This is just the starting of my journey of studying. Yet last week, I felt the strained, the stress. Well, it did seemed to get slightly better but how long can it last?
There are quite a number of activities going on. I need to do some priority check. Even had to give some up maybe soon even if I may not wish that to happen.
Studies should be my priority now. I do not want to waste my past years of effort to apply for this place. It would be long. 4 years long and this is just the 3rd week. Last week, after the 1st Organic Chemistry Tutorial, I started to feel the stress. I do not know alot. Previously I thought the most worrying module will be Principle of Economics which is something I had not done before. But after attending the Organic Chemistry Tutorial. I realized that I was too far behind that too and there will be bound to have more modules that I haven't realized that I am lagging very far behind now and I realized I need a lot of time. Time to recap, Time to study, Time to do assignments, etc.
Work might be the next to follow. I do not have enough savings to last me for 4 years and I do not wish to use up all in case of rainy days. My friend had recommended me for a job as a clinic assistant. Yet I do not have so much time & energy now to go for more trainings so that I would start work soon. So this is not a good sign.
Piano is something that I enjoyed and had to commit to as my parents bought the piano 2 years ago (I did pay for part of it though as I do not want them to pay for it). But I had decided to quit after I took the exam maybe next year July. There is no point to continue as I do not have the time to practice. It would be a waste of money and time to continue as the techniques will be stagnant and even be worst.
Music theory is the complementary course for the Piano. Since I had decided to temporary quit after the piano exam next year, there is no point in continuing also. Thus, I would quit too after the exam this November. Even though I would be quiting Piano and Music theory, it would not immediate. So during these period, I would have to hang in there.
Sunflower Dance Group is also something which I enjoyed. It had been an activity that had helped me boost my confidence level also. Yet, it required commitment. Thus, it had all along been a cultural group for working adults which I once was.
I was hoping that I could stay on even though I am now a full time student. Yet, I realized this is impossible. Not that I am not allowed to stay on. But I realized I can't commit as what I had before. Timetable for every semester will be different. And I'll never know when I might have lesson till late. Late meaning after 7.30pm. How am I going to go for the weekdays trainings when there are projects? This is what happened currently.
Current project is for 2 September. There are only at most 3 to 4 weekend trainings and 3 weekdays trainings. And the 1st weekday training fall on a Tuesday when I had Music Theory lesson. 2 of the weekdays trainings fall on Wednesday when I had lesson till 7.30pm. Just last week, I only managed to board the bus at around 8.10pm and very seldom there will be cab around campus at that time.
For all these trainings, I missed the 1st. Went for the 2nd and was bombarded with so many counts of dance steps which till now I can't remember. Missed the 3rd training due to Music Theory lesson. So Saturday before the 4th training on Sunday, I was so stressed that I can't get to sleep. And on Sunday itself, I really can't catch up. Tomorrow which is Wednesday will be the 5th training. Yet, I'll reach extremely late maybe they will be ending soon. Yet, I can't afford to miss the training. If not I'll lag further. So I do not see how I can continue on.
Somemore, my leg, my right hip, my ligament does not seemed too good. It was because of it that I missed that 1st training for the 2 September project. It had been re-occuring pretty frequently since I started joining Sunflower. Think it had already pained 3 or 4 times. 2 of which were very serious. So I supposed it is not advicable for me to continue to strain it further.
With these 2 reasons, I do not see how I should continue on in Sunflower. Yet, it's a very tough to come out with a final decision to quit and even now it is even tougher to put it into action. But I must. I know I must! I had told myself to tell my chief on the coming Sunday training about this decision. But even so, it would also not be with immediate effect. I would have to continue on to finish up the 2 September Project and our Recruitment Project on 16 September. I must still hang on at least till the Recruitment ended as the rest of the girls are involved in the Chinatown Project on 15 September. And so the recruitment project might most likely be my last and it's happening on my birthday.
Other than these activities, my leaders had been asking me to take up role of leadership. I had told them to let this be on hold but apparently I could not push further. There will be training course in October. I guess I will have to continue to judge after I leave Sunflower. If I really can't, then I'll confirm voice out to let them know. Anyway, these few leaders had been very understanding. So I am sure they will understand.
Well, all these activities are draining me now. I just hope it would get better after I made all these tough decision to give up certain of them (slowly). I do not want to have sleepless night like on Sunday night that I was so worried I could not catch up.
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