had to re-consider my current mission

been a busy holiday during this one month break. wish for longer break but too bad... it's ending soon. sighed.

start of this holiday, busy packing my rooms. dumping many things out to make space for the people who came to fix the new air-con a week after my exam. then repainting the ceilings and the walls of the 3 bedrooms. didn't had the whole day most of the time so only paint bit by bit.

then the holiday season, was asked to make agar-agar and fried bee hoon for the x'mas eve gathering. & just within 4 days, made like almost 20 litres of agar. just on saturday alone, made 4 agar-agar of 13 litres. crazy right? cos saturday, got a friend inviting us over for his house-warming. then on sunday morning, dance training was a celebration, then afternoon got a meeting.

been so busy this holiday that I kept losing track of the date. before I know it, it was the day of results release today. had a long day yesterday till I really forget till my friend sms me. but after I looked at it, I was extremely disappointed. the only 'an wei' is that I managed to clear all modules. but I did more badly than my 2nd semester. was hoping to pull up my GPA but in the end, it was pulled down. anyway, I guessed I can't blame anyone. without time to do tutorial and revised, how to do well? sighed...

ytd, at 1st feel so gd. though tired but havin fun at d morning celebration & met my sec friends, but d moment when gotten the results was like dropped into a deep and steep valley. sighed...

anyway, I am glad I met good friends. friends who encouraged me. last night after coming back from a long awaited gathering with a few of my sec sch friends, I was chatting with 2 of them though 1 left before i got my results, she did calm me and ask me not to worry. the other, even told me to jiayou 3 times more for the coming semester. even my uni friend who is online oso encourage me. even said she'll made me study & tt we could study together. I'm really glad I found such good friends esp my uni friends as they were so much younger than me. yet they never seemed to treat me differently so I didn't have the left out feeling.

but being away fr sch, lessons, books, etc for 4 years is not a good idea. i really find it very tough. i do feel really drained most of the times. I do not have the impression of such feeling when I was in poly.

i dunno if this explanation is acceptable but that is how i assured myself. yr 1 1st semester, did badly - cos i forget everything and lost touch with sch life and had to re-adapt & revise & study. 2nd sem did better cos i slowly get back in track?, 3rd sem, did worst than 2nd sem, mayb even worst than 1st sem - cos of sudden increase of 3 modules, & somemore, assignment & work took up most of those time that I did not have lesson that i do not have time for tutorial & revision.

though I could always find reasons, I do not think that is ok... I can't let myself go on like that. i must really reconsider my current mission... i am a student. though worried bout finance issue, but i think i cant let it affect me. oso do i really took up too many roles? i alrdy gives up my piano. will it get better or do i still have to sacrifice more?

i rmbr when i was young, whenever i got ext tuition, my results be worst cos I can't cope. i oso rmbr my results dropped greatly when i got so much to do for my cca in sec 4. when i didn't had other activity when i am in poly, i did better again. but when there is problem at hm, i did poorly for that sem. guess tt is y i am so burnt out when i started gg back to sch...

I once saw on a Soka magazine fr Japan which got an encouragement fr my mentor for students. it quote, 'Soka students, Devote yourselves to study whether in Japan or in United States, I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible. This is because each one of you has a precious mission to build world peace. No matter what profession you choose in future, I want all of you to become persons who will never forget their debts of gratitude to their parents.'

seeing the sentence, '... I hope Soka students will study as hard as possible...' and remembering a senior who once said that the main focus of students is to study hard. so must i drop dance also? it is from that where I learn to be more confident, it is also a place where I enjoyed myself or is that a past? my hip injury had held me back... is there other issue? did my hip problem & low energy, & studies burnt off the passion like my piano? i'm actually pretty lost... i do not know what is the best option now... sighed...

A long lost friend

Saw an old lost friend yesterday on the journey to grandma's house for dinner. It'd been years since I last saw her. She was already married. Actually I heard news that she got married before but since it's a news, I usually don't care about it after I heard about it.

She even got a 2 year old daughter named, Emily, and her mother-in-law is staying with them. According to her, she is happily married and her mother-in-law is also very helpful. I'm really happy for her.

She had chose to go MIA but I am amazed that she still remember even my mum and called out to her. Otherwise, I might have missed her yesterday. Had given her mobile number but she never call or drop a sms since. Maybe shall drop her a mail to her mum's place since her mum's still staying at the same place.

After Exam Lunch

Yeah! Exam finally over. Though worried about the results but was really relieved that it's finally over. Now must focus on the dance on 29 November 2008.

After the exam, went for a 'celebration' lunch with the 'Piao' family proposed by Michelle even before the final paper. With the idea of taking a group photo from my HW102 project mates, I suggested that we should take photo together. Caren then suggest something that seemed so ancient to me which is to take neoprint together & Michelle even suggest to wear nicer. LOL!

We 'hopped' from Jurong Point to Jurong East but decided to go Lot One in case Jurong Entertainment still under renovation and had our lunch at Siam Kitchen.

After which, went up to the arcade (not to play) but to find neoprint station. While queueing, Michelle comment that our average age was bigger than those around ther arcade and I comment that my age alone could be double those playing. Yet I am there with my 3 friends queueing to take neoprint & 一起玩, 一起疯. 我都几岁了咯... But I enjoyed the afternoon off after the torture for the past few weeks.

Anyway, once I reach home, I started to pack my rooms. No time to lose as I must clear many unwanted things so that I can make space before 6 Dec 08 as my dad bought new multi-split air-con as ours been leaking gas and had been using for a decade or more. Tomorrow (later), can't packed as my senior be using her free time to teach and fine tune my dance steps for saturday.

'Murdered' by BS201

It'd been a while since I felt this bad after an exam paper. I remembered that the first semester was really bad. Not that the second semester was so much better but at least can feel that it was at least better than previous.

Today, had a paper. I remembered looking at the last year past year paper. Though not easy but still seemed do-able. But today's paper is a disaster. I keep skipping and skipping till I am at the last question (still do not know how to do) when it's just about 45 minutes since the start of a 2.5 hour paper. However, I stayed thoughout the 2.5 hours and managed to scribble somethings in my exam script for all the questions. But I know most will be wrong. Sighed... So demoralizing... Felt that I am being 'murdered' by the paper.

Missed my INUYASHA MOVIE 4 - FIRE ON THE MYSTIC ISLAND

AAAHHHH.....!!!!!!

I'm so frustrated with myself. I had been lost in the world of studying studying and more studying that I forgot that today okto is showing the inuyasha movie 4 - fire on the mystic island. Sob! Sob! SOB!!!

I had been chasing after this japanese anime 'inuyasha' for years after my polyfriend lend me her vcds then. Had watched all 167 eps and 3 movies out of 4. Just left this movie 4. Had been waiting for this movie 4 and today okto is screening it and I missed it. ARGH...!

I didn't have time to watch and I forget about it and so never record down so I could watch after all my papers. Damned. Up to Wednesday, I still remember but since the day before my 1st paper, I totally forget about this. I can study till I forget the time and didn't realized that it was 11pm before I called my senior to check if I could miss the training tomorrow to study.

I want my inuyasha movie 4... Sob Sob...

Anyway, I am glad I got very nice and understanding chief and senior from my dance group. They allow me to take 'leave' to study for my exam and even cheer me on! Thanks! but I'm still very upset...

Battle begins

The actual battle consisting of 6 papers will begin tomorrow and only end on the 27 November. Must really strive for this last lap then rest before the next battle begins.

Yesterday, my HW102 groupmates went to look for our tutor to review our assignment 3 while me (the 'leader') 'eat snake'. No lah. Didn't want to travel all the way to school and back just to review the paper which we can't do anything about the grading. I rather spend quality time to study for my exams. Furthermore, when got home, will be pretty tired to study. Anyway, my groupmate told me that we got an 'A-' for the assignment. So glad that our hard effort was paid off.

We got 'B+' for 1st assignment and I got 'B+' for the 2nd assignment (individual) and there is still an assignment 4 (individual). Hope I can really break the record for getting a 'B' for the overall final for an English-based modules. *Hoping*

Tireness

So much for the 'panic' (I hope). My hip did got better the day after and yesterday managed to get through the long training from 9 to almost 5. Well, towards the end, I could feel that the leg totally got not much strength left. Actually is both legs as I used more strength on my left leg for balancing, etc.

By the time, I reached home, I was dead tired both physically and mentally. Can't study at all and went to bed at almost 11. One of the earliest day I went to bed. Knocked off immediately and today, still woke up with tired and sore body due to the training yesterday. Had difficulties to 'pull' myself up. How I wished I could just sleep my day through but I can't. I still got to study for my exams.

Day after my leg seemed to go worse, had very itchy and sometimes runny nose. Yesterday, worst still, tummy keep rumbling in the morning. Luckily it got better during the day. So end of last week wasn't a good week for me. Hope it shall get better now. Can't afford to fall ill at this critical period.

And I hope I can break the record of staying this healthy and even better (though I had a few time of running nose this semester but was alright maximum of after a few days when I took medicine when it's slightly more serious).

Labral Tear

Saw the following while browsing around just now. Hope it is not this or nothing serious....


Labral tear

A dislocation or other injury of your hip can rip the cartilage of the labrum. And doctors have recognized that milder pivoting injuries — even those that go unrecognized at the time — can also cause labral tears.

The labrum is the thick cartilage that lines your hip socket. When the labrum is torn by injury or even by milder twisting movements, it can set the stage for further cartilage damage and osteoarthritis.

... ...

... ..., however, and confirming the diagnosis can be difficult. Standard x-ray and CT scans are not helpful because they do not reveal cartilage abnormalities, and a standard MRI does not have enough resolution to show a torn labrum. ... ...

... ...

Symptoms of labral tear
Deep, sharp pain in the groin or the front of the hip
Pain that worsens when you exercise or extend the hip fully
Limited range of motion
Locking or catching
Painful clicks and pops

Treating labral tear. Nonsurgical treatment of a labral tear includes pain relief medication, physical therapy, and temporary use of crutches until symptoms subside. The tear itself will not heal or disappear, but usually your pain and other symptoms will improve. ... ...

Right hip ligament acting up again.

For the past few weeks, I could feel my right hip is not as ok as when it is really ok. It would 'crack' when I suddenly bend my hip or somehow twisted it when I changed my sitting posture, etc. During dance training, I dare not put full force when I need to use my right leg so as not to worsen.

I am not sure what happen. Today, I could feel that it is gradually going beyond the still ok limit. It is getting very 'suan' and uncomfortable. Why is this always happenening when I do not have the time to bother about it? Exams are coming.

I remember the last time my hip was not so right was in March. Did I strained myself too much? It always come during the peak when I am the most busy (with work or school) and when I am training for some performances. It had laid quite latent during year 2001 to 2005 for that period I did not exercise much.

Had went to a couple of doctors since I first got the pain which is like almost a decade ago. OMG! I got this problem for so long. I never thought of that before. I guess I really should find a day to visit the clinic and go for a x-ray or something to find out the actual problem but when do I have the time? I remembered that the last chinese physician told me that I should get an x-ray. He said I injured my ligament and it will be very distinct on the x-ray esp when it hurt very much. So when I had the time to want to pay a visit to the clinic to check on my hip, it was very normal and thus, I see no point to go. Am I wrong?

Also, the performance is end of this month which is 2 days after my final paper. What should I do? I do not have the time to see the doctor now. I had actually thought of going to the recent clinic that my dad went to for his arm. Think the clinic is a western clinic and with combination of TCM or something like that. Somemore, it does get patients to do x-ray and look at the x-ray results. But the thing is it is very crowded and I do not have the leisure of time to wait for so long. Maybe I should just wait and see. Hopefully, my hip heal automatically by tomorrow or at least get better by then.

Exhausted: Suddenly, head felt heavy and started spinning

I am 'drunk' with tireness again after weeks of assignments, tutorials, quizzes, etc. Assignments actual meant projects and quizzes meant tests. HW102 is a vampire, a dracula. It sucked and drained all my energy level.

Today, had a quiz in the morning. Even though I am tired, managed to pull through the quiz and the lecture that was after lunch and the practical after that. And I think it was one of the rare time I managed to be quite attentive during the late afternoon elective lecture but somehow or rather, I guess exhaustion creeped in.

While, copying the information from the powerpoint slides to the wordy MSWord handouts and listening to the lecture, I suddenly felt unwell. My head got heavy and seemed to start to spin even till now. Had no choice but to settle and save some documents first which is not good. My body give me signals that I am very tired but I am ignoring it.

Anyway, I am glad my dad managed to go and drive me home. It was raining when my lesson end and with the spinning and heavy head, I do not think I can make it back home so easily as I think I might most likely get motion sickness through the bumpy bus ride out of school. Almost cannot make it on Monday after the HW102 discussion till 9pm but I can feel that today would be worst. I got thought of taking a cab but was thinking of the cost and also I actually do not like the smell in the cab and so I am not in the right condition to take a cab.

I shall go rest now since I had uploaded my documents. Didn't managed to do my BS203 assignment as plan but I think I really cannot make it.

薯条豆豆

Heard from my mum that my cousin was very funny yesterday. He wanted to eat something but he named it that only he understand and yesterday he asked his mum to buy for him yesterday and no one understood. Not even his sister and brother. Thus, he was very frustrated. Anyway, what he said was, '薯条豆豆'. When my aunt told my mum that my cousin brought her to the dessert store and made her carry him, my mum know what he wanted already. I also know what he wanted when my mum told me he went to the dessert stall. But my aunt do not know. (-.-)'''

Well, what he wanted was 'tao suan' with the fried you tiao. He always called the fried you tiao as french fries. Thus, my mum and I associated it with 'tao suan' immediately when he went to the dessert stall yet my aunt still do not know. Even my grandma understood when dessert stall was mentioned.

This aunt is forever so blur. That time, she believed that we saw F1 racing when what we saw was just a toy car racing and even the fire that burned down many motorbikes at the carpark near her house. It was 51 but she heard as 541 when my mum told her in chinese and even use her hand to signal 5, 1.

BTW, I heard she is going Genting Highlands with her Company this weekends leaving her 3 kids when she is still unsure if her husband is able to apply for leaves. If not, then what? She want to push them to my house again? This weekend is a long weekend due to Deepavali. Do my mum have to babysit them? And my dad and I wont get peace to rest? I might have difficulty studying too. Why they forever so selfish? Why they never think for others? So what if they trust us with their kids? My mum's holiday depends on them and yet they never think for us. It's a long weekend, a good time to rest and she wanted and is going for a break while we still have to 'work'? That is why sometimes, I am not so happy with them.

我真的是问题‘小孩’吗？

我真的是问题‘小孩’吗？

2 weeks ago, after my dance training, talked to the senior as we were expected to keep whole day free for 2 of the weekends due to rehearsal for a performance that is on 29 Novemeber. Well, the two days are in additional to our usual Sunday training which I actually had planned to give it a miss so that I can study. Anyway, that is not the main point.

I was very touched that she is so worried about me. Most probably due to the fact that she had gone through and done what I had been doing now which is stretching myself to the limit to do the very best I can and giving me some advices.

As I was constantly worried about everything especially school works that I could dream that I am doing tutorial and even got the answer which I could not find elsewhere but that was quite a few weeks ago already but few days ago, that happened again. I figured out a point to add into the BS205 assignment when I was asleep and this senior was extremely worried about this as my brain is still working even when I am asleep.

She told me to sleep and rest during all the travelling in the bus or MRT, etc instead of struggling to stay awake or worst still study throughout the journey as I do not have enough rest as I could fall asleep at the wrong place and wrong time. She also adviced me to chant just before I went to bed to clear my brain from all the school works which is something I have not started doing and that explained why I am still doing assignment during sleep.

She actually thought of freezing my 'membership' till I graduate or something like that but I am a special case as I am a local undergraduate student and I still have another 2.5 +years of studies. Previous cases only need to be away for a year due to overseas studies. Thus, she was also not sure if it is feasible. I never thought of this way and did thought of leaving but I never tell her that as I 舍不得 but I know one day I still have to leave.

Anyway, I told her my concerns and worries and she said she was also like that and it would be difficult to get back up once broken apart... So she termed this as 问题‘小孩’due to the constant thinking and worrying.

She told me her experiences that she failed her papers in uni and had to retake and she only passed with a pass rather than a honor degree and like me, she was constantly worried about her grades, etc. Yet the salary and benefits for the job that she will be getting was much better than all her other uni friends. She told me to enjoy my student life rather than spend on worries, etc.
Today, during the HW102 tutorial (the module that cause the most damages), the tutor told told us not to be affected by whatever grade we all would get be it what we expected or not. He told us that he did badly for his uni . His average grade was a 'D' and could not qualified for a honor. Yet, somehow he managed to get his PhD and further on.

What he said was like wat my senior aka friend told me that day which made me reflect again on why I am constantly so stress-up. Well, actually, I am worst in the past. I guess I would have broken apart already but now, I am already letting things go easy but I guess it is still insufficient. I guess I need to learn to relax more so that 我不是问题‘小孩’.

2nd term of 1st semester of year 2

After the term break, school starts to get busy with quizzes every week, assignments almsot every week that requires intensive readings. There are lab reports due and even tutorials to do. It won't be easy but I just have to hang in there.

Finally complete the survey

After a failed attempt to do survey outside, went home to create an online survey form and emailed my friends and cousins. Also emailed the link to my group-mates so that they can send to their friends to do.

I did not expect to be able to finish thus, if we need to continue the survey in school today, I do not wish to bring my laptop as it would be very bulky. So in the end I asked for the other 2 group-mates who were online for their figures. Up till 10+pm, still short of almost 40 surveys excluding the figure from the other group-mate. While waiting for his reply, we managed to get more surveys. I even asked 2 of my closer secondary friends who came online and chat a bit with them for a while.

Since we think we hit our target after consolidating the figures, we decided to call it a day and I brought my laptop today. Managed to get like 108 respondents after our biostatistics lecture. Think there are 2 to 3 more currently but I decided to ignore already and closed the online survey. Glad to be able to finish.

While I copied out the survey on papers, my group-mates went to the library to key into the excel document then we compiled together before going for our BS203 tutorial which the classroom was almost pack when there was another 20 minutes left before the class start.

Failed attempt to do survey

Went to do survey for HW102 today. It was a failed attempt. Sighed. Our target is those Singaporean and PR aged btw 18 to 29. Went JE to do survey but 4 of us don't know how to get people to help us. Think this was our 1st attempt so we all were shy. Also, the number of people under our category was super limited. Saw alot of students in uniform which is younger than our category. Also saw those older than our category and those that don't look local. Sighed.

So in the end, we end up splitting into 2 groups at the interchange. LF and I in the end decided to go near the library where we managed to get 4 respondents then YZ and HJ came saying that they were chased off by the SBS staffs. So there goes our plan of surveying.

We ended up at the pickup area for shutter bus to IMM hoping to catch more people. Yet, only like a few people around. So we decided to call it a day and try asking friends to do for us. As for the remainder, maybe do in school during break tomorrow.

Storybook is too tempting....

Yesterday, my cousin lend me a storybook which she said was quite nice. After starting on a few pages, I was glued to the book. I remembered that when I was in primary and secondary school, I would only read because I had to read. Now was different. I enjoy reading as I am eager to know what will happen next in the story.

Yet, I don't have the time to read like in the past when I was working full-time. I do not have the time and energy to read non-stop. I haven't finish my BS202 lab report as there are two part to it. Only complete like 90% of the observations part. I haven quite start on the BS203 powerpoint assignment. There is a BS201 quiz on Monday. Still got the HW102 questionnaire to settle with my groupmates (maybe on Sunday morning and/or Monday during the break). Still have to discuss with the the HW102 assignment 3 and following weeks still got other quizzes.

I really wanna read the book. I know I can't but it is just to tempting. Maybe because I do not need to crack my brain when I read. I just need to understand the story plot and enjoy.

So many wedding bells in just 2 days

Had long and tired weekend but I can say I did enjoyed myself.

Saturday:

My third uncle wedding buffet at his house. Managed to get someone to replace me at the clinic. So was the 'photographer' again because no one bother to be. Though I may not take like a professional, I did cause some laughters here and there due to the candid shots that I went aroun taking. Thus, it was quite fun but it's best I do not upload them here, friendster or facebook. I think if my relatives know, you won't see me around anymore (kidding lah). But still it's suppose to be their privacy.

Sunday:

Morning, went Tampines Soka Centre for a friend's wedding ceremony. Went with my dad while my mum went to my third uncle's house as he is also signing his marriage certificate on the same morning. After the ceremony, the bride 'had' to throw the flower to the back to another unmarried lady. As there was not many people, I was called upon to go over but I refused. In the end, I still failed so I was there. After 3 trials, someone managed to catch the flower. I just know I feel awkward to be there.

Evening, went for his wedding dinner at Four Seasons Hotel. Sat with people from the same religion and his cousin and friend. My table was full of accidents esp the red wine glass kanna knocked off like at least 4 times, etc. Can say it was an accident-prone table.

Also because the waiter that served us was a newcomer and I think that was his 2nd time and so he did many 'blur' things that made us all joke and giggle whenever he came to serve us. You must be saying we are very bad as he was a newcomer. But we never complained about him when he did things he should not and I shan't say if not I would be complaining here. We even helped him 'serve' here and there. In a way, we are also not sure if we are really helping him. He may not learn if no one make 'noise'. Maybe just treat that as a chance for him ba.

Even though I do not really know those I sat with, I found that they are very easy going and will joke around. Thus, creating lots of laughters from my table (not surprise if it's the most noisy table). I am also surprised that my friend even sang and knelt down on stage while singing for his wife. It was something I did not expect that he would do. He did that after giving a touching speech to thank people especially his family and friends.

Towards the end, a lady from my table got drunk and she know it herself and tried to drank cups of tea (cooled and hot) but didn't seemed to get better. After seeing her, I stopped drinking my red wine especially when I do not know my limit. The 1st time, I think I shared a glass with a friend. 2nd time, was some wine tasting in school and if I am not wrong, this is my 3rd time (also consider as my 1st time) to drink red wine. I am still unable to take a few sip at one go as I am not used to the taste but the waiter refilled my glass once. I did not let the waiter refill my glass thereafter as I do not know if I can go on.

On the journey home, I got a heavy head. I am 'drunk' but I am not sure if it's due to alcohol or due to tireness or even both. I always felt this way when I am too tired too. But because tomorrow is the term break, I thought it would be fine to sleep late as I can sleep in late too. But maybe just for tomorrow as I still need to rush lab report, tutorial, assignment, and to study for a quiz on following Monday.

Anyway, other than my uncle and friend who got married, today, also got a distant relative who got married that my dad went to 2 places for wedding dinners. So many people got married recently and there will be a few more within the next 8 months? Coming / getting together is not easy and yet it seemed so brittle as there is a friend whom broke off quite recently. Is it really so hard to maintain? I do not know...

Super tired

I am now suffering from the knock-out symptom due to many late night sleeps especially after a long survey question discussion from 9pm to 2am. A full 5 hours of discussion for 18 questions only and not all need to be changed.

During the discussion, I couldn't take it anymore that I could doze off when I lie down to rest a while. Had to drag myself up. Halfway through the discussion, my throat started giving way again. It became very dry and quite irritable that I feel like coughing. My nose was like itching too that I would sneeze once in a while but that was since morning actually. I guess I'm really just too tired that my immune system was super bad and I think I can only tahan until end of Sunday to really take a good rest. Yet, there are quizzes, assignments, tutorials and lab report to study or do.

Anyway, after the discussion, I think my group-mates can't take it anymore and only 1 left to look through what I had missed after I upload the survey online in Eureka. As we do not have time to drag as we would like to do our survey this coming Friday, I had no choice but to email the tutor without waiting for the other 2 group-mates to check through. Hopefully he did reply us by today.

If there is no discussion during the 3 hours break as there is no dry lab pratical, I think I would just go home and rest instead of waiting during the 3 hours and go for my long lecture for the elective. I don't think I would be able to concentrate. So no point going. Will decide again depending on the survey assignment.

Stubborn and perfectionist group-mates

OMG! Having assignment discussion for questionnaire since 9pm yet now still stuck especially at Q6. I suggested to skip yet still back to square one. Argh.... my group-mates even more stubborn and more perfectionist than me... *Faint*

16 & 17 Sept.

Yesterday, I had become a year older. As years goes by, it'd just been another day but my 3 Uni 小妹们 remembered. Got a few birthday smses too. Got a sms from a Secondary School friend who tease me again. Say he busy if not he'll buy me milk (as I don't take milk). Even my cousin's previous maid, Marilou, remembered and sent me a sms from Philippines. Was quite touched by her. Today, even got a small birthday gift from Michelle. Thanks!

Yesterday, during the extremely short practical in the morning, the lecturer postponed the assignment date. Good as in we can have more time to do but bad as the assignment takes longer to be due so we would have longer nightmare. But the lecturer gave a best announcement which is there will be no lab report for his practical. Again, this can be good or bad depend on how you see it but at least don't need to rush report.

During break, rushed my HW102 Assignment. This time was because I amended it last minute after checking with my friends who are from another tutorial class. I exceeded the word limit by quite a lot but managed to complete. At least 1 more assignment down. Yah!

After the afternoon HW102 tutorial, went to POSB bank to settle my GIRO form for the part time job. It was only then that I realized I forgot to bring my I/C out. Luckily can use my student pass. *phew* If not I would have to go there again.

Went home straight after that as I still need to add in the comment that the tutor gave on the questionnaire and sent to my group-mates. Managed to settle that. Actually they wanted to discuss last night online but I couldn't make it. Oops... Bad leader? LOL! Bopian cause I already had plan. Got friends ask me out for supper ma.

Actually, it was my first time going out so late with friends loh. Never went out at that time before. If not because of this plan, I would be at home discussing for the questionnaire which I do not know when it will finish. My mum know who I going out with but my dad don't and he kept asking where I go, blah blah blah and asked if need him to send me there. At first I wanted to accompany him watch TV as my mum came to my room but when I went over, he asked again so I left.

Before I left, watched the news about the AIG and AIA. There are so many worried people who went to queue at the AIA customer service office even before opening. But the news assured that AIA is not affected. My friend even got a call from 2 worried clients at around 11pm and even at around 12 am.

Anyway, he asked me to talk more but I really don't know what to say especially when 2 of them worked at AIA and my friend's wife also work in bank or something like that. So I do not even know what to comment but I did tried to talk more when I got something to comment or ask. Somemore, that was the second time I went out with them so I do not know what to say. Also kind of feel bad. They must have a long day especially due to the AIG problems and yet after work still ask me out for supper as it was my birthday.

Well, after getting home at around 12+am, I packed my school bag as last minute I decided to bring my laptop to school. So I had to change my bag. I decided to stay in school to do my BS203 tutorial for Friday if I finished my work early today.

Just now when I finish aliquoting the reagents for tomorrow's practical and decided to look at what is needed for the following practical, a group of people suddenly came in to ask what the room is for and thought of using the room for video recording next week. As I am not a staff, I left for my friend to talk. While talking, those people looked at me like I am a model...

They were seeing how a person working in a lab should wear and I was wearing covered shoes, labcoat, and gloves and even tied my hair. Even comment that the 'logo' on the labcoat was nice even looked at my name which I sew on my labcoat and comment that it was nicely done and jokingly asked if I could do for them. (-.-)'''

After the disruptions, I lost interest to continue aliquoting for following practical. Decided to come back either Wednesday or Thursday to work another 8 hours. Anyway, I can't finish today. There are a few reagents to aliquot (a set each) for 100 groups of student. Thus, decided to blog while doing my tutorial.

Tonight will have the discussion for the questionnaire which we are supposed to do last night. Hope it won't end so late as it will be an extremely long day for tomorrow. First lesson starting at 10.30am and last lesson end at 8.30pm. But I am going early via staff bus to print notes so I will be in school for 12 hours.

Things are getting better?

Today, missed my dance to do my tutorials, lab report and assignments. Only managed to do most of the questions for 2 tutorials (hopefully these enough to get me through the lessons tomorrow), typed in the results in the lab report and amend the questionnaire survey for hw102 assignment.

Still left the Introduction for HW102 which I must complete by Tuesday. Haven't start on it yet. Maybe I'll bring laptop tomorrow so in case no computer in library, still can have a laptop to type. I still have a test on Thursday that I haven't study then another tutorial to do for Friday.

Anyway, I managed to drop the bomb on my boss just now. It was kind of as planned. I planned to give him at the end of the day before he leave so that he don't have much chance to psycho me or to get S auntie to psycho me but he still managed to tell S auntie.

As she stayed near me, she tried to talk me (on the journey home) into working alternate weekends or even work till they found someone or another 6 months which I won't agree. I can't afford to sacrifice my studies any further. I can't neglect my parents too. I also need to catch my breathe and rest. I also need to catch up with my friends. Due to studies and work, I just realized I had sacrificed many things. I do not want to be tied down with money. Money is essential but not vital. At most I eat less & spend less. Sure can survived through.

I feel bad though for quitting when the clinic has shortage of people but I have no choice. Therefore, I am very firm this time about quitting. I knew that S auntie will try to talk me out so on the journey home, I tried to touch on another topic. I asked my dad about the battery for our handphones and get S auntie's interest as it was something important as it can be very dangerous. It's about bloated battery of 4 of our nokia handphones (6288, N73 x 2 and another i cant remember the model but it's a navigator) plus another sony k750i haven't check.

Anyway, my dad's nokia navigator mobile oso got same problem as my mobile as camera cant be detected. So he checked opened up the case to look and found the bloated battery. He check the battery as I told him mine seemed bloated. Then after changing the battery, the camera seemed to be working fine. So he got the battery for me too as it was dangerous to use bloated battery. Hope my handphone will work fine now so it can last as long as possible. This handphone had all the functions that I am satisfied with. Will try out and see how. Hopefully the problem is due to faulty battery.

Anyway, just now, while chatting online with a friend, she asked if I am happy now that I tender. I ponder and told her that I don't know if I am happy or not but I do feel some loads off me. In another words, I feel lighter. I think I had been too stress and worried since I got the interview for the application for uni studies.

Now that I had earned myself some extra time to study, rest, etc. I must 'chiong' even better. 'I MUST JIAYOU!'

Passed my Grade 5 Piano Exam

Up till today, I still don't believed I passed my piano exam since my teacher told me last week. Just now, after lesson, went to the counter to collect my results. I did passed! Hurray!!! Even though just passed [106 out of 150 (100 is the passing score)], I am still quite happy as this would be my 1st piano certificate to proof that I am of that I already cleared that grade.

Due to my busy schedule and my uncle's wedding, I had been going back home late without the chance to touch my piano throughout the week so needless to say to try and practice for at least 5 minutes each day. So, if this continue, I guessed I shall quit piano at least during the period that I studying.

Keep missing lessons.

Missed another BS203 tutorial again. Missed it last week as I want to use the time to do tutorial especially BS202. Missed today cause of my uncle. Anyway, the tutor will upload the answers and it's no point going as he would just be reading from the answer that he projected.

Well, my uncle wanted not only my Mum, he also wanted me to go together to view the photos and help him select. I could go after the tutorial but I thought of going there and find a place to do part of the other tutorials. Managed to write out the introduction of the survey for HW102 but I exceeded the word limit by too much.

Anyway, today, after biostatistic lecture, we had a discussion about the survey questions. So now, at least we had the questions on hand. Maybe just need to modify. I also told my other members that we shall focus on our introduction assignment for the report as it weight 30% of the overall. This was because they even thought of meeting again on Monday to discuss the survey questions again. I do not want that as I got a quiz on Thursday, 2 tutorials to do for Monday and 1 for Friday. I think I shall give my dance a miss too for this coming Sunday to at least complete the tutorials for Monday and start on my HW102 Introduction assignment.

I seemed to be always missing lessons (be it academic or non-academic) but in a way, I had no choice and I won't miss lessons unnecessary. But for next coming Friday, I won't missed the tutorial even though I only had 1 hour lesson that afternoon as it would be another lecturer. Never had his lesson before due to exemption from certain modules for year 1.

Oh ya, I actually agreed to help out the TL for time being till the new comer comes so I will be even more busy plus helping out with my uncle's wedding. Anyway, I guess I have to hang in there for another 1 month. After that, I could most likely put full focus on my studies. Wished me luck to tender successfully at the Clinic on Sunday.

What kind of person am I?

Recently, my characters had been a topic for my parents especially my mum. This happened since the last time I went out with that friend, his wife and colleague. As our mums are very close friends who always chat over the phones, that friend told his mum that I am very quiet and I don't look like so... Thus, when my mum heard, she kept commenting and talking about it.

She said I am cheeky and mischievous as I would do mischievous act like teasing my grandma with candles that could re-lit by itself, etc. Furthermore, she also saw that when I was with my close friend from secondary school, I could chat with her almost from 1 end of the bus journey to the other end. So I do not seemed to be the quiet type. Also, in a way, I am in a dance group so how quiet can I be?

But the problem is that when I am with friends, I might not be the one who talks. Maybe those very closed friends or when I really have something to say then I opened my mouth. So what kind of person am I?

I guess the problem lies in the fact that I am the only child. Since young, I had not being really exposed to interact with people. I always had thoughts that I would act certain ways but I never put them in act. When I am with certain relatives, I would be able to act maybe the true me yet still with restrictions which I guess are caused by expectations. Thus, I am also confused myself and thus been searching for myself for a few years.

Being only child means only focus in the family. Being a female worsen the case. With over-protective parents, and unable to interact with people, I seemed to always put up a zone of invisible protective layer around myself. I had tried to walk out but I still could not venture further. Why I say I am unable to interact with people? Topics that seemed so common, I also would not be able to start. Like people would find it easy to ask other about their lives, work, etc... But, when it comes to my turn, I find it awkward to ask. I felt I am probing into their lives and that if they want, they would tell without you asking but I don't feel so when people asked me. I do not know what I could say or ask so I just kept quiet.

With parents that worries, it also added stress on me. Together with that and the amount of time for studies and work, I had been 'stuck' at home most of the time. Thus, I also do not know what to say or comment when others talk about shopping trips, etc. My topic of conversations are very limited so I guess that re-inforce that fact that I am quiet most of the time.

Therefore, it's not easy for me to open up my mouth and since primary 5, there had always been comments that I am quiet but my parents do not believed.

So what am I? I just know most of the time, I think and worry too much. I'll try to give my best shot wherever I am. I am also quite a perfectionist who also tends to worry how people will judge me. Other than these, how much do I know myself? Is there any chances that I am who I should be? I am really not sure...

Long day at IMM.

Long tired day but quite fun.

Went only for microbiology lecture and give the BS203 lecture a miss. Tired and don't wish to rush over to IMM as my uncle having his wedding shots there. Went there to snap photos especially when my new Vietnamese aunt had her make-up and hairdo done. I guessed I am just giving an excuse to miss my lesson. Well, at least partially I guess.

If the lecture was given by the usual, then I won't feel that bad actually as the lecturer always got his facts wrong or seemed so unsure. But when I decided to give the lecture a miss and realized that it would be given by another lecturer, I do not know if it's worth the miss.

Anyway, my aunt got 5 sets of clothes. 2 white gowns, 2 evening gowns and 1 traditional wedding clothes. As usual, my grandma kept saying, help me take photos with them, blah blah blah... My mum 'bue tahan' as my grandma had been grumbling to her about this new daughter-in-law yet so happy to take photos.

Well, it all ended at around 8pm and we rushed to the clinic that I worked as my aunt had sorethroat since Monday. Only after, then we went for dinner and then to LotOne to collect their wedding rings. Only reached home near 10pm.

Using my limited skills to paint d nails of my 3rd Aunt

Went JP to shop for nail polish and nail stickers after tutorial class.

Just now used my limited skills to paint and paste the stickers on my new 3rd aunt's nails as tomorrow, my 3rd uncle and her are going to take the wedding photos. I forgot to take photos of my creations. Maybe tomorrow since I'll be going over to IMM to look for them.

Well, this uncle is one of my closest uncle actually. He could take jokes, and is very easy-going. So I don't mind doing all these. Furthermore, I also do not know what to get for him and his new bride so I'll be his 'photographer' on the day for his wedding buffet on 20 September 2008 and on 21 September 2008 (for the signing of the marriage certificate). Anyway, I could keep my minds off all other work, etc and relax abit.

BS202 tutorial

Something creepy happened. Over the past few days, I had been doing or trying to do the BS202 tutorial. I had been tryin to figure out the microbal growth curve for bacteria growing in medium containing glucose and galactose and three other questions. I had tried to find over the internet with no luck.

Can you imagine? I could not find the answer for the question on the microbal growth curve. Had asked a few friends before tutorial but with no luck too. Textbook did not have the answer too. But... I actually have the answer in my head which I never thought it would be that way as I got that thoughts from a dream on Sunday morning just before I woke up. I thought I was too stressed that I had a 'nightmare' due to too much thinking over the question. And that turn out to be the answer. OMG! I think I 走火入魔 already. I always that stalker uncle downstairs will 走火入魔. In the end, I am the one who had 走火入魔. Next time, if this happened again, maybe I should pen down cause who knows when it would be correct again. LOL!

Anyway, today the tutorial was not taken by the Prof so not so stressed. But I realized I think too much into the questions. Out of five, I only managed to do two and a half and they are all correct. I got another half answer in my mind from the dream which I never pen down. And I think too much and complicate the other two questions.

First, something like mechanism of how environmental factors (eg pH) affect cardinal temperature. And I keep searching environmental factors in general which includes many others including pH. Thus, I could not find any answer at all. In the end, the answer given only touch on pH which meant that the (eg pH) was the focus. (-.-)'''

The second question that I missed was to design an experiment to find out the concentration of X was presence while given information that compound X was essential for microbal growth but it was toxic to humans yet presence in drinking water. So I was thinking of how to create the experiment without harming humans. Guess what... In the end, it's just a normal standard graph of no of cells vs known X concentration. The information that X is toxic was ignored now. *Fainted*

要开口好难哟

要开口好难哟。今天又失败了。是失败还是不愿放弃？这样好吗？我不知道。我只知道我没能像从前一样的学习舞蹈。我现在连要记住舞步都有困难。而且，我可能没法每个星期都出席吧。算了。到时再说吧。

My uncle's Vietnam Bride and My delayed in resigning.

Yesterday, my third uncle brought home a vietnam bride. Heard from my mum that she's very pretty. They will be taking their wedding photos on coming Wednesday so I shall go over to maybe snapped some shots or videos of them after my class. They planned to just had a buffet dinner at their house on the 20 Sept. At first they planned on 21 Sept but my parents and I already had a wedding ceremony and dinner and we can't missed it. I am still trying to find people to work that day.

Anyway, I managed to get someone to help me on the 20 Sept and 21 Sept, I must find someone no matter what. Talking so much about quitting, why do I still need to find people. I planned to talk to my boss today but when I went to the clinic yesterday, I realized that my boss went holiday. I missed the opportunity to talk to him. So I still need to find people to help me on the 28 Sept as my last day would be delayed. Sianz... Just hope he can accept the bomb well cause no matter what, I have made up my mind. I can't sacrifice my studies anymore. I'm going beyond the maximun to work an additional one month.

I pass my piano grade 5 exam?

I just came back from my last grade 5 piano lesson just now as from next month on I am 'promoted' to grade 6 with an increase in time for another additional 15 minutes and increase in school fee too.

During the lesson, my teacher asked what I feel about my piano grade 5 exam in July 2008. I told him that I would fail. I'm not prepared and don't know what to expect especially for the aural component. He told me the results was out but not the certificates and if he did not see wrongly, I passed my exam. Just passed. The passing marks is 100 out of 150 and I just got around 105 to 109 if he did not remember wrong.

I was quite happy actually as I could quit if I passed so that I can spend less with lesser stress. But, I better not be so happy now unless I see the actual certificate which he said would most likely be out next week.

He told me that I could try to practice like 5 to 10 minutes a day even if it if on a short portion of the song and he used the analogy of moving a box of apples. He said that if always say not free (excuses), then the apples will stay where it would be. If try to move even if 1 apple a day, all th apples will eventually be moved even though the process will take much longer. I guess I shall try out. If still can't and if I really get the certificate, then I shall quit. I shall try till maybe end of this year. I shall decide again in November as I need to give a month notice to the school.

I also asked him about what are the grading system for music like. It started from a beginner then to grade 1 to 8 but for grade 5 or 6 on, needed at least a Grade 5 Music Theory Certificate. And to get a full Grade 8, must have Grade 8 Music Theory certificate too. After that would be either go for a degree overseas or a diploma which can be done locally. Weird right? Can go straight to degree without a diploma.

Degree would learn music in general, like the music in different culture, psychology, etc and even have to pick up a second instrument. Diploma is different from degree. Diploma will only focus on the instrument that you took up. Thus, Diploma is in a way better than degree but would be best to get the degree too. How far (from beginner until diploma) you get depends on how fast you can go unlike the usual education system.

A job offer. Should I take or not?

Just when I made a final decision on the journey home on Wednesday to drop my dance and my job, today, after alighting near the childcare centre to walk to my LT, chatted with my ex-SM as usual.

Today, she asked me if I want to work and earn some extra cash. I asked what kind of job and she said as student assistant or something like that to help in preparation for the undergraduate practical (something which I had done when I was working there). She said that they were having headache over the shortage of manpower and thought that I would be a good choice as I had experiences. She asked me to think about it and let her know so that she can tell the Prof.

It was quite tempting actually especially when I had already decided to resign from my current weekend job. Actually, I would take up the offer if it was in the holidays. Anyway, I shall think about it after I can manage to quit wef the date I decided as it would get me some extra cash.

Weird People Around My Block

Yesterday morning, after having breakfast with my parents, my dad dropped us off from the main road as usual.

As we were chatting with a Indian neighbour and her son while waiting for the lift, an uncle came and went into the lift with us. I forgot that he did not stay at my block. Well, there is a basketball court below my block and every morning, there will be a group of people doing routine exercise there. The uncle who came into the lift with us would always stand at the back of the group and would most of the time be looking behind. Yet he knew when the rest changed position, etc.

The uncle even tried to join in the conversations that we had with the Indian neighbour as we were commenting that her son was very friendly. After the Indian neighbour left at level 4, the uncle started to 'chat' with us and asked questions like why are we here, etc. Even comment that he saw that we always come by car daily. So how long has he been 'eyeing' on our moves? My mum had been going breakfast with my dad for a long period of time and me since the start of the semester. Now, not only 'eyeing' at us, he even goes to the extend to follow us up?

My immediate neighbour also know that he always stand behind during the exercise and always looked behind looking at the opposite sex. We always joked that one day he would '' but we didn't expect that he would follow us up. If ever happened again, would sure scold him and embarrass him in front of many people and even threaten to call the police.

My block had become a place with many weird people. A guy who always had many different Secondary School kids with him would loither around; my neighbour had pillows, etc lost when she sun them outside; they even got clothes and undergarments missing; people gambling or playing cards at void deck and even at certain level of my block at the lift lobby; there are people coming up to play with water from the tap at the staircase beside my unit; and the staircase had become a public toilet and public bathroom, etc. My area had become so unsafe. Must take extra care already. I think it would worsen when the ITE opposited my block was fully build and the school starts.

Mum, please don't be so silly

Talking about resigning, on Monday, heard from Mum that my third aunt quitting that business. My uncle went for lessons about selling gold. At first I did not know what gold but soon after, I got to know. It's something like a gold coin or something. You buy it then you will earn profit every month. BUT, is there such a good deal? I vaguely remembered this aunt and her husband sold something like that before and it was not successful. My mum and her siblings did bought since they are siblings. In the end, didn't even get to see that 'coin' or whatever you called that. That time I was still in my upper primary if I am not wrong.

Well, now, my aunt told my mum again about the gold. Say this time is different. Just pay like $5k and you'll get the piece of gold with certain weight and earn profit every month and can even sell the gold away. I shut my mum off by getting her to recall what happened before. I told her to tell my aunt that we got no money otherwise I do not need to work and study at same time. Well, that is the fact. My mum assured me that she told her sister already. Just hope she kept her promise if not, I'll sure 'fan lian'. So I hope my mum won't be so silly this time. If not, my thoughts of resignation was failed. I had just typed out the resignation letter actually.

Bookmark from friend and made up a big decision

Today, struggled to keep awake for the early morning BS202 Lecture. Managed to be awake but for the BS203 Lecture that followed, I was mostly knocked out for the 1st hour. The sianz thing was what I copied when I was awake just before the break was useless. It was because the lecturer said the facts wrongly. For the past 2 lectures, such cases happened too. Or he would said he was not so sure, etc.

Anyway, during the 1st lecture, my friend gave each of us a bookmark. It reads, '感恩的季節' and '感恩您的 鼓励 關懐 照顧'.

Behind the bookmark, she scribbled some words behind.
'Jess,
hihi. 我们lab的小老师. 多亏有你, 我们的lab才可以做得顺利, 不至于乱七八糟. 虽然我也不是做的很好现在 @_@. haha. 总觉得你很像大姐姐. 很照顾人的感觉. 嘻嘻. 要继续照顾我们喔. 一起加油吧. 努力渡过这难?的 second year.
加油 thank you.
* 这是感恩卡

kq'

I knew I am much older than them. Yet, I did not think that I gave them the impression of a big sister looking after them. I always thought I did not do much as I was very weak in my studies except for the practical (cause so far, I had prepared for those practical before and thus, knew what to do and expect). I was quite touched when I saw this. I must continue to work hard.

On the journey out from school, was chatting with another friend and we talked about the 1st proposal assignment already take so much time and we need time to search information from textbook and other source for our tutorials and the time was limited especially when I am not free over the weekends. It made me think while I was alone on the journey home.

I think it's time for me to quit my dance, it's time to quit my job. The dance was something that I enjoyed and something that had changed my life greatly. Without it, I do not think I would have the courage and confident that I currently have. The job was something that I hope to get me through my course of studies finacially. It was also 1 of the job I thought of doing before many manys years ago. But if I continue on, I am unsure what it will get me to.

I just knew that at this rate I am going, most of the time during weekdays was spend having lessons and even discussion for assignments for HW102. And I am unfree on weekends. Then how am I going to do my tutorials? The tutor expected people to participate and answer questions and will call name if no volunteer. There will be a chance that one day, my name will be called (plus they know me) and the answers can't be found from the lecture notes but I do not have the time to search and read up. Even if I got through the semester without being called upon, what about final exam? Without further read-up for the tutorial, it would be impossible to catch up when exams come. Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I should quit the dance and job so that I can get that extra few hours to study. I know my savings will deplete much sooner if I quit my job but I can't sacrifice my studies. It won't get me anywhere with very poor results.

Over the past months, got a few people quit or said want to quit and he have not find people to replace them and there was a serious shortage of manpower for weekends. Thus, it won't be easy for me to tell him I want to tender but I guess I have to be unkind and firm this time if not it won't do me good. Maybe worst still, I type a resignation letter if I won't get a chance to talk to him if the clinic is busy. I really have no choice now.

I have not tell my mum about this as I do not know how it would go. And dare not let her know as she had been very worried about me. I do not want to let her get the impression that I am struggling. I had been putting a strong front in front of my parents and others close to them. Even dare not take a nap in front of parents as it would give impression that I am tired. It is really not easy. Just hope it went well after I tender and I talk to my seniors in the dance group about quitting. Will do so on coming Sunday. Hope I would be free by end of September.

So 'chiong'

Yesterday, after the HW102 tutorial class, even though the tutor have not had the chance to talk with us about the proposal, we felt that there was a need to amend our proposal. Yet, it was difficult to find time to meet up due to the fact that everybody's electives differ.

Thus, we decided to me online to discuss. As most people could only make it after 9 pm, discussion started at 9.30 pm and we only ended our discussion at about 1.40 am. At around mid-night, I'm already shut off but I just hang in there as everybody seemed to still be in discussion.

I can't remember exactly what time but there was a time when they were 'arguing' about which website gave the correct data (one giving 7.8% and another giving 8%) and I had to stop them & suggest quoting 'about 8% while citing the two sources. Then they started another 'argument' about another statistics of similiar cases but this time, basically from the same website but different page.

At that rate they were going, I am not sure when we will finish thus, I decided to amend the proposal as we discussed and saved the copy. We only managed to change the background and objectives and we decided to leave the rationale and problems even though we thought of amending it during tutorial.

Luckily I edit at the same time so I could upload into eureka for them to take a look after the discussion. If not, today, will have another night of torture. They even asked what time to discuss today. So I stopped them to ask what they feel about the proposal and they said ok. But then got one asked if the 'full-stop' should come before or after the citation. I almost fainted when I see that. I am a typical virgo who is quite a perfectionist. Yet, there are someone who is even more 'li hai' than me. (-.-)''' Well, in the end, we decided to ignore that 'problem'. And so I suggested email to tutor and wait for his reply before we had another night of torture. Even told them to brain-storm the questions for survey and after we settle the proposal final draft, then we discuss on the survey questions.

Thus, I hope I will at least get one night of better sleep. Actually, I dreamt of the proposal last night (nightmare). My group-mates are crazy. So chiong! And today got lesson at 8.30 am. Luckily I taking the staff bus. If not, maybe it won't be a bad idea if I don't sleep at all.

Need more time

Today, during the HW102 tutorial, I suddenly felt the shivers I had when I was doing the report for my FYP. It was almost like that time, due to the time constraints, and a 'demanding' lecturer with a poorly done report, the felt of rush for time was scary.

Just now, during the tutorial, we were supposed to have a draft of the proposal for a research assignment so that the tutor and peers could comment, etc. Even though the lecturer did not get a chance to come to my group and many others, we knew that we need to amend our proposal. Yet we don't have the time to meet up much and we got to email our next draft to the lecturer asap so that we could amend in time to submit next Tuesday.

HW102 is a killer module. Not because of quiz, etc. There are 4 assignments and mainly group work. Other than this module, there are 2 other module with assignment too. All these assignments need lots of readings. Readings of research articles which is something not many people can tahan without falling asleep.

Furthermore, there are 4 modules with 5 quizzes and 1 quiz for 1 of the module must not have more than 5% failure in the whole cohort. Otherwise, another quiz will be administered.

The tutorials in this semester was also quite different from year 1. The lecturers expected more participation. For BS202, the lecturer even called student to the front to present the answer to the whole class and his questions are very argumentative type and need strong support to justify your answer. It was something I am very poor with.

How I wish I had more time. I hate it when time is so limited.

太诡异了

Today, during 'brunch' was chatting with friends and we came to the topics about textbooks and I said I wanted to sell my Principles of Economics textbook. My friend said she got a friend who might want to buy and will let me know. In the afternoon, I got a sms from an unknown person asking about that same textbook. Thus, I assumed that person might be my friend's friend.

After confirming my textbook edition when I am home, the person decided to get it and was asking how to get the book from me so I gave my breaktime to the person. I was also puzzled cause if it was my friend's friend, then maybe I could just pass the book to my friend. Why so troublesome and the person never replied my sms. It doesn't seemed possible too if the person know through i-mall as I put up the 'advertisment' last semester which was like more than 6 months ago.

Anyway, I sms my friend and found that she hasn't asked her friend and she asked me to wait for her reply while she asked her friend. After the confirmation, I then rejected the person who sms me.

It was very spooky as I had been wanting to sell that textbook since last semester which is why I used i-mall but with no luck. Today, when my friend said she got a friend who might want and then another person sms me for the book. 太诡异了!

A day off from work

Life have been busy but managed to tell my 'ex-colleague' that when she wanna work (on Saturday), to inform me. If she wanna work, I won't go so I can either study or rest. And if I am busy, I can check with her.

She quit the other time because she thought she'll be working shift as a nurse. But now she is working normal office hour. So if she's not tired, she'll come over to work to earn extra cash.

Last month, my mum's eldest sister suggested find a Saturday and she'll bring us into Malaysia to walk around. To go on Saturday, we must depend on my aunt (mum of the 3 cousins my mum looked after). Last month was too rush so once she knew the date for August that she was off, she let my mum know. It was yesterday. So I'd asked that colleague to help me.

In the end, I do not know why the trip was cancelled. Thought I can then rest at home. But in the end, a friend asked me out with his wife and colleague. Our fathers was ex-colleagues and mum had become good friends. His mum somehow told my mum before that her son might asked me to go out with his elder brother and / or 2 younger cousins but it seemed quite difficult with my packed schedule. And somehow, they decided on yesterday. So since my mum know, so I went. Thought would be weird as a couple and 2 strangers. But luckily my friend talked to his colleague most of the time. Didn't stick to his wife all the time. So it was quite enjoyable to have the chance to sit back and watch a movie and walk around without thinking of school stuff and work. Actually I did thought of work. I sms my other colleague to remind her to bring the key. LOL.

Oh ya. Last Monday, I managed to change my HW102 tutorial to a better time. Same time as my friends but different class. Happy enough already. And got to know a few other people. So not too bad after all. They don't believed myage and thought I was kidding. I was appointed as leader of the group (all my group members refused to be). So I just took up loh. What to do.

Too tired, stress, Need support not discouragement

Term had started for a week. Was busy as usual or I should said much more busier. I don't seemed to ever had the chance to slow down. This can be good or bad depending on how you thing. Anyway, many things will look differently from different point of view. Trust me.

Managed to meet 1 of my old friend on my 2nd day of school as there was no lesson that day. Was fun to shop around even though my feet were blistered by my new shoes. Both of us were also crazy. Our final destination was at the TOTO counter. Both of us bought quick picks and came out with a few numbers to buy. But too bad, I think we didn't win any. Sob Sob! I really missed those carefree days. Those days without thinking about school. Those days with stable job and salary but that was a year ago. Yes! It was already a year ago. I rmbr my last day or carefree life was exactly the same day I met with my friend last Tuesday.

And for the 2nd subsequent years, I missed the National Day Fireworks. Some people might say, 'So what!' But I love seeing the bright spots, bright patterns in the dark background. That's why I would always look up at night to look for stars. It seemed to give me some lights, some hope, memories & etc. Maybe I think too much ba.

Actually I didn't have the energy to blog. I'm just too tired. I can fall asleep anywhere. I believed I can even fall asleep while standing. No joke. That is why I didn't blog at all for so long. Guess I will only blog once in a blue moon but might have so much to write for stopping a long time.

My parents don't seemed to understand well. Since last week or the week before, actually can say a month ago, they keep trying to talk to me and getting me to quit my weekend part-time job. I know they are concerned about me. They know I had many modules this semester. They know I haven't had time to go out. And they even didn't get a chance to go out with me. I am also very upset, tired and stress but why do I have to do this?

I was hoping I could quit piano after I pass my piano exam but chances were extremely slim, maybe even 0%. So every month, with piano lesson, for mobile bills, for food, for transport, for books, etc, the amount I need was not small. It is not something I can just get from them like in primary or secondary school. And since the incident that happened when I was in my Poly, I could no longer have the strenght to go through it again. I might quit school or even go mad. So no matter how tired I am now, I'll just have to hang on. What I need was not discouragement, not demoralizing comment from them. I need their understanding and support but I can't let them know the actual reason for working. Of course 1 of the reason was because it was also something that I had thought of working before when I was very young but that is not the most important reason.

Working and studying at the same time was tough. My studies was pretty weak. I also wish for more time. I also wish I don't have to work. But with no money, it was very difficult. That is why when my friend wanted to buy TOTO, I also bought. I was pinning on a hope, a miracle that could somehow get me the money I need to survive but there is no such things as 'bu lao er huo'.

Buddhism teaches that the most important is the 'Treasures of the heart'. Not treasures like money, jewellery, etc. These kind of happiness won't last and can't be brought over to the next world when one die. But sometimes, it's really not easy to understand and feel that kind of happiness from within the heart. But I am still glad I had a religion. At least even though I am so busy that I may not get a chance to meet up with friends, I still had a religion, a belief to hang on with me. But still I am still praying for more wisdom - wisdom for studies, and to overcome all obstacles to come (life is never smooth or one won't grow and learn). I also need a healthy body to be able to withstand all the challenges.

I always assured others that I am getting into the momentem of studying but in actual fact, I am not convinced myself. Just hope I can get through this semester better than last semester so that I can really convinced myself.

Right now, I am just trying to hang in till I think I really cannot make it. Then I know that will be the time I need to quit my part-time job. By then, I know at least I can confort myself that I had managed to work till then & earn that bit of money to allow myself to get through for somemore time. And maybe by the time my money is dried up, the time left unemployed will be very short and hopefully the financial condition of my family improved.

Actually frankly speaking, till the end of my last job, I never really fancy shopping. I would once in a while go walk around be it alone or with friends even if it was just a nearby shopping centre when I took halfday leave, etc. But now, I feel differently. I guess it was because it's really hard to find that kind of time to walk around without thinking of anything, to shop around and see different things from the robotic yet stressful life-style. My feet will hurt but it seemed like it no longer bother me when I shopped around unless the company I am with was wrong as it would spoilt the mood. I am now looking forward to the next trip out but I do not know when I'll have that kind of spare time. SIghed...

So much weight on me and it's so good to let it out like this once in a while. I wish I could let it all out but my eyes and mind are failing me. I shall go and sleep now. Must use tomorrow to recharge further for tml might be the last chance to rest till my exams are over at the end of November. I am not 'kua zhang' and I may not be able to rest really well tomorrow as I am still trying to swop class for 1 of the tutorial. The time I got was very bad as I was delayed from the course registration due to my piano exam. Wishing for a miracle!

2nd Baking Session

Today, tried baking cakes again. Last week, tried the recipe for triple chocolate cake that I got when my mum bought the wok plus changed the recipe to bake a vanilla cake. Both weren't very well done. So I decided to try again today. Tried with pandan flavour. It was not very well done also but it was better than last week. So I bake the vanilla cake and triple chocolate cake again. Forgot coconut milk for triple chocolate cake. Only add after pouring into the tin. And the cake was kind of burnt.

苍蝇在面包里‏

星期六早上父亲买了面包。开来吃之前发现里头有只死苍蝇。播电给面包公司《ACES FOOD TRADING》，可职员却只说了：“如生病他们会赔偿。” 当父亲问他现在该怎样时，他的回答却是：”你自己看着办。” 面包里有苍蝇，这么不卫生，却还能说出你自己看着办的话。这么不负责任。

Gotten my piano exam date

2 days ago, I got my piano exam test date. I knew my exam will be in July or even early August if there are too many students. I was hoping and expecting for end of July but it wasn't. It's on 4 July. I almost faint when I saw the date.

I am still on the journey of memorizing the scales, still not fast enough for the 1st Piano pieces, not very stable with 2nd Piano pieces, still on the journey to familarize with the final Piano piece, totally cannot make it for the sight reading, & don't know what it was like for the aural component.

With another 2 more lessons to go before my exam, on the last 3rd lesson, my teacher then let me know how the aural component is. I also totally cannot make it for that. That means I must be very good for the 3 Piano pieces & Scales component to pass. HELP!!!

I need more time. Time is so limited! Argh... Next week cousins return back to school. I still have Taka, Tangs, Metro voucher & mum is looking for clothes for wedding dinners so promised to go with her on Wednesday to Orchard to shop. Friday evening also going out. Thursday, grandma's cooking dinner & I am kind of learning her dishes plus taking videos & making into DVDs & give my grandma for her bday. Celebrating on 5 July. Shit. Time is really running out.

I hope I'll be able to make it in time for my piano exam. I must pass. I MUST! This is my 1st exam and it's grade 5 straight. So I must pass to at least get a cert. Cause, I am thinking of temporary stopping after I pass as I am really very exhausted, & I don't have time to practice. I am hoping for a Miracle.

The worst thing is that my piano exam time is on the morning that I had to register for my yr 2 sem 1 course. How? Why is it like that? There is limited vacancy for each tutorial gp. I could ask my friend to register for me but maybe once they are done with theirs, the tutorial gp with my friends might be gone. It will be even worst if I rush home after my exam to register myself. Guess friday when I meet with them, I shall see what they say ba. Sighed...

Dragonfly Garden

These 2 days, the view in front of my corridor had became a dragonfly garden. There could have been near hundred dragonflies flying around the trees in front my house. Could see them from my living room and even 1 or 2 from the kitchen.

This was the 1st time I seen so many dragonflies. A very beautiful sights.

Goodbye Lena 姑姑

This morning, went to Church of St Mary of the Angels to send off my aunt, Lena 姑姑, [my dad's closest cousin (堂妹)]. She passed away last Thursday morning after a harsh battle of the illness '红斑狼疮' for 10 years.

Despite the fact the she had been fighting the illness for years. We were all kept in the dark. My dad's siblings also had no idea. Years back, we were told that she went overseas to study and never knew the actual reason. We also did not know she came back 2 to 3 years ago.

On the 2nd day in Malaysia, my dad received a SMS from the elder sister, Sally 姑姑, saying that she should let us know that her sister is dying. We were not in Singapore and there is nothing we can do. My dad could only SMS his siblings to inform them. Yet no one was free to visit her then.

According to my 大姑姑, she got chat with Sally 姑姑 and know that Lena 姑姑 could still chat and laugh and she wanted to visit her the following morning. But time did not allow that. My dad received SMS the following morning saying that she passed away early that morning. I was very upset when I heard the news that she passed away. We had no idea what had happened to her.

When we were back, it was very late so we did not went to the wake. We went the following day instead. My parents went in the afternoon while I stayed home to settle the photographs to be developed as I had 4 $20 developing vouchers left & would be expired the following day. In the evening, I went with them to the wake.

There, I got some ideas about what happened to her but not the whole picture. Just know she had a illness that she will be very weak and need to take steriod which got many bad side effects and in the end, she got cancer in her leg(s).

I only know what exactly happened to her after reading the newspaper articles on Saturday. She had been suffering from '红斑狼疮' for 10 years. Then cancer in her leg(s). Then fever and passed away.

I overheard from my parents that Lena 姑姑 supposed to have 4 to 6 months more to live but Sally 姑姑 was worried that her sister might leave her like their mother after having fever. The worst nightmare came for her leaving her alone in her family. Luckily Sally 姑姑 is married and seemed to be very closed with her husband's sister but having her mother leaving her a couple of years back (maybe less than 5 years - I can't remember) and now her sister. She must be heartbroken.

I could not went to the wake on weekends due to work as I could not find replacement but I went today for the service. Went there early to see if Sally 姑姑 needs any help but everything seemed to be settled. Her mother, sister and her had different religions. Even though Sally 姑姑 is a Buddhist, because of her sister, she don't mind going through all the procedure and she needed a total of 4 persons to cover the coffin with the white cloths so I helped her together with her husband and husband's sister.

After the service at the Church, went to Mandai Crematorium. After another short service, her coffin was pushed to be cremated. Seeing the coffin going deeper in, disappearing in view and as the door closed, I still could not believed that she was gone. I realized that it was not easy for me to accept the fact that one whom is dead is gone forever (at least in this lifetime, in this life-form) and will not smile or talk to you anymore. I always had this thoughts if the person is really dead or is just asleep and will wake up the next second.


Well, even though, it had been many many years since I last saw her, maybe I was pretty small then, I still feel very sad. With the songs played, the atmosphere, I can feel my eyes started to water but I swallowed them down. I can only pray in my heart that she will be happy wherever she is now and free from suffering. GOODBYE LENA 姑姑!

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