b4 go HK alrdy got prob le

b4 gg HK alrdy got prob... -.-"

previously dad bought d hk prepaid sim card thingy. duno hw use still buy 3 set. comes w d link card tt can divert sg no to d hk sim card.

it's v confusin so i nvr bother to look le. cos d hk card say activated after reach hk. d link card say activate b4 gg hk. yet d link card is to transfer call to d hk no. i really confused w it.

anw, i oso duno why he get tt. jus go thr 6 days only leh. hw many calls will he make? y need 3? so waste $$.

den he cant activate so i told him wat i think i believe, he not happy. insist his thinkin. yet he cant get it den he not happy oso. told him d instruction v confusin i oso duno, he oso not happy. haiz... if i noe, i shld stay back late late in d lab. save all these hastle... i go home not to deal w all these leh...

-.-" T.T :(

down in my luck

sianz... super sianz...

recently started playin 3 kingdom online. a way to get my mind off d usual stuffs. previously kanna attacked once jus aft d beginners mode. den got in a league tot safer but last nite... an idiot go attack me. he brought ~4000 army to attack my ~400 army twice. both time, all my army dead. wat happened was...

1st time he came, i got ~400 army out w all my heros. so he killed d remainin ~400 army i left in d city & destroyed all of my wood, stone, iron, food of each ~3000.

2nd time, in middle of nite, he came again. destroyin my remaining ~400 army who came back aft tasks. even my hero fled & need >30 hr to get him back. -.-" & again he destroyed my wood, stone, iron & food.

so nw, i put army in bunker. i sent army out. & nw he came back again. s expected la. my army so weak & got resource to get. but he only destroy some of my army cos many not ard for him to damage.


other than being suay in d game, got a guy takin d research program. 1st time super irritated by him. results comin out soon & he keep sayin he belived he'll get all A. but worried bout his elective. -.-" den he latr say he shld get at least all A-. so? if u r so confident, don go say say out le lah. for me i can pass alrdy b gd le leh...

nvm... aft doin attachment, i noe i ve d confident in lab work. i got d experience needed. & my attachment is longer than his research program. it may b tough to search for job w jus my results but w a basic degree & work experience, at most find a prof in sch whom i work for before. gain more real experience den go out loh.

experience is v impt. w d experience i got, i started lab work immediately unless others. & d graduate student whom i'm under said that she didn't need to guide me thru many things. basically jus tell me wat i had to do & give me d formula of d needed component will do. haha.

but he made me nervous bout my results. i don wish to noe. can i don. haiz... my luck seemed to be low wor. sianz...

everything become my problem.

mornin, dad drove me to my trg. on journey, told me y mum cried last wk. well, i noe d reason alrdy but i nvr say. i treat s though i duno cos i cant say. looks like i can go act le. well, he admit tt his tone not gd & told me not to follow him. fair enough but it's not d 1st time mum anyhw say le & tt's y i say her but i realized my mistake when dear divert d topic.

dad cont'd link back to old issue bout him askin me eat. sayin it was jokin yet i so serious. d prob is his tone is not jokin but demandin. he's not even smilin or laughin. & even aft i give option to eat next day, he was still 'demandin' so of course i take it tt he's forcin me lah. i'd alrdy use d soft method sayin wat if ltr i felt discomfort but he was angry tt time. so i'm left w no choice but to insist i would not eat. end up become my prob again. sianz...

durin a mtg jus nw, i'm d emcee & my mum gotta share something. i intro her s my mum only oso not right cos thr r ppl who duno her name. i intro her name oso not right so i ended up sayin, my mum, 'her name'. & her say me in front of ppl sayin her daughter call her name but cont'd say she's alright. like i believe. haiz...

mum oso said she got many things to do... blah blah blah... d prob is, if she so busy, she can told her sis tt she would not b gg over anymore. my cousins r alrdy so big. all she have to do is to make sure thr r food for them to eat. daily jus ve to sweep d floor. no need mop daily if maintain well. oso jus make sure watever was taken, jus put back. den no need to tidy so much. at most dust d area, etc & mop d floor every other days. my hse is not tt untidy & dirty. so she doesn't ve to make herself so busy wat.

she busy? well, in my eyes, not fully. she does take nap & go walk walk & eat w grandma. so wat's she so busy bout. i shld say busy thinkin of more negative things ba & livin in her own world. she alrdy worried tt if aunt really hire maid & cousins nvr come, she'll b bored. if really busy, den hw to b bored.

anw, dad asked me help her. say nw i holi. d prob is, i may b holi but i got attachment which may end late. i almost had to go back on sat loh. got a day almost had to stay till ard 9. when i got hm, she had alrdy sweep d floor. i alrdy tried to wear clothes tt no need hand wash. i'm oso tired. so exhausted tt i freq got headache & today pop 2 panadol again. i'm tired & yet dare not quite nap at hm even if possible unless dear came over. i still haven quite look at d hong kong trip plan yet. thr r still many things undone. many things kiv. many other things tt i wish & loves to do but i oso put all aside. d most impt things i need is quality rest. mayb if i can get a couple of days of quality sleep, mayb i'll get d energy to work & help at hm too. even till late at nite. nw i cant even tahan beyond 9 pm le. it's always a struggle. d time tt i gettin ko is gettin earlier & earlier. even day time oso.

recently i saw an article in yahoo which say tt one should get sufficient sleep or death may result. i'm actually do worried at d extent tt i'm movin. will i exhaust myself to tt extent? i'm not surprise if tt's possible esp w all d stress & worries tt i'd to go thru.

i always wonder y m i d only child. if i got siblings, den thr will b someone to share everything. at least, d pressure on me wont b tt great. d impact nw is terrible. mayb if i'm a spoilt child, den mayb i wont feel this way. oh well, i oso duno when i can get d power rest i need. jus hope my body can tahan till then ba or at least jus give me peace lah. if i can get d peace, i'll definitely b happier. & mayb i can take d 'serious' type of joke but i can no longer differentiate btw real & joke. i wish i'm a kid. at least, can forget & jus rmbr happy things. oso den can cont'd b ignorant to d reality. haiz...aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

internet down

internet connection is down when i woke up. tested d phones at hm. cant call in & cant call out. great... haiz... wat a start... called up singtel, d person said i need to b near mio box to troubleshoot. sianz...

luckily i attached in sch so still quite flexible. will go back earlier ltr to get it done... i hope i can get it done ba. if not, i no internet to use le.

inconsiderate neighbours...

other than d usual, repeated pro, these 3 nites at hm got no peace oso... 2 nites ago, got ppl who seemed to b partyin & screamin like they r in camp till late. aft lookin out of window, figured out tt it might b fr same blk but opp end at lvl 7 cos can see d livin rm fr kitchen tt thr r many ppl & big movements when d screams could b heard.

ytd, thr r ppl knockin or choppin on something at nite but i cant tell if it's fr whr. u noe lah. sg flat, even marble drop fr few floor away can oso b heard like it's fr above or below.

d worst is today... can clearly distinct whr it was fr. right below my hse, my rm. my neighbour duno hammerin wat at ard 11. v loud & distint. i suspect they fixin new furnitures or so cos thr r sound of draggin of furniture at times. i kick my leg on d floor above them to make noise but i realize hw silly i'm cos tt way i will pain. so i find something tt i can grab in my rm to knock on d floor. dropped things etc but no matter wat i did, no use. i oso dare not b too loud in case other ppl complain my hse oso. i did tot of gg down or even call police but we'd been neighbour for more than 2 decades, so wat if d relationships get sour? will still see day in day out wor. told dear who said tt his hse wld b open for me only. lol. hw can lah.

but aft 3 consec days of hearin all these noise, i did wonder if i'm hearin things but in d end, dad came out & asked whr it was fr. & he went down. i was worried cos knowin his temper, i scare it wld worsen but he ctrl & came up aft cfm whr d noise came fr & he said tt if they hammer again, knock down.

& they really cont'd bangin... so in d end, dad really bang hard & loud & long & v kua zhang till it was pretty scary. till i think we might end up gettin complaint too. dad did it non-stopped oso. even when thr is no sound fr downstairs till i wanted to go stop him though i knew tt he was not in gd mood. was on d line then w dear & when he knew my decision, he was worried tt i may end up gettin in trouble w dad in bad mood.

when all was stopped for quite a few min, softer knockin came fr downstairs again. was scared tt dad did silly things again so i decided to go down to ask them s nicely & s politely s possible. i can use excuse tt dad was unwell & had seen doc earlier in d mornin & oso time is gettin late.

i shld ve went down jus nw when dad haven go banging so hard back. at least it wld have higher chance of not gettin in bad terms w d neighbour s compared to us knockin back so hard den go down again. but i tot of excuse to say tt dad was unwell & so mood was not well & asked them for 'pardon'. i noe tt way, i'm bein too nice but no choice. takin same lift will sure bump into ea other one loh.

certain times, gotta learn to put down ur feelings & anger, etc. but i tot of prep my mp3 s well when i go down. i'll rec d conversation if any pro arise. tt way, i'll protect myself & ve proof. i jus wish i can don go down alone cos their hse got at least 5 ppl while i'm only a gal gg to 'tok' but no other ppl to accompany me. dear had went hm. dad in bad mood. at times do hear nails, or something heavy & metallic, etc droppin or even door closin but at least not d loud & irritatin hammerin. jus hope got peace for nw or i wld ve to go to my last resort le...

they nvr do this b4 wor. at most jus sing K till late but d amplitute of sound wave is not so strong. still tolerable lvl but this was too too much... haiz...

烦啊!!! peace is so difficult meh?

Thanks Dear

last nite, hug onto my big bear & cried to slp & dis mornin was feelin slightly better. but found out tt mum's door was locked made me feel slightly more upset again.

in d end, s i was outside, i called d auntie to check if she had any idea wat my mum was upset about. i noe i will end up cryin & upset but i still wanna noe wat's wrong. so in d end, i sort of cried fr d journey fr jurong onwards s i called d auntie then. i was actually on my way home then but i ended up askin dear to stop over somewhr s i was still on d phone.

i'm really glad tt dear was ard. i was still cryin when i put down d phone & he immediately extended his arm to hug me & patted my back trying to coax me. he was also affected by seein hw upset i was & yet he was still thoughtful to suggest to go to d coffeeshop to drink something s 1 look at me, could tell tt i'd cried.

when i got home, mum was not in. i was worried for her esp when i noe tt she had told d auntie tt she wanted to run away before. yet i was scared of callin her if she was still unhappy but dear encourage me to call.

after dinner outside w parents, they wanted to go IMM & asked if we wanted to go back 1st. usually we wld go back 1st esp since ytd we jus went thr but dear oso noe tt my mum was unhappy, he agreed to go & so we basically jus walked ard every level, even d furnitures & reno area while waiting for parents to call me. in d end, they somehw ended up behind us for quite a while but not sure when.

well, i'm jus a norm gal who jus need a simple life w/o havin to go thru all these repeated tremors. if can, i wanna give up on air con, tv, vcr, etc... i can even slp on d floor & simply eat plain bread daily. all i need is peace & if it's my fault, jus tell me so i can change & settled everything once & for all. even till nw, i cant say i'm really ok. i'm still cryin & bleedin in my heart but at least d flow rate had decreased v much.

anw, dear's care & concern & thoughtfulness had always made a vast difference fr home. & he's always thr for me when i'm down even not physically if tt's not possible due to work or we r both at hm. i'm sorry for always being so emotional & crying so v often. it's really hard to ctrl esp when u r hurt but i will try to cheer up more. dear, thanks for being patient w me & takin care of me & treatin me well. even auntie oso could tell tt u r treatin me well, & said tt it was even better than my mum. thanks!!! i love you.

can i noe d truth?

I HATE IT WHENEVER SUCH HAPPENED OVER & OVER AGAIN...

can i, can i noe d truth? i wan d root of d pro. even if it's really my fault. jus tell me. at most i upset once & for all & noe wat's d pro & can change to be a better person.

i'm not s strong s wat i may show ppl. i got weak heart. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. mentally & physically. had i take too much responsibilities & thus not doin well enuf for all? i'm overly pushin myself for wat?

if i noe wat's d pro, den mayb u oso wont feel so easily vexed & thus d mood swing. den mayb i wont stress to stay hm. if i noe what i can improve.

do u noe i last nite actually got bad dream cos of ur mood swing. my dreams had been either evolved ard doin sch work, study, being late, stress over nappin or ur mood swing.... if only i'm a robot. jus need plug power to charge. den no need close my eyes to sleep & so no bad dreams

met accident i oso not scare or stress like tt. i'm really too tired. d watch which i like, though it's a cheap watch since pri sch, & when u told me it got spoilt cos wash in my pants in d washin machine, i oso no feelin. see cockroach in front i oso hack care le. tt's hw tired i'm. all these r nothing. but i still a human. not numb. not a robot. not iron woman. i still ve my heart. i don wanna end up depression & end up havin to pop pills or even end up in IMH. jus tell me wat's wrong. i cant take it any further... i don wanna be d next 'super woman' in d news.

accident - lesson learnt...

s some of u may noe or suspected. yes. 2 nites ago, was in an accident. no worries. no one was hurt or injured. only d car is.

wat actually happen was due to an inexperience & young driver who jus passed exactly a mth ago fr d accident. it happened jus outside vivocity carpark entrance. thr r 2 lanes gg into 2 carpark entrance.

tt day, dear & i r in d right most lane & tt fellow is on d left inner lane. in d end, he cut over & bump his Latio onto d door i was at. luckily d speed was slow cos we r turnin into d carpark so i tot nothing happened & i cant go out. in d end, dear ask me go out fr his side & ask me take pics. glad i got cam phone cos he cant carry so at least got proof. took near & fr far. esp d far one to see tt d other driver was at fault as his car steered to our lane & we r in front of him.

i happened to hear his friends askin if we were fr behind but pic speaks a thousand words. den somehw d kiddo said he was unsure of d lane & whr is d carpark entrance. guess he was not so familar w checkin mirrors & blind spot + unsure of d way + havin 4 other friends inside d car & Latio is not like those Getz, March, Jazz, Fit which r of smaller body size so guess all these factor cos d accident to happen.

i wasn't scared when it happen. i jus hope it's nothing so tt we can settle wat we want to settle but when i saw d outcome, i noe it was not possible. but when i notice, i was actually tremblin duno since when.

wat shock me was tt dear told d driver tt he was scare tt i'm injured, etc. so in d end, when d bro of d driver came, he volunteered to drive us to AH & paid for my med bill. we had to make our way to Vivo whr we left d car so we walked out to take a cab over.

w such event, got no mood to come back attachment & waste time so decided to inform d lab & took a day off.

ytd, end up gg d service ctr w dear & learn more bout d accidents claim, etc. it's not d 1st lesson i learnt related to cars. not too long ago, dear wanna changed car tyres & i learnts bout d sizes of tyres. den his car batt flat, den his friend's car got scratch & car tyres punctured, etc. thought i pass my licence for so long, i believed i still ve pro w my parallel parkin. & i realized i noe nothing at all bout cars. so all these while, i'd been gaining knowledges on all these. w dad, i at most help once w car tyre changing but recently, i learn more.

anw, car is an expensive investment & pray hard no accident which involve own fault esp if need to scrap off d car. so most impt is safety 1st.

well, dear got a replacemnet car cos he need it since he may b travelin ard. it is a toyota altis. champagn color which is not d color we like but no choice. jus a temp measure. & his servicing might b fr $2.5k ++... luckily not our fault.

bad decision

think it's really a bad decision to start attachment tml. hopefully tml 1st day can end early ba... tired sia...

today purposely skip d dance thingy cos jus go support those performin at a far away place fr hm & longer hr so i nvr go. i go for another mtg in d afternoon which was shorter hr & nearer.

was super ko durin d mtg. body no strength again. crossin arms oso no strength. strugglin to b awake fully. cant even sit up straight. wanna lean again something oso dun ve. it was terrible. i shld ve given excuse to skip all.

dad accused me say i nvr slp last nite... -.-" hw can. i alrdy went to slp jus aft 12 le. mayb i shld go slp earlier if tt'll help.

anw, jus nw dad really went to change sgd to hkd. ytd he gave me some $$ to go hk. still got time so can still monitor exchange rate. in d end, while queuein he qs me in a demandin tone to change. either he really wan me change or his tone was not tt gd

i tot of jus mayb change 1/2 d amt while d other 1/2 cont'd monitor. if got better rate den go change. in d end, when dad told d person d amt, d person exchange 1 hkd less. so i use d chance to delay totally. shall monitor see hw.

well, durin all d travellin, i duno if it's due to d gg in & out of air con place, d cold & sudden hot, or d stuffiness, i felt terrible. probably due to me oso feelin tired, ko, w no strength, i felt like i was floatin s i walk but i was actually draggin my feet & i wld tend to try to find support s i walk like i cant support myself. oso felt i don wanna eat + felt nauseous so i took d anti-dizziness cum anti-vomittin med. took a short nap & felt better nw. oso feel hungry nw but if can, i think i could hibernate instead...

hibernate

think i need to hibernate for days... to really recharge... super flat... i really wish to delay d attachment...

opportunities are rare... must grab...

tired... guess will not go for d sun mornin event at so far away for so long. at most go for d afternoon mtg which will b more dry but at least mornin can rest & nuah...

i still cant decided if i wanna start attachment on mon. hw... v v tempted not to but really didn't wanna stay hm. guess i shall jus start ba (reluctantly).

anw, i shld b glad i got d opportunities right? if i apply fr outside company, den i may not even get d chance cos of my results. my friend said they do request to see d exam results transcipt. gosh... hw to find job in future like tt. so mayb i shall jus grab any opportunities i'll get ba. shall email my prof soon to cfm time to report & wat needs to b done...

tired

drowned w tiredness... think i seriously need a long & power slp to recharge back. so i oso duno wat i shld do for sun.

mornin no trg but chief wants d rest of us who aren't performin to go support our friends who r performing at d kampung serai family festival. gotta reach mcpherson mrt by 8.15. can i wake up esp when thr is a mother's day gatherin at grandma's hse d evenin b4? i didn't even noe whr. jus saw d mrt map & realized it's along d circle line. i didn't even noe thr is such a station until i go check out.

either i go for tt den i can miss d afternoon mtg or i simply find excuse to skip tt but den i will ve to go for d afternoon mtg but tt time is shorter s compared to d mornin events. hw...

& i m so drained so shld i go attachment straightaway on mon? i still can ve until tml to tell me prof? hw... but i don wanna stay hm. gosh... wat can i do? but i need sleep/rest oso. haiz...

go for sun mornin event at MacPherson by 8.15 to mayb 1+ or afternoon mtg which is so much nearer fr 2-4? start attachment next wk or stay hm? 2 decision to make but d attachment decision, must decide by tml le...

anw, i guess i tired cos lack of sleep + mayb insufficient nutrient. shld go & pamper myself for going thru wk & wk of bread. it'd been an at least once a wk thingy due to d crazy timetable for 1 of d day every wk.

m i too numb???

1 more paper down. left i core elective on fri... den attachment will commence. duno if i shld email d prof on fri or wat? mayb i shld. still decidin whether to take a break or start immediately on mon.

anw, i duno if i numb w d stress, or d fear, d anxiety, etc... i think i got d bo chap attitude aft i finish every paper though i believed i may not do well. but i still worried i failed again. haiz... but i noe i can b quite expressionless... mayb got d 'expressionless virus' fr 1 of our prof...

well, today, heard tt dear may b attached overseas for 3 mths. well, i oso duno if my emotion had been too numb w d exam stress or wat or cos it's something which i noe may come 1 day due to his job nature & i was sort of pre-prep for such news.

3 mths may seemed short but i guess i had gotten use to at least able to see him every other day. but i'll still support his decision & not restrictin him. i dislike it when ppl restrict me or force me do something so i wont do tt to anyone. if it'll help him & if it's wat he wants, he shld go though i will miss him.

i noe thr will b 2 outcomes, either absence make d heart fonder or it will drift apart. anw, shall take it s a challenge & hope d outcome is d 1st but of course if too much absence den thr is only 1 outcome which is d latter.

well, i still ve attachment, studies, soka mtgs, dance trg, etc which will keep me busy jus tt i might spend more time at hm. hopefully parents esp mum don come out w more stunts. it'd been peaceful for nw & hope it shall cont'd to be when dear not ard cos i dun ve any strength & courage i ve to face more of those stunts. i'd reach my limit tt time jus b4 my term break.

if i havin attachment den, mayb i might work later in d lab if possible cos jus thinkin of facin more nonsense, i cant ctrl my tears fr buildin. guess i fear hm more than exams ba cos i can still stay expressionless even aft exam. i aren't s strong s i may look.

actually, i believed i actually got depression over tt matters. d feelin of not stayin hm, d draggin of feet back everyday, even 'suicidal' thots when i was a kid. & d recent case jus b4 my term break, wantin to escape fr everybody, losing of interest in everything tt i may like, didn't want to face or see anyone, d strong urge to cry, d feelin of wantin to give up every single thing & every single person in my life, etc

it was terrible. & i noe these r symptom of depression. i'm glad i'm still ve d right state of mind in me tt bring myself to chill out at west coast park + dear was thr to accompany me when he could. otherwise, guess i'm not writin in this blog but mayb stayin in IMH. so i can only wish tt thr r no more stunts for my weak heart. can only use attachment/work s an excuse cos i can't go out often...

s for dear, i can only wish he will take care of himself over thr & not feel so stress. his tummy hasn't been tt gd esp aft more oily, spicy or more filling meals. he's easily bloated or havin discomfort. doc said mayb too stress. in SG, it's alrdy restrictin cos at times cant even meet him & see hw he is. if he's thr, he gotta take care of himself. i'd been d 'unlicensed' doc/nurse givin him d med to alleviate prob like block/runnin nose, etc. or to get him herbal tea to reduce his heatyness. so once he goes thr, he'll b by himself.

wasted trip

have i study till i really so blur???

wanted to go sch study today. didn't wanna stay hm s usual. in d end, tot i miss my staff bus but i nvr go out late. so ended up take mrt to sch. found tt lib closed. sch super quiet. suspect sch not in operation. went back my sch to cfm. saw GO really pitch black. well, not exactly pitch black but cfm not like usual. wanted to go resource rm study instead but cant access. so end up go hm loh. no whr to go.

mornin left at 7.40 am. wait bus till 7.50 am. go take lrt to cck, mrt to je. transfer to pioneer, take shuttle bus in. den take bus 179 out of sch. & gotta repeat d train transfer which i sian & tired le. so end up took cab back & reach by 9.35 am. at least i reach hm earlier than mum so need not explain to her. jus let it b this way.

but it's waste of my time. for tt 2 hr, i could ve study more or use d time travellin to sleep another 2-3 hrs. haiz... wat is done cant undone. check email oso nvr say anything so i check d acad calendar. found d followin 'note' at d bottom...

Note: Where a public holiday falls on a Saturday, the public holiday will be substituted and observed by the University on the following Monday and there will be no classes in each instance.

no wonder today sch not in operation la... even lib oso not open... must rmbr next time

灵异事件

thr's a 灵异事件 happenin in my hse btw 7.30 to 7.45 am.

at tt time, heard d kitchen bathroom door closed. i tot dad woke up cos he always use tt bathrm 1st if my he woke up tgt w mum. i cant tell who went to d bathrm cos my door closed so i jus assumed it's my dad.

guess wat. it's not him. mum tot it was me cos parents door oso closed. & dad was beside her. so who is d culprit? my hse only got 3 ppl. i'm slpin in my rm. nvr step out of it. my parents r tgt. only parents got 不在场证明 cos they both r tgt.

anw, it's really weird. it's definitely not fr downstairs or next block cos d door sound is v distinct. somemore, mum said she also heard d water flowin fr d basin. but who can it b? thr r 3 ppl at hm only & no one was in d livin rm or kitchen at tt time. who can it be???