sch started ytd & saw d crazyness of the queue outside d library & d rushin in to get seats & d big crowds at d printin rm.
& lecture notes out too late when i gotta go back lab. & cpu d/l so slowly. haiz. anw, i gave up & went to lab instead & borrow friend's cpu to print d notes.
cells didn't grow well so aft i do a set, decided to stop & check w prof since afternoon no class. so no need rush. so went back aft lunch. spent much longer time than expected aft checkin w prof & discussin another results w him. but i stayed on since dear ask me wait in sch & use friend's cpu to print past yr papers. can save $$ ma. haha.
anw, when dear came over, i went to get dinner & after dinner, went w him to ktv w his friends. i noe will b late but i no sch on today ma. turned out to be a gatherin so i'm d odd one but oh well, i saw his friends for a couple of times b4 so not tt unfamilar but oso not to d extend of being v familiar.
hw shld i say, hmm, let's call him boss. their boss was there & he paid $100 alrdy & asked us to settle d rest of d bills ourselves & he seemed quite close to d ppl thr & guess wat... total for 8 of us only $128 & we had ordered 2 honey drink, at least 5 mug of beer & a bottle of Remy Martin which comes with free flow of mixer (coke & green tea). i feel like a village girl thr. duno bout alcoholic drink & duno wat mixer was until then.
& oops... i drank 2 cup of d Remy Martin. 1 w coke & 1 w green tea. 1st time drinkin tt but i still sober aft tt. anw, Remy martin alchol content is 40%. so much higher than beer? & my record in d past was 2 glass of red wine durin weddin dinner or a can of beer when i was really down at hm mths ago & prob 3/4 of whiskey on d rock durin dear's friend's weddin in aug. this shld b d most amt of alcohol content flowin into my blood veins.
anw, we were thr at ard mayb 8 or 8+ & stayed till almost 1am when d place closed & dear sent me back before going home. he gotta work today jus tt not tt early so he don stay over.
today, since i noe mum b out, i slept till later but nw i can feel tt it's still not enough. it's not cos of jus 1 nite but due to accumulation of many late nites since d start of d sch holi. my ave lights off is 1+ am but might hit 2+ & ytd's record was 3+am. & afternoon i nvr nap le. cos mum's back.
jus nw purposely miss d call fr my contact i/c fr my dance gp but i called back or she'll bug me further. heard a news. not sure gd or bad but i would prefer not. i'm really drained le.
usually we will b in d gp for 5 yrs & usually 'graduation' is in sept. so by right soon. yet, i had been doubtin & i bet it's really true cos dec will ve a major performance & d sian thing is, it's on x'mas day. & thr r 3 other dates to block. x'mas eve & another 2 other dates, 1 of which was my friend's weddin day.
though i don really enjoy d family gatherin on x'mas eve, i suddenly feel tt it's so much better than d rehearsal, etc. i'd lost d interest & passion for d dance & performin. bein in d limelight (though in a v big gp no longer can push me further in d gp). i guess i'm too tired for anything nw. wat i need is a break. in d past, i'd thought tt so long s i strive on till sep this yr, i would feel better w 1 lesser activity & can concentrate in my studies but den thr seemed to ve this major challenge.
if i can breakthrough, i would b able to show ppl & probably my future employer. but... it's really a thin line btw make it or break it. it's my final sem to get As. really As if i really want at least a 3rd class honor. shit...
but, tt might b a final performance i would get & it's a major one at indoor stadium. if i don ve d commitment of study & was jus workin as a lab tech like d past, i would sure b able to enjoy & put in more than 100% effort. it would be fun but nw, i don ve d passion & yearnin to go. i cant perform like d past where i can draw out each step in my note book aft trg so tt i can practice & refer to when i forget. i cant practice till i can go by the song, the lyric, d music anymore. even gg by d beat count was also a problem for me.
ytd, durin d ktv, dear's friend sang d song which was 1 of d song for d last song which i enjoyed performin. aft tt, i had 2 or 3 more other performance but i don enjoy. it's different feelin. so if i commit myself, tt means i would have to give up my friend's weddin, my family gatherin, my extra study time & rest time. i noe i had reach beyond my limit. tt's y i really wonder if i wanna work part time. if not cos i got long break, i would not agreed to work. & i refused to take other timin. & tt was why i had grow to love short getaway like d melaka trip i went w dear. it's away fr everything, all d responsibilities, all d early mornin wake up, all d stress, etc etc.
anw, decided to give up though it would be my final chance to performance. will say friend's weddin on actual date. don care le. & will try escape trg s much s i can. since oso no pt i go cos i not performin. go thr mayb jus learn d technique but wateevr it is, i shld graduate this yr though seemed like might be in dec or aft. furthermore, trg is startin fr mornin 8.30 till 3. which means breakfast at 7+ den go w/o food till 3++. is tt lunch or is tt tea break? trainin leh. not lesson whr use brain only. trainin, 11+ alrdy hungry loh. den dinner hw? time all screw up. tt's y i so want to escape fr it if possible.
i don wanna sacrifice my studies anymore. in sec sch, in poly, i'd been doin well. not v well but acceptable w majority Bs. at least still let me go into uni. but those day, i only got studies. in sec sch, due to cca, i had sacrifice my o lvl results. but in poly, no other commitment. nw, i think i wanna give up everything oso. totally focus & i'm sure i can do it tt way if no other mtg, no other trg, no other work, & if best, no stress at hm. tt's y i wish to move out. mayb if i'm out of hm, i will oso feel better. anw, i can still use d time study in sch or at dear's place if he not workin or finish worrk early. i still ve sch & his place to study. jus need to focus rather than those mtg or trg.
i noe they will say, take it s a challenge but haven i been challengin for d past 3 yrs? & i failed a module too & had been gettin all Cs & Ds. i noe it's tough but if i can focus, i should at least get Bs & Cs one loh. s long s i can focus & not so tired, tense up & stress up & constantly put an armor or shield. luckily i got my sch friends & esp dear or i bet i should ve given up long ago.
anw, rmbr last time, when i go talk to d prof whom i'm attached to, he said ppl outside looked at grades & surely, my friend who jus seek for attachment alrdy been through tt acad selection process.
& ytd, dear's 'boss' oso asked me a question. w my results, hw can i b sure to get to whr i wanted? ya. i ans him back tt i'd experience but i oso noe d reality. it'll b a tough road ahead. at 1st, i still ve a glimpse of hope aft my attachment but his qs hit me hard again. slap me back to reality but my firm ans sayin i got experience seemed to convince him but not myself. i jus hope i can get d interview to show my determination.
but b4 tt, shall focus on studies & try my best. no time to lose. no time for those serious stuffs like mtg & trg.
watever it is, conclusion is to focus on study!!!
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Sunday, 29 August 2010
mooncake
aft decidin to research earlier to check out d mooncake promo, it's not s easy to find 1 w all d conditions i wanted.
searched online via all d diff bank credit card promo, search d hotels, restaurants, etc till i gave up & email them to enquire & till nw, only found 1 tt should have & tt's at Hilton. they got a booth at taka so mayb shall go down this comin weekend to check out. hopefully dear not workin on either day ba so tt we can buy & give away on same day. well, if he work mornin, mayb still alright. mayb i go get 1st den meet him to give away loh jus tt it'll be heavy w 4 boxes of mooncakes.
anw, d conditions were pretty classic. i jus wan lotus paste w yolk but in snow skin not bake skin. nwadays, so many variety, so many flavours but don suit old folks like my grandma. otherwise, will ve but smaller type & mum said gave away don look nice. haiz... luckily Hilton got. last yr managed to get fr 1 of d booth at JP after my friend's ROM & tt day was kinda rush.
parents oso prefer snow skin so may s well jus get all same type fr 1 single place. easier job tt way. & 4 boxes cos 1 box give dear's parents, 1 box give mine, 1 box give grandma who dote us oso, 1 box give his nanny who treat him like their own & always invited me along for their gatherings.
all these while since i doin research, keep hearin here promo there promo, but aft email, get disappointin results. is it jus so hard to find? cant they oso sell this type? it's classic & sure will ve their demand. now got demand yet limited supply so mayb my family weird only?
well, i do prefer snow skin than bake skin, prob oso cos keep in fridge, cold cold. haha. i oso like d chocolate w alcohol type. think if no alcohol, sure wont take cos it's usually milk chocolate & i hate milk taste & smell. not a fan of alcohol but it's so much better than milk.
watever it is, shall go taka see. mayb thr got other restaurant, etc w d classic snow skin mooncake like wat dear said cos at 1st i tot no diff since both hilton & taka in orchard. at least mayb taka can see more options. will go down comin sat/sun.
hmm... jus tot & check. mayb can go on fri oso. since lect only 2 hr till12.30. k. shall see dear's work schedule.
so fast, tml sch start le. jus dug out my cancer bio notes this mornin. shall try look through startin fr nw. no time to lose. no time to slack. time to chiong. time to work hard. 1 final sem to get my gpa in track. for better chance to get a better job in future. gambatte
searched online via all d diff bank credit card promo, search d hotels, restaurants, etc till i gave up & email them to enquire & till nw, only found 1 tt should have & tt's at Hilton. they got a booth at taka so mayb shall go down this comin weekend to check out. hopefully dear not workin on either day ba so tt we can buy & give away on same day. well, if he work mornin, mayb still alright. mayb i go get 1st den meet him to give away loh jus tt it'll be heavy w 4 boxes of mooncakes.
anw, d conditions were pretty classic. i jus wan lotus paste w yolk but in snow skin not bake skin. nwadays, so many variety, so many flavours but don suit old folks like my grandma. otherwise, will ve but smaller type & mum said gave away don look nice. haiz... luckily Hilton got. last yr managed to get fr 1 of d booth at JP after my friend's ROM & tt day was kinda rush.
parents oso prefer snow skin so may s well jus get all same type fr 1 single place. easier job tt way. & 4 boxes cos 1 box give dear's parents, 1 box give mine, 1 box give grandma who dote us oso, 1 box give his nanny who treat him like their own & always invited me along for their gatherings.
all these while since i doin research, keep hearin here promo there promo, but aft email, get disappointin results. is it jus so hard to find? cant they oso sell this type? it's classic & sure will ve their demand. now got demand yet limited supply so mayb my family weird only?
well, i do prefer snow skin than bake skin, prob oso cos keep in fridge, cold cold. haha. i oso like d chocolate w alcohol type. think if no alcohol, sure wont take cos it's usually milk chocolate & i hate milk taste & smell. not a fan of alcohol but it's so much better than milk.
watever it is, shall go taka see. mayb thr got other restaurant, etc w d classic snow skin mooncake like wat dear said cos at 1st i tot no diff since both hilton & taka in orchard. at least mayb taka can see more options. will go down comin sat/sun.
hmm... jus tot & check. mayb can go on fri oso. since lect only 2 hr till12.30. k. shall see dear's work schedule.
so fast, tml sch start le. jus dug out my cancer bio notes this mornin. shall try look through startin fr nw. no time to lose. no time to slack. time to chiong. time to work hard. 1 final sem to get my gpa in track. for better chance to get a better job in future. gambatte
Friday, 27 August 2010
休息是为了走更长的路
had a very busy final week, attached to d lab. wed, busy till wish don take lunch, & no time go back office, no time drink water, no time go toilet. next day, friend comment say i more busy than staff & graduate student & was amazed i was doing 3 or more experiment at a single time.
busy till i can forget do certain things & thus, ended up going back later esp ytd. anw, i still got mayb 4 more days to go back to d lab to help. but i cant denied tt i'm exhausted, i was dehyrated. my legs & back esp lower back oso pain cos basically, no time sit s i'm constantly movin ard in d lab or ard d 3rd, 4th or 5th lvl. i doubt i can recuperate by mon when sch start.
tired i m but i will still strive on. i could choose to end attachment earlier but nvm lah. it might still benefit me if i cont my fyp thr. so for future sake, just chiong nw loh... & if got good impression, mayb can get job in d lab or get good appraisal/testimonial to enhance my resume wor. my previous testimonial was ages ago. at least like tt oso better chance to get job in future. think far & work for it though no pay for all d hard work nw.
well, i'm nw so lookin forward to oct, for another getaway. jus nw went natas fair. b gg batam durin term break. i think i'm addicted to getaway trip, dump away every worries, etc. get away fr everything. esp when parents not gg. haha.
no lah i no dump them. they oso b gg holi in early dec when i still got sch & b havin exam soon. tt time, aunt on leave so mum thought of takin a break & go holi w dad alone. so they were d one who wanna dump me but i don mind. at least i get d peace i need.
dear wanna go short trip & so ask me along & we had looked ard for quite a while le but went natas fair yet realized no diff at all for such short getaway. no perks no discount. so we just book thr.
frankly speakin, i do miss d previous getaway to melaka - a'famosa. actually, i could ve gone for another trip to bintan w lab friends but didn't cos too close le. jun go HK, jul go a'famosa, den if go, b aug go bintan. no income leh. cannot cannot. if i workin, & got pay, mayb i would go.
lab friends oso b gg climb mt kinabalu in sep/oct & asked me along but durin term time. cant go. previously they wanna go melaka town & asked me too but i gg a'famosa so not gg w them. anw, i been to d town area last dec le. they oso might wanna go penang, etc next yr & ask me along, shall see hw cos i shld b doin fyp then. my lab friends v happenin hor. kip gg holi but at least they no politics. nice to b w like tt & make work/research life so much bearable.
anw, today booked b4 ask parents. oops. anw, easier to ask since they oso wanna go holi. they might oso b gg 1day trip to melaka in early oct. jus gotta see if got space when date near near.
& again, thr were overseas bridal ppl thr fr taiwan. like previous, keep buggin us & tryin to talk to us. experience tt & so we tried our best to siam away till in d end, dear just said, 'married & taken photos le'. it's so funny since i noe his intention & d reaction of person who really stopped on track & keep quiet & leave us alone. it made me burst out laughin when we walked away. but tt really works to shoo them off. bugger. ppl go thr to look ard for tour la. not for d bridal shoots thingy la. & we gotta spend $4 ea wor. siao...
i'm nw so lookin forward to d trip. something to push me forward & strive more for the upcoming 7 weeks. at least i noe, i wont face d dead end like last sem jus b4 my term break whr i'd to skip class & go to a beach myself to cry & let it off & chill off. 休息是为了走更长的路... it's really true...
sch reopen wont b tt easy for me. study, help in lab for mayb 2x a week for 2 wks, & oso workin parttime durin long break till duno when. at least i'll get some income & hopefully i can get d bursary thingy though not much. at least tt amt can cover me for 1 mth to 2 mth if i don spend & eat exp lunch. i nw, usually only eat $1.8 - $2.5 for lunch.
anw, it's almost 12.30 am. shld go sleep le. super duper tired. i need to get s much sleep as possible or i'll 200% sleep in class.
busy till i can forget do certain things & thus, ended up going back later esp ytd. anw, i still got mayb 4 more days to go back to d lab to help. but i cant denied tt i'm exhausted, i was dehyrated. my legs & back esp lower back oso pain cos basically, no time sit s i'm constantly movin ard in d lab or ard d 3rd, 4th or 5th lvl. i doubt i can recuperate by mon when sch start.
tired i m but i will still strive on. i could choose to end attachment earlier but nvm lah. it might still benefit me if i cont my fyp thr. so for future sake, just chiong nw loh... & if got good impression, mayb can get job in d lab or get good appraisal/testimonial to enhance my resume wor. my previous testimonial was ages ago. at least like tt oso better chance to get job in future. think far & work for it though no pay for all d hard work nw.
well, i'm nw so lookin forward to oct, for another getaway. jus nw went natas fair. b gg batam durin term break. i think i'm addicted to getaway trip, dump away every worries, etc. get away fr everything. esp when parents not gg. haha.
no lah i no dump them. they oso b gg holi in early dec when i still got sch & b havin exam soon. tt time, aunt on leave so mum thought of takin a break & go holi w dad alone. so they were d one who wanna dump me but i don mind. at least i get d peace i need.
dear wanna go short trip & so ask me along & we had looked ard for quite a while le but went natas fair yet realized no diff at all for such short getaway. no perks no discount. so we just book thr.
frankly speakin, i do miss d previous getaway to melaka - a'famosa. actually, i could ve gone for another trip to bintan w lab friends but didn't cos too close le. jun go HK, jul go a'famosa, den if go, b aug go bintan. no income leh. cannot cannot. if i workin, & got pay, mayb i would go.
lab friends oso b gg climb mt kinabalu in sep/oct & asked me along but durin term time. cant go. previously they wanna go melaka town & asked me too but i gg a'famosa so not gg w them. anw, i been to d town area last dec le. they oso might wanna go penang, etc next yr & ask me along, shall see hw cos i shld b doin fyp then. my lab friends v happenin hor. kip gg holi but at least they no politics. nice to b w like tt & make work/research life so much bearable.
anw, today booked b4 ask parents. oops. anw, easier to ask since they oso wanna go holi. they might oso b gg 1day trip to melaka in early oct. jus gotta see if got space when date near near.
& again, thr were overseas bridal ppl thr fr taiwan. like previous, keep buggin us & tryin to talk to us. experience tt & so we tried our best to siam away till in d end, dear just said, 'married & taken photos le'. it's so funny since i noe his intention & d reaction of person who really stopped on track & keep quiet & leave us alone. it made me burst out laughin when we walked away. but tt really works to shoo them off. bugger. ppl go thr to look ard for tour la. not for d bridal shoots thingy la. & we gotta spend $4 ea wor. siao...
i'm nw so lookin forward to d trip. something to push me forward & strive more for the upcoming 7 weeks. at least i noe, i wont face d dead end like last sem jus b4 my term break whr i'd to skip class & go to a beach myself to cry & let it off & chill off. 休息是为了走更长的路... it's really true...
sch reopen wont b tt easy for me. study, help in lab for mayb 2x a week for 2 wks, & oso workin parttime durin long break till duno when. at least i'll get some income & hopefully i can get d bursary thingy though not much. at least tt amt can cover me for 1 mth to 2 mth if i don spend & eat exp lunch. i nw, usually only eat $1.8 - $2.5 for lunch.
anw, it's almost 12.30 am. shld go sleep le. super duper tired. i need to get s much sleep as possible or i'll 200% sleep in class.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
没时间观念...
'thanks!' to tt 2 who r so 'gd' to me. 1 of d other alrdy did same thing previously. cos of them, i stayed later when actually i could go earlier. anw, not tt late till dark la but i start feel unwell in late afternoon.
i dono them so i shall name them A & B. previously i booked d incubator at 9am but A prob didn't noe & notice & by d time i wanted to use, her stuffs was still shakin & thus cos me delay till i decided to go find her. but she not in yet. typical researchers... come in late late. give trouble to ppl like me.
i don wanna have no life. i don wanna sleep late late den work till late late. other than sleepin, can do other things ma. like meet up friends, etc. but early mornin, ppl all workin & no whr go in mornin oso. once a while mayb ba but not everyday la.
well, think A 'learnt' her lesson & so she put time tt she would 'finish' yet 30 min later after her stated time, she had not reach lab. -.-" & she alrdy book till 11 am. can u imagine hw late it was & wat i did had to incubate d bacteria for 6 hr & i need to change temp to shake another batch for overnight.
& this time, not only A but B also. if those v bad temper type, sure make big fuss or quarrel or scold le loh. or those evil ppl will sure jus take out & place thr not botherin if it would affect ur results.
but i not so evil, previously, for A, i check w her labmates & they suggest putting in d cold rm & i, go down to my lab (lvl 3 then) & push trolley up to lvl 5 & take out her things & push down to their cold rm at lvl 4 den go back to lvl 3 to keep my lab trolley. i have my rights not to bother loh. esp since she alrdy screw up my time.
anw, today, last min managed to find another incubator & change d other in my lab jus to start tt 6 hr. if not, hmm.... not sure 7 can go or not le. thanks to them but glad i not so dumb to wait & wait oso.
in late afternoon, started to feel headache. den in evenin, not sure if cos hungry oso, i feel blur blur, no strength & dizzy dizzy like tt & bit nauseic, & tired too. & even oso started to feel arms & leg's muscle/bone achin like fever. but d prob is i noe i no fever. mayb body is tellin me tt it's 'breakin down'.
well, i noe i no fever but dear's palm seemed so mcuh warmer than me so i did wonder if it's me but after mearsurin, my body temp is norm but other than d body ache, do feel bit cold. not cold till shiver kind but slightly cold.
took med & a while ago, feel warm tt i on air con now. but arms & legs still have tt achin feel like fr fever. hope after a nite of rest, i'll feel ok tml cos tml b a v busy day esp in d mornin. 3 diff experiment to start & rush against time.
growing tt 6 hr cultures thingy & overnight culture & so time v impt or gotta ot till late
for today's cultures, gotta sonicate (breakup d cells) & get d protein out & purify, oso a long process
& another set of experiment, gotta extract d plasmid dna & do a digest to check if i construct it 'correctly' before sendin d potential ones for sequencin to varify & d vendor come collect by 3 pm so oso need race against time & so i gotta see which i should start 1st. -.-"
w so many things to do, cant afford to b sick lah. or else, FC gotta do all these plus her own things. ya, these are part of her project but it was under my 'care' wor. will only pass back to her next wk. & all these esp d culture thingy will let me get results at least for my part of d project during these 16 wk of attachment. if really got results, will b publish into a paper, den i can have more things to say in my resume & future job interview. it'll help me greatly esp if prof really do put my name somewhr in d paper like wat FC said tt he had d intention to. not sure hw true but watever it is, i can still say i did help even if name is not mentioned. most impt is tt paper get to b publish w d results i got.
so pls pls don fall sick. i wont mind if i sick on sun. so i can skip dance, skip mtg & really slp w/o worry dad angry or sch will start next week le.
i dono them so i shall name them A & B. previously i booked d incubator at 9am but A prob didn't noe & notice & by d time i wanted to use, her stuffs was still shakin & thus cos me delay till i decided to go find her. but she not in yet. typical researchers... come in late late. give trouble to ppl like me.
i don wanna have no life. i don wanna sleep late late den work till late late. other than sleepin, can do other things ma. like meet up friends, etc. but early mornin, ppl all workin & no whr go in mornin oso. once a while mayb ba but not everyday la.
well, think A 'learnt' her lesson & so she put time tt she would 'finish' yet 30 min later after her stated time, she had not reach lab. -.-" & she alrdy book till 11 am. can u imagine hw late it was & wat i did had to incubate d bacteria for 6 hr & i need to change temp to shake another batch for overnight.
& this time, not only A but B also. if those v bad temper type, sure make big fuss or quarrel or scold le loh. or those evil ppl will sure jus take out & place thr not botherin if it would affect ur results.
but i not so evil, previously, for A, i check w her labmates & they suggest putting in d cold rm & i, go down to my lab (lvl 3 then) & push trolley up to lvl 5 & take out her things & push down to their cold rm at lvl 4 den go back to lvl 3 to keep my lab trolley. i have my rights not to bother loh. esp since she alrdy screw up my time.
anw, today, last min managed to find another incubator & change d other in my lab jus to start tt 6 hr. if not, hmm.... not sure 7 can go or not le. thanks to them but glad i not so dumb to wait & wait oso.
in late afternoon, started to feel headache. den in evenin, not sure if cos hungry oso, i feel blur blur, no strength & dizzy dizzy like tt & bit nauseic, & tired too. & even oso started to feel arms & leg's muscle/bone achin like fever. but d prob is i noe i no fever. mayb body is tellin me tt it's 'breakin down'.
well, i noe i no fever but dear's palm seemed so mcuh warmer than me so i did wonder if it's me but after mearsurin, my body temp is norm but other than d body ache, do feel bit cold. not cold till shiver kind but slightly cold.
took med & a while ago, feel warm tt i on air con now. but arms & legs still have tt achin feel like fr fever. hope after a nite of rest, i'll feel ok tml cos tml b a v busy day esp in d mornin. 3 diff experiment to start & rush against time.
growing tt 6 hr cultures thingy & overnight culture & so time v impt or gotta ot till late
for today's cultures, gotta sonicate (breakup d cells) & get d protein out & purify, oso a long process
& another set of experiment, gotta extract d plasmid dna & do a digest to check if i construct it 'correctly' before sendin d potential ones for sequencin to varify & d vendor come collect by 3 pm so oso need race against time & so i gotta see which i should start 1st. -.-"
w so many things to do, cant afford to b sick lah. or else, FC gotta do all these plus her own things. ya, these are part of her project but it was under my 'care' wor. will only pass back to her next wk. & all these esp d culture thingy will let me get results at least for my part of d project during these 16 wk of attachment. if really got results, will b publish into a paper, den i can have more things to say in my resume & future job interview. it'll help me greatly esp if prof really do put my name somewhr in d paper like wat FC said tt he had d intention to. not sure hw true but watever it is, i can still say i did help even if name is not mentioned. most impt is tt paper get to b publish w d results i got.
so pls pls don fall sick. i wont mind if i sick on sun. so i can skip dance, skip mtg & really slp w/o worry dad angry or sch will start next week le.
just d 2nd day of d week
woke up in d middle of d nite blur blur wonderin wat day today will b. & wished it would b a weekend w dear comin over soon...
guess, it's quite bad to b 'alone' at hm. jus last sun, i didn't go dance cos gg temple pray due to lunar 7th mth. when i officially woke up, aft i lazed back & sleep, hopin so much tt parents would not wake up tt early, by then, mum already fully dressed while dad already in d bathrm gettin ready. at tt moment, i almost jerk up & ran to d bathrm to washup & get ready.
if i slower than dad & esp if he's hungry, i'll sure get it again. it's only w dear ard tt i more darin to take a nap since he would b & mum 'understand' cos of his work schedule. so i usually take tt opportunity to nap oso unless my parents wanna scold both of us.
s for y i didn't think it's 1 of d weekday, i guess cos weekday, if i finish earlier, i would have to either stay back or go walk ard myself & only occassionally tt i would choose to go home straight. so it's still a dread on weekdays. so i guess tt's y my sub-consious mind wishes & wanted so much tt it would b a weekend w dear ard but today is jus d 2nd day of d week. haiz...
guess, it's quite bad to b 'alone' at hm. jus last sun, i didn't go dance cos gg temple pray due to lunar 7th mth. when i officially woke up, aft i lazed back & sleep, hopin so much tt parents would not wake up tt early, by then, mum already fully dressed while dad already in d bathrm gettin ready. at tt moment, i almost jerk up & ran to d bathrm to washup & get ready.
if i slower than dad & esp if he's hungry, i'll sure get it again. it's only w dear ard tt i more darin to take a nap since he would b & mum 'understand' cos of his work schedule. so i usually take tt opportunity to nap oso unless my parents wanna scold both of us.
s for y i didn't think it's 1 of d weekday, i guess cos weekday, if i finish earlier, i would have to either stay back or go walk ard myself & only occassionally tt i would choose to go home straight. so it's still a dread on weekdays. so i guess tt's y my sub-consious mind wishes & wanted so much tt it would b a weekend w dear ard but today is jus d 2nd day of d week. haiz...
Monday, 23 August 2010
jie jie or auntie?
previously i thought of a question & did ask a friend b4 cos she was my sec sch friend & alrdy had a girl in nursery & another inside her then. durin d conversation, asked her wat would she get her girl to call me if we bump into ea other outside. to call me jie jie or auntie? no matter what, it's still sound weird.
call jie jie yet same age s mummy. call auntie yet sound so old. mayb call ah yi might sound better? lol... my friend's reply then was call jie jie but i noe in d small, simple mind of d kid would wonder hw to differentiate btw jie jie & auntie & y jie jie & not auntie, etc...
been thru tt stage. mum said when i small small, i would greet everybody when i see, esp in d lift. but fr my memories, i would wonder & start to keep to myself & dare not open my mouth & call cos u noe la, some ppl will b v particular & get mad if call wrongly. mayb cos i grew older le & noe of such complications
anw, on sat, went downtown east chalet w dear. his colleague's daughter celebrate 1st bday. & few of his colleagues oso bring their wives & kids too. they seemed to have ask their kids to know dear s 'uncle' & would regard me s 'jie jie' but thr is 1 who said something tt it's weird tt 1 is uncle & another is jie jie, etc etc & tell her gal tt i'm 'auntie'.
did sound old but whatever la. mayb call ah yi might sound better but they speak english one & so in english term, still auntie. lol. but it's still weird tt an auntie is still an undergraduate who is gonna struggle for another 1 more yr... hahaha...
tokin bout 1 more yr, shld say less than tt ba. but sch gonna start. 1 more wk exactly fr nw. this will b my final sem w notes, lectures, tutorials, assignments, exams, etc cos final sem will b FYP. & this would really b my last sem to try to get my gpa back to a min lvl. gonna b a tough challenge but i'll work hard no matter wat. esp since it's d last sem of studyin.
s for FYP, shall see how, most likely come back to where i'm attached nw since i sort of got a bit of a head start in a project. if i do it elsewhr, will have to start all over again & readapt to their lab culture. i don wan another lab culture shock & then readjust to their style. FYP not v long for me to readapt. i wanna chop chop faster start, & mayb get results faster & then can read up & write up.
but frankly speakin, i quite like it now. no need study, no need exams, etc. & though at times, might end later, yet i not a staff & not a graduate student so i'm not tied down with anything thing or contract. & so i'm a free bird. & have a place in d office to sit & had a comp to use. what more can i expect? if got bit of pay, even better, don mind if it's based on hour basis. tt b even greater. if i wan, i work longer, if i don wan, work lesser, but i in ctrl of my time & money... but even part time job oso gotta fixed a certain time & day to work. haiz... & i definitely wont choose to work fr hm. stayin hm b even more stress & oso being caged too loh...
call jie jie yet same age s mummy. call auntie yet sound so old. mayb call ah yi might sound better? lol... my friend's reply then was call jie jie but i noe in d small, simple mind of d kid would wonder hw to differentiate btw jie jie & auntie & y jie jie & not auntie, etc...
been thru tt stage. mum said when i small small, i would greet everybody when i see, esp in d lift. but fr my memories, i would wonder & start to keep to myself & dare not open my mouth & call cos u noe la, some ppl will b v particular & get mad if call wrongly. mayb cos i grew older le & noe of such complications
anw, on sat, went downtown east chalet w dear. his colleague's daughter celebrate 1st bday. & few of his colleagues oso bring their wives & kids too. they seemed to have ask their kids to know dear s 'uncle' & would regard me s 'jie jie' but thr is 1 who said something tt it's weird tt 1 is uncle & another is jie jie, etc etc & tell her gal tt i'm 'auntie'.
did sound old but whatever la. mayb call ah yi might sound better but they speak english one & so in english term, still auntie. lol. but it's still weird tt an auntie is still an undergraduate who is gonna struggle for another 1 more yr... hahaha...
tokin bout 1 more yr, shld say less than tt ba. but sch gonna start. 1 more wk exactly fr nw. this will b my final sem w notes, lectures, tutorials, assignments, exams, etc cos final sem will b FYP. & this would really b my last sem to try to get my gpa back to a min lvl. gonna b a tough challenge but i'll work hard no matter wat. esp since it's d last sem of studyin.
s for FYP, shall see how, most likely come back to where i'm attached nw since i sort of got a bit of a head start in a project. if i do it elsewhr, will have to start all over again & readapt to their lab culture. i don wan another lab culture shock & then readjust to their style. FYP not v long for me to readapt. i wanna chop chop faster start, & mayb get results faster & then can read up & write up.
but frankly speakin, i quite like it now. no need study, no need exams, etc. & though at times, might end later, yet i not a staff & not a graduate student so i'm not tied down with anything thing or contract. & so i'm a free bird. & have a place in d office to sit & had a comp to use. what more can i expect? if got bit of pay, even better, don mind if it's based on hour basis. tt b even greater. if i wan, i work longer, if i don wan, work lesser, but i in ctrl of my time & money... but even part time job oso gotta fixed a certain time & day to work. haiz... & i definitely wont choose to work fr hm. stayin hm b even more stress & oso being caged too loh...
Thursday, 19 August 2010
workin hard
hmm.... shldn't ve do d calculations... make me more demoralized... haiz... tot i could help pull up my gpa to d min w d help of fyp but...
even if i ace my fyp w a full 5.0 gpa, i still need another A- & 4 B+ to get it... it's gonna b a tough final yr... but i still got my chance for dis final sem. can only triump & win... gotta work extra hard for at least 1 A- & 4B+.
though it's demoralizin, at least i noe my stand & i noe i still got 1 last chance. aft dis sem, even fyp oso don help le.
anw, my hp seemed to be dead on my messagin. y my phone always go pro when aft warranty & when it's almost nearer to d 3/4 of d contract... i got a spare old phone but gotta reset d ringtone, etc. & somemore, tt phone got no cable to d pc & d clear button is missin. but a phone tt cant message or see message at all is also weird. guess it's tellin me i shld go easy on my messagin...
oh well, mayb i shld jus changed to d old phone ba. at least i can still call, sms & still got camera function... but dear wont ve spare phone if he nvr charge his phone again. ;p
even if i ace my fyp w a full 5.0 gpa, i still need another A- & 4 B+ to get it... it's gonna b a tough final yr... but i still got my chance for dis final sem. can only triump & win... gotta work extra hard for at least 1 A- & 4B+.
though it's demoralizin, at least i noe my stand & i noe i still got 1 last chance. aft dis sem, even fyp oso don help le.
anw, my hp seemed to be dead on my messagin. y my phone always go pro when aft warranty & when it's almost nearer to d 3/4 of d contract... i got a spare old phone but gotta reset d ringtone, etc. & somemore, tt phone got no cable to d pc & d clear button is missin. but a phone tt cant message or see message at all is also weird. guess it's tellin me i shld go easy on my messagin...
oh well, mayb i shld jus changed to d old phone ba. at least i can still call, sms & still got camera function... but dear wont ve spare phone if he nvr charge his phone again. ;p
dad's unwell
last night, got a scare fr dad. wish to shout for mum but worried she freak out, worried too much & cry but i oso scare & worried bout him & if i have sufficient strength to hold him. if dear, ard, i would call to him.
anw, dad had fever on & off since sun. seen doc on sun & mc on mon. tue went to work den wed, which was ytd, he went to see doc again & he intended to go to work today.
aft dinner, dad laid in livin rm watchin tv den went to sleep at 9+ but gotta wake up to take med at 11+. mum waited to wake him up while i'm d backup alarm clock.
at 11.30pm, dad woke up b4 i go wake him & min aft he reach d kitchen, heard something dropped. worried tt he fainted like yrs ago, i go out but saw mum still sit on her bed in her rm but i still went to d kitchen.
found a container in front of d bathrm while dad still further in. so i tot he was alright. but...
saw tt he's weird. his leg was bendin & straighten (movin up & down) while he had his arm straightened & supportin his body. his body also tense & lean against the concrete cabinet/table (watever u call tt la) beside d basin. & he kept repeatin d movement & sometimes stayed in d bended position for longer time & his facial expression seemed to be in tension. but his eyes was starin into space. his eyes were also very red, prob because he jus woke up fr sleep but d whole expression was really scary. & he don talk or react to my questions
at tt point, i kept tryin to support him but he's much bigger size than i'm. wanted to get chair for him but scare he fainted though i noe he should not sit on chair oso or he may faint & fall fr d chair. wanted to shout to mum for another support & extra hand but scare she worried more see my dad reaction & expression.
when finally dad slowly release 1 hand to take his med, supportin w my body & 1 hand, i used d other hand to pour water for him to take his med. & den he started to move & said he was feeling dizzy. so i supported him back to his rm. it was only den tt mum noe he's dizzy but she didn't noe hw scarely it looks earlier on.
even till nw, i'm still scare. yes, i may be scare of them & they give me phobia, they give me more stress, they made me scare of being at hm but they r still my parents & i wont want anything to happen to them. seeing them like tt, i'll oso b scare. scare of losin them, scare something bad happened.
dad's expression & reaction was so weird tt i was scare if something bad was happening inside. if he eventually nvr ans me back or do anything else, i would not hesitate to call for an ambulance. but i'm still scare. mum would sure breakdown, & i'm their only support. yet i got no other support. hw i wish i could call dear but he had a long day & had turn in alrdy. & so i'm all alone but i can only act brave, act strong, to be d support at hm. even till nw, i can still feel d shiver & wish to cry out. it was a nightmare, a terrible experience.
anw, dad had fever on & off since sun. seen doc on sun & mc on mon. tue went to work den wed, which was ytd, he went to see doc again & he intended to go to work today.
aft dinner, dad laid in livin rm watchin tv den went to sleep at 9+ but gotta wake up to take med at 11+. mum waited to wake him up while i'm d backup alarm clock.
at 11.30pm, dad woke up b4 i go wake him & min aft he reach d kitchen, heard something dropped. worried tt he fainted like yrs ago, i go out but saw mum still sit on her bed in her rm but i still went to d kitchen.
found a container in front of d bathrm while dad still further in. so i tot he was alright. but...
saw tt he's weird. his leg was bendin & straighten (movin up & down) while he had his arm straightened & supportin his body. his body also tense & lean against the concrete cabinet/table (watever u call tt la) beside d basin. & he kept repeatin d movement & sometimes stayed in d bended position for longer time & his facial expression seemed to be in tension. but his eyes was starin into space. his eyes were also very red, prob because he jus woke up fr sleep but d whole expression was really scary. & he don talk or react to my questions
at tt point, i kept tryin to support him but he's much bigger size than i'm. wanted to get chair for him but scare he fainted though i noe he should not sit on chair oso or he may faint & fall fr d chair. wanted to shout to mum for another support & extra hand but scare she worried more see my dad reaction & expression.
when finally dad slowly release 1 hand to take his med, supportin w my body & 1 hand, i used d other hand to pour water for him to take his med. & den he started to move & said he was feeling dizzy. so i supported him back to his rm. it was only den tt mum noe he's dizzy but she didn't noe hw scarely it looks earlier on.
even till nw, i'm still scare. yes, i may be scare of them & they give me phobia, they give me more stress, they made me scare of being at hm but they r still my parents & i wont want anything to happen to them. seeing them like tt, i'll oso b scare. scare of losin them, scare something bad happened.
dad's expression & reaction was so weird tt i was scare if something bad was happening inside. if he eventually nvr ans me back or do anything else, i would not hesitate to call for an ambulance. but i'm still scare. mum would sure breakdown, & i'm their only support. yet i got no other support. hw i wish i could call dear but he had a long day & had turn in alrdy. & so i'm all alone but i can only act brave, act strong, to be d support at hm. even till nw, i can still feel d shiver & wish to cry out. it was a nightmare, a terrible experience.
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
过来人
hmm... jus received SMSes fr dear... he jus got hm fr work & i guess he didn't get to eat dinner again & he seemed to only have 1 meal today which is brunch. haiz...
jus nw, he said he buy fried rice & eat in car. & he further say tt fried rice was fr 7-eleven. no need ask y. i noe. i understand. cos of naggin. i tot i'm d silly one who would try do all means to avoid d naggin. for me, i would get bread or bun or watever i can eat along d way hm or even skip my meals but only nw den i noe he oso silly like me, rather pack & eat in car b4 gg hm when he's jus downstairs.
though i nvr ask, he still tell me tt he don wan d naggin. s a 过来人, i fully understand such agony esp aft a long day & tired. but knowing that he had to go through these & even had a late & not nice dinner in a not so comfortable location still make my heart sink. maybe because i constantly have such experience ba. he was always d tough one, seemed immuned to his mum's naggin but maybe he alrdy had a hard day at work & wanted peace too.
anw, y cant parents put themselves in our shoes? it's not wat we hope for or wanted ma. cant they jus understand & keep quiet? who won't want a nice warm meal at d comfort of home? if can, i would wan loh.
if can, i wish i can jus call back to ask for a warm soup or something as i comin back & when i got back, no naggin or grumbling but d food warmed & dished out ready for me to eat. how nice tt would be. aft a tired day, i would b too tired & lazy to get myself alrdy so if tt can b d case, i would definitely go back home. even if it's a bowl of hot maggie mee but tt can nvr b d case... haiz...
jus nw, he said he buy fried rice & eat in car. & he further say tt fried rice was fr 7-eleven. no need ask y. i noe. i understand. cos of naggin. i tot i'm d silly one who would try do all means to avoid d naggin. for me, i would get bread or bun or watever i can eat along d way hm or even skip my meals but only nw den i noe he oso silly like me, rather pack & eat in car b4 gg hm when he's jus downstairs.
though i nvr ask, he still tell me tt he don wan d naggin. s a 过来人, i fully understand such agony esp aft a long day & tired. but knowing that he had to go through these & even had a late & not nice dinner in a not so comfortable location still make my heart sink. maybe because i constantly have such experience ba. he was always d tough one, seemed immuned to his mum's naggin but maybe he alrdy had a hard day at work & wanted peace too.
anw, y cant parents put themselves in our shoes? it's not wat we hope for or wanted ma. cant they jus understand & keep quiet? who won't want a nice warm meal at d comfort of home? if can, i would wan loh.
if can, i wish i can jus call back to ask for a warm soup or something as i comin back & when i got back, no naggin or grumbling but d food warmed & dished out ready for me to eat. how nice tt would be. aft a tired day, i would b too tired & lazy to get myself alrdy so if tt can b d case, i would definitely go back home. even if it's a bowl of hot maggie mee but tt can nvr b d case... haiz...
1hr
today, decided to cut my fringe b4 d start of d next battle but tt was if i took d staff bus back.
was able to but last min, FC told me tt she found d primers & so asked me to do d PCR. anw, i don mind stayin later. at most don cut loh. still got next week ma. lol...
in d end, timin was jus nice. & so last min decided to pack up & try take d staff bus. managed to reach d 'new' pick up area to find queues of staff buses & shuttle buses & 179 & huge crowds. tt's y i said either can go earlier or later & not when everybody knock off unless i takin d staff bus.
anw, thr r still another bus in queue b4 mine so i was glad i made it. den... while i was tryin to sms, ppl were boardin d bus, & luckily i saw or i would miss it.
& guess wat... within an hr aft i board d bus, i managed to reach hm in less than an hr & within tt hr, i oso went to cut my fringe & trim my hair & tabao dinner back hm, & shower & eat. i was amazed at hw much things i could do. lol
i at 1st wanna go whr i usually went to cut my fringe. d last time i went, cutting my fringe, d auntie only charge me $2 cos i always go find her. but on my journey thr, i wonder if i wanna trim my hair oso. tt would means more exp & oso hair b shorter again. s i ponder, i reached & found tt thr r ppl queuin & i lazy wait esp when i see tt she was dyin hair for a customer.
so... i walked further down to d newly opened snip avenue & found not many ppl. since thr, decided to trim hair since whatever length will b $3.80. still cheap. lol. but hair shorter. anw, mon, went w dear to d snip avenue at JW & saw d promo on rebonding which is like $20++ to $30++ nett. v temptin but shant do anything to my hair which is alrdy spoilt aft last yr perm & dye. but today, was tempted by treatment but don wan la. mayb end of yr, nearer cny ba. lol...
i guess i wont mind gg back to snip avenue again. more adventurous to let diff ppl cut my hair. since hair can still grow back. lol. so shall see whr i m or whr lesser ppl. dear tt day cut + wash only $7.80 loh. but seemed like diff outlet got their own promo or mayb i nvr ask or see properly. hee.
anw, still fast la, fr sch to go hm by myself w/o tt staff bus, will take an hr or mroe to reach hm but today, still cut hair oso. tt's wat i like bout my staff bus.
was able to but last min, FC told me tt she found d primers & so asked me to do d PCR. anw, i don mind stayin later. at most don cut loh. still got next week ma. lol...
in d end, timin was jus nice. & so last min decided to pack up & try take d staff bus. managed to reach d 'new' pick up area to find queues of staff buses & shuttle buses & 179 & huge crowds. tt's y i said either can go earlier or later & not when everybody knock off unless i takin d staff bus.
anw, thr r still another bus in queue b4 mine so i was glad i made it. den... while i was tryin to sms, ppl were boardin d bus, & luckily i saw or i would miss it.
& guess wat... within an hr aft i board d bus, i managed to reach hm in less than an hr & within tt hr, i oso went to cut my fringe & trim my hair & tabao dinner back hm, & shower & eat. i was amazed at hw much things i could do. lol
i at 1st wanna go whr i usually went to cut my fringe. d last time i went, cutting my fringe, d auntie only charge me $2 cos i always go find her. but on my journey thr, i wonder if i wanna trim my hair oso. tt would means more exp & oso hair b shorter again. s i ponder, i reached & found tt thr r ppl queuin & i lazy wait esp when i see tt she was dyin hair for a customer.
so... i walked further down to d newly opened snip avenue & found not many ppl. since thr, decided to trim hair since whatever length will b $3.80. still cheap. lol. but hair shorter. anw, mon, went w dear to d snip avenue at JW & saw d promo on rebonding which is like $20++ to $30++ nett. v temptin but shant do anything to my hair which is alrdy spoilt aft last yr perm & dye. but today, was tempted by treatment but don wan la. mayb end of yr, nearer cny ba. lol...
i guess i wont mind gg back to snip avenue again. more adventurous to let diff ppl cut my hair. since hair can still grow back. lol. so shall see whr i m or whr lesser ppl. dear tt day cut + wash only $7.80 loh. but seemed like diff outlet got their own promo or mayb i nvr ask or see properly. hee.
anw, still fast la, fr sch to go hm by myself w/o tt staff bus, will take an hr or mroe to reach hm but today, still cut hair oso. tt's wat i like bout my staff bus.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
regrets?
dis mornin, got a surprised sms fr an ex-colleague fr d clinic i worked b4. i'd left more than a yr ago but she ask if i could help in nov. guess she wanna go holi but no one to replace.
bit tempted cos i now only got output, no input. but aft checkin my timetable, only got 2 day possible which means d amt earned cant last me even a mth. prob jus cover my hp bill w my transport or a mth of lunches if i eat cheap cheap lunch? but... i oso tempted to take it slow cos it's my last yr of study.
anw, dis is not d only temp job offer i got. i'd another 1 which is also not cfm yet. tt 1 will b a wkly basis but oso cant cover much per mth but at least it's most prob till d exam period. but... it'll b more xiong durin my sem period. been thru & understand it wont b easy.
well, if they ok w my timin, most prob i'll take up dis offer cos 1 last sem to work. final sem cfm cant cos it's FYP. if hor, nw, i was paid, i guess i would 100% not take up but at least nw, i'm not tied down w any form of contract or monetary issue.
all these offers actually give me a tint of hope to get a job despite my poor results but i would still work hard. at least i noe tt wherever i worked b4, they would offer me d chance to do temp if they need help. at least they think of me. i'm glad i nvr do my work anyhw last time or i would miss all these opportunities. but these job not related to wat i study.
like i said, i shall see & do watever i can get. cant b picky w my grades. & though i hate d timin of research, i actually grew to like it cos i can escape fr hm or mtg if i wanted to. at least i'm a free bird in tt sense so i don care wat job i would get even if i might end up in sch for another few more yrs or more.
today, d graduate student i helped asked me if i wanted research or wat other type of job, i got no ans cos in my mind, i don care already. she said mayb i can try askin d prof i'm under nw & work as a PO. she said a couple of time tt mayb IF prof asked me cont'd phd, would i do cos she said d prof don care bout grades. frankly speakin, i used to think i would not further any more but IF 1 day, there is such a rare chance, would i take? i guess, i would consider instead of a flat ans of 'no'. but i noe d chances r v v slim cos my grades r really poor. d prof's previous PO got 1st class honour wor yet don ve. so impossible for me too. lol.
well, i do regret tt i nvr take up d paramedic job last time. it's so much closer to wat my childhood ambition which was to b a nurse. i wanna help ppl, i'm inspired by nightingale but i oso nvr regret rejectin & workin s a lab tech. cos fr thr, ppl noe me & thus, all these while, given me ample opportunities to do temp job & gainin my work experiences.
to think bout it, i wont regret comin back to study. i may not gain tt much knowledge, i gain much more than wat d textbook had given me. i gain more friends, i gain more trust, i gain more experiences & though not v wide range but it's better than being stuck at d same position forever though i'm sort of stuck at d same place all these while.
& though i dislike being forced, etc nw in my religion, i oso nvr regret joinin d dance gp last time. it had allowed me to gain d confidence or i would not dare to stand in front of hundreds of ppl & be 2 of my friend's emcee on their weddin. & mayb i wont get to noe my dear oso. lol.
but i still hate it nw when they keep pressin me & i hate it. & d other thing is, trg hr been extendin & extendin. nw end at 2++ pm, actually can say 3 pm la & mind u, no lunch break or short teabreak. last sun, if end further, i think my gastric would give way le loh. 1 day, surely got gastric pain 1 loh. i not in sec sch whr i cant really tahan w/o eatin. think all these while, d gastric acid had been eatin into my stomach lining la. haiz... tt's y till nw, i nvr say i no longer workin on weekend. tired leh. at least i can use work s an excuse to go back 'earlier'. &, i'd strong strong feelin tt wont graduate in sep like past few yrs... tt means, gotta last till end of d yr? i dono... but i cant tahan d long hr yet don wish to have break oso cos tt means, will end even later & they wont need to bother try to end asap since everybody alrdy eaten. haiz... duno la. shall see hw & do or decide when times come.
bit tempted cos i now only got output, no input. but aft checkin my timetable, only got 2 day possible which means d amt earned cant last me even a mth. prob jus cover my hp bill w my transport or a mth of lunches if i eat cheap cheap lunch? but... i oso tempted to take it slow cos it's my last yr of study.
anw, dis is not d only temp job offer i got. i'd another 1 which is also not cfm yet. tt 1 will b a wkly basis but oso cant cover much per mth but at least it's most prob till d exam period. but... it'll b more xiong durin my sem period. been thru & understand it wont b easy.
well, if they ok w my timin, most prob i'll take up dis offer cos 1 last sem to work. final sem cfm cant cos it's FYP. if hor, nw, i was paid, i guess i would 100% not take up but at least nw, i'm not tied down w any form of contract or monetary issue.
all these offers actually give me a tint of hope to get a job despite my poor results but i would still work hard. at least i noe tt wherever i worked b4, they would offer me d chance to do temp if they need help. at least they think of me. i'm glad i nvr do my work anyhw last time or i would miss all these opportunities. but these job not related to wat i study.
like i said, i shall see & do watever i can get. cant b picky w my grades. & though i hate d timin of research, i actually grew to like it cos i can escape fr hm or mtg if i wanted to. at least i'm a free bird in tt sense so i don care wat job i would get even if i might end up in sch for another few more yrs or more.
today, d graduate student i helped asked me if i wanted research or wat other type of job, i got no ans cos in my mind, i don care already. she said mayb i can try askin d prof i'm under nw & work as a PO. she said a couple of time tt mayb IF prof asked me cont'd phd, would i do cos she said d prof don care bout grades. frankly speakin, i used to think i would not further any more but IF 1 day, there is such a rare chance, would i take? i guess, i would consider instead of a flat ans of 'no'. but i noe d chances r v v slim cos my grades r really poor. d prof's previous PO got 1st class honour wor yet don ve. so impossible for me too. lol.
well, i do regret tt i nvr take up d paramedic job last time. it's so much closer to wat my childhood ambition which was to b a nurse. i wanna help ppl, i'm inspired by nightingale but i oso nvr regret rejectin & workin s a lab tech. cos fr thr, ppl noe me & thus, all these while, given me ample opportunities to do temp job & gainin my work experiences.
to think bout it, i wont regret comin back to study. i may not gain tt much knowledge, i gain much more than wat d textbook had given me. i gain more friends, i gain more trust, i gain more experiences & though not v wide range but it's better than being stuck at d same position forever though i'm sort of stuck at d same place all these while.
& though i dislike being forced, etc nw in my religion, i oso nvr regret joinin d dance gp last time. it had allowed me to gain d confidence or i would not dare to stand in front of hundreds of ppl & be 2 of my friend's emcee on their weddin. & mayb i wont get to noe my dear oso. lol.
but i still hate it nw when they keep pressin me & i hate it. & d other thing is, trg hr been extendin & extendin. nw end at 2++ pm, actually can say 3 pm la & mind u, no lunch break or short teabreak. last sun, if end further, i think my gastric would give way le loh. 1 day, surely got gastric pain 1 loh. i not in sec sch whr i cant really tahan w/o eatin. think all these while, d gastric acid had been eatin into my stomach lining la. haiz... tt's y till nw, i nvr say i no longer workin on weekend. tired leh. at least i can use work s an excuse to go back 'earlier'. &, i'd strong strong feelin tt wont graduate in sep like past few yrs... tt means, gotta last till end of d yr? i dono... but i cant tahan d long hr yet don wish to have break oso cos tt means, will end even later & they wont need to bother try to end asap since everybody alrdy eaten. haiz... duno la. shall see hw & do or decide when times come.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
NDP
ytd had d 1st hand experience being at d NDP show... well, in general, enjoyed it... but thks to dear to make it happened...
every yr, i had been applyin & ballotin for d tix for myself & my parents for 4 tix. always nvr get it but i got it dis yr & got d call when i was in HK. lol... was happy when i heard tt but i end up worryin tt dear might work or might ve to b on standby. den would b super troublesome for him. but he swop w his friend for his standby shift. really sorry bout it but glad his friend is willin to help.
anw, told myself tt aft dis yr, i wont apply. mayb will apply for parents but i myself wont. had d experience once, enough. give others more chance to ballot. no need b so selfish.
my thoughts were further enhanced ytd. if dear was not thr, i wld really not enjoy thr cos of my parents esp mum... wanted d toot bag of a particular design yet none of us got it. den grumble hot & sunny.. grumble d clapper torchlight spoilt... etc etc... but i basically jus let all her grumbling seep thru fr my right ears to my left.
& luckily i not d one usin d nikon D3000. she kept buggin dad & pointin here & thr to ask him take pic. lol... so i could enjoy d show rather than takin pic...
but our seat location not gd. cant really see d planes flyin over & d finale fireworks. sad... d fireworks is my main focus. love it when d dark sky is lit but nvm. get to experience seein d whole show at thr. see d march-in. 1st time see tt. on screen always see d march out. & oso can experience hearin d life-firein fr 1 end to d other fr d GOH. on screen, can jus hear 1 sound & dono fr whr to whr.
durin d parade, saw a couple of ppl fainted. luckily thr were medics ard. reminded me of sec sch when i was in st john. either inside d parade ground or at d side jarga... prep stretcher, etc. erm... ya. by right transportation of casualty is by d guy but my sch guy wanna b more macho, refused to come. pref ncc, npcc... haiz... so i 'bao ga liao'... bo pian. pop v low oso, thus, i multi-tasker, 1st aid i/c, logistic i/c, public duty i/c, secretary...
anw, ytd, we went out earlier so tt got parkin. park at penisular den walked over but was early so walked at funan. so went to browse at d laptop while dear browse for his netbook. in d end, i suddenlyt tot tt hw come only got get tv den got netbook foc, y not laptop den sec later, dear showed me d promo... oopss... was a temptin offer but d netbook batt life v low but laptop spec, if i not wrong, still pretty gd.
not d best but shld b 1 of d top ba. cos nw d processor is i7 but mine is i5 while thr r others still those old old type. anw, i not someone who noe IT stuff v much. so i jus get wat i think or feel is gd. anw, it's within d amt i would fork out for a 13.3" notebook. jus tt, it's acer brand again. nvm... give d brand 1 more chance. since it's d 1 of d top leadin brand for d past 2 yrs or so. anw, i don ve much to go against it anw.
but i quite like it. so much flatter than my previous laptop & lighter by mayb 0.5kg+. jus tt don ve dvd-drive. nvm. i shall get an ext type. don need it often so y bother to get a build in type & carry day in day out. only add on to d weight. tt's oso y i choose to get d hdd tt is quite high. mine think is d highest so far. 640GB. so i can forgo my ext hdd. jus bring laptop will do. &... my batt life suppose to last 6-8 hr. i noe, eventually is lesser but ok lah. even if less oso cant b as less as my old one.
last nite, my old laptop seemed angry. while i copied cousins photos to d memory card, it partially hang. my usb mouse wont work. d copyin don move at d end... it's not d 1st time something weird happend. recently, it hang in a weird place. not window, not dos, not at d start-up thr so tt boost me to get a new replacement soon.
well, laptop settle, nw gotta settle mooncake. tt's one is another headache... i wan snow-skin w lotus paste & salted yolk... whr got...
every yr, i had been applyin & ballotin for d tix for myself & my parents for 4 tix. always nvr get it but i got it dis yr & got d call when i was in HK. lol... was happy when i heard tt but i end up worryin tt dear might work or might ve to b on standby. den would b super troublesome for him. but he swop w his friend for his standby shift. really sorry bout it but glad his friend is willin to help.
anw, told myself tt aft dis yr, i wont apply. mayb will apply for parents but i myself wont. had d experience once, enough. give others more chance to ballot. no need b so selfish.
my thoughts were further enhanced ytd. if dear was not thr, i wld really not enjoy thr cos of my parents esp mum... wanted d toot bag of a particular design yet none of us got it. den grumble hot & sunny.. grumble d clapper torchlight spoilt... etc etc... but i basically jus let all her grumbling seep thru fr my right ears to my left.
& luckily i not d one usin d nikon D3000. she kept buggin dad & pointin here & thr to ask him take pic. lol... so i could enjoy d show rather than takin pic...
but our seat location not gd. cant really see d planes flyin over & d finale fireworks. sad... d fireworks is my main focus. love it when d dark sky is lit but nvm. get to experience seein d whole show at thr. see d march-in. 1st time see tt. on screen always see d march out. & oso can experience hearin d life-firein fr 1 end to d other fr d GOH. on screen, can jus hear 1 sound & dono fr whr to whr.
durin d parade, saw a couple of ppl fainted. luckily thr were medics ard. reminded me of sec sch when i was in st john. either inside d parade ground or at d side jarga... prep stretcher, etc. erm... ya. by right transportation of casualty is by d guy but my sch guy wanna b more macho, refused to come. pref ncc, npcc... haiz... so i 'bao ga liao'... bo pian. pop v low oso, thus, i multi-tasker, 1st aid i/c, logistic i/c, public duty i/c, secretary...
anw, ytd, we went out earlier so tt got parkin. park at penisular den walked over but was early so walked at funan. so went to browse at d laptop while dear browse for his netbook. in d end, i suddenlyt tot tt hw come only got get tv den got netbook foc, y not laptop den sec later, dear showed me d promo... oopss... was a temptin offer but d netbook batt life v low but laptop spec, if i not wrong, still pretty gd.
not d best but shld b 1 of d top ba. cos nw d processor is i7 but mine is i5 while thr r others still those old old type. anw, i not someone who noe IT stuff v much. so i jus get wat i think or feel is gd. anw, it's within d amt i would fork out for a 13.3" notebook. jus tt, it's acer brand again. nvm... give d brand 1 more chance. since it's d 1 of d top leadin brand for d past 2 yrs or so. anw, i don ve much to go against it anw.
but i quite like it. so much flatter than my previous laptop & lighter by mayb 0.5kg+. jus tt don ve dvd-drive. nvm. i shall get an ext type. don need it often so y bother to get a build in type & carry day in day out. only add on to d weight. tt's oso y i choose to get d hdd tt is quite high. mine think is d highest so far. 640GB. so i can forgo my ext hdd. jus bring laptop will do. &... my batt life suppose to last 6-8 hr. i noe, eventually is lesser but ok lah. even if less oso cant b as less as my old one.
last nite, my old laptop seemed angry. while i copied cousins photos to d memory card, it partially hang. my usb mouse wont work. d copyin don move at d end... it's not d 1st time something weird happend. recently, it hang in a weird place. not window, not dos, not at d start-up thr so tt boost me to get a new replacement soon.
well, laptop settle, nw gotta settle mooncake. tt's one is another headache... i wan snow-skin w lotus paste & salted yolk... whr got...
Saturday, 7 August 2010
unusal encounter
today had lunch at dear's place & aft tt call cab go back sch s he too late to send me back & d cab uncle tok to me bout life... wat he said made me believed tt he's a buddhist cos some of d things v similar to wat i noe.
anw, today, i think i shldn't ve gone to sch. shld ve brought my bag along den go meet my friend since she finished work so much earlier but well, i shldn't mia so much la. so i spend afternoon lookin at d mooncake promo. only see d % of discount leh. only found 1 or 2 w d pricin & d type of mooncake. i lookin for norm snowskinned mooncake, mayb d lotus paste w yolks or durain type. anyone noe whr got??? & best if got promo of early bird + further discount w citibank or uob card. other cards mayb still can.
well, when leavin, was slightly earlier & wonder if take public transport or staff bus. end up takin public bus & thr r 2 aunties tryin to act blur & slowly move fr behind me right to d front esp d 1 of d auntie. d auntie in front of me cant tahan seein & started tokin to me. lol... for me, i don care. anw, jus let me get on d bus will do.
den, while transferrin mrt fr je towards cck, s usual, ppl rush in den got an uncle (A), prob in his 60ies, told his friend when his friend (B) asked if A wanted to sit. A said tt he could still stand so he'll stand & leave d seats to those who cant. i almost laugh cos thr r many other ppl much younger than tt uncle & they rushed in for d seats & sat thr. it's pretty sacarstic but it's really true. y these ppl cant realized. anw, nobody gave up d seats though d uncle alrdy said like tt. sad... jus sad...
despite all these unusal encounter, met my friend for dinner den last min decide watch movie. initially wanna watch 'despicable me' but seats left was pretty too front. end up watchin 'salt' which is about d main actress who is called salt. she was a spy or mayb i shld say spy of d spy & thus made d story complicated & in d end, my friend got confused w who is d gd guy & who is d bad. guess, i'm well-trained to watch such kind of show. followed dad & dear wor. actually, any genre oso can la but i too disappointed w horror. anw, d show didn't end off well. we all expected more whr salt will kill & destroy all evils but it just simply ended thr. so will thr b a 'salt 2'? but d name v d weird loh. salt is a food seasonin yet was a person's name so used s an action movie title like no kick loh... mayb i expect too much & most movies have weak endin anw... shld ve gotten used to it by nw...
anw, today, i think i shldn't ve gone to sch. shld ve brought my bag along den go meet my friend since she finished work so much earlier but well, i shldn't mia so much la. so i spend afternoon lookin at d mooncake promo. only see d % of discount leh. only found 1 or 2 w d pricin & d type of mooncake. i lookin for norm snowskinned mooncake, mayb d lotus paste w yolks or durain type. anyone noe whr got??? & best if got promo of early bird + further discount w citibank or uob card. other cards mayb still can.
well, when leavin, was slightly earlier & wonder if take public transport or staff bus. end up takin public bus & thr r 2 aunties tryin to act blur & slowly move fr behind me right to d front esp d 1 of d auntie. d auntie in front of me cant tahan seein & started tokin to me. lol... for me, i don care. anw, jus let me get on d bus will do.
den, while transferrin mrt fr je towards cck, s usual, ppl rush in den got an uncle (A), prob in his 60ies, told his friend when his friend (B) asked if A wanted to sit. A said tt he could still stand so he'll stand & leave d seats to those who cant. i almost laugh cos thr r many other ppl much younger than tt uncle & they rushed in for d seats & sat thr. it's pretty sacarstic but it's really true. y these ppl cant realized. anw, nobody gave up d seats though d uncle alrdy said like tt. sad... jus sad...
despite all these unusal encounter, met my friend for dinner den last min decide watch movie. initially wanna watch 'despicable me' but seats left was pretty too front. end up watchin 'salt' which is about d main actress who is called salt. she was a spy or mayb i shld say spy of d spy & thus made d story complicated & in d end, my friend got confused w who is d gd guy & who is d bad. guess, i'm well-trained to watch such kind of show. followed dad & dear wor. actually, any genre oso can la but i too disappointed w horror. anw, d show didn't end off well. we all expected more whr salt will kill & destroy all evils but it just simply ended thr. so will thr b a 'salt 2'? but d name v d weird loh. salt is a food seasonin yet was a person's name so used s an action movie title like no kick loh... mayb i expect too much & most movies have weak endin anw... shld ve gotten used to it by nw...
Friday, 6 August 2010
netbook or notebook...
haiz... i still cant decide... a norm notebook (13" or 14") w decent spec & price or a netbook (10") ... but d netbook performance wont b s great s d notebook... den... come w another option, to get a 12" notebook but realize d processor seemed slower than netbook but comes w better os...
anw, i wont go beyond 600 for netbook w ext dvd writer & wont go beyond 900 for 12" w ext dvd writer & max 1.4-1.5k for a decent notebook w dvd writer. any advice?
i would prefer a more portable one like netbook or 12" cos in case in future do fyp & no comp or wat, easier to bring. so much lighter & compact. anw, d dvd writer only need once a while to burn photos, notes, etc... how how?
anw, i wont go beyond 600 for netbook w ext dvd writer & wont go beyond 900 for 12" w ext dvd writer & max 1.4-1.5k for a decent notebook w dvd writer. any advice?
i would prefer a more portable one like netbook or 12" cos in case in future do fyp & no comp or wat, easier to bring. so much lighter & compact. anw, d dvd writer only need once a while to burn photos, notes, etc... how how?
Thursday, 5 August 2010
dumb
oh ya... jus nw feel so dumb... when i go meet my friend, went to d washrm 1st b4 searchin for her in d lib. thr is small meander into d washrm which i forgot & when i walked out, thr was a mirror facin behind & at d angle i was at, i cant see myself & so i tot it was a straight path. almost hit it but realized tt something was not right & happened to see d right path. otherwise i guess i would ve slam myself into d mirror... & thr were other ppl in d washrm. if i really slam in, wld feel really paiseh loh...
anw, i love d nail polish colour which my friend gave me. it's a nice, coolin colour but not sure hw it would suit me. not all colour would look nice aft applyin. tt's y i recently had been sticking to my brown colour when i go for dinners... nvm... if got d time will try apply. & if i not tt tired la. lol
anw, i love d nail polish colour which my friend gave me. it's a nice, coolin colour but not sure hw it would suit me. not all colour would look nice aft applyin. tt's y i recently had been sticking to my brown colour when i go for dinners... nvm... if got d time will try apply. & if i not tt tired la. lol
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
1st time to my friend's hse aft 14 yrs
wow... aft knowing my friend for 14 yrs... 1st time go her place... was last min somemore & luckily i could make it...
today, left earlier & planna develop d photos which were so back-dated. owe my grandma & mum & relatives for v long. since today left early go develop.
in d end, when i reach jp, received a sms fr my friend askin if i free for dinner. well, d only thing i wanna do is develop photo so wont b tt late & i agreed. but got delay cos d ppl seemed to have prob developin d S8R photos.
met my friend & we went for dinner at sakae sushi den planna walk to search for some accessory for her bag but her leg blister & so we took bus back for her changed shoes. she tot i went her hse b4 but my impression is nvr. when i go up, i was v sure i nvr go b4. realized her hse oso got squarish balcony. d 2nd squarish balcony which i saw.
at her hse, she gave me a pair of ear-ring, a bottle of nail-polish & a blouse & a drawer to keep accessories. i was like gg thr to loot things back. lol... mum suspected tt & seemed not happy. they always don like me go ppl's hse so i lied to say she went back & bring out all... haiz... tt was y i nvr went my friend's hse b4 aft knowin her for 14 yrs.
anw, aft she changed to her slippers, we went mac for sundae ice cream. den wanna go guardian buy plaster but was closed then she walked w me back so we can chat longer & ended up sittin at d playground near my hse & cont'd chat b4 we separate.
it was a nice meet up esp when i'm all alone. i'm glad i could make it & glad tt i nvr let myself being tied down w my mum's 'cookin'. & so coincidentally, dear on 24 hr so cant meet me oso & so i'm not a lost & lonely soul, at least for today. hope everytime can be so coincident too... but... i noe it's not so easy to be so smooth...
today, left earlier & planna develop d photos which were so back-dated. owe my grandma & mum & relatives for v long. since today left early go develop.
in d end, when i reach jp, received a sms fr my friend askin if i free for dinner. well, d only thing i wanna do is develop photo so wont b tt late & i agreed. but got delay cos d ppl seemed to have prob developin d S8R photos.
met my friend & we went for dinner at sakae sushi den planna walk to search for some accessory for her bag but her leg blister & so we took bus back for her changed shoes. she tot i went her hse b4 but my impression is nvr. when i go up, i was v sure i nvr go b4. realized her hse oso got squarish balcony. d 2nd squarish balcony which i saw.
at her hse, she gave me a pair of ear-ring, a bottle of nail-polish & a blouse & a drawer to keep accessories. i was like gg thr to loot things back. lol... mum suspected tt & seemed not happy. they always don like me go ppl's hse so i lied to say she went back & bring out all... haiz... tt was y i nvr went my friend's hse b4 aft knowin her for 14 yrs.
anw, aft she changed to her slippers, we went mac for sundae ice cream. den wanna go guardian buy plaster but was closed then she walked w me back so we can chat longer & ended up sittin at d playground near my hse & cont'd chat b4 we separate.
it was a nice meet up esp when i'm all alone. i'm glad i could make it & glad tt i nvr let myself being tied down w my mum's 'cookin'. & so coincidentally, dear on 24 hr so cant meet me oso & so i'm not a lost & lonely soul, at least for today. hope everytime can be so coincident too... but... i noe it's not so easy to be so smooth...
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
tired
ytd, didn't go sch so didn't noe d condition of d yog blockage. mornin, heard it was alright. but as i worked, i forget about d yog thing & thus, left only 1 entrance & exit. & so if finish work at office hr, best take d staff bus back.
almost hit wrong timin, or might end up caught 'jam' somewhr. quickly rush off & managed b last to get on d single-decker 179 out of sch & seein d staff buses started to crawl up d slope. so nw, either i shld take d staff bus or go off earlier or later. sianz...
if i go hm, i wld not wish to go back so fast & yet don wanna loiter in sch too long oso lah. but... no other better option loh. unless meet friend or dear. if so, i don mind gg off earlier but experiment usually don end too early esp if those need to incubate o/n. those by right shld not started too early & usually it's a whole series of experiment & then d timin will sort of hit jus nice. but not jus nice nw cos of d single exit via d pioneer rd north.
dis is really stupid loh. & furthermore, i only saw email on d internal shuttle bus, pioneer shuttle bus & 179 bus route. wat out whr r d rd blockage & r thr any time schedule?
dear jus nw drove me back to see whr he could take to go in & i saw tt thr seemed to be a rd sign saying bout no entry fr 15 aug but on rd side & inside movin car so cant finish readin. so i wonder if tt road which i told dear would be affected also. if so, den whr can i meet him?
i really find dis yog security very crazy. think ppl can only take in bomb or sharp item? inside can oso have sharp item, inside oso got chemicals, potential of explosion or causing fire, etc. so... prevent fr outside so wat. made everybody so mafan. & yet gotta last for d whole month. -.-" but anw, better than me stayin hm.
i'm tired. really tired. ytd dear came & managed to take a nap when he did... but still not enough. today, was asked when i usually sleep & they seemed to b amused tt i not tired. well, deep inside i'm alrdy at d max. i can jus sit thr & doze off. i can even type & doze off. but wat to do? i slp at hm oso got phobia. scare to sleep late alone. scare to take nap. have to do backup plan b4 i can take a nap which i cant sleep soundly. tired till keep gettin headache jus tt i'm avoidin panadol reliance. basically at hm, cant really do wat i wanna do. i miss my a'famosa trip whr i can ignore everything. d freedom thr, d air was so light...
jus nw at dear's hse, tired till i can ignore my growlin stomach. & wished i could jus sleep but it's not my hse & weird to sleep thr cos i feel bad when his mom prep dinner & yet i slp. these few days, i'd been going to bed earlier. earlier than my usual & yet still feel not enough slp. hw to cont like this if sch reopen?
& i might ve another temp to do too. if they ok w d timin, i wld work & earn extra pocket money. money tt can probably b use for more short getaway trips. but i wld not mind if i got less money. mayb i could end up dozin in my 2nd hm, d library. shall see hw it goes. but i really badly need to catch back my sleep b4 sch reopen at d end of d month.
& i really hope i can graduate in sep for my dance like for d past graduates. i need d rest & not more activities. & so i hope i wont get bugged more or i wld mia one loh. i hate when ppl force me. i'll repell more. & d funny thing is tt they said they worry me cos i tired & too many things on hand & yet want put me more. haiz...
when can i really get d sleep i need. made me even tot of wantin to be attach overseas or to further my studies overseas. cos stayin hm only bring me bad memories & stress & i cant rest. mayb stayin away awhile might do gd for me. but d chances is almost 0%. but i cant always get d headache & have to find excuse to nap while laid books, etc in front of me.
almost hit wrong timin, or might end up caught 'jam' somewhr. quickly rush off & managed b last to get on d single-decker 179 out of sch & seein d staff buses started to crawl up d slope. so nw, either i shld take d staff bus or go off earlier or later. sianz...
if i go hm, i wld not wish to go back so fast & yet don wanna loiter in sch too long oso lah. but... no other better option loh. unless meet friend or dear. if so, i don mind gg off earlier but experiment usually don end too early esp if those need to incubate o/n. those by right shld not started too early & usually it's a whole series of experiment & then d timin will sort of hit jus nice. but not jus nice nw cos of d single exit via d pioneer rd north.
dis is really stupid loh. & furthermore, i only saw email on d internal shuttle bus, pioneer shuttle bus & 179 bus route. wat out whr r d rd blockage & r thr any time schedule?
dear jus nw drove me back to see whr he could take to go in & i saw tt thr seemed to be a rd sign saying bout no entry fr 15 aug but on rd side & inside movin car so cant finish readin. so i wonder if tt road which i told dear would be affected also. if so, den whr can i meet him?
i really find dis yog security very crazy. think ppl can only take in bomb or sharp item? inside can oso have sharp item, inside oso got chemicals, potential of explosion or causing fire, etc. so... prevent fr outside so wat. made everybody so mafan. & yet gotta last for d whole month. -.-" but anw, better than me stayin hm.
i'm tired. really tired. ytd dear came & managed to take a nap when he did... but still not enough. today, was asked when i usually sleep & they seemed to b amused tt i not tired. well, deep inside i'm alrdy at d max. i can jus sit thr & doze off. i can even type & doze off. but wat to do? i slp at hm oso got phobia. scare to sleep late alone. scare to take nap. have to do backup plan b4 i can take a nap which i cant sleep soundly. tired till keep gettin headache jus tt i'm avoidin panadol reliance. basically at hm, cant really do wat i wanna do. i miss my a'famosa trip whr i can ignore everything. d freedom thr, d air was so light...
jus nw at dear's hse, tired till i can ignore my growlin stomach. & wished i could jus sleep but it's not my hse & weird to sleep thr cos i feel bad when his mom prep dinner & yet i slp. these few days, i'd been going to bed earlier. earlier than my usual & yet still feel not enough slp. hw to cont like this if sch reopen?
& i might ve another temp to do too. if they ok w d timin, i wld work & earn extra pocket money. money tt can probably b use for more short getaway trips. but i wld not mind if i got less money. mayb i could end up dozin in my 2nd hm, d library. shall see hw it goes. but i really badly need to catch back my sleep b4 sch reopen at d end of d month.
& i really hope i can graduate in sep for my dance like for d past graduates. i need d rest & not more activities. & so i hope i wont get bugged more or i wld mia one loh. i hate when ppl force me. i'll repell more. & d funny thing is tt they said they worry me cos i tired & too many things on hand & yet want put me more. haiz...
when can i really get d sleep i need. made me even tot of wantin to be attach overseas or to further my studies overseas. cos stayin hm only bring me bad memories & stress & i cant rest. mayb stayin away awhile might do gd for me. but d chances is almost 0%. but i cant always get d headache & have to find excuse to nap while laid books, etc in front of me.
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