In the middle of the night, near morning, when I shifted my position & stretched a little on my bed, my right calf muscle cramped. OMG!!! So I became wide awake. This time not by cough but by the pain from the muscle cramped... Can't I have a night with real good rest and sleep?

When I woke up, I felt my right leg weird. Like not very right. After walking a few steps, my right hip joint give a sharp pain that I had to grab whatever is beside me. Think it's my ligament problem again. As I continued walking to the bathroom to wash up, after a few steps, the sharp pain came again. NOOOO!!!!!

I don't want it to pain again. I would have trouble walking. I have enough trouble with my cough already and now is not the time to have this pain. Not when term is starting on Monday. Shit...

I do not want to leave SF. There is a reason for them to give me early graduation already especially if I could not commit to weekdays training due to lessons, etc. I do not want to add on another reason because of my ligament problem. Yet I know that if this is the problem, then I would have to accept the facts as I also do not want to injure myself further or to cause irreversible injury to myself. But I had so much fun in SF with my friends and from there I build my confidence too.

That is why I do not want my ligament problem to re-occur. Never again. Yet, today, it's not right. For the past few days, I can feel my right leg was weaker than my left leg. I can't twist and bend my right leg like my left leg. I can't sit cross-legged on the soft mattress as I would feel numbness on my right leg. Numbness, uncomfortableness and slight and minor yet not quite call it pain. And I had been hoping that it would go away which apparently it did not. How? Shit lah.... Why??? How can this happen again. Why do I have to go through this pain again. It's very terrible.

Because of this pain, I quitted 武术 the other time. The first time I had this pain was in September 1999 during the term break. And I think I got it again once or twice a few months later. So I quitted also because I could not catch up with what 师傅 was teaching. He only focus on sparing (which I don't like) and focus to teach those seniors who could catch up with him. So it's a waste of money to continue.

Since I quitted in Dec 2K, I no longer had the pain. Even if there is, it's only very minor which would recovered the following day or so.

Now that I am in SF for almost 2 years, I already had serious pain twice before which lasted quite long (weeks or months) and now will be the third time? No please!!! If really, then I would have to accept the fate of leaving SF as I might not be able to perform when I had the pain and it might happen at the last minute.