Sunday, 31 August 2008
My uncle's Vietnam Bride and My delayed in resigning.
Yesterday, my third uncle brought home a vietnam bride. Heard from my mum that she's very pretty. They will be taking their wedding photos on coming Wednesday so I shall go over to maybe snapped some shots or videos of them after my class. They planned to just had a buffet dinner at their house on the 20 Sept. At first they planned on 21 Sept but my parents and I already had a wedding ceremony and dinner and we can't missed it. I am still trying to find people to work that day.
Anyway, I managed to get someone to help me on the 20 Sept and 21 Sept, I must find someone no matter what. Talking so much about quitting, why do I still need to find people. I planned to talk to my boss today but when I went to the clinic yesterday, I realized that my boss went holiday. I missed the opportunity to talk to him. So I still need to find people to help me on the 28 Sept as my last day would be delayed. Sianz... Just hope he can accept the bomb well cause no matter what, I have made up my mind. I can't sacrifice my studies anymore. I'm going beyond the maximun to work an additional one month.
Anyway, I managed to get someone to help me on the 20 Sept and 21 Sept, I must find someone no matter what. Talking so much about quitting, why do I still need to find people. I planned to talk to my boss today but when I went to the clinic yesterday, I realized that my boss went holiday. I missed the opportunity to talk to him. So I still need to find people to help me on the 28 Sept as my last day would be delayed. Sianz... Just hope he can accept the bomb well cause no matter what, I have made up my mind. I can't sacrifice my studies anymore. I'm going beyond the maximun to work an additional one month.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
I pass my piano grade 5 exam?
I just came back from my last grade 5 piano lesson just now as from next month on I am 'promoted' to grade 6 with an increase in time for another additional 15 minutes and increase in school fee too.
During the lesson, my teacher asked what I feel about my piano grade 5 exam in July 2008. I told him that I would fail. I'm not prepared and don't know what to expect especially for the aural component. He told me the results was out but not the certificates and if he did not see wrongly, I passed my exam. Just passed. The passing marks is 100 out of 150 and I just got around 105 to 109 if he did not remember wrong.
I was quite happy actually as I could quit if I passed so that I can spend less with lesser stress. But, I better not be so happy now unless I see the actual certificate which he said would most likely be out next week.
He told me that I could try to practice like 5 to 10 minutes a day even if it if on a short portion of the song and he used the analogy of moving a box of apples. He said that if always say not free (excuses), then the apples will stay where it would be. If try to move even if 1 apple a day, all th apples will eventually be moved even though the process will take much longer. I guess I shall try out. If still can't and if I really get the certificate, then I shall quit. I shall try till maybe end of this year. I shall decide again in November as I need to give a month notice to the school.
I also asked him about what are the grading system for music like. It started from a beginner then to grade 1 to 8 but for grade 5 or 6 on, needed at least a Grade 5 Music Theory Certificate. And to get a full Grade 8, must have Grade 8 Music Theory certificate too. After that would be either go for a degree overseas or a diploma which can be done locally. Weird right? Can go straight to degree without a diploma.
Degree would learn music in general, like the music in different culture, psychology, etc and even have to pick up a second instrument. Diploma is different from degree. Diploma will only focus on the instrument that you took up. Thus, Diploma is in a way better than degree but would be best to get the degree too. How far (from beginner until diploma) you get depends on how fast you can go unlike the usual education system.
During the lesson, my teacher asked what I feel about my piano grade 5 exam in July 2008. I told him that I would fail. I'm not prepared and don't know what to expect especially for the aural component. He told me the results was out but not the certificates and if he did not see wrongly, I passed my exam. Just passed. The passing marks is 100 out of 150 and I just got around 105 to 109 if he did not remember wrong.
I was quite happy actually as I could quit if I passed so that I can spend less with lesser stress. But, I better not be so happy now unless I see the actual certificate which he said would most likely be out next week.
He told me that I could try to practice like 5 to 10 minutes a day even if it if on a short portion of the song and he used the analogy of moving a box of apples. He said that if always say not free (excuses), then the apples will stay where it would be. If try to move even if 1 apple a day, all th apples will eventually be moved even though the process will take much longer. I guess I shall try out. If still can't and if I really get the certificate, then I shall quit. I shall try till maybe end of this year. I shall decide again in November as I need to give a month notice to the school.
I also asked him about what are the grading system for music like. It started from a beginner then to grade 1 to 8 but for grade 5 or 6 on, needed at least a Grade 5 Music Theory Certificate. And to get a full Grade 8, must have Grade 8 Music Theory certificate too. After that would be either go for a degree overseas or a diploma which can be done locally. Weird right? Can go straight to degree without a diploma.
Degree would learn music in general, like the music in different culture, psychology, etc and even have to pick up a second instrument. Diploma is different from degree. Diploma will only focus on the instrument that you took up. Thus, Diploma is in a way better than degree but would be best to get the degree too. How far (from beginner until diploma) you get depends on how fast you can go unlike the usual education system.
Friday, 29 August 2008
A job offer. Should I take or not?
Just when I made a final decision on the journey home on Wednesday to drop my dance and my job, today, after alighting near the childcare centre to walk to my LT, chatted with my ex-SM as usual.
Today, she asked me if I want to work and earn some extra cash. I asked what kind of job and she said as student assistant or something like that to help in preparation for the undergraduate practical (something which I had done when I was working there). She said that they were having headache over the shortage of manpower and thought that I would be a good choice as I had experiences. She asked me to think about it and let her know so that she can tell the Prof.
It was quite tempting actually especially when I had already decided to resign from my current weekend job. Actually, I would take up the offer if it was in the holidays. Anyway, I shall think about it after I can manage to quit wef the date I decided as it would get me some extra cash.
Today, she asked me if I want to work and earn some extra cash. I asked what kind of job and she said as student assistant or something like that to help in preparation for the undergraduate practical (something which I had done when I was working there). She said that they were having headache over the shortage of manpower and thought that I would be a good choice as I had experiences. She asked me to think about it and let her know so that she can tell the Prof.
It was quite tempting actually especially when I had already decided to resign from my current weekend job. Actually, I would take up the offer if it was in the holidays. Anyway, I shall think about it after I can manage to quit wef the date I decided as it would get me some extra cash.
Weird People Around My Block
Yesterday morning, after having breakfast with my parents, my dad dropped us off from the main road as usual.
As we were chatting with a Indian neighbour and her son while waiting for the lift, an uncle came and went into the lift with us. I forgot that he did not stay at my block. Well, there is a basketball court below my block and every morning, there will be a group of people doing routine exercise there. The uncle who came into the lift with us would always stand at the back of the group and would most of the time be looking behind. Yet he knew when the rest changed position, etc.
The uncle even tried to join in the conversations that we had with the Indian neighbour as we were commenting that her son was very friendly. After the Indian neighbour left at level 4, the uncle started to 'chat' with us and asked questions like why are we here, etc. Even comment that he saw that we always come by car daily. So how long has he been 'eyeing' on our moves? My mum had been going breakfast with my dad for a long period of time and me since the start of the semester. Now, not only 'eyeing' at us, he even goes to the extend to follow us up?
My immediate neighbour also know that he always stand behind during the exercise and always looked behind looking at the opposite sex. We always joked that one day he would '' but we didn't expect that he would follow us up. If ever happened again, would sure scold him and embarrass him in front of many people and even threaten to call the police.
My block had become a place with many weird people. A guy who always had many different Secondary School kids with him would loither around; my neighbour had pillows, etc lost when she sun them outside; they even got clothes and undergarments missing; people gambling or playing cards at void deck and even at certain level of my block at the lift lobby; there are people coming up to play with water from the tap at the staircase beside my unit; and the staircase had become a public toilet and public bathroom, etc. My area had become so unsafe. Must take extra care already. I think it would worsen when the ITE opposited my block was fully build and the school starts.
As we were chatting with a Indian neighbour and her son while waiting for the lift, an uncle came and went into the lift with us. I forgot that he did not stay at my block. Well, there is a basketball court below my block and every morning, there will be a group of people doing routine exercise there. The uncle who came into the lift with us would always stand at the back of the group and would most of the time be looking behind. Yet he knew when the rest changed position, etc.
The uncle even tried to join in the conversations that we had with the Indian neighbour as we were commenting that her son was very friendly. After the Indian neighbour left at level 4, the uncle started to 'chat' with us and asked questions like why are we here, etc. Even comment that he saw that we always come by car daily. So how long has he been 'eyeing' on our moves? My mum had been going breakfast with my dad for a long period of time and me since the start of the semester. Now, not only 'eyeing' at us, he even goes to the extend to follow us up?
My immediate neighbour also know that he always stand behind during the exercise and always looked behind looking at the opposite sex. We always joked that one day he would '' but we didn't expect that he would follow us up. If ever happened again, would sure scold him and embarrass him in front of many people and even threaten to call the police.
My block had become a place with many weird people. A guy who always had many different Secondary School kids with him would loither around; my neighbour had pillows, etc lost when she sun them outside; they even got clothes and undergarments missing; people gambling or playing cards at void deck and even at certain level of my block at the lift lobby; there are people coming up to play with water from the tap at the staircase beside my unit; and the staircase had become a public toilet and public bathroom, etc. My area had become so unsafe. Must take extra care already. I think it would worsen when the ITE opposited my block was fully build and the school starts.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Mum, please don't be so silly
Talking about resigning, on Monday, heard from Mum that my third aunt quitting that business. My uncle went for lessons about selling gold. At first I did not know what gold but soon after, I got to know. It's something like a gold coin or something. You buy it then you will earn profit every month. BUT, is there such a good deal? I vaguely remembered this aunt and her husband sold something like that before and it was not successful. My mum and her siblings did bought since they are siblings. In the end, didn't even get to see that 'coin' or whatever you called that. That time I was still in my upper primary if I am not wrong.
Well, now, my aunt told my mum again about the gold. Say this time is different. Just pay like $5k and you'll get the piece of gold with certain weight and earn profit every month and can even sell the gold away. I shut my mum off by getting her to recall what happened before. I told her to tell my aunt that we got no money otherwise I do not need to work and study at same time. Well, that is the fact. My mum assured me that she told her sister already. Just hope she kept her promise if not, I'll sure 'fan lian'. So I hope my mum won't be so silly this time. If not, my thoughts of resignation was failed. I had just typed out the resignation letter actually.
Well, now, my aunt told my mum again about the gold. Say this time is different. Just pay like $5k and you'll get the piece of gold with certain weight and earn profit every month and can even sell the gold away. I shut my mum off by getting her to recall what happened before. I told her to tell my aunt that we got no money otherwise I do not need to work and study at same time. Well, that is the fact. My mum assured me that she told her sister already. Just hope she kept her promise if not, I'll sure 'fan lian'. So I hope my mum won't be so silly this time. If not, my thoughts of resignation was failed. I had just typed out the resignation letter actually.
Bookmark from friend and made up a big decision
Today, struggled to keep awake for the early morning BS202 Lecture. Managed to be awake but for the BS203 Lecture that followed, I was mostly knocked out for the 1st hour. The sianz thing was what I copied when I was awake just before the break was useless. It was because the lecturer said the facts wrongly. For the past 2 lectures, such cases happened too. Or he would said he was not so sure, etc.
Anyway, during the 1st lecture, my friend gave each of us a bookmark. It reads, '感恩的季節' and '感恩您的 鼓励 關懐 照顧'.
Behind the bookmark, she scribbled some words behind.
'Jess,
hihi. 我们lab的小老师. 多亏有你, 我们的lab才可以做得顺利, 不至于乱七八糟. 虽然我也不是做的很好现在 @_@. haha. 总觉得你很像大姐姐. 很照顾人的感觉. 嘻嘻. 要继续照顾我们喔. 一起加油吧. 努力渡过这难?的 second year.
加油 thank you.
* 这是感恩卡
Anyway, during the 1st lecture, my friend gave each of us a bookmark. It reads, '感恩的季節' and '感恩您的 鼓励 關懐 照顧'.
Behind the bookmark, she scribbled some words behind.
'Jess,
hihi. 我们lab的小老师. 多亏有你, 我们的lab才可以做得顺利, 不至于乱七八糟. 虽然我也不是做的很好现在 @_@. haha. 总觉得你很像大姐姐. 很照顾人的感觉. 嘻嘻. 要继续照顾我们喔. 一起加油吧. 努力渡过这难?的 second year.
加油 thank you.
* 这是感恩卡
kq'
I knew I am much older than them. Yet, I did not think that I gave them the impression of a big sister looking after them. I always thought I did not do much as I was very weak in my studies except for the practical (cause so far, I had prepared for those practical before and thus, knew what to do and expect). I was quite touched when I saw this. I must continue to work hard.
On the journey out from school, was chatting with another friend and we talked about the 1st proposal assignment already take so much time and we need time to search information from textbook and other source for our tutorials and the time was limited especially when I am not free over the weekends. It made me think while I was alone on the journey home.
I think it's time for me to quit my dance, it's time to quit my job. The dance was something that I enjoyed and something that had changed my life greatly. Without it, I do not think I would have the courage and confident that I currently have. The job was something that I hope to get me through my course of studies finacially. It was also 1 of the job I thought of doing before many manys years ago. But if I continue on, I am unsure what it will get me to.
I just knew that at this rate I am going, most of the time during weekdays was spend having lessons and even discussion for assignments for HW102. And I am unfree on weekends. Then how am I going to do my tutorials? The tutor expected people to participate and answer questions and will call name if no volunteer. There will be a chance that one day, my name will be called (plus they know me) and the answers can't be found from the lecture notes but I do not have the time to search and read up. Even if I got through the semester without being called upon, what about final exam? Without further read-up for the tutorial, it would be impossible to catch up when exams come. Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I should quit the dance and job so that I can get that extra few hours to study. I know my savings will deplete much sooner if I quit my job but I can't sacrifice my studies. It won't get me anywhere with very poor results.
Over the past months, got a few people quit or said want to quit and he have not find people to replace them and there was a serious shortage of manpower for weekends. Thus, it won't be easy for me to tell him I want to tender but I guess I have to be unkind and firm this time if not it won't do me good. Maybe worst still, I type a resignation letter if I won't get a chance to talk to him if the clinic is busy. I really have no choice now.
I have not tell my mum about this as I do not know how it would go. And dare not let her know as she had been very worried about me. I do not want to let her get the impression that I am struggling. I had been putting a strong front in front of my parents and others close to them. Even dare not take a nap in front of parents as it would give impression that I am tired. It is really not easy. Just hope it went well after I tender and I talk to my seniors in the dance group about quitting. Will do so on coming Sunday. Hope I would be free by end of September.
So 'chiong'
Yesterday, after the HW102 tutorial class, even though the tutor have not had the chance to talk with us about the proposal, we felt that there was a need to amend our proposal. Yet, it was difficult to find time to meet up due to the fact that everybody's electives differ.
Thus, we decided to me online to discuss. As most people could only make it after 9 pm, discussion started at 9.30 pm and we only ended our discussion at about 1.40 am. At around mid-night, I'm already shut off but I just hang in there as everybody seemed to still be in discussion.
I can't remember exactly what time but there was a time when they were 'arguing' about which website gave the correct data (one giving 7.8% and another giving 8%) and I had to stop them & suggest quoting 'about 8% while citing the two sources. Then they started another 'argument' about another statistics of similiar cases but this time, basically from the same website but different page.
At that rate they were going, I am not sure when we will finish thus, I decided to amend the proposal as we discussed and saved the copy. We only managed to change the background and objectives and we decided to leave the rationale and problems even though we thought of amending it during tutorial.
Luckily I edit at the same time so I could upload into eureka for them to take a look after the discussion. If not, today, will have another night of torture. They even asked what time to discuss today. So I stopped them to ask what they feel about the proposal and they said ok. But then got one asked if the 'full-stop' should come before or after the citation. I almost fainted when I see that. I am a typical virgo who is quite a perfectionist. Yet, there are someone who is even more 'li hai' than me. (-.-)''' Well, in the end, we decided to ignore that 'problem'. And so I suggested email to tutor and wait for his reply before we had another night of torture. Even told them to brain-storm the questions for survey and after we settle the proposal final draft, then we discuss on the survey questions.
Thus, I hope I will at least get one night of better sleep. Actually, I dreamt of the proposal last night (nightmare). My group-mates are crazy. So chiong! And today got lesson at 8.30 am. Luckily I taking the staff bus. If not, maybe it won't be a bad idea if I don't sleep at all.
Thus, we decided to me online to discuss. As most people could only make it after 9 pm, discussion started at 9.30 pm and we only ended our discussion at about 1.40 am. At around mid-night, I'm already shut off but I just hang in there as everybody seemed to still be in discussion.
I can't remember exactly what time but there was a time when they were 'arguing' about which website gave the correct data (one giving 7.8% and another giving 8%) and I had to stop them & suggest quoting 'about 8% while citing the two sources. Then they started another 'argument' about another statistics of similiar cases but this time, basically from the same website but different page.
At that rate they were going, I am not sure when we will finish thus, I decided to amend the proposal as we discussed and saved the copy. We only managed to change the background and objectives and we decided to leave the rationale and problems even though we thought of amending it during tutorial.
Luckily I edit at the same time so I could upload into eureka for them to take a look after the discussion. If not, today, will have another night of torture. They even asked what time to discuss today. So I stopped them to ask what they feel about the proposal and they said ok. But then got one asked if the 'full-stop' should come before or after the citation. I almost fainted when I see that. I am a typical virgo who is quite a perfectionist. Yet, there are someone who is even more 'li hai' than me. (-.-)''' Well, in the end, we decided to ignore that 'problem'. And so I suggested email to tutor and wait for his reply before we had another night of torture. Even told them to brain-storm the questions for survey and after we settle the proposal final draft, then we discuss on the survey questions.
Thus, I hope I will at least get one night of better sleep. Actually, I dreamt of the proposal last night (nightmare). My group-mates are crazy. So chiong! And today got lesson at 8.30 am. Luckily I taking the staff bus. If not, maybe it won't be a bad idea if I don't sleep at all.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Need more time
Today, during the HW102 tutorial, I suddenly felt the shivers I had when I was doing the report for my FYP. It was almost like that time, due to the time constraints, and a 'demanding' lecturer with a poorly done report, the felt of rush for time was scary.
Just now, during the tutorial, we were supposed to have a draft of the proposal for a research assignment so that the tutor and peers could comment, etc. Even though the lecturer did not get a chance to come to my group and many others, we knew that we need to amend our proposal. Yet we don't have the time to meet up much and we got to email our next draft to the lecturer asap so that we could amend in time to submit next Tuesday.
HW102 is a killer module. Not because of quiz, etc. There are 4 assignments and mainly group work. Other than this module, there are 2 other module with assignment too. All these assignments need lots of readings. Readings of research articles which is something not many people can tahan without falling asleep.
Furthermore, there are 4 modules with 5 quizzes and 1 quiz for 1 of the module must not have more than 5% failure in the whole cohort. Otherwise, another quiz will be administered.
The tutorials in this semester was also quite different from year 1. The lecturers expected more participation. For BS202, the lecturer even called student to the front to present the answer to the whole class and his questions are very argumentative type and need strong support to justify your answer. It was something I am very poor with.
How I wish I had more time. I hate it when time is so limited.
Just now, during the tutorial, we were supposed to have a draft of the proposal for a research assignment so that the tutor and peers could comment, etc. Even though the lecturer did not get a chance to come to my group and many others, we knew that we need to amend our proposal. Yet we don't have the time to meet up much and we got to email our next draft to the lecturer asap so that we could amend in time to submit next Tuesday.
HW102 is a killer module. Not because of quiz, etc. There are 4 assignments and mainly group work. Other than this module, there are 2 other module with assignment too. All these assignments need lots of readings. Readings of research articles which is something not many people can tahan without falling asleep.
Furthermore, there are 4 modules with 5 quizzes and 1 quiz for 1 of the module must not have more than 5% failure in the whole cohort. Otherwise, another quiz will be administered.
The tutorials in this semester was also quite different from year 1. The lecturers expected more participation. For BS202, the lecturer even called student to the front to present the answer to the whole class and his questions are very argumentative type and need strong support to justify your answer. It was something I am very poor with.
How I wish I had more time. I hate it when time is so limited.
太诡异了
Today, during 'brunch' was chatting with friends and we came to the topics about textbooks and I said I wanted to sell my Principles of Economics textbook. My friend said she got a friend who might want to buy and will let me know. In the afternoon, I got a sms from an unknown person asking about that same textbook. Thus, I assumed that person might be my friend's friend.
After confirming my textbook edition when I am home, the person decided to get it and was asking how to get the book from me so I gave my breaktime to the person. I was also puzzled cause if it was my friend's friend, then maybe I could just pass the book to my friend. Why so troublesome and the person never replied my sms. It doesn't seemed possible too if the person know through i-mall as I put up the 'advertisment' last semester which was like more than 6 months ago.
Anyway, I sms my friend and found that she hasn't asked her friend and she asked me to wait for her reply while she asked her friend. After the confirmation, I then rejected the person who sms me.
It was very spooky as I had been wanting to sell that textbook since last semester which is why I used i-mall but with no luck. Today, when my friend said she got a friend who might want and then another person sms me for the book. 太诡异了!
After confirming my textbook edition when I am home, the person decided to get it and was asking how to get the book from me so I gave my breaktime to the person. I was also puzzled cause if it was my friend's friend, then maybe I could just pass the book to my friend. Why so troublesome and the person never replied my sms. It doesn't seemed possible too if the person know through i-mall as I put up the 'advertisment' last semester which was like more than 6 months ago.
Anyway, I sms my friend and found that she hasn't asked her friend and she asked me to wait for her reply while she asked her friend. After the confirmation, I then rejected the person who sms me.
It was very spooky as I had been wanting to sell that textbook since last semester which is why I used i-mall but with no luck. Today, when my friend said she got a friend who might want and then another person sms me for the book. 太诡异了!
Sunday, 17 August 2008
A day off from work
Life have been busy but managed to tell my 'ex-colleague' that when she wanna work (on Saturday), to inform me. If she wanna work, I won't go so I can either study or rest. And if I am busy, I can check with her.
She quit the other time because she thought she'll be working shift as a nurse. But now she is working normal office hour. So if she's not tired, she'll come over to work to earn extra cash.
Last month, my mum's eldest sister suggested find a Saturday and she'll bring us into Malaysia to walk around. To go on Saturday, we must depend on my aunt (mum of the 3 cousins my mum looked after). Last month was too rush so once she knew the date for August that she was off, she let my mum know. It was yesterday. So I'd asked that colleague to help me.
In the end, I do not know why the trip was cancelled. Thought I can then rest at home. But in the end, a friend asked me out with his wife and colleague. Our fathers was ex-colleagues and mum had become good friends. His mum somehow told my mum before that her son might asked me to go out with his elder brother and / or 2 younger cousins but it seemed quite difficult with my packed schedule. And somehow, they decided on yesterday. So since my mum know, so I went. Thought would be weird as a couple and 2 strangers. But luckily my friend talked to his colleague most of the time. Didn't stick to his wife all the time. So it was quite enjoyable to have the chance to sit back and watch a movie and walk around without thinking of school stuff and work. Actually I did thought of work. I sms my other colleague to remind her to bring the key. LOL.
Oh ya. Last Monday, I managed to change my HW102 tutorial to a better time. Same time as my friends but different class. Happy enough already. And got to know a few other people. So not too bad after all. They don't believed myage and thought I was kidding. I was appointed as leader of the group (all my group members refused to be). So I just took up loh. What to do.
She quit the other time because she thought she'll be working shift as a nurse. But now she is working normal office hour. So if she's not tired, she'll come over to work to earn extra cash.
Last month, my mum's eldest sister suggested find a Saturday and she'll bring us into Malaysia to walk around. To go on Saturday, we must depend on my aunt (mum of the 3 cousins my mum looked after). Last month was too rush so once she knew the date for August that she was off, she let my mum know. It was yesterday. So I'd asked that colleague to help me.
In the end, I do not know why the trip was cancelled. Thought I can then rest at home. But in the end, a friend asked me out with his wife and colleague. Our fathers was ex-colleagues and mum had become good friends. His mum somehow told my mum before that her son might asked me to go out with his elder brother and / or 2 younger cousins but it seemed quite difficult with my packed schedule. And somehow, they decided on yesterday. So since my mum know, so I went. Thought would be weird as a couple and 2 strangers. But luckily my friend talked to his colleague most of the time. Didn't stick to his wife all the time. So it was quite enjoyable to have the chance to sit back and watch a movie and walk around without thinking of school stuff and work. Actually I did thought of work. I sms my other colleague to remind her to bring the key. LOL.
Oh ya. Last Monday, I managed to change my HW102 tutorial to a better time. Same time as my friends but different class. Happy enough already. And got to know a few other people. So not too bad after all. They don't believed myage and thought I was kidding. I was appointed as leader of the group (all my group members refused to be). So I just took up loh. What to do.
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Too tired, stress, Need support not discouragement
Term had started for a week. Was busy as usual or I should said much more busier. I don't seemed to ever had the chance to slow down. This can be good or bad depending on how you thing. Anyway, many things will look differently from different point of view. Trust me.
Managed to meet 1 of my old friend on my 2nd day of school as there was no lesson that day. Was fun to shop around even though my feet were blistered by my new shoes. Both of us were also crazy. Our final destination was at the TOTO counter. Both of us bought quick picks and came out with a few numbers to buy. But too bad, I think we didn't win any. Sob Sob! I really missed those carefree days. Those days without thinking about school. Those days with stable job and salary but that was a year ago. Yes! It was already a year ago. I rmbr my last day or carefree life was exactly the same day I met with my friend last Tuesday.
And for the 2nd subsequent years, I missed the National Day Fireworks. Some people might say, 'So what!' But I love seeing the bright spots, bright patterns in the dark background. That's why I would always look up at night to look for stars. It seemed to give me some lights, some hope, memories & etc. Maybe I think too much ba.
Actually I didn't have the energy to blog. I'm just too tired. I can fall asleep anywhere. I believed I can even fall asleep while standing. No joke. That is why I didn't blog at all for so long. Guess I will only blog once in a blue moon but might have so much to write for stopping a long time.
My parents don't seemed to understand well. Since last week or the week before, actually can say a month ago, they keep trying to talk to me and getting me to quit my weekend part-time job. I know they are concerned about me. They know I had many modules this semester. They know I haven't had time to go out. And they even didn't get a chance to go out with me. I am also very upset, tired and stress but why do I have to do this?
I was hoping I could quit piano after I pass my piano exam but chances were extremely slim, maybe even 0%. So every month, with piano lesson, for mobile bills, for food, for transport, for books, etc, the amount I need was not small. It is not something I can just get from them like in primary or secondary school. And since the incident that happened when I was in my Poly, I could no longer have the strenght to go through it again. I might quit school or even go mad. So no matter how tired I am now, I'll just have to hang on. What I need was not discouragement, not demoralizing comment from them. I need their understanding and support but I can't let them know the actual reason for working. Of course 1 of the reason was because it was also something that I had thought of working before when I was very young but that is not the most important reason.
Working and studying at the same time was tough. My studies was pretty weak. I also wish for more time. I also wish I don't have to work. But with no money, it was very difficult. That is why when my friend wanted to buy TOTO, I also bought. I was pinning on a hope, a miracle that could somehow get me the money I need to survive but there is no such things as 'bu lao er huo'.
Buddhism teaches that the most important is the 'Treasures of the heart'. Not treasures like money, jewellery, etc. These kind of happiness won't last and can't be brought over to the next world when one die. But sometimes, it's really not easy to understand and feel that kind of happiness from within the heart. But I am still glad I had a religion. At least even though I am so busy that I may not get a chance to meet up with friends, I still had a religion, a belief to hang on with me. But still I am still praying for more wisdom - wisdom for studies, and to overcome all obstacles to come (life is never smooth or one won't grow and learn). I also need a healthy body to be able to withstand all the challenges.
I always assured others that I am getting into the momentem of studying but in actual fact, I am not convinced myself. Just hope I can get through this semester better than last semester so that I can really convinced myself.
Right now, I am just trying to hang in till I think I really cannot make it. Then I know that will be the time I need to quit my part-time job. By then, I know at least I can confort myself that I had managed to work till then & earn that bit of money to allow myself to get through for somemore time. And maybe by the time my money is dried up, the time left unemployed will be very short and hopefully the financial condition of my family improved.
Actually frankly speaking, till the end of my last job, I never really fancy shopping. I would once in a while go walk around be it alone or with friends even if it was just a nearby shopping centre when I took halfday leave, etc. But now, I feel differently. I guess it was because it's really hard to find that kind of time to walk around without thinking of anything, to shop around and see different things from the robotic yet stressful life-style. My feet will hurt but it seemed like it no longer bother me when I shopped around unless the company I am with was wrong as it would spoilt the mood. I am now looking forward to the next trip out but I do not know when I'll have that kind of spare time. SIghed...
So much weight on me and it's so good to let it out like this once in a while. I wish I could let it all out but my eyes and mind are failing me. I shall go and sleep now. Must use tomorrow to recharge further for tml might be the last chance to rest till my exams are over at the end of November. I am not 'kua zhang' and I may not be able to rest really well tomorrow as I am still trying to swop class for 1 of the tutorial. The time I got was very bad as I was delayed from the course registration due to my piano exam. Wishing for a miracle!
Managed to meet 1 of my old friend on my 2nd day of school as there was no lesson that day. Was fun to shop around even though my feet were blistered by my new shoes. Both of us were also crazy. Our final destination was at the TOTO counter. Both of us bought quick picks and came out with a few numbers to buy. But too bad, I think we didn't win any. Sob Sob! I really missed those carefree days. Those days without thinking about school. Those days with stable job and salary but that was a year ago. Yes! It was already a year ago. I rmbr my last day or carefree life was exactly the same day I met with my friend last Tuesday.
And for the 2nd subsequent years, I missed the National Day Fireworks. Some people might say, 'So what!' But I love seeing the bright spots, bright patterns in the dark background. That's why I would always look up at night to look for stars. It seemed to give me some lights, some hope, memories & etc. Maybe I think too much ba.
Actually I didn't have the energy to blog. I'm just too tired. I can fall asleep anywhere. I believed I can even fall asleep while standing. No joke. That is why I didn't blog at all for so long. Guess I will only blog once in a blue moon but might have so much to write for stopping a long time.
My parents don't seemed to understand well. Since last week or the week before, actually can say a month ago, they keep trying to talk to me and getting me to quit my weekend part-time job. I know they are concerned about me. They know I had many modules this semester. They know I haven't had time to go out. And they even didn't get a chance to go out with me. I am also very upset, tired and stress but why do I have to do this?
I was hoping I could quit piano after I pass my piano exam but chances were extremely slim, maybe even 0%. So every month, with piano lesson, for mobile bills, for food, for transport, for books, etc, the amount I need was not small. It is not something I can just get from them like in primary or secondary school. And since the incident that happened when I was in my Poly, I could no longer have the strenght to go through it again. I might quit school or even go mad. So no matter how tired I am now, I'll just have to hang on. What I need was not discouragement, not demoralizing comment from them. I need their understanding and support but I can't let them know the actual reason for working. Of course 1 of the reason was because it was also something that I had thought of working before when I was very young but that is not the most important reason.
Working and studying at the same time was tough. My studies was pretty weak. I also wish for more time. I also wish I don't have to work. But with no money, it was very difficult. That is why when my friend wanted to buy TOTO, I also bought. I was pinning on a hope, a miracle that could somehow get me the money I need to survive but there is no such things as 'bu lao er huo'.
Buddhism teaches that the most important is the 'Treasures of the heart'. Not treasures like money, jewellery, etc. These kind of happiness won't last and can't be brought over to the next world when one die. But sometimes, it's really not easy to understand and feel that kind of happiness from within the heart. But I am still glad I had a religion. At least even though I am so busy that I may not get a chance to meet up with friends, I still had a religion, a belief to hang on with me. But still I am still praying for more wisdom - wisdom for studies, and to overcome all obstacles to come (life is never smooth or one won't grow and learn). I also need a healthy body to be able to withstand all the challenges.
I always assured others that I am getting into the momentem of studying but in actual fact, I am not convinced myself. Just hope I can get through this semester better than last semester so that I can really convinced myself.
Right now, I am just trying to hang in till I think I really cannot make it. Then I know that will be the time I need to quit my part-time job. By then, I know at least I can confort myself that I had managed to work till then & earn that bit of money to allow myself to get through for somemore time. And maybe by the time my money is dried up, the time left unemployed will be very short and hopefully the financial condition of my family improved.
Actually frankly speaking, till the end of my last job, I never really fancy shopping. I would once in a while go walk around be it alone or with friends even if it was just a nearby shopping centre when I took halfday leave, etc. But now, I feel differently. I guess it was because it's really hard to find that kind of time to walk around without thinking of anything, to shop around and see different things from the robotic yet stressful life-style. My feet will hurt but it seemed like it no longer bother me when I shopped around unless the company I am with was wrong as it would spoilt the mood. I am now looking forward to the next trip out but I do not know when I'll have that kind of spare time. SIghed...
So much weight on me and it's so good to let it out like this once in a while. I wish I could let it all out but my eyes and mind are failing me. I shall go and sleep now. Must use tomorrow to recharge further for tml might be the last chance to rest till my exams are over at the end of November. I am not 'kua zhang' and I may not be able to rest really well tomorrow as I am still trying to swop class for 1 of the tutorial. The time I got was very bad as I was delayed from the course registration due to my piano exam. Wishing for a miracle!
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