i still ve many things i wanna try & do. don take away tt chance fr me or others pls.

深长不漏

currently, it's not d time for big fish big meat... tt little time left is so precious in d midst of d stress. shall endure till d end.

anw, havin days of workin till late & d hallucination of hearin sounds, realized tt my biological clock is out of sync w sg time. usually k/o fr 3+ till 11+ & s i cont'd to work on, d k/o feelin b gone. but i noe i'd not enough slp.

so when dear's ard, i'll try to take break fr my report cos hw long can i see him every time. so it's only when he's ard tt i take break for my mind or do i? cos today, i still thinkin of my report when he's ard in d afternoon. well, it's still more relax than when i kept workin non-stop. d lvl of comfort is still thr to contain my stress.

& today, after a late fillin breakfast, initially he said he could do w/o lunch but at ard 1pm, he felt hungry & so ate 2 london choco rolls but still not enough. s thr is nothing much at hm except instant noodles, cup noodles, & white bread, he decided to fry egg to eat w bread. ask him wat type of egg cos i tot i go cook but he said he'll cook & will fry omelete & ask if i wan.

b4 he wanted tt egg, i still no mood for lunch, mayb too stress w fyp but when he said he'll cook, i oso wan cos i wanna taste his cookin. wanna c him cook but he ask me go back rm to do my stuff but i took pic of his cookin.

don talk bout instant noodle, dis is d 1st time he cook for me wor. n i should say he did a good job. added enough soy sauce to d egg. & d omelete is so round n not broken anywhr. i shoudl say he's really 深长不漏. guess it's not he dono but rather whether he wanna do or not. it may b a simple dish but it's definitely a comfortin dish which cant b compared w 三珍海味...

brain dead zombie

a zombie had jus washed d bathrm... -.-

no worries, u aint c wrong. thr is really a zombie tt wash d bathrm awhile ago.

2 nights ago, i cant help but cont to finish my last bit of my methology section 1st draft till ~2.30am n end up hard to fall aslp aft workin my brain till so late. so ytd, i was super shag. & aft tryin to edit d sequences made up of 4 alphabets 'A, T, G & C' for hrs in d day, i see stars at d end of d day n kept yawnin my evenin away. dear was ard den n leanin by his shoulder, i can really drift to slp. however, aft he left, i pull out d word doc to contd editin my methology & once again, i edit (v roughly) till almost 3 am again n cant get to sleep easily again. i managed to cut 3k of words ytd wor...

so today, by mid day, i was alrdy brain dead. yes. i really mean it. i was editin my methology & den s i was wonderin hw to edit 1 of d experiment protocol, i tot of flowchart of workflow to c hw i shld type my results section. tt flowchart i can oso use for my poster actually but s i was thinkin, i really cant recall y i do a particular experiment n hw to cont'd & it was 1 of d thing which i had been doing for long. even aft flippin thru my scramble notes here n thr for more than 30 min, i'm still lost.

so i concluded: 2 days of working till almost 3am + insomnia aft tt + slpin for less than 3 h = a brain dead zombie... i was so tired tt i wish i can jus slp on d table in d office n not go home. i wanna jus slp till d next day even d position is not comfortable but i cant afford tt nw.

& dis stupid brain dead zombie who miss bus n came hm late still went to wash d bathrm esp since dear not ard. it's not always possible to c him so i decided to wash d bathrm today so i can b 'freed' if he could meet me esp if got long day for weekends. so tt's y i push myself forward once again n soon aft dis, i'll go back to d task tt'll make my brain more dead.

frankly speakin, so long s i can plan n ve freedom of time to do watever i like n whenever i like even when parents ard n w/o their sudden flare, i don mind if i had to work so hard on day like today n den enjoy my whole day off on another. i always like d after feelin of 先苦后甜 cos it can b shiok to jus nuah n laze ard n b ownself. so jus hope tt d peace shall cont'd so tt i can ve d motivation to push myself forward for d next 1.5 mth.