i not wonder woman, dear not ironman

if thr is another world, can i go over nw? i'm not a wonder woman leh. can don everything oso 'ah shan' this 'ah shan' tt???

i noe my godma v pitiful. no kids n jus divorce fr an old yet a playboy husband. but she got 8 siblings oso leh. sun, all went down makin me felt tt they all r so closely knitted. so gd.

den...

mum pek chek ytd say san yi kept callin to ask but nvr go down visit. initially, i still feel tt mayb she couldn't go over but den nw, i oso pek chek w my xiao yi. xiao yi is d youngest of d siblings. d one with d highest edu w d help of d siblings. d one who studied sci oso. so other than me who noe bout sci n bio, she is actually d best person to speak to le.

my godma who is my er yi ma had been my godma since i was v v v small. n since everybody else is workin, i do a flavor to b d one to try to talk w d doc to understand more bout her condition rather tahn doc tellin my mum who don understand n will exaggerate d whole story. of course to visit my godma at same time la.

d thing tt made me super duper pissed off today is tt, actually ytd mornin when i went nuh 1st to udnerstand more n found out tt godma need check blood vessel bloakage 1st b4 can proceed on for either pace maker or defibrillator, i inform my xiao yi. i'm alway d one who inform her n she nvr even bother to ask like my san yi. she thank me n say tt wed n thurs she not workin so she can go down except tt wed she can only go down aft her aircon servicin appt. fine... i told her i rush back sch aft tt. den oso inform her tt i rushin back to nuh to sign consent for d defibrillator. she thank me again n tt she will go over. but she only stay a while. initially, tot can take her car back but den luckily dear came over aft work cos xiao yi say she got program n left w her friend. & den she today toatlly no news.

at 3+ pm today, mum called. say godma can change bed. ask if i'll go over w dear so tt he can take godma's gift n drive back. at 1st, i did tot tt mayb i can get a break today w/o d need to rush over since my da yi n er jiu will sure b thr. i can go over but wat i don like is tt mum was too reliant on me n on d fact tt dear got car. yes, dear got car but like dad, xiao yi n my san yi zhang, all also workin n they oso got car. y mum only think of dear jus cos dad say he busy dis few days? all can b busy w work n she didn't want to look for them n so she ask dear when he oso not sure wwhen can go back home? pls la. xiao yi's work is more fixed hr than dear lor. so told mum off. don care if she angry. told her d fact tt dear is worrkin so she oso cannot alway think tt he got car. mum defend herself n say tt if dear come, she wont ve to take cab. she can take mrt. take cab take cab la. she will take n share cab w my er jiu mu wor. so? it'll b cheaper wor. den she say till if don take, den my godma tml might discharge n oso will need to take things n oso to hold my godma. say like so chiam. so i end up rush cab over. but even if i go, n if dear oso busy, den i oso gotta take cab ma. so wat's d diff of her takin cab back?

somemore, actually, while in cab, realized tt cab fare might more or less b d same s d amt taken to drive thr n park thr for 2-3 hr. cos d parkin itself can easily b like 5+, 6+... if u take a single trip of cab, guess it's mroe or less d same wat. so don think tt got car is cheaper. so actually, take d trouble to take cab can actually save trouble of more ppl wor.

in cab, i rmrb my xiao yi, she not workin ma, so i tot can asked her go take things back. end up, xiao yi said she bringing dog to d vet. cannot go over. -.-" it's her sis in d hospital leh. hw can she not ask? she not worrkin n totally nvr come down when she got car oso leh. so y i bother to inform her? she is d one who will understand d whole situation than everybody else n yet did she bother? her dog is much mroe impt than her sis. it made me boil. i wanna scream. i wanna cry. cos everything always fall on me. i do everybody a flavor to find out more n do her d flavor to inform her. but when she is supposely free, did she bother to help me back when she alrdy noe ytd i rush fr hospital to sch n den back to hospital. can she be more automatic?

i got piss off oso when i reach, saw tt my godma's side tabel was empty. all d gifts were gone. my da yi puzzlely ask me y i rush over. i told her tt mum called n ask me bring things back. n called her many times to cfm aft more than 30 min but failed so i rushed over. my da yi said tt actualy min aft mum called me, actually, my da yi had already asked her son to drive things back le. n my mum left min later. it's only a while aft i reach tt mum said tell me not to rush over. i really wanna scream at her. i shot back n say 'u too late, i alrdy rush cab over. i alrdy reach. u should v tell me earlier'.

i'm oso pek chek though i noe eventually b me who b cleanin my godma's wound n change her dressing cos hw my grandma will do but i tot tt mayb my san jiu mu (fr vietnam) might help cos they stay under 1 roof. it's still fine tt i ve to do it but i don like to b volunteered by ppl. yet my mum volunteered me. fine. i still can tolerate but i don like it when it had to b fixed timing daily n w/o consulting me, jus fixed at evening for me. hw she sure it's such a gd time for me? can she ve d courtesy to call me n cfm d time?

last sun was mother's day n cos of this, nvr go dine w dear's mom so told him to tell his mom tt mayb dis sat or so den treat her. yet if fixed at evening, does tt mean tt i gotta forgot d dinner? i alrdy disappoint dear's nanny. i'm sure they understand but it made me feel bad. so i decided to fix at 9+ pm to change d dressing. late but den wat else can i do? tt's d best timing whr i can accomodate to everybody.

actually, mum almost everyday except sun nvr go over to my cousins' place which is jus next block fr my godma n grandma. so i ask y don she do it, den she can do in morning. she say her hand ltr tremble. y she always so scare of thsi & tt. even da yi said tt if not cos stay quite a distance away, if not she will change for my godma. even my er jiu suggest changed in daytime n mayb he ask his wife go help so don ve to all rely on me. they oso see tt i always rush over n by cab lor. they oso noe it's late n wodner hw i go back today cos dear end up late oso.

ytd dear didn't quite ve lunch n worked till 6.30 like tt n rush over n his tummy weird weird le. today, he also almost couldn't go over cos got urgent matter to deal w towards d end of d day n it was only settle or actually not (i oso not sure) but he only started to come over at ard 7.35 pm n so we all only eat at ard 8+pm b4 he drive my da yi, er jiu n me back.

awhile ago, dear called, say he felt feverish. n tml he workin 24 hr n had a presentation. n he die die ve to go n die die must finish presentation b4 can c doc n d earliest possible time b 2 pm den can c doc. gosh... hope it's jus cos not enough slp n body heaty n he b ok after d slp. if not, i can really go crazy. cos if he sick, yet cannot c doc n rest, den he'll b more tired n get more serious. den wat shall i do? n he always in front of other ppl will sure say, 'nvm', 'it's ok', 'no prob', so tt's y i oso not happy tt mum oso started to take advantage of him le. she took advantage of me, pushin me ard, volunteer me is alrdy gg beyond my limit le leh. nw still wan take advantage cos he got car. see la, nw he oso fallin sick.

mum oso fri should go check on her liver aft she had found her liver profile not tt gd aft her medical checkup tt day. i'm gettin crazy...

crazy weekend

it'd been a crazy weekend though many might b in celebration mood.

sat, mum received a call tt her sis aka my godma fainted n fall at work n was bleeding lot so we rushed down. end up it's not bleedin but a hug swell at back of her head. tt's y i don like words tt r passed down.

d story we found out was tt godma was at work n den they heard loud bang n found her on d floor. they tried to wake her up for quite a while n den brought her to clinic downstair to c doc. godma vomitted at clinic n doc referred her to nuh. d supervisor called my grandma to ask her to bring my godma to hospital so grandma called my mum instead. n durin journey to nuh, godma vomited twice again.

when i initially heard bleedin, i asked y d supervisor n colleagues nvr call ambulance. den when heard she vomitted n when doc refer her to nuh, y nobody call for ambulance again. next qs i ask is, y they call my grandma, my godma is alrdy in her 60s n grandma in 80s. my grandma is alrdy old n hw she got d strength to support my godma who is still giddy n blur n in tt condition. furthermore, hw my grandma noe hwo to admit my godma at d hosp even if they get a cab to go nuh.

when i heard tt they tried to wake her up for quite sometime, i asked next qs, y they nvr call hospital immediatley? or get d doc fr d clinic downstair up to check on her? den i found out tt actually d supervisor actually still wanted to bring my godma to company clinic elsewhr when actually thr is a clinic downstair only. -.-"

mayb i got my trainin in sjab, mayb cos i worked b4 n i noe thr should ve a risk assessment n sop to deal w such situation. so i felt tt my godma's workplace's safety is really bad. n when d supervisor came to visit my godma n saw all of us thr, she can try to comfort us by telling us not to worry so much but instead, she said 'don worry so much, she looked v well, her color tone is norm, she is ok'. F*** la, if she really ok, she wont b in hospital, bedridden w tag of high risk of fall n admitted to d 'icu' for d cardiac patient n she wont need temp pacer to control her heart beat le.

oh. anw, tt day godma was admitted, we waited quite a while n end up didn't cos dad call it a day sayin tt it oso shall b a lesson for godma s no one 'visit' her s she always ignore her doc advice to cut down on certain food for her hypertension n chloesterol. but i felt bad cos godma jus got divorce recently n she had no child n she quite dote me.

tt evening (sat), hospital called n say they moved her to d 'icu' cos found her heart got 2nd deg block (heard fr d hospital staff). n sun mornin, heard fr mum tt godma called grandma n said middle of night her heart stop beatin. my heart skipped a beat den but though i was skeptical cos thru words of mouth, hw can i not b affected to hear tt heart of someone close to me stopped beating.

actually, it didn't stop but it was super weak. so i was more relieved cos i was so worried till i got panic attack earlier at dear's nanny's house cos they celebratin her nanny's birthday cum mother's day n i skipped lunch w them. dear oso accompany me n skipped d lunch. really thank him for his company.

n nw, when i c miss call, i would feel v uneasy cos w someone close n w heart prob in d hospital, it's really scary to see calls esp unknown no or calls at unexpected time. think i'm freak out.

i guess for these few days or so, i might b running fr home to sch den to nuh n vice versa. i jus hope tt godma b ok aft they implant a perm pacemaker for her. n den prob i would oso ve clear up my poster oso.

luckily my prof quite nice to sit w us n edit our thesis n oso to look at d poster. if not i might gg even crazier. n oso luckily i started my poster early. i got my 2nd draft out le but today no time to show him. i jus basically go n hand in my thesis hardcopy to him n leave aft i go w dear for his medical checkup den print d thesis.

while worried for my godma, dear brought me to watch a movie but i was bit too tired tt i dozed off once a while for few min. n den send me over to hospital aft hearin tt d doc wanted to speak w someone. thks dear dear. ur effort is registered in my memory le.

sorry to those who read this, it's v not oriented well cos i not really thinking well. paiseh. d flow is everywhere.

fyp again

2nd draft done but prof not ard... great... hope can give him today n get back tml...

while waitin, think of hw to do my poster ba... shag...

i'm not octopus. i wanna stay out if i can get my things done

i m gettin crazy le la... jus when i say i'm tryin to rush my thesis 2nd draft by today includin editin d results pic n so might get v little slp + i gotta oso try to do another things, den dad call

he ask me check his email for him for his photography workshop & d payment. wat's d diff of me checkin nw n when he check when he come back ltr. i check nw, i become middle person to tell him when he can read it himself n b more clear of wat's gg on.

i'm not an octopus la. T.T dis oso look for me tt oso look for me. think i wat? i didnt get much slp n when i got d chance to wanna catch back my slp, u aren't happy n jealous of me. wat is this?

hw i wish i can go out nw. i don mind stayin in lab office to slp so i can get peace n get my things done. i really cannot take it le lah...

thesis 2nd draft

gotten my 1st draft of my thesis. need to edit nw. or rather i'd edited d abstract, intro, results, discussion n conclusion. need to find 2 ref nw n den edit my materials & methods b done le.

initially, was quite worried for major revamp but thr is actually but prof quite nice to sit me thru since mornin askin me to open d softcopy n actually told me wat to type. can really see d diff btw a prof like him who had read countless of papers n written many too. cos he jus see what i wanna convey on d hardcopy den within sec, came out w new flow of para w words tt i didn't noe n nvr tot of. wow... if i really get an A, must really really thk him. so s he 'edit' i type so my editin is sort of quite fast la.

shall edit n change my result pics cos realized it's quite dark aft printin out for d western blot results. shall try edit d size till can use for poster oso. cos righht nw, so so small aft i put in poster to see. -.-" since i need to edit d brightness, may s well edit d size oso. save d hastle for double work.

but if so, i guess i will ve a slpless nite or a v v short slp or mayb i shall call it a nap den. haiz. but i'm hopin to rush so i can give prof d thesis tml den i can embark on my poster w d images ready.

anw, glad today report is back cos initially, dear say he '1/2' day, den end up ask me go back 1st den end up couldn't meet up. i'm still learnin to b super open n not feel d pinch of disappointment...

coincident?

it's coincident or do i ve 6th sense or m i so 准? ytd evening, on a norm conversation, i jus said tt a v close sec sch friend might give birth soon n at ard 2am last nite, her aminotic sac(waterbag) burst n she gave birth today at 2pm to a healthy baby boy.

durin her whole pregnancy, didn't manage to go & visit her esp when she been feelin awful during at least the 1st 1/2 of her pregnancy. sorry gal but u made it. cheers!

though i didn't get to c her & didn't chat w her durin d beginnin of her 2nd 1/2 of her pregnancy, i still manage to chat w her durin d initial stage when she felt awful & also durin d last stage where she got bored at home.

shall try to visit her soon. mayb aft i m settle w my fyp. mayb by den, i did learn hw to use d nikon d3000 cam n den can help her take pic of her 心肝宝贝. nw is oso not a gd time to visit her s supposely, d chinese say tt it's v 伤身 aft birth so need to rest n 补一补.

blur

i'm so so blur... nw is ~6pm n gonna go out dinner soon... i went to washrm to change n wash my face yet i took my toothbrush and put toothpaste on it s though i jus woke up in d morning. gosh... wat is happenin to me??? 6pm not 6am leh. 6pm sky bright bright but 6am sky still dark dark wor. so so big diff leh...