aft i confess to parents tt i oso worry for $$, told them wat i busy bout like work, sch, FYP, info research, lab research, report, etc so end up nvr oso help much at hm cos i'm really tired oso. end up, i'm still ask to sweep d floor on weekend (actually i noe oso include p. holi la). fine w me. not a v heavy choir anw but i don think i could get s much rest s b4 like takin a nap for a while esp when dear's ard.
n though i nvr get s much ang bao $ s last yr, d amt is still within wat i tot i would get n so $$ wise is still under control. jus when i tot everything under ctrl, everything should b gg on ok, i can b more at ease at hm, dad jus nw give me some $$ n say tt i should ve told them tt i oso worry for $$. wat for i say? i should ve enough unless i nvr work all these while. if i no work n get $$ fr them, i think i b more stress.
n soon aft tt pushin of $$ ard, i finally accepted it but a while ltr, dad talk talk n den say tt when i'm hm on weekend, i should help to wash d toilet too. -.-" great. i suddenly feel like i'm paid to wash d toilet. another part-time job when i didn't wanna work cos i wanna focus on my FYP!!!
wa kao... i tot i alrdy told them i wanna focus on my FYP. n i alrdy said it's not jus 1-2 day effort. everyday i duno wat time end. n weekend or p. holi oso may kanna. n not jus doin FYP in lab leh. i oso need to find paper, read up more, n write my thesis & do up my poster at d end. n i cant jus read up late late leh. i alrdy told them my grades sucks n FYP is my last chance. yet... they don seemed to understand. still wan me do this n tt. den i may s well jus cont'd workin lah.
n oso, though i had graduated fr my dance, i still ve soka meetings leh. jus tt haven really start cos cny. n b startin real soon. i oso duno if i got time go for d plannin n rehearsal for d actual meetin every mth n if i gotta go back lab on d sun when thr is d meetin. n oso thr r other meetings oso leh.
wat for i had been wishin tt i graduated from my dance? so i can put more focus on study n rest more.
y i quit fr my clinic job? so i can put more focus on study n rest more oso.
y i choose attachment than work when i noe i need $$ oso? cos i need a more recent related work experiences to fight for job w those who got 3rd class honor n above.
y i seldom go dance n mtg for last sem? so i can put more effort on my studies cos i'm scare i fail any module n oso hopin to try to bring up to at least a 3rd class honor which i fail to get but i managed to pass everything.
y i choose not to take up my last dance proj in d dance grp which probably might b my last major performance? cos study is more impt.
y i actually wish to choose not to work in jan? cos i'm drained n i hope to rest but cos i was given high rate n cos i cant rest much at hm, so decided to push myself again n work.
i noe, it's impossible to get a 3rd class anymore but i still wanna aim for an 'A' for my FYP to tell my future employee tt though my acad is poor, my hands-on is good cos i'm experience. i'm trained fr poly, i'm trained s a technician, i'm trained in attachment, i'm trained n had done well in my FYP. at least chances of securin a job is slightly higher. so this FYP is really impt.
i'm drained n i noe i can't n dare not nap at hm unless dear ard cos parents wont say anything but looks like they still 看不爽... still wanna find things for me to do. d f* up thing is tt, mum can say, 'oh, i oso heart pain u so tired, i oso duno wan u to b so tired. i noe u oso 辛苦'. yet still ask me to sweep d floor n den nw dad still ask me wash d toilet.
for him, aft work means aft work. me aft lab, still ve things to do. all he noe is slp or go out take pic. den wat bout me? seein me slp so eye sore? in lab, may b busy till no chance to do any read up leh. n i cant absorb when i'm tired. i can get ko w/o completin a para leh. when can i get all d rest tt i had lost?
i alrdy ask for few more mths of understandin. if i'm workin s a technician like last time, i wont mind helpin on weekend. weekdays is oso tough cos i help out b4. i was oso v drained then. mum's arm pain, leg pain n yet she still wanna go out, shop, etc. den end up wanna throw evrything to me? den i drain who i throw all d choir to? nw all i'm askin is a few more mths till i finish my fyp, is it tt much tt i'm askin?
last time, w dear, we still go out movies n eat like almost every mth or so. he brought me watch countless of movies then but then nw? can u ask urself, when is d last time i went for a movie w dear? i alrdy no such leisure le leh n stayin hm more le leh. y still unhappy?
i really feel like i had no place to go. no place for real rest. i cant nap in lab/office, i cant nap at hm, i don feel gd to nap at dear's place esp when his mom ard n esp when she busy. i basically had no place for rest. unless sleep at nite. n i oso cant slp till late liek for weekend.
i'm thinkin n wonderin if i don get d $$, can i don get all the choirs? mayb they should use d money to get a maid instead. since mum 'can't' do, dad don wanna help, me oso really drained. at most aft i found a job, i pay for d maid lor. at least i'm relieved fr all these wor.
but still, d prob of me restin n they seem eye sore is not solved. hw can i solve tt prob lah. even if stayin in hostel oso cant solve cos i still have d cleanin to do wor. haiz...
i need a 避风港, a place whr i can rest n relax n allow me to focus on wat i had to do for at least these few months. i wan a place whr, if i'm tired, i can slp n den wake up afresh to cont'd wat i'd to. i wan a place w/o any prob to add on to mine. i oso need ppl to understand my needs rather than wantin me to do wat u needs. i really really REALLY REGRET takin this degree course. i don feel i gain any knowledge at all.
mayb i'll b better off workin s a paramedic last time. cos work is unpredictable. parents wont b able to ctrl me. i b more free. aft work, if day time, if i wanna slp they oso cant say anything. if not, i stay in a bunker n slp loh. at least i wont b so miserable like nw.
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