it'd not been a good start dis mornin. i felt quite bad then & worst still had a early morning virology paper. it's all b'cos of d paper actually. cos my dad today accompanyin my mum to sgh for her annual checkup, he not workin & dun intend to drive to sgh. heard fr my mum tt day so i nvr ask him to drive me to sch for my early mornin paper. & they'll b gg breakfast like usual. so i decided to go w them & take public transport to sch instead of d staff bus.
this mornin, my mum last min suggest gettin my dad to drive me to sch. & i dunno wat or hw she tell my dad tt made him so grumpy & bu suang. so i kept steppin on his tail w/o knowin wat is wrong. he nvr even watered d plants like usual. had black face. grumble & scold say i need go sch early nvr say, blah blah blah... even ask me take cab to sch which i refused & he oso angry & said give me option i oso reject. y do i need to take cab? it's expensive. i not rich loh & not as if he'll give me d cab fare. he nvr even ask y i takin public transport instead. he oso nvr ask hw i planna go. & i cant even tell cos he's in bad mood & wont listen. if i argue back, he'll sure b even more angry. so i kept quiet lo.
durin breakfast, he then suggest drivin me to bp bus interchange to take 180 which i dun intend to take but he dunno lah. i tot of take train. be faster at tt time though have to transfer many times. my mum dun like d idea & he angry again. so i can only keep quiet. wanna help him go buy straits time before d noodle came, he oso not happy. when i finally get d courage to tell him i'll take train, he angry again & said he'll drive me to sch.
durin journey, he scold again, sayin next time i wanna go sch early, tell beforehand, blah blah blah... & he intended not to drive to sgh today. well, so wat if i tell? he not free wor. tell oso no use. not like tell le he'll drive me thr. he nvr even let me have a say on wat i was thinkin actually.
& aft lookin at d time, he decided to drive hm aft i got to sch. then he will take public transport w my mum to sgh. so weird. jus keep insistin not to drive. actually, few days ago, i had d thought of askin if i can drive his car (not exactly his) to sch then go hm straight aft my mornin paper. but i nvr drive alone before so i nvr voice out. somemore, i study better in sch.
but aft wat happen this mornin, i cfm dun wanna drive his car. i dun wanna go back so early. it further enhance d idea of studyin in sch. i jus wanna get away. away fr them. away fr hm. get more freedom. at least i wont get to step on their tails w/o knowin y myself. i wont get to see black face. i think i had gotten tired of seeing them black face suddenly cos it does spoilt my mood. i'm sick of always stuck at hm & i wan change of environment once in a while. i'm a human. not their puppet where they can do wat they wan. i'm not their 'chu qi tong' & i'd been tryin v hard to ctrl myself cos i noe they r jus bad mood. i noe if i try to defend myself, they'll see it s i'm 'bu shuang' or i'm angry esp fr my tone. who's tone wont be when they r wrongly blame? if there is, then d person must be a perfect person or dun ve any temper at all.
i'd been trying real hard. to balance everything in my life including them. i'm really tired. i almost can doze off durin d exam jus nw. actually, i sort of did. cant they jus try to be more understanding? had accompany them out whenever possible. & they can still black face over a small matter. either tt or they will be quite mushy at times with wat they say. (not jus quite but pretty much, & i felt so awkward thr). & i cant say i dun wanna go out w them. my dad will complain sayin i go out w friends can but not him. i dun mind gg w them. but i dun like when they suddenly say till so mushy or their face can turn black & b so grumpy & start take me to 'fa xie'.
jus nw when reachin sch, he then finally tot in a diff way & said tt i could be extra time to study. so? i like tt idea but i'll rather not aft havin deal w his temper. i'll rather go sch myself. i think for d next 3 early mornin papers, i dun care if he gg office or other place. even if he gg office, i dun wanna go breakfast w him. i'll buy bread to eat for breakfast & go sch myself (so wat if it takes much longer). more freedom & wont get to feel tt awful b4 my paper. & i must die die find a temp job to do during d 3 mth break. jus dun wanna rot at hm which is a mines where it can explode any moment. at least i can get to go out, get to be in diff environment, face diff ppl, learn new things, earn some pocket money.
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