life-long learning journey

life is nvr easy. humans r nvr satisfied. every human r diff. it's d matter of hw we face & deal w each other & hw we accomodate to each other.

let's jus throw away d fact tt i'm d only child + a female so even more protective. recently i can feel d diff of being alone & being in a relationship.

being alone means everything on own. no 1 to report to. jus a free n easy being. but when comes to unhappy, sad, worrying, stressful, etc encounters, jus ve to deal w all these alone. no 1 to support & encourage u.

being in a relationship really needs lots of effort too in addition to accomodating to 1 another s no 2 individuals r exactly d same. cannot only think of own self. must bear in mind tt thr is 1 more person close to u who u must proceed in d same direction with. not s easy s said.

n to make it worse, other than d relationship u r in, thr r other commitments like family, work & also others & also of course friends. juggling everything tgt is even tougher. & i don think i'm doin a v gd job.

had let go of many things these few yrs. my work, my past clinic job, my piano lesson, & recently my dance oso & yet time is still limited. n thr r lingerin of some regrets here & thr in addition to d tiredness i'd accumulated all these years. *shake head*

well, to add on, i'd choosen a bf who is working shift, shift that is constantly changing & so meet-up is always known a day ago or even on actual day. longer period of time tt can't meet up is also possible & tt makes it harder to keep everything in ctrl & esp w a mum who scare i dun wan her. it jus feel at times tt i'm being tore apart. family, bf n friends n my soka activities too. hw would u rank according to priority?

family should be given priority right? wat bout bf? he should b amg d high priority oso right + he workin shift so if don meet den duno when d next time can le. soka activities is religion activities & so oso got a certain weightage. friends oso impt & so hw? all equal? hw to? chinese always say, pian xin which is true. d heart is slightly to d left & not at d center. cfm meet say friend den end up 'o. oh' got soka activities den hw? religion wor. den if is meet bf den got soka den hw? might not c him for duno hw long wor. if only everything can go swee swee, fixed nicely into schedule but den life is always not so easy.

for dear, he felt tt 1st come 1st serve no matter who u r but for tt i beg to differ. thr should ve certain priority for certain things or people but it's indeed hard to decide when thr can ve many combination of people & events. like wedding dinner of a not so close friend but still consider ok s compare with a normal get-tgt dinner w a gp of extremely close friend tt u long time nvr meet. anw, doesn't it sound ridiculous tt someone really close like ur mom / dad / grandparents / husband/wife / bf/gf / kids needs to book an appt w u to do or get certain things?

anw, sometimes, it's also gd to mayb choose by queueing to b s fair s possible but i feel tt it should b flexible too & ppl like ur friends should understand if gotta change plan eventually. tt's y all these while it's jus not easy to get 3 of my other close sec sch friends tgt.

well, even if go by 1st come 1st serve, also need d courtesy to also inform someone, even if they r ur 'partner', s they might b expectin u & ur presence that u might not b able to so that at least they could change of plan soon too if they wan. it would be their decision to decide wat to do when d time end up free. anw, this shoudl apply even for last min events which has more priority like for eg, i cant possibly say, 'but u alrdy promise to meet me, so u can't go work'. if not, he oso wont end up cancellin medical appt because of work or other issue. & wat's more impt than health oso?

so watever it is, esp in relationship, 1 ve to learn to think of 1 another & understand & accomodate with each other & not fr single party & oso rather than, i wan this, i wan tt & even at last min. must think of each other feelings too. thr is jus so much more lesson to be learnt in life. we must learn to b satisfied with watever we got & look into each other's 'you dian' rather than flaws oso but of course we must strive to change for d better too b it small thing or big major revamp & tt's is oso termed 'human revolution' which i learn in my soka.

i noe i got so much more to learn, so much more to change to b better but i'll appreciate watever i'm blessed w right nw. shall try to b a more easily satisfied person too. life is a life-long learning journey.

faulty fan in my rm

my wall-mounted fan is spoilted. last nite, when i wanted to go to bed, thr was squeeky sound which i realized eventually was from my fan.

initially, i nvr on my fan but i was afraid it would get warm in the nite & so i on my fan only to heard d squeaks awhile ltr & realized it came when it turn its head & so i stopped the oscillation but there was still a faint squeaky sound. s i m sleepin right under d fan, decided to go w/o in case it fall on me s i slept.

in d end, jus nw, i on my fan & realized that it was makin much louder noise than ytd. in fact, it's much worse that my mum could also hear it outside. so i guess it's high time to change a new fan. at least i'd use d fan for yrs. at least since i was workin s i rmbr tearin it apart to wash for cny 'da sao chu'.

well, writing bout scare d fan fall on me when i slp, i rmbr today i read a pcs of news which said that a lady was 'squashed' to death by another lady jumpin down d buildin. it's freaky to hear such news n d close resemblance to wat i was sort of worried of. *shivered* anw, life is so unpredictable esp when no 1 noes when is our last day & so shall try to live life to d fullest ba w min regrets ba.

bruise bruise bruise

unsure of when i got a small bruise on my right hand, jus realized it think on fri evenin. n even b4 d dark patch of color disappear, d toilet door slam on my hand, jus slightly off right to my old bruise n thr goes... another bigger patch of blue black on my hand n this is d 1 tt is cfm so much more painful than d other bruise or mayb cos tt older bruise is on d recovery mode le...

n jus nw, after openin dear's car which i nvr open too big n not at d stoppin position n so it slam back n hit my right hand again. this time, in btw my 4th n last finger. pain pain n so i retract my hand my my back of my upper arm hit d door rim... -.-" hopefully no more bruise...

my right hand is so bruise prone these few days... better b more careful fr nw...

nail clippers

dis is a blog entry dedicated to my nail clippers... lol... i'm jus tryin to b funny though i noe it's not funny.

anw, i always like to try to bring nail clipper out. reason being, i use my nail clipper not only for my nails but oso for cutting loose thread, etc. n today, it fulfilled another task. to help me removed a metal splinter which i got on my thumb after touching a stapled set of paper.

initially, i tot i got electric shock fr d staple but when i touch the paper part only i still had d feelin & i saw a tiny metal splinter in my thumb. thus, tried to pull out w my fingers but failed & so used my nail clipper & it worked. lol... guess my nail clipper is like me. a 'multi-tasker'. doing little things here & thr. haha...

disgusted...

ytd had lunch w a bunch of colleagues. of which, only 3 r my ex-colleagues & 2 of which r 1s which i worked closely w & 1 used to b super close to me & yet angry & refused to eat or really talk w me thr aft... thus, nvr ate w her & d other for almost 6 yrs le. gosh... time flies...

anw, d lunch was an accident. was meetin another colleague den she happen to see her other 2 colleagues who b meetin my other 2 colleagues & another 2 more. well, like i told my friend. i not scare to eat w them cos i noe i no do wrong. i'd nothin to b scare of & thr i go. i'm jus digusted by her behavior cos she say she didn't like to mix ard malay friends & yet her lunch buddies so many malays nw. i lunch w them but expected la. they no talk to me or to start conversation w me 1 la.

if d ex-collegue who was really close w me talk to me 1st, den i would find weird cos it's was 180 degree turn last time. so at least i feel more better than another ex-colleague who simply can jus shui shui bian bian strike a conversation w me s though we were so close last time when she nvr talk to me but zhen dui me tt time. i always felt disgusted when she talked w me jus cos she's in sales nw.

i'm not only disgusted by their behavior but oso mine cos it made me feel like hypocrite to stand thr n smile & converse w them when deep inside i noe wat they r like. OMG!!! if can, can i don see them again. wat's d point to cont'd chattin w them? they r not like my friend so i oso wont say or disclose much w them anw... haiz...

haunted by headache for days

damn it... been havin headache for days... esp jialet for these 2 days... even panadol didn't help... d throbbin pressured pain esp on my top right of my head is jus terrible. & i'm not sure if i didn't slp well or cos of d headache tt d pain 'climbed' down to my neck too. my head feels heavy too... & in fact, in mornin, when i went to wait for my staff bus, while walkin thr, i actually was scare i might black out thr... & yet i come to work... mayb i shld try a stronger type of pain killer? or mayb i shld go to d doc... but doc = spendin $$... which i'm tryin not to overspend... if not i wld ve gone for mayb at least a hair treatment & go get my facial set at d toa payoh clinic le... so i guess today, aft go back, try d stronger painkiller den see hw. if not, den see doc ba...

enjoyable days always pass so quickly...

time passed... previously stress bout exams, nw exams over for 12 days le...

didn't had much of a celebration on day of freedom but sort of ended my day w a 1st time drive to town (clarke quay), chauffeurin dear to his gatherin, den drive all alone back fr thr n got lost & twine ard orchard & raffles place thr. bo pian la... i go thr only once a real blue moon n mostly by mrt so hw i noe d rd...

anw, thks to dear who believed in me & trusted his car w me. some1 who had passed for quite a long while but seldom seldom drive n jus learnt to vertical park in this 1 yr or so in his car. n he nvr scare i got lost cos i seldom go out oso. haha...

actually, if i noe my way like my dad, i wld ve drive to another place to see see ard b4 headin back but too bad, even ard town, i can get lost. hw to go far. n cos i got lost + slight jam, i end up go pick mum hm. 1st time drive her back alone n i felt gd aft cos i managed to find my way & drive alone fr town n pick her back n park in d lot. hee... at least she nw cant say i timid. hehe...

my celebration of my freedom is actually a day late. was initially unhappy but nvm tt. cos drivin alone alrdy compensate slightly for tt postpone... went for a photoshoot which i got a slight promo fr d NDP promotion booklet. jus went thr for d fun of it. anw, i no let them do makeup n hairdo lah. i diy... let them do hor... need $50 wor... no way i gonna let them earn tt $$... haha

anw, on x'mas eve, had 2 celebrations. 1 at dear's cousin's place & 1 at my uncle's place. cant split ourselves in 1/2 so we go awhile here & then go another side. tt's to be fair or as fair as possible.

den on x'mas day itself, dear's friend invited us for weddin dinner. & den his other friend jio him go drink & so i end up drivin again. drove his friend back oso cos his friend stayed jurong. his friend end up fallin asleep in d backseat. lol... he trusted my drivin so much or mayb he simply is too too tired. haha...

on 26th, left dear's car at his place & my parents drove us back cos he stayin over s we gg penang d followin day. easier than to meet elsewhr or he take barang go my place pick me den go airport. it's v stupid la cos we take mrt. he wld need transfer many times to my place den transfer to get to changi. thus, he stay over.

27th, we took mrt to airport w a hand carry each & d 4d3n spent thr passed like a breeze. it's was over too fast le & i really feel like a dread to come back actually. comin back means dec b over soon n jan wld come n work den fyp would start... n d most love & hate day wld oso come... results release... haiz... dear must find me silly tt when i think of tt, i sort of scare till i hide beneath my blanket n let my tears flow for awhile. if can get As or Bs, sure gd but i dare of asked for much. i jus wan to clear all so i can graduate n not delay but i scare. d last time i failed was in my pri sch CA sci, my upper sec english n 1st 'o' lvl english but since i failed a module in my yr 3 b4, i became paranoid le... can only keep fingers crossed nw

on 31st, d last day of 2010, didn't went anywhr. aft dinner w his mom, dear send me back n i tot he wld leave at ard 9 pm like usual but he stayed on till aft midnight to say 'happy new year'. he countdown at my hse. lol... but gd for him. when he got back, his carpark still v empty. guess ppl all go town area countdown n wont get back s fast s him. lol...

on new year day, dear n i go somewhr in d afternoon before headin back home to rest n by dinner time, it was rainin super heavy which we tot of orderin pizza delivery cos it's my parents' turn to go for weddin dinner aft i went for 3 consec sat. however, prob due to d rain, either too many order or no delivery at all n we had to end up going out for dinner. luckily rmbr got d ulu shopping mall n went thr for dinner n was v empty. haha...

on 2nd jan which was my dad's bday, wnet for brunch w parents den followed dear to get something before headin back to 'da pan' cos i oso bought d photo package for my parents n they wanted family portrait w dear oso. so we went on d final sun b4 he goes back to work.

seein my parents takin d pic is really funny. my dad all along don smile when take pic but d photographer wanted him to smile n he found it hard n i try to make funny faces behind d photographer. like attractin small kid attentioon n make them laugh like tt but soon aft, i stopped cos i felt weak n stuffy again. when choosin photo, i can't take it but wanted to go to the cinema next door to get sweet but dear went to get for me. n dad oso wanted d sweet when he saw cos he oso felt weak but he got take diabetic med but i don.

we den go for teabreak den go walked ard individually n i went searchin for a decent small cake for my dad cos usually we had cake. i scare he unhappy if thr is none. n when i cant find d small size i wanted, i oso dare not get a slice of cake instead s they aren't s open minded s they say they are. haiz... jus too troublesome lah... n nw, aft dad's bday, upcomin in couples of days is dear's mum, den my godma... den CNY...den my insurance premium, den valentine's day, den dear's bday, den my piano tunin, den mum's bday. this upcomin 6 mth gonna ve many output sia...

ytd night oso make a rough finance check... if i don anyhw spend other than those stated above, shld ve enough n not touch a certain sum of savin. den i wont deplete all my $$ but it's not as easy s said... so i guess i made a right choice to work a couple of days b4 commencing on my FYP. but if suay suay not enough, i guess i wld go for tt sum of savin n probably will ve to let d bank deduct $$ fr me if fall below their min le... hopefully, i don ve to go n borrow fr anyone ba cos initially i tot of workin till official start of FYP but prof askin when i can start le. tt means, a week of wages lesser. haiz...

$$ prob... scare of results... n many other things to fan... it's nvr endin sia...