today went back for trg aft a cny break for 3 wks + a wk b4 tt i nvr attend cos of my terrible stiff shoulder.... but my hip didn't allow me to really do wat we were suppose to do which made me wonder jus nw if it's really cos of d old injury part or i'd overstrain other part of d muscles, etc which cos me d discomfort.
anw, in general, d whole of my right leg is 废 cos totally no strength. think it cant support d weight of my whole body for long if i jus stand on it alone. & cant really twist & turn it much. i cant say it hurts but it's jus cos me feel discomfort & know it's not right, not norm but it's hard to explain. if anyone know of whr can find good doc or so, pls let me noe. i jus wanna noe wat i can do & cant esp in terms of exercise etc.
i suddenly rmbr sch oso got physiotherapy services in d medical ctr. mayb i shld try go see doc in sch? hmm... or is thr a better option?? cos i noe i cant go on like this forever. wat if i got dance proj? i can mayb like last time take stronger pain killer den go perform but....
it reminded me of wat a prof told us b4 bout long distance marathon. cos he said tt body will produce a natural pain killer & eventually suppress d pain durin d run & if injured aft tt, may not feel d pain & so it may worsen d injury.
so wat if d injury got worst but cos d pain was suppressed by d pain killer & i don noe & so i further strain it & it got worst. i suppose my injury is due to d ligament (cos it's d closest description of d symptoms fr d 4 doc/chinese physician i went to). so wat if d ligament tear? i need a definite ans for my leg prob... haiz...
oso i hurt d back of my left ankle on fri & so sometimes it hurt. right hip old injury, left ankle new injury. double intensity. use any leg oso not right for certain exercise. super sian loh...
anw, actually past few days, i really so flat & sianz tt i oso no mood & energy to go for trg today but aft d trip to west coast park w peace, i got recharge & was ready to go back for trg. jus tt still not get enough rest yet.
but to think of it, for fri, mum's unhappiness on fri fr her call actually may not b my 'fault'. cos ytd she said tt fri, grandma was angry cos my uncle's vietnam wife brought back her late grandparents' photos & hang it in replacement of my grandma's god of fortune picture in d living room. thus, tt day grandma too angry to cook. so aft hearin tt, i super sian. if so, den mum's anger might b due to my vietnam aunt but mum target me instead. always like tt one leh. other ppl's fault oso become mine. but i still duno wat happen esp for d thurs one.
well, today probably it's d last day of cny so trg ended earlier but fr next wk on, it might end at ard 2 le. but i wanna noe wat i can do w my 'injury' lah... anw, dear picked me up for lunch & send me back b4 gg for his cousin's weddin. he worked 24 hr ytd & still went back a while jus nw. yet he still pick me & bring me eat b4 gg for his cousin's weddin w/o rest. thks...
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Saturday, 27 February 2010
NATAS fair really cheaper than book own self..
jus nw, did a calculation on d trip if self book same hotel & airline....
in general, it was bout $535 more exp than we book at d NATAS fair. furthermore, no airport to hotel & vice versa transfer & no complementary 1/2 day city tour.
did d check cos i used to ve impression tt book own self shld b cheaper cos no need go thru agent tt may earn some $$ thru d bookin, etc. oso cos dear's friend leave a comment on his fb tt self set up is cheaper.
well, mayb can b true if u choose budget airline & cheap cheap lousier hotel. but if wanna compare, must compare w same hotel, same airline. guess i'm jus a too scientific students. every parameters must b d same... d only variation wld b bookin thru agency or book own self. lol... sch lessons really taught me well in application of knowledge in everything other than my own modules... oopss.. ;p
anw, each adult is cheaper by $114 & kid is cheaper by $80 (rough estimate la) & got d ease of airport transfer & complementary 1/2 day city tour. plus, it's a 5* hotel. thus, i can shut parents' mouth nw w this cheaper deal for time being.
will research s & when free or after exam to see whr to go... & must check w them or if not go separate way... bring them somewhr 1st. lol... shall see hw.
in general, it was bout $535 more exp than we book at d NATAS fair. furthermore, no airport to hotel & vice versa transfer & no complementary 1/2 day city tour.
did d check cos i used to ve impression tt book own self shld b cheaper cos no need go thru agent tt may earn some $$ thru d bookin, etc. oso cos dear's friend leave a comment on his fb tt self set up is cheaper.
well, mayb can b true if u choose budget airline & cheap cheap lousier hotel. but if wanna compare, must compare w same hotel, same airline. guess i'm jus a too scientific students. every parameters must b d same... d only variation wld b bookin thru agency or book own self. lol... sch lessons really taught me well in application of knowledge in everything other than my own modules... oopss.. ;p
anw, each adult is cheaper by $114 & kid is cheaper by $80 (rough estimate la) & got d ease of airport transfer & complementary 1/2 day city tour. plus, it's a 5* hotel. thus, i can shut parents' mouth nw w this cheaper deal for time being.
will research s & when free or after exam to see whr to go... & must check w them or if not go separate way... bring them somewhr 1st. lol... shall see hw.
so looking forward to HK trip
Anw, took out d hk trip brochures to see ytd. Seemed a pretty gd deal. Dear helped call up & check & d person advice us go natas fair cos can get more ‘freebies’, etc. so told mum wat we found out but i said he found out cos she not suppose noe I’m d one pickin d brochures. & then she said it’s not she wanna travel. Said her ears pain. It’s dad who wanna go. Pushin everything away again… sighed… always like tt.
Dear & I have a common tot tt is to go find out immediately den if anything, dad can still go back today or tml to book… cos dear workin 24 hr today. Cant go. Tml oso b tired & b rushin cos he still got cousin’s weddin dinner to attend.
Thus, both of us went down at ard 7.45 am. Reached ard 8.20 am. Carpark full & was queuein but we eventually found a lot & went in. saw a queue so I queue while he go check if it’s d ticketin queue.
After gg in, kanna pulled by Taiwan bridal studio shop. In d end, we still leave as we go thr w a purpose of checkin hk trip. Went straight to 5 stars to check but prices was higher than telephone conversation with d head office. While d person checkin, dear went to venture ard & check out more cos it’s alrdy almost 9.30 pm le.
After cfm pricing, etc, I went to find Dear and he found an even better deal. A 6d5n stay at hk 5* hotel attached to a shoppin mall & is near ladies street & MTR, etc & it’s an early flight to go & a late flight back so wont be like become jus ½ day for 1st & last day. Oso got a ½ day city tour so dad can still see see if he don wanna shop. So called dad cos limited flight vacancies. In d end, he agreed. so we book & will b gg in jun. d week of mum’s bday.
Anw, d tentative itinerary will be a day trip to Disney, a day trip to Shenzhen, a day trip to macau, a ½ day tour, & d remainin time b shoppin for mum. Initially dad wanted 7d6n w 2 days in Shenzhen. But we eliminated tt cos we nvr change hotel. Jus 1 hotel for all. So Shenzhen will b a day trip. Den dear tot of 5d4n. but I scare mum not shop enough. So I suggested 6d5n.
Day 1: only mayb go thr explore a bit b4 check in den remainin time walk ard & shop/avenue of star
Day 2: probably d ½ day tour. So remaining time walk ard & shop/avenue of star?
Day 3: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 4: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 5: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 6: last min shop even aft check out
So actually thr aren’t much time to shop. Esp if jus go 5d4n cos Disney & Shenzhen r places parents wanna go. Macau is a place dear wanna go & since thr, I oso wish to explore more. So this alrdy take up at least 3 whole days le. & still got ½ day tour & avenue of star & shoppin wor. So guess 6d5n more 刚刚好…
So next up is to find out fr our friend whr to shop is d best deal & got many thing to see & get so s to pls mum. Better find out so we don go wrong place den ltr she not happy. Alrdy got ½ day tour & nearby oso got street sellin electronic goods so guess can pls dad oso ba. D shoppin attached to our hotel oso got cinema. So he can oso go watch movie if he wan.
& d rest is to find out hw to go, wat to do, etc. hope this time round d trip b ok… I hope… & parents bringin my cousin along & think they will pay for all her expenses & air ticket. Whatever la so long s they happy. I worry bout their pocket oso no use. Don come back & grumble over it.
I tell u ah. If so, I don give them face le. Even if they not happy w d walkin, etc. Will tell them straight tt it’s what they choose. They wanna go one. They wanna bring her along one. & will tell them tt they shld exclude me for subsequent trip. This will b d last last chance I gonna give them.
But I’m so lookin forward to d trip w d tentative itinerary. Mayb I’m jus too tight down w all a proj, etc nw… I so wish I could skip mar to early may… if only they can be removed by s simple s tearin down fr d calendar….
Dear & I have a common tot tt is to go find out immediately den if anything, dad can still go back today or tml to book… cos dear workin 24 hr today. Cant go. Tml oso b tired & b rushin cos he still got cousin’s weddin dinner to attend.
Thus, both of us went down at ard 7.45 am. Reached ard 8.20 am. Carpark full & was queuein but we eventually found a lot & went in. saw a queue so I queue while he go check if it’s d ticketin queue.
After gg in, kanna pulled by Taiwan bridal studio shop. In d end, we still leave as we go thr w a purpose of checkin hk trip. Went straight to 5 stars to check but prices was higher than telephone conversation with d head office. While d person checkin, dear went to venture ard & check out more cos it’s alrdy almost 9.30 pm le.
After cfm pricing, etc, I went to find Dear and he found an even better deal. A 6d5n stay at hk 5* hotel attached to a shoppin mall & is near ladies street & MTR, etc & it’s an early flight to go & a late flight back so wont be like become jus ½ day for 1st & last day. Oso got a ½ day city tour so dad can still see see if he don wanna shop. So called dad cos limited flight vacancies. In d end, he agreed. so we book & will b gg in jun. d week of mum’s bday.
Anw, d tentative itinerary will be a day trip to Disney, a day trip to Shenzhen, a day trip to macau, a ½ day tour, & d remainin time b shoppin for mum. Initially dad wanted 7d6n w 2 days in Shenzhen. But we eliminated tt cos we nvr change hotel. Jus 1 hotel for all. So Shenzhen will b a day trip. Den dear tot of 5d4n. but I scare mum not shop enough. So I suggested 6d5n.
Day 1: only mayb go thr explore a bit b4 check in den remainin time walk ard & shop/avenue of star
Day 2: probably d ½ day tour. So remaining time walk ard & shop/avenue of star?
Day 3: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 4: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 5: Disney/Shenzhen/macau
Day 6: last min shop even aft check out
So actually thr aren’t much time to shop. Esp if jus go 5d4n cos Disney & Shenzhen r places parents wanna go. Macau is a place dear wanna go & since thr, I oso wish to explore more. So this alrdy take up at least 3 whole days le. & still got ½ day tour & avenue of star & shoppin wor. So guess 6d5n more 刚刚好…
So next up is to find out fr our friend whr to shop is d best deal & got many thing to see & get so s to pls mum. Better find out so we don go wrong place den ltr she not happy. Alrdy got ½ day tour & nearby oso got street sellin electronic goods so guess can pls dad oso ba. D shoppin attached to our hotel oso got cinema. So he can oso go watch movie if he wan.
& d rest is to find out hw to go, wat to do, etc. hope this time round d trip b ok… I hope… & parents bringin my cousin along & think they will pay for all her expenses & air ticket. Whatever la so long s they happy. I worry bout their pocket oso no use. Don come back & grumble over it.
I tell u ah. If so, I don give them face le. Even if they not happy w d walkin, etc. Will tell them straight tt it’s what they choose. They wanna go one. They wanna bring her along one. & will tell them tt they shld exclude me for subsequent trip. This will b d last last chance I gonna give them.
But I’m so lookin forward to d trip w d tentative itinerary. Mayb I’m jus too tight down w all a proj, etc nw… I so wish I could skip mar to early may… if only they can be removed by s simple s tearin down fr d calendar….
felt much better
ytd mornin, can still feel tt mum still haven got over watever she was unhappy bout. But i told her i afternoon may not go back cos of proj discussion though i don intend to stay for afternoon session. Even decided to skip lecture today.
Tut end later & aft tt discuss proj w friends. K la. Everybody did their part so it was pretty ok. So by b4 12, can go le. Gd & bad for me. I don wanna stay sch but i no whr to go. Got hm like don ve cos i don wanna go back to a mine field.
Thus, ended up at JP seein if any movie to watch but there seemed none at tt time. But i went to pick up brochure for hk trip fr d travel agency thr. While i was walkin & readin d brochures, mum called & in a not so happy tone, said tt she'll b cookin dinner & if i wan eat, i eat. Hearin her tone & comment deteriorate my mood completely & made me feel like cryin again but i cant. Esp in a shoppin mall.
So, in d end, i decided to go to west coast park. A place i checked hw to go a nite b4. I wanted a quiet place w min no of ppl. A place tt don remind me of hm, of sch & everythin. I'm jus too saturated tt it's hard to breathe.
& while gg, I accidently injured d back of my left heel s it sank into d wide gap of d drain cover. I noe it hurts. I noe thr shld ve open wound, at lease gauzed wound, but I don care. Tt time, I’m more hurt mentally den physically. It’s only after I reached d bus-stop & looked at it tt I realized it bleed. I nvr even bother to clean up though I noe I shld w all d 1st aid & knowledge fr sch. I jus cant b bothered w d physical injury. In d end, I only ‘clean-up’ d wound after I reached west coast park & I even walked thru a big patches of sand while walkin in. so d wound was v much contaminated then.
Anw, luckily d place's really peaceful. D wind seemed to embrace me & blowin all d troubles far away. D quietness & calmness sooth me. D smell & sound of wave is also something i cant experience usually.
It's even better than indulgin w alcohol. Ya. i stole a can of tiger beer to drink. It cant help me forget anything. I'm not even drunk. It cant do anythin at all. At least nw, i feel better tt i wished i no need to leave d park. I wished tt i could treat it s my hm but it cant b.
Seein d boats ard made me actually feel like doin something crazy. To swim over & steal 1& to get out of everything. But i would end up bein a thief or illegal immigrant. Haiz...
Anw, one can nvr escape fr pro. Like d sea will nvr b calm w d current below & d wind above. Even if it looks calm. Underneath might actually ve strong current. But i cant help but feel i'm bein thrown in d sea & gotta swim against d strong wind & current. V tirin & yet doesnt seemed to b movin or even movin backward.
But in general, I got better after sittin at west coast park. S it was pretty deserted, it helped me esp when d isolation allow me to really let it go. But I still feel reluctant to go back to sch & hm. In d end, dear picked me up aft work & he go back to shower b4 gg back my hse for dinner. Mum not hm when we reached & when she was back, she seemed better mood. Made me much happier.
Tut end later & aft tt discuss proj w friends. K la. Everybody did their part so it was pretty ok. So by b4 12, can go le. Gd & bad for me. I don wanna stay sch but i no whr to go. Got hm like don ve cos i don wanna go back to a mine field.
Thus, ended up at JP seein if any movie to watch but there seemed none at tt time. But i went to pick up brochure for hk trip fr d travel agency thr. While i was walkin & readin d brochures, mum called & in a not so happy tone, said tt she'll b cookin dinner & if i wan eat, i eat. Hearin her tone & comment deteriorate my mood completely & made me feel like cryin again but i cant. Esp in a shoppin mall.
So, in d end, i decided to go to west coast park. A place i checked hw to go a nite b4. I wanted a quiet place w min no of ppl. A place tt don remind me of hm, of sch & everythin. I'm jus too saturated tt it's hard to breathe.
& while gg, I accidently injured d back of my left heel s it sank into d wide gap of d drain cover. I noe it hurts. I noe thr shld ve open wound, at lease gauzed wound, but I don care. Tt time, I’m more hurt mentally den physically. It’s only after I reached d bus-stop & looked at it tt I realized it bleed. I nvr even bother to clean up though I noe I shld w all d 1st aid & knowledge fr sch. I jus cant b bothered w d physical injury. In d end, I only ‘clean-up’ d wound after I reached west coast park & I even walked thru a big patches of sand while walkin in. so d wound was v much contaminated then.
Anw, luckily d place's really peaceful. D wind seemed to embrace me & blowin all d troubles far away. D quietness & calmness sooth me. D smell & sound of wave is also something i cant experience usually.
It's even better than indulgin w alcohol. Ya. i stole a can of tiger beer to drink. It cant help me forget anything. I'm not even drunk. It cant do anythin at all. At least nw, i feel better tt i wished i no need to leave d park. I wished tt i could treat it s my hm but it cant b.
Seein d boats ard made me actually feel like doin something crazy. To swim over & steal 1& to get out of everything. But i would end up bein a thief or illegal immigrant. Haiz...
Anw, one can nvr escape fr pro. Like d sea will nvr b calm w d current below & d wind above. Even if it looks calm. Underneath might actually ve strong current. But i cant help but feel i'm bein thrown in d sea & gotta swim against d strong wind & current. V tirin & yet doesnt seemed to b movin or even movin backward.
But in general, I got better after sittin at west coast park. S it was pretty deserted, it helped me esp when d isolation allow me to really let it go. But I still feel reluctant to go back to sch & hm. In d end, dear picked me up aft work & he go back to shower b4 gg back my hse for dinner. Mum not hm when we reached & when she was back, she seemed better mood. Made me much happier.
Friday, 26 February 2010
mum's still a sour bitter gourd
wat's so gd bout contradictin???
jus nw in dad's car. took d container of d small kueh tt mum make jus b4 cny. check if it was mouldy in case dad nvr check & jus eat. it was indeed mouldy so i asked mum (who still doesn't seemed to wanna tok to me). i ask if she still wan d container & yet she said no but she grab d container away.
fine... i tot mayb she wanna throw herself. in d end, she brought it hm & jus dump d content, keepin d container. can she make up her mind or not?
it's ok w me tt she don wanna tok. ok. anw, i don really like to tok or to tell her much. cos i duno hw much i can trust her & watever i say or do, she can twist it ard & tell ppl it's her idea (if gd idea/suggestion), or say it's my prob/fault if any thing arise.
i jus don like stay hm seein tt 'spoilt bitter gourd' face which had turn sour oso.... yet, this is my hm...
dad gave me 4 x $1 cos i keepin tt. so i gave mum 2 x $0.5 which is wat i have & would give her sort of in exchange to d money i got. she oso jus take w/o any expression. watever lah. i sick & tired of tryin to get her back to norm... shall let her b wat she wanna b. i'd alrdy did wat i can le.
shall avoid hm s much s possible... but tml weekend... cant avoid... mayb tml still got cousins to cover up... but sun... haiz... i don wan weekend to come...
jus nw in dad's car. took d container of d small kueh tt mum make jus b4 cny. check if it was mouldy in case dad nvr check & jus eat. it was indeed mouldy so i asked mum (who still doesn't seemed to wanna tok to me). i ask if she still wan d container & yet she said no but she grab d container away.
fine... i tot mayb she wanna throw herself. in d end, she brought it hm & jus dump d content, keepin d container. can she make up her mind or not?
it's ok w me tt she don wanna tok. ok. anw, i don really like to tok or to tell her much. cos i duno hw much i can trust her & watever i say or do, she can twist it ard & tell ppl it's her idea (if gd idea/suggestion), or say it's my prob/fault if any thing arise.
i jus don like stay hm seein tt 'spoilt bitter gourd' face which had turn sour oso.... yet, this is my hm...
dad gave me 4 x $1 cos i keepin tt. so i gave mum 2 x $0.5 which is wat i have & would give her sort of in exchange to d money i got. she oso jus take w/o any expression. watever lah. i sick & tired of tryin to get her back to norm... shall let her b wat she wanna b. i'd alrdy did wat i can le.
shall avoid hm s much s possible... but tml weekend... cant avoid... mayb tml still got cousins to cover up... but sun... haiz... i don wan weekend to come...
Thursday, 25 February 2010
faking smile is tough...
today had a bad start den a long day.
if i say wat happened don affect me, i'm seriously 睁着眼睛说瞎话...
at 1st begin my day being v enthusiatic w d proj & sendin out email at 6+ am aft readin an article which could be relevant to d proj. ya. readin & sendin out email at tt time. crazy right. jus happened i saw d online article dated jus ytd ma. not on purpose one lah.
anw, i end up bringin jus 2 pcs of plain bread for lunch. i could ve brought 3 pcs, i could ve brought packet drink along or even take a can of crysanthemum tt i left in office but i no appetite. i no mood to eat. if can, i wld skip. but i wont. so max 2 pcs of bread is all i could take...
had proj discussion for a while b4 gg for classes. managed to stay pretty much focus in class but i cant really b bother w other things. jus wanna get over & done w d more serious stuffs.
went back to d resource rm for a while aft class & found an ext hdd & thumbdrive on d comp on next table. got a feelin they wer my friends one. so i sms to check. luckily i was thr. both were my friends so i ended up safe-keepin for them for d nite.
went back hm aft tt & though dear came over after we went to get dinner, i was still quite affected by d silent mine explosion sort of this mornin esp aft seein mum come back fr grandma's place.
ya. i nvr go grandma's place. cos in case i need comp w internet to do more research for proj. thus, early mornin, alrdy told mum i not gg over even when she ignore me. anw, another reason was so tt i can avoid her s much s i could. i really duno hw to face her. wat to say. hw to react.
i die die wanna go work or somehw stay away fr hm s much s i could for term break & d may to aug holi. i noe i may work & get tired but i don care. stay hm may not rest oso & it's mine at hm.
i can only say tt whenever this happened, i can only stay in my rm, hide in a corner if can, huggin my soft toy, pillow or bolster. if i cant tahan wanna tear & hm got ppl, i wld go to d bathrm. go shower or wat so i can on water & let it my frustration out.
i shld say... i wld only feel much better aft d whole situation get better... mayb like wat chinese say 结铃环 xu xi ling 人... (sry. i chinese not v strong). pro arise fr mum & it will only get better if she is ok. so even aft till nw, i'm still feelin rather down.
only told dear vaguely in d afternoon. jus nw got say la. he told me not to be sad or cry but actually it made me feel more like cryin. i noe he's concern but it's hard to ctrl my emotion. it's really tough.
think i'm too harsh on myself. makes me really feel like runnin away. runnin away fr everything. i'm still thinkin. thinkin if i wanna skip d late afternoon lecture. it'll most prob b last time i gonna skip. prob go escape fr everything for at least a couple of hr & hopin to recharge at least mentally to allow myself to push myself further. & i don think i wanna go back hm. even if can get chance to sleep i oso wont get to 安心的睡...
today while gg to sch, d sea came to my mind. d quietness, d scenary, d surroundin, d atmosphere, d breeze, being away fr s many ppl s possible, etc is all so diff fr my present life. actually, d sea always come to my mind when i feel so down & today west coast park came to my mind prob due to gd memories...
well, mayb bout a decade ago, i wld even end up pressin my teared face in d basin filled w water. cos d coolness, d diff feelin in d water makes me feel better oso. i oso duno y i like 'd water' so much. anw, tml see hw... if really still feelin down, mayb i wld really skip class. tml den decide ba... if not, mayb can go west coast sit sit a while. since i figured out hw to go thr le...
hope tml i dun ve to fake smile anymore when i see ppl. it's not easy to do tt oso...
if i say wat happened don affect me, i'm seriously 睁着眼睛说瞎话...
at 1st begin my day being v enthusiatic w d proj & sendin out email at 6+ am aft readin an article which could be relevant to d proj. ya. readin & sendin out email at tt time. crazy right. jus happened i saw d online article dated jus ytd ma. not on purpose one lah.
anw, i end up bringin jus 2 pcs of plain bread for lunch. i could ve brought 3 pcs, i could ve brought packet drink along or even take a can of crysanthemum tt i left in office but i no appetite. i no mood to eat. if can, i wld skip. but i wont. so max 2 pcs of bread is all i could take...
had proj discussion for a while b4 gg for classes. managed to stay pretty much focus in class but i cant really b bother w other things. jus wanna get over & done w d more serious stuffs.
went back to d resource rm for a while aft class & found an ext hdd & thumbdrive on d comp on next table. got a feelin they wer my friends one. so i sms to check. luckily i was thr. both were my friends so i ended up safe-keepin for them for d nite.
went back hm aft tt & though dear came over after we went to get dinner, i was still quite affected by d silent mine explosion sort of this mornin esp aft seein mum come back fr grandma's place.
ya. i nvr go grandma's place. cos in case i need comp w internet to do more research for proj. thus, early mornin, alrdy told mum i not gg over even when she ignore me. anw, another reason was so tt i can avoid her s much s i could. i really duno hw to face her. wat to say. hw to react.
i die die wanna go work or somehw stay away fr hm s much s i could for term break & d may to aug holi. i noe i may work & get tired but i don care. stay hm may not rest oso & it's mine at hm.
i can only say tt whenever this happened, i can only stay in my rm, hide in a corner if can, huggin my soft toy, pillow or bolster. if i cant tahan wanna tear & hm got ppl, i wld go to d bathrm. go shower or wat so i can on water & let it my frustration out.
i shld say... i wld only feel much better aft d whole situation get better... mayb like wat chinese say 结铃环 xu xi ling 人... (sry. i chinese not v strong). pro arise fr mum & it will only get better if she is ok. so even aft till nw, i'm still feelin rather down.
only told dear vaguely in d afternoon. jus nw got say la. he told me not to be sad or cry but actually it made me feel more like cryin. i noe he's concern but it's hard to ctrl my emotion. it's really tough.
think i'm too harsh on myself. makes me really feel like runnin away. runnin away fr everything. i'm still thinkin. thinkin if i wanna skip d late afternoon lecture. it'll most prob b last time i gonna skip. prob go escape fr everything for at least a couple of hr & hopin to recharge at least mentally to allow myself to push myself further. & i don think i wanna go back hm. even if can get chance to sleep i oso wont get to 安心的睡...
today while gg to sch, d sea came to my mind. d quietness, d scenary, d surroundin, d atmosphere, d breeze, being away fr s many ppl s possible, etc is all so diff fr my present life. actually, d sea always come to my mind when i feel so down & today west coast park came to my mind prob due to gd memories...
well, mayb bout a decade ago, i wld even end up pressin my teared face in d basin filled w water. cos d coolness, d diff feelin in d water makes me feel better oso. i oso duno y i like 'd water' so much. anw, tml see hw... if really still feelin down, mayb i wld really skip class. tml den decide ba... if not, mayb can go west coast sit sit a while. since i figured out hw to go thr le...
hope tml i dun ve to fake smile anymore when i see ppl. it's not easy to do tt oso...
takin a break? or not... still ponderin...
thinkin of takin a break, givin myself a break prob tml late afternoon instead of gg for class. think cos it's an elective & i gonna s/u it makin me takin advantage of it. hope i dun overdo it. if core module, sure don dare so bold... anw, tml den see hw ba... :(
seem like 最亲的人总是伤人最深...
seem like 最亲的人总是伤人最深...
i noe dis blog seemed to b pretty negative nw... but this is d only place i can vent out my frustration... so jus ignore for nw...
Early in mornin, mood totally spoilt... Huggin d soft toy on my bed got no help. Not even blastin my ears w my mp3 cos it's not loud enough to conceal everything...
At times like this, i really hate being a virgo who thinks & worry bout everything. Y i further my studies? Y i'd to struggle so much nw esp in my studies. Y i choose to work part time & not take any pocket money fr parents?
Of course d main reason is to get a higher qualification but my grades aren't helpin me. D other reason is to hope to get a higher pay so dad no need work so hard. But i noe d pay rise may not b tt great. Esp w my grades, i duno if will get a job so i can only try to gain more experience & exposure nw to enhance my resume.
I never get pocket money cos i noe at times, they oso no money. So i earn & use my own savings. Workin & studyin together is not easy esp when i'm alrdy strugglin w my studies but i perserved till nw. Is it all worth it? I may end up depletin all my hard-earn money for 4 yrs.
Is it really worth it??? Is everything really worth it.
I think all my past grades esp last sem one is addin up to my stress. Includin current sem, thr r only 3 sem to pull up my gpa & i can really feel d pressure. I'm oso scare of failin.
I'm tired oso & i dare not really nap esp if dad hm no matter hw tired i may get. & think w all d pressure & lack of sleep, my health is affected. Thus, all headache, etc...
Y cant they understand more rather than explodin s & when they like. If nw really cos of wat i said bout plannin for trip, i really rather not go anywhr. Tryin hard to please them yet they don appreciate is makin my trip to b like a horror.
Next week is term break. I really feel like gg mia. Mia fr everybody. I'll not go sch, grandma's hse, soka ctr, dear's place. I will mia total to get my mind off everythin except i'll bring notes to study for tests. I will go whr thr's internet access so i can do reports if necessary. But i'll b uncontactable. Not reachable by anyone. Ya. No one. Cos i don wanna b found by parents. I oso don wanna get d person into trouble. So mia totally. Den i can slp or do wat i wan & try to buck up on my studies. But all these r jus my wish. A wish tt can nvr b fulfill.
I'm really worried tt at this rate i'm gg, i'll really give up eventually or go bersek... Yet i cant give myself a break. I can only force myself & cont'd press on. I noe it's not right but thr is no other path. jus hope i can ve d ability to last & clear up my modules for another 1 yr 3-4 mths... sighed...
Early in mornin, mood totally spoilt... Huggin d soft toy on my bed got no help. Not even blastin my ears w my mp3 cos it's not loud enough to conceal everything...
At times like this, i really hate being a virgo who thinks & worry bout everything. Y i further my studies? Y i'd to struggle so much nw esp in my studies. Y i choose to work part time & not take any pocket money fr parents?
Of course d main reason is to get a higher qualification but my grades aren't helpin me. D other reason is to hope to get a higher pay so dad no need work so hard. But i noe d pay rise may not b tt great. Esp w my grades, i duno if will get a job so i can only try to gain more experience & exposure nw to enhance my resume.
I never get pocket money cos i noe at times, they oso no money. So i earn & use my own savings. Workin & studyin together is not easy esp when i'm alrdy strugglin w my studies but i perserved till nw. Is it all worth it? I may end up depletin all my hard-earn money for 4 yrs.
Is it really worth it??? Is everything really worth it.
I think all my past grades esp last sem one is addin up to my stress. Includin current sem, thr r only 3 sem to pull up my gpa & i can really feel d pressure. I'm oso scare of failin.
I'm tired oso & i dare not really nap esp if dad hm no matter hw tired i may get. & think w all d pressure & lack of sleep, my health is affected. Thus, all headache, etc...
Y cant they understand more rather than explodin s & when they like. If nw really cos of wat i said bout plannin for trip, i really rather not go anywhr. Tryin hard to please them yet they don appreciate is makin my trip to b like a horror.
Next week is term break. I really feel like gg mia. Mia fr everybody. I'll not go sch, grandma's hse, soka ctr, dear's place. I will mia total to get my mind off everythin except i'll bring notes to study for tests. I will go whr thr's internet access so i can do reports if necessary. But i'll b uncontactable. Not reachable by anyone. Ya. No one. Cos i don wanna b found by parents. I oso don wanna get d person into trouble. So mia totally. Den i can slp or do wat i wan & try to buck up on my studies. But all these r jus my wish. A wish tt can nvr b fulfill.
I'm really worried tt at this rate i'm gg, i'll really give up eventually or go bersek... Yet i cant give myself a break. I can only force myself & cont'd press on. I noe it's not right but thr is no other path. jus hope i can ve d ability to last & clear up my modules for another 1 yr 3-4 mths... sighed...
exploded a mine w/o realizin hw i died...
wat on earth did i do wrong again??? T.T
did i step on mum's tail w/o realizin??? if wanna give me death sentence can jus say or not? wat's d silent for? if angry don wanna say. den inside ur mind, inbalance & think this think tt. no wonder i always don like to stay hm...
ytd, when i go back, mum alrdy like don wanna 'entertain' me. today worst... keep silent all d way... is it wat i do or say?
mornin, d packet of coffee kanna d curry aft she place d plate of curry jus beside d coffee. told her & she ignore me. ask if she got tissue to wipe away. she ignore me. told her tt must wipe away or ltr will kanna on dad's car. she oso ignore. we ate roti prata so i asked if her throat ok le. she ignore me again. **** since she ignore me, i don tok to her loh... usually she will pass me d papers when returnin hm. today, she oso nvr... fine... at most i read d papers online lah...
she PMS? or simply jus unhappy bout something & vent it on me? or d only possibility is tt i told my friend (her friend's younger son) bout hard to plan d HK trip. cos mum asked me to check w him whr he went last yr. i only told certain truth. & it's related to their health issue. not others...
said tt she cant tahan too hot/cold (cos of sinus). said she need drinking water (cos she got history of d kidney infection or something of this sort). said parents cant tahan walk too long (or leg will pain), say dad don shop. he'll go hotel slp instead. said cousin gg & she don go to bed late.
so if she got to know tt i said bout all these, mayb tt's y cos her unhappiness. but it's d truth. & this r really impt to plan a trip so tt i can plan something s close to their likings s possible. i nvr even tell those hidden truth like they wanna go holi yet dun spend so much, etc etc. & somehw show unhappiness any moment. i alrdy save them faces le leh...
but so far, i still not sure if she really unhappy bout this. but no choice. tt friend tt time purely go shopping leh. no sightseeing, etc. sighed...
anw, i duno if it's cos of this lah. mayb got other things but i not sure. i'm jus pissed off cos anytime, i can jus explode any mine w/o realizing & so i duno hw i die & duno died hw many times le.
whenever tt happened, always feel like dashin out of d hse & go somewhr to chill out but nw cfm cant do tt. cos ltr mum said dear or my friends teach me bad things. sighed... i shld ve done tt long long time ago. nw even if i dare oso cant... T.T
did i step on mum's tail w/o realizin??? if wanna give me death sentence can jus say or not? wat's d silent for? if angry don wanna say. den inside ur mind, inbalance & think this think tt. no wonder i always don like to stay hm...
ytd, when i go back, mum alrdy like don wanna 'entertain' me. today worst... keep silent all d way... is it wat i do or say?
mornin, d packet of coffee kanna d curry aft she place d plate of curry jus beside d coffee. told her & she ignore me. ask if she got tissue to wipe away. she ignore me. told her tt must wipe away or ltr will kanna on dad's car. she oso ignore. we ate roti prata so i asked if her throat ok le. she ignore me again. **** since she ignore me, i don tok to her loh... usually she will pass me d papers when returnin hm. today, she oso nvr... fine... at most i read d papers online lah...
she PMS? or simply jus unhappy bout something & vent it on me? or d only possibility is tt i told my friend (her friend's younger son) bout hard to plan d HK trip. cos mum asked me to check w him whr he went last yr. i only told certain truth. & it's related to their health issue. not others...
said tt she cant tahan too hot/cold (cos of sinus). said she need drinking water (cos she got history of d kidney infection or something of this sort). said parents cant tahan walk too long (or leg will pain), say dad don shop. he'll go hotel slp instead. said cousin gg & she don go to bed late.
so if she got to know tt i said bout all these, mayb tt's y cos her unhappiness. but it's d truth. & this r really impt to plan a trip so tt i can plan something s close to their likings s possible. i nvr even tell those hidden truth like they wanna go holi yet dun spend so much, etc etc. & somehw show unhappiness any moment. i alrdy save them faces le leh...
but so far, i still not sure if she really unhappy bout this. but no choice. tt friend tt time purely go shopping leh. no sightseeing, etc. sighed...
anw, i duno if it's cos of this lah. mayb got other things but i not sure. i'm jus pissed off cos anytime, i can jus explode any mine w/o realizing & so i duno hw i die & duno died hw many times le.
whenever tt happened, always feel like dashin out of d hse & go somewhr to chill out but nw cfm cant do tt. cos ltr mum said dear or my friends teach me bad things. sighed... i shld ve done tt long long time ago. nw even if i dare oso cant... T.T
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
prep for tml class...
great... home got plain bread which i can bring s lunch tml but...
i cant find d plastic bag... don tell me finish le... if so, think i can jus eat air tml le...
proj discussion changed fr fri to thurs so tml will be
8.30-9.30 work
9.30-10.30 discussion
10.30-11.30 tut
11.30-1.30 lect
1.30-3.30 lect
3.30-5.30 another lect
sound so great right??? haiz...
nvm... mayb tml den wrap d bread in tissue den put in those reuse carrier plastic bag... think w tissue wrap, shld b ok ba...
& i realized tt canteen oso always go opps w me. when i wanna get sandwich, always dun ve. when i no need, thr's alot... but anw, duno if got time to buy lah. so better stick w my bread fr hm... so not i wanna ill-treat myself. bring fr hm, i no time spread w kaya, etc cos wait for mum go out 1st. so i alrdy do my best to make sure i at least got something to eat. max nutritious food in case i really no time get fr canteen. & since i brought, den i dun wanna waste & get other food. ;p
anw, i oso got printer like no printer... if only d prof upload notes in ppt den i can change d color fr black to blue... nw... i cant print fr hm... tml oso no time print... shit... totally no notes leh... cos this wk i nvr go lib print notes. today wanna print but discussin proj den nvr print... tot tml can print but got another discussion... damn...
all black ink will ve prob to be printed... i tried printed a page but i give up. cos i noe i cant see den i will sure reprint again. tml no notes go wat class sia... hope got time go print ba... :(
i cant find d plastic bag... don tell me finish le... if so, think i can jus eat air tml le...
proj discussion changed fr fri to thurs so tml will be
8.30-9.30 work
9.30-10.30 discussion
10.30-11.30 tut
11.30-1.30 lect
1.30-3.30 lect
3.30-5.30 another lect
sound so great right??? haiz...
nvm... mayb tml den wrap d bread in tissue den put in those reuse carrier plastic bag... think w tissue wrap, shld b ok ba...
& i realized tt canteen oso always go opps w me. when i wanna get sandwich, always dun ve. when i no need, thr's alot... but anw, duno if got time to buy lah. so better stick w my bread fr hm... so not i wanna ill-treat myself. bring fr hm, i no time spread w kaya, etc cos wait for mum go out 1st. so i alrdy do my best to make sure i at least got something to eat. max nutritious food in case i really no time get fr canteen. & since i brought, den i dun wanna waste & get other food. ;p
anw, i oso got printer like no printer... if only d prof upload notes in ppt den i can change d color fr black to blue... nw... i cant print fr hm... tml oso no time print... shit... totally no notes leh... cos this wk i nvr go lib print notes. today wanna print but discussin proj den nvr print... tot tml can print but got another discussion... damn...
all black ink will ve prob to be printed... i tried printed a page but i give up. cos i noe i cant see den i will sure reprint again. tml no notes go wat class sia... hope got time go print ba... :(
4th wisdom tooth...
headache no more but i been findin my lower right side behind my molar teeth weird. jus shine torch on it & see in mirror & find it red & swollen. touch it & could feel a 'sharper' swell in d middle which is harder. don tell me it's wisdom teeth again... if so, it'll b d 4th wisdom tooth le.
get so many for wat? i aren't get any wiser... top 2 fully grown was so hard to clean. d 3rd on at d bottom left was partially out only & givin me pain at times. Oso hard to clean. if this oso wisdom tooth, den 1 more trouble... if this is 1, den it's seemed to be slanted inwards while my top 2 slanted outwards.
think i march aft recess got a dental appt in sch. mayb if gum still swollen den, i shall check w d dentist. anw, i'd been v tempted to remove d wisdom tooth cos v hard to clean esp my 3rd one cos once a while, it will cos pain. but i still considerin. cos i duno my treshold of pain is to wat lvl.... mayb go dental appt le den check. which means i'd to call back & fixed another date or time cos clash w lesson.
i wanna b wiser & not jus gettin wisdom tooth lah... haiz...
get so many for wat? i aren't get any wiser... top 2 fully grown was so hard to clean. d 3rd on at d bottom left was partially out only & givin me pain at times. Oso hard to clean. if this oso wisdom tooth, den 1 more trouble... if this is 1, den it's seemed to be slanted inwards while my top 2 slanted outwards.
think i march aft recess got a dental appt in sch. mayb if gum still swollen den, i shall check w d dentist. anw, i'd been v tempted to remove d wisdom tooth cos v hard to clean esp my 3rd one cos once a while, it will cos pain. but i still considerin. cos i duno my treshold of pain is to wat lvl.... mayb go dental appt le den check. which means i'd to call back & fixed another date or time cos clash w lesson.
i wanna b wiser & not jus gettin wisdom tooth lah... haiz...
Monday, 22 February 2010
headache cos of sleep deprived???
still d same old prob... headache...
next wk is term break, w work & project discussion & to study for tests, i hope i get to get a gd rest. if possible & headache persist, think i shld go to d doc le. almost everywk will kanna. this time since fri... so 4 days le...
it's pretty much on & off & i would feel more comfortable if i put my hand on my head & apply pressure on it. tahan till ytd mornin b4 i took 2 panadol. today oso ate 2 in d afternoon. i really don wanna get reliant on panadol. too much of med will b like poison. will ve side effect. will become tolerant to d med oso.
thr could b many reasons & more common reasons could be due to not enough sleep or stress. i think not enough sleep is my main prob ba. mayb stress do add up to it. been wantin to chiong & work hard cos my grades really sucks. though i can seemed to take it easy but i cant don admit tt deep inside i will still b affected.
ya. i may not ve enough rest... + it's oso not quite possible esp if dad ard. like ytd, i did ignore & took a nap but mayb like 10 mins ltr, i woke up feeling 'awake' & unable to get back to sleep. i noe mentally i sure not enough slp but guess dad's presence still affect me.
today, friends said i could go dear's hse 'borrow' mattress to nap... well, to me, not feasible too ba. wat will his mom think? i'll seem like so lazy & always sleep. thus, i end up workin thru... i do close my eyes for short while once a while but dare not really sleep thr oso lah.
sleep on comp table in sch lib oso weird but at least i do sleep longer there but i oso cant possibly set alarm clock in lib...
so no matter whr i am, i cant really catch back my sleep. so guess d accumulation of sleep deprived really affect me lots nw. i'd to admit it's affectin me anytime of d day. no wonder d headache...
anw, today, i realized i'd a dried-up cut on my upper lip. i don't understand hw i got it. cos i nvr really peel d dried skin on my lip ytd. & even if so, oso wont b like a cut. & i nvr had impression tt it tear cos too dry or pain or there was any bleeding. so it's really a mystery...
today, in lab, durin d long waiting time, though i tired, i typed d methology for a lab report which was to be due b4 10/4. ya. u can say i kiasu but i don wanna waste time. i wanna clear up s much s i can. so i can focus on studyin ltr on. thr r only 2 more sem w exam to pull up my gpa and 1 fyp to do so. time is runnin out. (oops... tt's y i do say subconsciously i do stress myself). well, thr is no choice. thr r other projects & reports too. luckily work will end by end of mar. & most reports, etc will b cleared by then while d rest would be at least 60% done by then.
if really cant, i shall ve to give my dance trg or other soka mtg (esp on weekday) a miss. tokin bout dance trg, it wld resume this weekend. but i donno to wat extend i could proceed on. cos my hip don feel tt all right when i walk fast, etc. or shld i go see d chinese physician or doc? i really don noe. so i oso dare not go run even if i not so flat nw. today jus mon. shall monitor few more days b4 decidin.
next wk is term break, w work & project discussion & to study for tests, i hope i get to get a gd rest. if possible & headache persist, think i shld go to d doc le. almost everywk will kanna. this time since fri... so 4 days le...
it's pretty much on & off & i would feel more comfortable if i put my hand on my head & apply pressure on it. tahan till ytd mornin b4 i took 2 panadol. today oso ate 2 in d afternoon. i really don wanna get reliant on panadol. too much of med will b like poison. will ve side effect. will become tolerant to d med oso.
thr could b many reasons & more common reasons could be due to not enough sleep or stress. i think not enough sleep is my main prob ba. mayb stress do add up to it. been wantin to chiong & work hard cos my grades really sucks. though i can seemed to take it easy but i cant don admit tt deep inside i will still b affected.
ya. i may not ve enough rest... + it's oso not quite possible esp if dad ard. like ytd, i did ignore & took a nap but mayb like 10 mins ltr, i woke up feeling 'awake' & unable to get back to sleep. i noe mentally i sure not enough slp but guess dad's presence still affect me.
today, friends said i could go dear's hse 'borrow' mattress to nap... well, to me, not feasible too ba. wat will his mom think? i'll seem like so lazy & always sleep. thus, i end up workin thru... i do close my eyes for short while once a while but dare not really sleep thr oso lah.
sleep on comp table in sch lib oso weird but at least i do sleep longer there but i oso cant possibly set alarm clock in lib...
so no matter whr i am, i cant really catch back my sleep. so guess d accumulation of sleep deprived really affect me lots nw. i'd to admit it's affectin me anytime of d day. no wonder d headache...
anw, today, i realized i'd a dried-up cut on my upper lip. i don't understand hw i got it. cos i nvr really peel d dried skin on my lip ytd. & even if so, oso wont b like a cut. & i nvr had impression tt it tear cos too dry or pain or there was any bleeding. so it's really a mystery...
today, in lab, durin d long waiting time, though i tired, i typed d methology for a lab report which was to be due b4 10/4. ya. u can say i kiasu but i don wanna waste time. i wanna clear up s much s i can. so i can focus on studyin ltr on. thr r only 2 more sem w exam to pull up my gpa and 1 fyp to do so. time is runnin out. (oops... tt's y i do say subconsciously i do stress myself). well, thr is no choice. thr r other projects & reports too. luckily work will end by end of mar. & most reports, etc will b cleared by then while d rest would be at least 60% done by then.
if really cant, i shall ve to give my dance trg or other soka mtg (esp on weekday) a miss. tokin bout dance trg, it wld resume this weekend. but i donno to wat extend i could proceed on. cos my hip don feel tt all right when i walk fast, etc. or shld i go see d chinese physician or doc? i really don noe. so i oso dare not go run even if i not so flat nw. today jus mon. shall monitor few more days b4 decidin.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
everythin...
jus nw received my bank acc statement cos i mths nvr update my passbk le. so i looked thru my past expenditure, etc. realized tt i'm lucky...
d part time job tt i'd got don give me much $$ per mth. cny & bday angbow oso not big figures. but when accumulated, think it could last me like a yr more.
of course at times, when i lazy go get proper meals like exam period cos studyin in lib oso allow me to save up some $$ in a way.
w d extra cash fr work & angbow + i don spend much, guess, it allow me to survive much longer than i had previously worried bout b4 i decided to go back to sch in 07. i was really scare then tt i would ve to declare bankrupt even while i was still studyin.
yes. work did spare me fr declarin bankrupcy & reduces my stress due to financial prob... but, it added on to my tireness... tt is something i cant denied. tt's y dis wk i choose not to work. cos gotta rush report oso.
it's really not easy to study & work part time or vice versa. m so physically & mentally tired. earnin $$ not easy. spendin it is much easier. but i still wish to go for short getaway. a new environment, a new experience, a place free fr wat i'd to face nw, a place for new memories. i think mayb i still can afford mayb somewhr near, somewhr cheap, somewhr no need spend much. shall see hw s time goes...
meanwhile cont'd strive & work hard & cont'd to save up. ^.^
recess wk comin, meanin almost 1/2 way thru this sem. so i sort of left 1.25 yrs to go... 4 yrs course is really v long. i wanna go back to work. at least wat i did last time, no need me to think bout work after i go back home. so i can rest, relax, go out w friends, play my piano, draw, & do all sort of things i enjoy. tt time, can oso apply leave s & when i wan oso but of course, i noe when i must work lah. whr find such gd deal. but of course work means work lah.
but i think i seriously need to catch back on my sleep. gettin ko & lose focus easily. not gd. but i oso stress esp if dad home. sighed. i think tireness is due to accumulation. when i a kid, i don take nap or rather i don wanna take nap (wanna play ma). haiz... served me right. if i'd noe, when i can nap, i shld nap more esp when i a kid. nw, if in sch lib studyin, if i tired, i will slp on d table even though don look nice. i got no whr else to slp le ma.
recently ppl always say i slim down lots... well, i don do it purposely one leh. i do admit i ate much lesser than b4 but i felt recently i eat more (but still less than last last time) & get hungry more easily. yet i think i still lose like 1 kg or so? in all, i think i lose like 4-5 kg (based on d bathrm compact scale) over d past mayb less than a yr?
eatin less was initiated by d koka instant laksa which was filled w coconut taste rather than d laksa curry. den i no appetite for days. but forced myself eat at least little. den think used to it aft tt. so nvr eat much. den started slimmin down le. nw do eat slightly more but still not tt much but can get hungry mroe easily. so i oso duno y i still lost tt extra kg. mayb tired & 'stress'? i really duno. i alrdy try to take it easy. doing things 1 step at a time.
shall monitor my weight ba. i think i alrdy fall below d acceptable bmi le if based on my weighin scale. but i noe tt one not accurate. cos last time when i weigh at clinic, it was always like 1-2 kg more than my weighin balance. so i think i still at d acceptable bmi range...
d part time job tt i'd got don give me much $$ per mth. cny & bday angbow oso not big figures. but when accumulated, think it could last me like a yr more.
of course at times, when i lazy go get proper meals like exam period cos studyin in lib oso allow me to save up some $$ in a way.
w d extra cash fr work & angbow + i don spend much, guess, it allow me to survive much longer than i had previously worried bout b4 i decided to go back to sch in 07. i was really scare then tt i would ve to declare bankrupt even while i was still studyin.
yes. work did spare me fr declarin bankrupcy & reduces my stress due to financial prob... but, it added on to my tireness... tt is something i cant denied. tt's y dis wk i choose not to work. cos gotta rush report oso.
it's really not easy to study & work part time or vice versa. m so physically & mentally tired. earnin $$ not easy. spendin it is much easier. but i still wish to go for short getaway. a new environment, a new experience, a place free fr wat i'd to face nw, a place for new memories. i think mayb i still can afford mayb somewhr near, somewhr cheap, somewhr no need spend much. shall see hw s time goes...
meanwhile cont'd strive & work hard & cont'd to save up. ^.^
recess wk comin, meanin almost 1/2 way thru this sem. so i sort of left 1.25 yrs to go... 4 yrs course is really v long. i wanna go back to work. at least wat i did last time, no need me to think bout work after i go back home. so i can rest, relax, go out w friends, play my piano, draw, & do all sort of things i enjoy. tt time, can oso apply leave s & when i wan oso but of course, i noe when i must work lah. whr find such gd deal. but of course work means work lah.
but i think i seriously need to catch back on my sleep. gettin ko & lose focus easily. not gd. but i oso stress esp if dad home. sighed. i think tireness is due to accumulation. when i a kid, i don take nap or rather i don wanna take nap (wanna play ma). haiz... served me right. if i'd noe, when i can nap, i shld nap more esp when i a kid. nw, if in sch lib studyin, if i tired, i will slp on d table even though don look nice. i got no whr else to slp le ma.
recently ppl always say i slim down lots... well, i don do it purposely one leh. i do admit i ate much lesser than b4 but i felt recently i eat more (but still less than last last time) & get hungry more easily. yet i think i still lose like 1 kg or so? in all, i think i lose like 4-5 kg (based on d bathrm compact scale) over d past mayb less than a yr?
eatin less was initiated by d koka instant laksa which was filled w coconut taste rather than d laksa curry. den i no appetite for days. but forced myself eat at least little. den think used to it aft tt. so nvr eat much. den started slimmin down le. nw do eat slightly more but still not tt much but can get hungry mroe easily. so i oso duno y i still lost tt extra kg. mayb tired & 'stress'? i really duno. i alrdy try to take it easy. doing things 1 step at a time.
shall monitor my weight ba. i think i alrdy fall below d acceptable bmi le if based on my weighin scale. but i noe tt one not accurate. cos last time when i weigh at clinic, it was always like 1-2 kg more than my weighin balance. so i think i still at d acceptable bmi range...
Thursday, 18 February 2010
cny over. reality sink in
cny over. back to reality... in bout slightly >2 mths, exam b comin. yet so many reports, tests,etc comin up. this sem seemed more xiong than previous. mayb cos much more modules w proj & all due ard same time ba...
jus look at d list below. all fr nw till b4 exam... -.-'''
22/2 drug discovery summary report
10/3 pharmaco test
12 /3 proteomics test
17/3 HR report (2,500 words)
19/3 drug discovery full report
29/3 pharmaco lab report
5/4 mgmt report (4,000 words w 4 interviews to be done) (soft copy)
5 or 12/4 drug discovery presentation
6/4 mgmt report (hard copy)
10/3 proteomics lab report
can only look forward to d term break in 1st wk of mar. but duno hw slack i can go w so many things on hand. only d summary sort of done & HR report got skeleton nw...
exams oso not tt easy...
26/4 mgmt
27/4 drug discovery
29/4 structural bio
30/4 pharmaco
4/5 proteomics
7/5 HR
d only thing i can say is, at least i can clear 6 papers in 2 wk. but 1st wk is maddness. 5 days 4 xiong paper. aft 4/5 will sure no mood study le...
i wan a holi!!! i wanna dump all away!!!
jus look at d list below. all fr nw till b4 exam... -.-'''
22/2 drug discovery summary report
10/3 pharmaco test
12 /3 proteomics test
17/3 HR report (2,500 words)
19/3 drug discovery full report
29/3 pharmaco lab report
5/4 mgmt report (4,000 words w 4 interviews to be done) (soft copy)
5 or 12/4 drug discovery presentation
6/4 mgmt report (hard copy)
10/3 proteomics lab report
can only look forward to d term break in 1st wk of mar. but duno hw slack i can go w so many things on hand. only d summary sort of done & HR report got skeleton nw...
exams oso not tt easy...
26/4 mgmt
27/4 drug discovery
29/4 structural bio
30/4 pharmaco
4/5 proteomics
7/5 HR
d only thing i can say is, at least i can clear 6 papers in 2 wk. but 1st wk is maddness. 5 days 4 xiong paper. aft 4/5 will sure no mood study le...
i wan a holi!!! i wanna dump all away!!!
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
my goddaughter
today got a mail fr philipines... fr my aunt's maid whom we called each other s sis.
last yr, she gave birth to her 2nd gal & had asked if i could b her baby gal's godma. i agreed. nw she sent me d pic of my goddaughter together w a valentine card. so sweet of her.
she oso put her add on d card. made me feel like gg thr visit them & oso for a short get away. been really tired fr d cny. mayb i shall see if i can go thr for d upcomin long vacation. if i survived till then... lol... but i think i can really consider. since i nvr go philippines b4. can go see see look look. can visit my sis & my goddaughter oso.
anw, below r d photos:
my sis's elder daughter, 11 nov 09
last yr, she gave birth to her 2nd gal & had asked if i could b her baby gal's godma. i agreed. nw she sent me d pic of my goddaughter together w a valentine card. so sweet of her.
she oso put her add on d card. made me feel like gg thr visit them & oso for a short get away. been really tired fr d cny. mayb i shall see if i can go thr for d upcomin long vacation. if i survived till then... lol... but i think i can really consider. since i nvr go philippines b4. can go see see look look. can visit my sis & my goddaughter oso.
anw, below r d photos:
my goddaughter, jhenica, 27 dec 09
my goddaughter, jhenica, 28 jan 10
my sis, marilou, & my goddaughter, jhenica, 9 jan 10
my goddaughter, jhenica, & her elder sis, 9 jan 10
my sis's elder daughter, 11 nov 09Tuesday, 16 February 2010
wat's so gd bout forcin ppl to over-eat?
y ppl like to order/buy many & den forced ppl finish up d food? i really don understand. if u find it wasteful, den don buy so many lah... y this oso wan, tt oso wan...
ate so many yrs of steamboat. ate many times a yr. yet still d same old prob... sighed...
for 6 ppl, got a pkt of fishball, a pkt of fishball w meat inside, pork liver, pork intestine, fish, 2 big sotong, 8-9 baby lobsters, abalone, straw mushrm (think at least 2-3 pkt), a tube of egg tofu, 1 ball of lettuce, many chicken wings, 4 crabs, ...
mum cant eat d shelled seafood cos of allergy. grandma usually ate little (but today, she ate lesser). godma oso eat not tt much. they keep tryin to push to dear. say last one. even grandma said like, 'oh, ur future father-in-law give one so must take', etc etc...
they noe push to me no use. i die die wont take. dad wanna prep more but i kept sayin 'tolong' till he pek chek & shut me off (*rolled eyes*). but it's true ma. if u noe cant finish, y prep so much? if prep so much, prep to waste. y force ppl eat.
dear v easy gg. so when no choice, he would eat. but he would stomachache & once stomachache whole night & next day & vomitted twice tt nite. so i keep tryin to prevent my parents & grandma fr forcin him eat more & become so naggy to keep purposely remindin him not to over-eat in front of my parents to screw d idea into their head. i noe i put myself in a land filled with mines but i got no choice.
thr was once he stomachache whole nite till next day & vomitted badly twice tt night. aft tt day, his mom got asked me wat we ate, etc. she tot food poisonin but i ok i dare not say he over-eat. i don wan this to happen again. hw to ans his mom? esp when nw it's cos of my family? argh... y ppl always like tt. wat's so gd bout over-eatin? y torture ppl?
pretty recently, i once over-eat durin a buffet. while i was still thr, alrdy stomach pain & uncomfortable. whole nite, whole next day oso not comfortable & gotta take med which doesn't seemed to really help much. so i understand hw bad it can get. so i really dislike it when ppl forced others to eat thus, i don care if i stepped on a mine and even trigger off all others.
dad actually will oso not comfortable if over-eat or eat too oily. so i super don understand y he still can force ppl eat. he shld noe hw bad it can get. & he noe tt mum & me get v worried bout him when tt happen.
y? y r thr such ppl? if they wanna suffer, they suffer themselves lah. i wont pity them anymore if such ppl suffer in d end. jus don go drag ppl down can or not... wanna suffer, suffer ur own la... it makes ppl suffer, torture them & make their love ones worry & upset... wat will they gain?
anw, i rather waste food than over-eat. jus try keep if can & finish those more exp one lah. so wont waste really tt huge amt. better than get uncomfortable den go see doc. waste more $$ & still gotta suffer.
i wld wanna say, 'stupid, 笨, 'bo-do' (donno hw spell in malay), baka, 'pon'^1 (hakka) (think similar tone in canto), ...' suddenly forget in hokkien. if i noe in teochew, hainan, & other languages, i wld oso say too...
ate so many yrs of steamboat. ate many times a yr. yet still d same old prob... sighed...
for 6 ppl, got a pkt of fishball, a pkt of fishball w meat inside, pork liver, pork intestine, fish, 2 big sotong, 8-9 baby lobsters, abalone, straw mushrm (think at least 2-3 pkt), a tube of egg tofu, 1 ball of lettuce, many chicken wings, 4 crabs, ...
mum cant eat d shelled seafood cos of allergy. grandma usually ate little (but today, she ate lesser). godma oso eat not tt much. they keep tryin to push to dear. say last one. even grandma said like, 'oh, ur future father-in-law give one so must take', etc etc...
they noe push to me no use. i die die wont take. dad wanna prep more but i kept sayin 'tolong' till he pek chek & shut me off (*rolled eyes*). but it's true ma. if u noe cant finish, y prep so much? if prep so much, prep to waste. y force ppl eat.
dear v easy gg. so when no choice, he would eat. but he would stomachache & once stomachache whole night & next day & vomitted twice tt nite. so i keep tryin to prevent my parents & grandma fr forcin him eat more & become so naggy to keep purposely remindin him not to over-eat in front of my parents to screw d idea into their head. i noe i put myself in a land filled with mines but i got no choice.
thr was once he stomachache whole nite till next day & vomitted badly twice tt night. aft tt day, his mom got asked me wat we ate, etc. she tot food poisonin but i ok i dare not say he over-eat. i don wan this to happen again. hw to ans his mom? esp when nw it's cos of my family? argh... y ppl always like tt. wat's so gd bout over-eatin? y torture ppl?
pretty recently, i once over-eat durin a buffet. while i was still thr, alrdy stomach pain & uncomfortable. whole nite, whole next day oso not comfortable & gotta take med which doesn't seemed to really help much. so i understand hw bad it can get. so i really dislike it when ppl forced others to eat thus, i don care if i stepped on a mine and even trigger off all others.
dad actually will oso not comfortable if over-eat or eat too oily. so i super don understand y he still can force ppl eat. he shld noe hw bad it can get. & he noe tt mum & me get v worried bout him when tt happen.
y? y r thr such ppl? if they wanna suffer, they suffer themselves lah. i wont pity them anymore if such ppl suffer in d end. jus don go drag ppl down can or not... wanna suffer, suffer ur own la... it makes ppl suffer, torture them & make their love ones worry & upset... wat will they gain?
anw, i rather waste food than over-eat. jus try keep if can & finish those more exp one lah. so wont waste really tt huge amt. better than get uncomfortable den go see doc. waste more $$ & still gotta suffer.
i wld wanna say, 'stupid, 笨, 'bo-do' (donno hw spell in malay), baka, 'pon'^1 (hakka) (think similar tone in canto), ...' suddenly forget in hokkien. if i noe in teochew, hainan, & other languages, i wld oso say too...
FLAT
1 word to describe me... FLAT!!!
& i wanna 'nua'... i don wanna do anythin or bother bout anythin nw... i wan holi... real holi...
holi to rest, to slp, to 'nua', to do watever i wan. holi w/o rushin here & thr, w/o waitin for ppl who got no time mgmt, w/o work, w/o sch works, w/o stress, w/o worries, etc etc...
but can i??? is it possible??? when is it possible???
(-.-)zzzZZZZ
& i wanna 'nua'... i don wanna do anythin or bother bout anythin nw... i wan holi... real holi...
holi to rest, to slp, to 'nua', to do watever i wan. holi w/o rushin here & thr, w/o waitin for ppl who got no time mgmt, w/o work, w/o sch works, w/o stress, w/o worries, etc etc...
but can i??? is it possible??? when is it possible???
(-.-)zzzZZZZ
Monday, 15 February 2010
cny, v-day, friendship day, anniversary
14 feb 10 is cny 1st day & valentine's day cum friendship day. it's oso sort of a yr aft i noe dear.
ended up gg my side & his side for visitings cos mum's friend told her tt we shld jus go collect more ang bao cos in yrs to come, we wld output & no input.
below timin is jus a rough estimate:
0830 left hm to his hse
0915 his mom wanna go temple nearby to pray
1000 reach his 大伯's hse at pasir panjang
1115 go grandma's place (impromptu changed cos my dad's siblings had not reached my hse)
1215 left for my hse & had lunch
1345 left for his 二姑's place at amk
1500 cancelled a trip to his 大舅's place & so he thot of gg his 小舅's place but failed. wanna go his nanny's place oso failed & we ended up at queensway shoppin ctr for a McNuggets teabreak
1645 reach his 二舅's place at bedok reservoir rd & had dinner thr
1915 he drove me back
can u imagine, 1 whole day can go so many places... i nvr expected tt oso.
though mum asked me go, think dad not used to it. keep askin whr i go, keep askin me whr i gg again. last min tell me his bro wan gatherin this evenin, & den tell me changed to tml. he said too last min so i most prob cant & he not v happy so i said i'll try to... sighed... hw to split myself lah.
i wanna go mia durin cny can??? i don mind workin like i told my cousin. cos at least i work, i get paid, & most impt i no need to split myself. i no need to make anybody disappointed & sad.
jus tt mayb a day pay may not b s much s i can get today cos godma give me a big ang bao like usual.
think wat i got today plus wat i had been earnin for workin part time so far durin break time can last me mayb 4-5 mths if i 省着用 & w/o much major events like bday etc... mayb if i survive on a loaf of plain bread & water fr water cooler can last longer. lol. no lah. i wont do tt. i don think i poor to tt extend. lol... tt's too much le. no nutrition oso...
anw, v-day on cny 1st day is super not right. don match like many say. it's jus like normal cny. i on eve alrdy flat tt i nvr really get to wish my friends a happy friendship day & happy new year too. sighed... sorry!!!
ended up gg my side & his side for visitings cos mum's friend told her tt we shld jus go collect more ang bao cos in yrs to come, we wld output & no input.
below timin is jus a rough estimate:
0830 left hm to his hse
0915 his mom wanna go temple nearby to pray
1000 reach his 大伯's hse at pasir panjang
1115 go grandma's place (impromptu changed cos my dad's siblings had not reached my hse)
1215 left for my hse & had lunch
1345 left for his 二姑's place at amk
1500 cancelled a trip to his 大舅's place & so he thot of gg his 小舅's place but failed. wanna go his nanny's place oso failed & we ended up at queensway shoppin ctr for a McNuggets teabreak
1645 reach his 二舅's place at bedok reservoir rd & had dinner thr
1915 he drove me back
can u imagine, 1 whole day can go so many places... i nvr expected tt oso.
though mum asked me go, think dad not used to it. keep askin whr i go, keep askin me whr i gg again. last min tell me his bro wan gatherin this evenin, & den tell me changed to tml. he said too last min so i most prob cant & he not v happy so i said i'll try to... sighed... hw to split myself lah.
i wanna go mia durin cny can??? i don mind workin like i told my cousin. cos at least i work, i get paid, & most impt i no need to split myself. i no need to make anybody disappointed & sad.
jus tt mayb a day pay may not b s much s i can get today cos godma give me a big ang bao like usual.
think wat i got today plus wat i had been earnin for workin part time so far durin break time can last me mayb 4-5 mths if i 省着用 & w/o much major events like bday etc... mayb if i survive on a loaf of plain bread & water fr water cooler can last longer. lol. no lah. i wont do tt. i don think i poor to tt extend. lol... tt's too much le. no nutrition oso...
anw, v-day on cny 1st day is super not right. don match like many say. it's jus like normal cny. i on eve alrdy flat tt i nvr really get to wish my friends a happy friendship day & happy new year too. sighed... sorry!!!
Sunday, 14 February 2010
bad start for tiger yr...
*$#%$#... started off d tiger yr hearin mum grumble...
jus nw dad asked me buy fillet burger & nugget for dinner. he kept sayin nugget is 2 per person. alrdy told him i full. i eat w dear & tabao back.
nw, he 'commit suicide' again by tellin mum & me tt thr r still 4 more nugget. mum got sorethroat & gonna no voice so she super unhappy hearin dad say tt. & started 'scoldin'.
i pek chek of course. go kitchen grab d nugget back to my rm. sighed... y always like tt. cant i jus get peace... a brand new yr in chinese calendar leh... T.T
ltr gotta squeeze in d 4 nugget le lah... baka baka baka... if i had noe, i would not ve call & asked if he wan supper... stupid me...
jus nw dad asked me buy fillet burger & nugget for dinner. he kept sayin nugget is 2 per person. alrdy told him i full. i eat w dear & tabao back.
nw, he 'commit suicide' again by tellin mum & me tt thr r still 4 more nugget. mum got sorethroat & gonna no voice so she super unhappy hearin dad say tt. & started 'scoldin'.
i pek chek of course. go kitchen grab d nugget back to my rm. sighed... y always like tt. cant i jus get peace... a brand new yr in chinese calendar leh... T.T
ltr gotta squeeze in d 4 nugget le lah... baka baka baka... if i had noe, i would not ve call & asked if he wan supper... stupid me...
Saturday, 13 February 2010
i wanna go holi rather than stayn in sg for future cny...
next time, if can, i wish not to stay in sg for cny... go holi & escape...
mum's old habit of assumin ppl always so free & make plans, etc w/o checkin d feasbility...
this time, assume dear sure free to drive us to the temple to pray for grandparents. & wanted to bring many things (last min cut down on a few) & last min asked him drive to close by cold storage to buy fruits cos market all close.
i told her straight, not directly but when d time seemed right and said, 'luckily he was not workin & he was free, wat if he was workin or he wasn't free'. i gotta remind her cos otherwise she would assume d same in future. i don ve car, dad workin so she better get d whole situation right b4 makin anymore assumption. in d end, she still self-volunteered to ask dear to drive my uncle & aunt back after prayin. -.-'''
anw, d weather was hot & aft gg here & thr, i kanna headache again while at d temple. & hearin my mum's talkin, nagging & even grumbling on how my uncle & aunt treat their son when he was havin fever, etc was makin my head almost burst so i told mum straight tt i wanna go hm sleep a while cos i got headache while we were on d way home.
usually wont tell but tried to stop her talkin but failed. at least i earn d chance to nap. sighed... but before that, i cant take it & pop 2 panadol again. at this rate i'm gg, i might end up b immune to panadol leh... argh...
she oso a chatterbox leh. sorethroat, gonna no voice, still keep tokin & even at louder tone. ltr she no voice den she noe... but she said she will die if she don tok... -.-'''
mum's old habit of assumin ppl always so free & make plans, etc w/o checkin d feasbility...
this time, assume dear sure free to drive us to the temple to pray for grandparents. & wanted to bring many things (last min cut down on a few) & last min asked him drive to close by cold storage to buy fruits cos market all close.
i told her straight, not directly but when d time seemed right and said, 'luckily he was not workin & he was free, wat if he was workin or he wasn't free'. i gotta remind her cos otherwise she would assume d same in future. i don ve car, dad workin so she better get d whole situation right b4 makin anymore assumption. in d end, she still self-volunteered to ask dear to drive my uncle & aunt back after prayin. -.-'''
anw, d weather was hot & aft gg here & thr, i kanna headache again while at d temple. & hearin my mum's talkin, nagging & even grumbling on how my uncle & aunt treat their son when he was havin fever, etc was makin my head almost burst so i told mum straight tt i wanna go hm sleep a while cos i got headache while we were on d way home.
usually wont tell but tried to stop her talkin but failed. at least i earn d chance to nap. sighed... but before that, i cant take it & pop 2 panadol again. at this rate i'm gg, i might end up b immune to panadol leh... argh...
she oso a chatterbox leh. sorethroat, gonna no voice, still keep tokin & even at louder tone. ltr she no voice den she noe... but she said she will die if she don tok... -.-'''
Friday, 12 February 2010
technical fault
ran to a no of technical pro recently...
tt day, my laptop cant detect my hp, nw ok le. last nite, it deleted d whole history of SMSes by itself. i really give up on d phone le. i think i still like nokia or sony ericsson best. but i shall b open-minded. mayb d phone is too smart for my limited intelligence...
anw, 2 nite ago, duno y my laptop shut down by itself. i was d/l-in some stuffs so i left it on while i slp. yet when i woke up, it was shut down completely...
ytd, dear's internet got pro again. it happened on tue oso. wed nite, dear's printer jam & wont print. these few days, his cpu oso can get pretty noisy.
so many technical issues lately oso... other than health issues...
oh ya... i kanna sunburn tt day aft d airshow. weird thing is it's noon time & yet, i kanna sunburn more on my right side. & so got d print of my tanktop tt i wore tt day. big diff. & it started to peel... v sian is tt those peeled part is lighter shade & it 'glow'. my neck & shoulder area look patchy nw... damn... cny comin. got 2 dresses cant wear. nvm i still got a top & d jeans tt dear bought for me. luckily. but 2nd day another pro... 走一步看一步...
tt day, my laptop cant detect my hp, nw ok le. last nite, it deleted d whole history of SMSes by itself. i really give up on d phone le. i think i still like nokia or sony ericsson best. but i shall b open-minded. mayb d phone is too smart for my limited intelligence...
anw, 2 nite ago, duno y my laptop shut down by itself. i was d/l-in some stuffs so i left it on while i slp. yet when i woke up, it was shut down completely...
ytd, dear's internet got pro again. it happened on tue oso. wed nite, dear's printer jam & wont print. these few days, his cpu oso can get pretty noisy.
so many technical issues lately oso... other than health issues...
oh ya... i kanna sunburn tt day aft d airshow. weird thing is it's noon time & yet, i kanna sunburn more on my right side. & so got d print of my tanktop tt i wore tt day. big diff. & it started to peel... v sian is tt those peeled part is lighter shade & it 'glow'. my neck & shoulder area look patchy nw... damn... cny comin. got 2 dresses cant wear. nvm i still got a top & d jeans tt dear bought for me. luckily. but 2nd day another pro... 走一步看一步...
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
bit of nose bleed
damn... i really really wanna curse & swear le lah...
neck not fully recover esp in mornin when i woke up for today & ytd. yet, jus nw, nose bit itchy & thr is a bit of nose bleed again... d last time it happened & d only 2 times it happened was last sem... but many many mths ok le leh...
WTH is gg on??? did d approachin tiger consumed all my 'gd health'??? can i even have a week of 'peace'? or at least a few days?
ytd mornin, oso had bit of gastric discomfort... gastric & stomach discomfort is v diff... was alrdy in campus. alrdy in office workin. i'd gastric med at hm but nvr brought it w me. cos i don really ve any issue w gastric. d med i got is to complement other stronger med like pain killer. luckily it got better by itself or i wld ve skipped d afternoon lab.
anw, d nose bleed was v minor. so minor tt parents oso nvr notice even though they were hm. it nvr flow like tap so i managed to go to d bathrm & try to stop d bleedin thr & to flush away d tissue w some blood stains. decided to monitor & see hw... esp since d last 2 times were mths ago. d 2nd time then was more scary cos it's like jus a mth apart... sighed...
nw i do ve bit headache. ya. headache again. but i not sure link or not... but like i said... i shall monitor & see hw. if not ok (touchwood), i shall go see doc tml?
tml b another long day... 7 hrs of lesson straight fr 10.30 to 5.30. alrdy bought a bread for lunch tml. ya. i gonna survive on bread again. mayb lack of proper 'meals'? but i got eat lunch even if i workin unless like thurs lah...
neck not fully recover esp in mornin when i woke up for today & ytd. yet, jus nw, nose bit itchy & thr is a bit of nose bleed again... d last time it happened & d only 2 times it happened was last sem... but many many mths ok le leh...
WTH is gg on??? did d approachin tiger consumed all my 'gd health'??? can i even have a week of 'peace'? or at least a few days?
ytd mornin, oso had bit of gastric discomfort... gastric & stomach discomfort is v diff... was alrdy in campus. alrdy in office workin. i'd gastric med at hm but nvr brought it w me. cos i don really ve any issue w gastric. d med i got is to complement other stronger med like pain killer. luckily it got better by itself or i wld ve skipped d afternoon lab.
anw, d nose bleed was v minor. so minor tt parents oso nvr notice even though they were hm. it nvr flow like tap so i managed to go to d bathrm & try to stop d bleedin thr & to flush away d tissue w some blood stains. decided to monitor & see hw... esp since d last 2 times were mths ago. d 2nd time then was more scary cos it's like jus a mth apart... sighed...
nw i do ve bit headache. ya. headache again. but i not sure link or not... but like i said... i shall monitor & see hw. if not ok (touchwood), i shall go see doc tml?
tml b another long day... 7 hrs of lesson straight fr 10.30 to 5.30. alrdy bought a bread for lunch tml. ya. i gonna survive on bread again. mayb lack of proper 'meals'? but i got eat lunch even if i workin unless like thurs lah...
laptop cant detect hp... y???
something is weird w my hp. my laptop cant detect my hp aft i plug in w usb like usual. tried many times. tried b4 i go out for breakfast. tried aft. oso cant...
so i guess unless i solved d pro, i cant do report,etc in my hp le... cos i gotta retype if i cant transfer to my laptop...
i oso cant sent it for servicin. warranty over le lah... y always like tt.. when warranty over then pro come... sianz...
so i guess unless i solved d pro, i cant do report,etc in my hp le... cos i gotta retype if i cant transfer to my laptop...
i oso cant sent it for servicin. warranty over le lah... y always like tt.. when warranty over then pro come... sianz...
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
took a break...
today in general was much better than ytd...
since i alrdy did d online survey aft checkin out d software for a topic which a prof came out w, i decided to declare a break for myself.
actually not quite a break. usually i tue not workin but cos tml will ve discussion, decided to work dis mornin to do s much hr s possible. don worry. i noe hw to prioritize... if cant, i wont work full 10 hrs. like last wk. i only work 9 hrs. jus an hr short but i cant b bother.
aft prac today, went to JP to walk ard. actually gg to get d 'transparent' colored sticky tag to sort my notes into lectures for easy ref like i always do. however, i could not find in popular whr i usually get. they had a new packin w bigger tag or stick note pad which i don need. went harris oso cant find. end up found in another bookshop when i almost give up.
anw, i jus wanna take d opportunity to take a short break b4 gg back to face reality. tt's wat i would do once in a while to ve a change in environment & get a break since bout yr aft i work. jus impromptu decide go walk ard though i don quite shop (unlike most ladies...)
friends today ask me wat i wld get for him cos valentine's day comin & wat he got for me. told them we r not in need of anything & we rather go for practical stuffs. like for x'mas, i got him a computer mouse cos his was not workin well. & a mousepad tt can put picture in it. so he wld b rmbr everytime he used & it's something he wld use daily.
so this time, we bought for ea other a pair of levis signature jeans. something we wld use (wear). it doesn't matter wat gift i get. most impt is hw he treat me & my family & friends.
wat's d purpose of gettin a lavish gift & yet don treat me well. d gift at most show ppl & prob make ppl envy but ppl wont noe wat happen 'backstage'...
since i alrdy did d online survey aft checkin out d software for a topic which a prof came out w, i decided to declare a break for myself.
actually not quite a break. usually i tue not workin but cos tml will ve discussion, decided to work dis mornin to do s much hr s possible. don worry. i noe hw to prioritize... if cant, i wont work full 10 hrs. like last wk. i only work 9 hrs. jus an hr short but i cant b bother.
aft prac today, went to JP to walk ard. actually gg to get d 'transparent' colored sticky tag to sort my notes into lectures for easy ref like i always do. however, i could not find in popular whr i usually get. they had a new packin w bigger tag or stick note pad which i don need. went harris oso cant find. end up found in another bookshop when i almost give up.
anw, i jus wanna take d opportunity to take a short break b4 gg back to face reality. tt's wat i would do once in a while to ve a change in environment & get a break since bout yr aft i work. jus impromptu decide go walk ard though i don quite shop (unlike most ladies...)
friends today ask me wat i wld get for him cos valentine's day comin & wat he got for me. told them we r not in need of anything & we rather go for practical stuffs. like for x'mas, i got him a computer mouse cos his was not workin well. & a mousepad tt can put picture in it. so he wld b rmbr everytime he used & it's something he wld use daily.
so this time, we bought for ea other a pair of levis signature jeans. something we wld use (wear). it doesn't matter wat gift i get. most impt is hw he treat me & my family & friends.
wat's d purpose of gettin a lavish gift & yet don treat me well. d gift at most show ppl & prob make ppl envy but ppl wont noe wat happen 'backstage'...
Monday, 8 February 2010
is d prob lies in me?
while on way hm, think back on all d 'events', made me wonder if thr is a prob w me... m i d one doin weird things instead? things don seemed to be in tandem w wat gg on ard me... is thr a way to improve or avoid? wat else can i do?
oso i wonder if i had changed? changed much... i used to get v anxious over sch work, etc like assignments & always think & worry bout it (a typical virgo). but m i takin it too 'lightly'?
at times, i feel so but at times, i think i'm still d same old me. like today, prob cos i not in gd mood for jokes, while waitin for our samples durin incubation, i typed out today's material & method for a gp report in my hp while my friends were chattin & jokin ard. i jus don wanna delay & wanna get it over & done w but today was jus d 1st prac out of 6 or 7. jus like d elective tutorial presentation.
but at times, i feel like i not s worried s my friends bout d comin datelines. but i alrdy mark in my calendars.
anw, today wasn't really a gd day for me. & i had to drag my feet to get hm esp aft i was jus at d lrt stn near my blk even aft i noe my mum not at hm aft i looked up at my hse.
i oso ended up cookin d last pack of instant bee hoon to eat instead of cookin a proper 'meal'. lazy + not hungry + don feel like eatin but had no choice. i don wanna get in trouble w parents again.
actually cookin d instant bee hoon itself, i alrdy committed suicide. i noe parents wont happy but i cant b bother clearin d evidence. y bother? hide oso no use. at most i cont'd endin off my day badly loh... my day alrdy start off bad. hw bad can it go?
i'm really wishin time could pass & it would be aft exams & sch holi would come. i wanna break fr study, i wan a getaway. if can, away fr all d troubles. away fr reality. away fr sadness. i wanna rest & to relax. i wanna break free fr everythin. i wanna run to a 'deserted' place but hw possible w parents...
but i think i seriously need a break b4 i could really get really recharged to chiong & face everything again. it's jus feb & holi is still 3 mths away... so meanwhile, i can only hang in thr.
jus hope meanwhile, i can fgure out wat is gg on ard me & wat i can do to improve everythin.
oso i wonder if i had changed? changed much... i used to get v anxious over sch work, etc like assignments & always think & worry bout it (a typical virgo). but m i takin it too 'lightly'?
at times, i feel so but at times, i think i'm still d same old me. like today, prob cos i not in gd mood for jokes, while waitin for our samples durin incubation, i typed out today's material & method for a gp report in my hp while my friends were chattin & jokin ard. i jus don wanna delay & wanna get it over & done w but today was jus d 1st prac out of 6 or 7. jus like d elective tutorial presentation.
but at times, i feel like i not s worried s my friends bout d comin datelines. but i alrdy mark in my calendars.
anw, today wasn't really a gd day for me. & i had to drag my feet to get hm esp aft i was jus at d lrt stn near my blk even aft i noe my mum not at hm aft i looked up at my hse.
i oso ended up cookin d last pack of instant bee hoon to eat instead of cookin a proper 'meal'. lazy + not hungry + don feel like eatin but had no choice. i don wanna get in trouble w parents again.
actually cookin d instant bee hoon itself, i alrdy committed suicide. i noe parents wont happy but i cant b bother clearin d evidence. y bother? hide oso no use. at most i cont'd endin off my day badly loh... my day alrdy start off bad. hw bad can it go?
i'm really wishin time could pass & it would be aft exams & sch holi would come. i wanna break fr study, i wan a getaway. if can, away fr all d troubles. away fr reality. away fr sadness. i wanna rest & to relax. i wanna break free fr everythin. i wanna run to a 'deserted' place but hw possible w parents...
but i think i seriously need a break b4 i could really get really recharged to chiong & face everything again. it's jus feb & holi is still 3 mths away... so meanwhile, i can only hang in thr.
jus hope meanwhile, i can fgure out wat is gg on ard me & wat i can do to improve everythin.
damn...i feel like my burnin fire to persevere on was diminishin... d willpower was gettin weaker. i feel like givin up. i think i'm losin direction...
ppl always like schoolin cos of d long holi. but it can nvr really motivate me cos of d stuggle in study. is it worth???
higher edu doesn't mean earn much more $$. earn more $$ doesn't mean more happiness.
i really do envy little kids. their ignorant to d harsh reality. they need not worry (well, most kids la), they r oso curious & bold to try out new things. they will forget aft gettin scolded or after being cane, etc. & wat they enjoy is fun. all this were so ancient to me...
is tt y thr r ppl who choose to end their lives aft even like 20 odd yrs??? don worry... i wont go to tt extent... if i would, i would ve done so when i was young.
fr young, i alrdy experience wat my parents would do so nw... but i don ve d courage to end off my lives. i would only use d chance of gg shower to cry & vent out in d bathrm... but i ve to confess... i did attempt to w shampoo diluted to prob in concentration of unit, ppm. thus, it's not of lethal dose... i noe i was silly then but at least i nvr succeed.
but i duno y i work so hard nw. struggle in study & yet still workin oso... nw is only beginnin of feb. had to wait till may b4 gettin a long break fr sch... haiz...
anw, nw i can only lookin forward to 21/2...
ppl always like schoolin cos of d long holi. but it can nvr really motivate me cos of d stuggle in study. is it worth???
higher edu doesn't mean earn much more $$. earn more $$ doesn't mean more happiness.
i really do envy little kids. their ignorant to d harsh reality. they need not worry (well, most kids la), they r oso curious & bold to try out new things. they will forget aft gettin scolded or after being cane, etc. & wat they enjoy is fun. all this were so ancient to me...
is tt y thr r ppl who choose to end their lives aft even like 20 odd yrs??? don worry... i wont go to tt extent... if i would, i would ve done so when i was young.
fr young, i alrdy experience wat my parents would do so nw... but i don ve d courage to end off my lives. i would only use d chance of gg shower to cry & vent out in d bathrm... but i ve to confess... i did attempt to w shampoo diluted to prob in concentration of unit, ppm. thus, it's not of lethal dose... i noe i was silly then but at least i nvr succeed.
but i duno y i work so hard nw. struggle in study & yet still workin oso... nw is only beginnin of feb. had to wait till may b4 gettin a long break fr sch... haiz...
anw, nw i can only lookin forward to 21/2...
i hate 2010... i hate home...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH................
i really feel 2010 is not a yr for me... if not sick, den here pain thr pain, or even stepped on parents tail... ytd dad, dis mornin, mum...
ytd slpt v late cos i update my blog to vent out my unhappiness... this mornin overslept. when i realized mum wake me, it was alrdy 6.19 am when i usually woke up before 6 am. she was unhappy. say i wanna slp jus slp & they go breakfast w/o me.
did she realized i need not wake up before 6 am actually? i can wake up before 7 am actually leh... of course, wakin early is in case i overslept. cos before 6.30 am, parents still at hm. i alrdy woke up early go breakfast w them le leh... sighed...
so i rush & got ready in 5 mins & s i was toppin up my water, she off all d lights. total darkness & i cant even tell if my bottle is full. yet s i rush to put my bottle in my rm, she can say, don rush. ltr fall. if she really feel tt way, would she off all d lights??? don 说一套, 做一套 can or not... so fake... i was v angry at tt time but i jus keep quiet.
she den said she told dad tt if i still wanna slp, i can slp while she tabao back for me. ya. like real. still unhappy when i nvr wake up... i really hate it... she think she is an actress ah? she wan me nominate her for 红星大奖 is it? always try show ppl hw gd she is. den unhappy to me aft tt... 2 headed snake...
early mornin, spoilt my mood. early mornin, within less than an hr alrdy show so many faces... i really hate being home when parents can anytime any moment had volcano eruption... T.T
i really feel 2010 is not a yr for me... if not sick, den here pain thr pain, or even stepped on parents tail... ytd dad, dis mornin, mum...
ytd slpt v late cos i update my blog to vent out my unhappiness... this mornin overslept. when i realized mum wake me, it was alrdy 6.19 am when i usually woke up before 6 am. she was unhappy. say i wanna slp jus slp & they go breakfast w/o me.
did she realized i need not wake up before 6 am actually? i can wake up before 7 am actually leh... of course, wakin early is in case i overslept. cos before 6.30 am, parents still at hm. i alrdy woke up early go breakfast w them le leh... sighed...
so i rush & got ready in 5 mins & s i was toppin up my water, she off all d lights. total darkness & i cant even tell if my bottle is full. yet s i rush to put my bottle in my rm, she can say, don rush. ltr fall. if she really feel tt way, would she off all d lights??? don 说一套, 做一套 can or not... so fake... i was v angry at tt time but i jus keep quiet.
she den said she told dad tt if i still wanna slp, i can slp while she tabao back for me. ya. like real. still unhappy when i nvr wake up... i really hate it... she think she is an actress ah? she wan me nominate her for 红星大奖 is it? always try show ppl hw gd she is. den unhappy to me aft tt... 2 headed snake...
early mornin, spoilt my mood. early mornin, within less than an hr alrdy show so many faces... i really hate being home when parents can anytime any moment had volcano eruption... T.T
whr is d comfort of home???
haiz... y do i have to 叹气 so freq recently...
jus nw in d evenin, dad asked me to try my thumbdrive (which does contain mp3s) to d new portable player they bought in d afternoon. when it cant work, i brought it to my rm & test & try w my mp3 player.
after tryin a few times, brought back to him & told him tt thumbdrive don work except mp3 player. he was not convinced & say tt d person plug in a small device like thumbdrive. tt doesn't mean it it's thumbdrive drive ma...
i showed him many times & oso did tried to pull more mp3 to d 'front' rather than hidden oso cannot wor... but he was not happy w d outcome. i told him earlier tt i wanna see d new player & test b4 i go buy a new thumbdrive for mum. but nw, though it cant work, i think i'll still go get... if it work, den me suay... if it cant work, den i waste $$. cos i no need another thumbdrive s i alrdy have 1 & an ext hdd. so no matter wat it would be a disadvantage for me...
no wonder i always hard to save $$... thr r so many things to take care of... & thr is oso a price to pay to get parents to be convinced... argh... $$ don come fr d sky leh... it's hard earn $$... i had to study & work at same time somemore wor...
dad always get 'high tech' stuffs. like my hp which is suppose to be a smart phone but i don find it really tt smart... & many functions i still duno when i'm usin it for more than a yr...
yet dad jus upgrade his singtel line to get nokia n97 mini... yes. he got it & not to trade it his phone when it now shld still ve pretty high value... & whenever he got all these stuffs, he expect me to noe hw to use, etc. to him, he thinks tt i uni student. i shld noe all... -.-''' told him many many times le i duno everything. esp those not in my field of study. but he still unhappy when i could not figure out or satisfied what he wanted...
anw, aft d player incident, he not happy again... i got a new jeans fr dear today & it was slightly too long. dear oso got a new pair of jeans & oso need alteration in length too. passed to dad's friend's wife to alter & she did it for us in less than 2 hr. dad told us & so we said mayb we collect ltr. but he was alrdy prep go out w mum.
overheard tt they gg meet his friend & wife so tot they would collect for us. somemroe, he alrdy went out & lock d door. in d end, he was unhappy again & shouted for us to go when he alrdy saw tt we busy. -.-'''
in d end, aft collectin d pants, we left while parents stayed on to chat. so silly... cant he jus collect? sighed... & cant he jus asked us to go along b4 he went out & 'happily' locked d door? he go out alrdy den unhappy. & i nvr get d chance to change & was wearin d sloppish-ly to d coffeeshop...
i noe i'm bad... but i had enough of all these unreasonable-ness, temper changed, over-protectiveness, etc... they r my parents so i had to tolerate. but i really scare of havin to face these again for the 2nd half of my life. i got phobia. i'll go crazy. i might end up in IMH. so i'll rather b alone. at least i need not need to ans back to anybody. so i told this straight to my bf.
jus nw, he had experience wat always happened to me... he said he oso dun like it & asked me not to be like them & would 'ki siao' if i'm like my parents in future but he would rather 'ki siao' then leave me.
hearin tt, i felt really bad tt i said i would leave him immediately no matter wat but d phobia i had would make me repel further. i would b afraid & reluctant to go hm. d fear in me was too overwhelmin. sry dear dear...
my friend always said she envy me. she said i always look strong. in fact, i'm not s strong s i may look like... it's jus a brave front to show show only. i fear of loneliness yet i fear of all these nonsenses...
these always make me feel like cryin & in fact, would cry (in my heart or if i get to have a lonely corner like d bathrm) when these sort of things happened... i always wished i got d gut to run out of hse. to run away & get away fr all these. sometimes i even think of leavin this place but i wont desert my parents completely.
i have an imaginary virtual world. in my virtual world, i would run away fr hm. i would 'visit' & see them fr far. makin sure they r fine. i would transfer them $$ monthly for their survival. but all this wont happen & would never happen. so i can only tolerate & swollow all these nonsense.
like i said. i no need high tech stuffs... i no need tv, vcr recorder, dvd recorder, camera, camcorder, smart phone, air con, spring mattress, comforter set, mp3 player, etc. so long s my clothes r wearable, my bags r usable, etc, i could wear or use them s long s they can last. i no need materialistic ways of satisfication. i jus want a simple & cosy hm. a place whr wont cos me to wanna cry. a place whr i always looked forward to go back to. a place whr i can rest & relax fr d harsh external environment.
i would rather go sch early. study in sch even w/o lunch durin exam period. go work esp durin holi than to stay hm. & i had been draggin myself hm most of d time. & if i noe dad hm, i oso dare not nap even if i got d chance when i tired. it's a hm but i cant do much to comfort me... yet i cant go elsewhere...
anw, i'm oso apologetic to my dad... i got so 'pissed' off tt i do ans him but i noe my tone must not b tt gd. i alrdy tried to ctrl & curb my tone. mayb i'm not tryin hard enough... mayb my tone make things worst. but wat can i do to make things better???
jus nw in d evenin, dad asked me to try my thumbdrive (which does contain mp3s) to d new portable player they bought in d afternoon. when it cant work, i brought it to my rm & test & try w my mp3 player.
after tryin a few times, brought back to him & told him tt thumbdrive don work except mp3 player. he was not convinced & say tt d person plug in a small device like thumbdrive. tt doesn't mean it it's thumbdrive drive ma...
i showed him many times & oso did tried to pull more mp3 to d 'front' rather than hidden oso cannot wor... but he was not happy w d outcome. i told him earlier tt i wanna see d new player & test b4 i go buy a new thumbdrive for mum. but nw, though it cant work, i think i'll still go get... if it work, den me suay... if it cant work, den i waste $$. cos i no need another thumbdrive s i alrdy have 1 & an ext hdd. so no matter wat it would be a disadvantage for me...
no wonder i always hard to save $$... thr r so many things to take care of... & thr is oso a price to pay to get parents to be convinced... argh... $$ don come fr d sky leh... it's hard earn $$... i had to study & work at same time somemore wor...
dad always get 'high tech' stuffs. like my hp which is suppose to be a smart phone but i don find it really tt smart... & many functions i still duno when i'm usin it for more than a yr...
yet dad jus upgrade his singtel line to get nokia n97 mini... yes. he got it & not to trade it his phone when it now shld still ve pretty high value... & whenever he got all these stuffs, he expect me to noe hw to use, etc. to him, he thinks tt i uni student. i shld noe all... -.-''' told him many many times le i duno everything. esp those not in my field of study. but he still unhappy when i could not figure out or satisfied what he wanted...
anw, aft d player incident, he not happy again... i got a new jeans fr dear today & it was slightly too long. dear oso got a new pair of jeans & oso need alteration in length too. passed to dad's friend's wife to alter & she did it for us in less than 2 hr. dad told us & so we said mayb we collect ltr. but he was alrdy prep go out w mum.
overheard tt they gg meet his friend & wife so tot they would collect for us. somemroe, he alrdy went out & lock d door. in d end, he was unhappy again & shouted for us to go when he alrdy saw tt we busy. -.-'''
in d end, aft collectin d pants, we left while parents stayed on to chat. so silly... cant he jus collect? sighed... & cant he jus asked us to go along b4 he went out & 'happily' locked d door? he go out alrdy den unhappy. & i nvr get d chance to change & was wearin d sloppish-ly to d coffeeshop...
i noe i'm bad... but i had enough of all these unreasonable-ness, temper changed, over-protectiveness, etc... they r my parents so i had to tolerate. but i really scare of havin to face these again for the 2nd half of my life. i got phobia. i'll go crazy. i might end up in IMH. so i'll rather b alone. at least i need not need to ans back to anybody. so i told this straight to my bf.
jus nw, he had experience wat always happened to me... he said he oso dun like it & asked me not to be like them & would 'ki siao' if i'm like my parents in future but he would rather 'ki siao' then leave me.
hearin tt, i felt really bad tt i said i would leave him immediately no matter wat but d phobia i had would make me repel further. i would b afraid & reluctant to go hm. d fear in me was too overwhelmin. sry dear dear...
my friend always said she envy me. she said i always look strong. in fact, i'm not s strong s i may look like... it's jus a brave front to show show only. i fear of loneliness yet i fear of all these nonsenses...
these always make me feel like cryin & in fact, would cry (in my heart or if i get to have a lonely corner like d bathrm) when these sort of things happened... i always wished i got d gut to run out of hse. to run away & get away fr all these. sometimes i even think of leavin this place but i wont desert my parents completely.
i have an imaginary virtual world. in my virtual world, i would run away fr hm. i would 'visit' & see them fr far. makin sure they r fine. i would transfer them $$ monthly for their survival. but all this wont happen & would never happen. so i can only tolerate & swollow all these nonsense.
like i said. i no need high tech stuffs... i no need tv, vcr recorder, dvd recorder, camera, camcorder, smart phone, air con, spring mattress, comforter set, mp3 player, etc. so long s my clothes r wearable, my bags r usable, etc, i could wear or use them s long s they can last. i no need materialistic ways of satisfication. i jus want a simple & cosy hm. a place whr wont cos me to wanna cry. a place whr i always looked forward to go back to. a place whr i can rest & relax fr d harsh external environment.
i would rather go sch early. study in sch even w/o lunch durin exam period. go work esp durin holi than to stay hm. & i had been draggin myself hm most of d time. & if i noe dad hm, i oso dare not nap even if i got d chance when i tired. it's a hm but i cant do much to comfort me... yet i cant go elsewhere...
anw, i'm oso apologetic to my dad... i got so 'pissed' off tt i do ans him but i noe my tone must not b tt gd. i alrdy tried to ctrl & curb my tone. mayb i'm not tryin hard enough... mayb my tone make things worst. but wat can i do to make things better???
Saturday, 6 February 2010
tired day
today, i finally realized d power of sunscreen lotion... previous 2 time when i go east coast park cycle w friends, i applied and at d end of d day, i was ok. not red, not tan...
but... today go sg airshow. forget bout sunscreen. under d sun for less than 2 hr... nw face, neck, shoulder, arms red red like 叉烧 le. so i guess i'm gonna b tanned for this CNY... oopsss... lol... luckily i wore sleeveless or my arms will have 2 tone... but still obvious cos i wore tank top today...
tt aside... a wk had passed since i kanna stiff neck on d right side... it still hurt... i shld say ytd was much better aft d 推拿 on thurs...
i alrdy got shaky hands usually but today, worst of cos d neck prob... so even though i video down d air display show, it was v shaky... :X
i dun understand y my neck till nw still hurts... i had seen western doc & chinese physician. had 'salonpas' stick on d sore part ytd oso. mum last nite said it looked bit swollen...
jus nw, mum stick 'salonpas' for me again & said d more painful part looked 'shiner' like those swollen part... mum ask if i sprained it. it's not exactly neck part but rather shoulder part near neck so i oso no idea hw can i sprain it... but it does coz me dis-comfort... even when i sleep oso.
i decided to go for 推拿 again tml... if still not gettin any better, i'll go clinic see doc again.
i jus don understand wat happen. i could assume tt aft i see doc, it got better but after stop med, it got worst was cos of d effect of d pain killer. wat bout aft chinese physician.
ytd d pain was more exterior cos of d 推拿 & neck was pretty alright. is it cos d exterior pain overwhelm d original pain?? i cant even tilt my head left & right, esp right. i cant really turn my head left or right, esp right again. i cant really look down or up. so meaning to say, i cant rotate my head much.
jus hope it'll get well by cny... haiz... anw, i did took d med for muscle relaxin & unlike precious, i took with pain killer complement w med for gastric. so i realized d med had a weird side effect on me.
i took d med around 5pm. ate dinner ard 6pm. bout 1 hr ltr, my stomach seemed hungry but i still 'burp' of feelin full... last time (yrs ago), i oso same. keep feelin hungry. in fact, can get hungry till i feel weak or gastric acid came up to my mouth. so i quickly took d gastric med. luckily manage to suppress it.
i oso duno if it's cos wakin early today or d trip at d air show tire me out or was it cos of d original side effect of d med which is to cos drowsy-ness... felt tired & felt asleep till dad called & ask me go downstair to carry things up. luckily dear was still around cos i realize it was quite strainin to carry slightly heavier load. thank dear...
today, i oso kanna 'electrocuted' for a couple of times, when i fiddle w my dvd camcorder when it was connected to d power & my tv. effect was pretty strong. i could still feel d 'electricity' on my palm even seconds aft i 'jerk' off my hand fr d camcorder. oso got numb numb, pins & needles feelin aft tt. actually, even till nw, still got d feelin but v faint nw...
anw, it's not d 1st time i got myself 'electrocuted'. once i trigger a spark fr d power switch tt my finger got a lobang. oso when d water heater for d aquarium went faulty. & many other minor times oso. i seemed to b able to attract so much electricity to me which is not gd... v dangerous leh... must 'siam' away esp if got lightning...
but... today go sg airshow. forget bout sunscreen. under d sun for less than 2 hr... nw face, neck, shoulder, arms red red like 叉烧 le. so i guess i'm gonna b tanned for this CNY... oopsss... lol... luckily i wore sleeveless or my arms will have 2 tone... but still obvious cos i wore tank top today...
tt aside... a wk had passed since i kanna stiff neck on d right side... it still hurt... i shld say ytd was much better aft d 推拿 on thurs...
i alrdy got shaky hands usually but today, worst of cos d neck prob... so even though i video down d air display show, it was v shaky... :X
i dun understand y my neck till nw still hurts... i had seen western doc & chinese physician. had 'salonpas' stick on d sore part ytd oso. mum last nite said it looked bit swollen...
jus nw, mum stick 'salonpas' for me again & said d more painful part looked 'shiner' like those swollen part... mum ask if i sprained it. it's not exactly neck part but rather shoulder part near neck so i oso no idea hw can i sprain it... but it does coz me dis-comfort... even when i sleep oso.
i decided to go for 推拿 again tml... if still not gettin any better, i'll go clinic see doc again.
i jus don understand wat happen. i could assume tt aft i see doc, it got better but after stop med, it got worst was cos of d effect of d pain killer. wat bout aft chinese physician.
ytd d pain was more exterior cos of d 推拿 & neck was pretty alright. is it cos d exterior pain overwhelm d original pain?? i cant even tilt my head left & right, esp right. i cant really turn my head left or right, esp right again. i cant really look down or up. so meaning to say, i cant rotate my head much.
jus hope it'll get well by cny... haiz... anw, i did took d med for muscle relaxin & unlike precious, i took with pain killer complement w med for gastric. so i realized d med had a weird side effect on me.
i took d med around 5pm. ate dinner ard 6pm. bout 1 hr ltr, my stomach seemed hungry but i still 'burp' of feelin full... last time (yrs ago), i oso same. keep feelin hungry. in fact, can get hungry till i feel weak or gastric acid came up to my mouth. so i quickly took d gastric med. luckily manage to suppress it.
i oso duno if it's cos wakin early today or d trip at d air show tire me out or was it cos of d original side effect of d med which is to cos drowsy-ness... felt tired & felt asleep till dad called & ask me go downstair to carry things up. luckily dear was still around cos i realize it was quite strainin to carry slightly heavier load. thank dear...
today, i oso kanna 'electrocuted' for a couple of times, when i fiddle w my dvd camcorder when it was connected to d power & my tv. effect was pretty strong. i could still feel d 'electricity' on my palm even seconds aft i 'jerk' off my hand fr d camcorder. oso got numb numb, pins & needles feelin aft tt. actually, even till nw, still got d feelin but v faint nw...
anw, it's not d 1st time i got myself 'electrocuted'. once i trigger a spark fr d power switch tt my finger got a lobang. oso when d water heater for d aquarium went faulty. & many other minor times oso. i seemed to b able to attract so much electricity to me which is not gd... v dangerous leh... must 'siam' away esp if got lightning...
Friday, 5 February 2010
stomach too much acid le???
did i staved myself too much ytd???
ytd, breakfast 6+ am. lunch had 2 slices of plain bread (1 of which is d 'skin' part). tt's d only 2 slices left at hm for me to 'steal'... den delay dinner to go for 推拿... only had dinner at 8++ pm last nite. was v hungry by then...
today, mornin, s usual breakfast at 6+ am. went hm aft tutorial & prep d dough for d pineapple 'tarts' & teach cousin, his maths hmwork. by 12 noon, i alrdy hungry. delayed till 12.30++ pm den lunch. when i go back sch & gonna have lecture at 5.30 pm, started to feel hungry again... i ended up eatin a no of sweets but doesn't help. so i decided to left early.
i usually seldom feel really hungry den eat one but today for lunch & dinner, all feel hungry... friend said mayb stomach too much acid le... oopsss... & she said i diet on every thurs... lol... no choice la... lesson fr 10.30 straight to 5.30. breakfast at 6+ so 9+ hw to eat??? so can only survive on bread la & i don eat much one wor...
ytd, breakfast 6+ am. lunch had 2 slices of plain bread (1 of which is d 'skin' part). tt's d only 2 slices left at hm for me to 'steal'... den delay dinner to go for 推拿... only had dinner at 8++ pm last nite. was v hungry by then...
today, mornin, s usual breakfast at 6+ am. went hm aft tutorial & prep d dough for d pineapple 'tarts' & teach cousin, his maths hmwork. by 12 noon, i alrdy hungry. delayed till 12.30++ pm den lunch. when i go back sch & gonna have lecture at 5.30 pm, started to feel hungry again... i ended up eatin a no of sweets but doesn't help. so i decided to left early.
i usually seldom feel really hungry den eat one but today for lunch & dinner, all feel hungry... friend said mayb stomach too much acid le... oopsss... & she said i diet on every thurs... lol... no choice la... lesson fr 10.30 straight to 5.30. breakfast at 6+ so 9+ hw to eat??? so can only survive on bread la & i don eat much one wor...
Thursday, 4 February 2010
eventually go for 推拿... hope it get better...
eventually give up... go see chinese physician for 推拿... whole afternoon in class v 辛苦... d neck, d shoulder, d upper back.
i oso cant decided if i really got better last 2 days or was it d pain killer suppressin d release of substance P (meanin suppressin d pain)... but i refused to take even panadol today.
d only advantage was tt it does help keep me fr dozin off cos when i nodded off, i felt pain & woke up but... i cant stay focus most of d time...
it only felt better if i use my hand to apply pressure on the sore part but i cant possibly b holdin on to it all d time. d chair oso had no support for my upper back and head and so my head seemed to b straining my neck s time passed...
thus, though today, gg grandma's hse for dinner & ytd, my leader told me today got a soka mtg, i decided to give all a miss & go see d chinese physician.
i was alrdy hungry after class s i only had 2 pcs of plain bread for lunch due to 7 hrs straight of lessons. & 1 of d bread was d last pcs meanin d 'skin' part... but i still decide to go ahead for my neck. it's more impt than my stomach. i would still get to eat eventually but i don wan my neck to drag further.
usually i alrdy hard to stay awake all d time in class but it's making it worst. & tml gonna end late and so tt would mean i could only go on sun. if i get better, den gd for me. if not, i would suffer a few more days.
aft d 推拿 was much loosen but nw it seemed to tighten again... jus hope tml will get better. or i dunno wat i can do le... see doctor only get pain killers. sighed.
i oso cant decided if i really got better last 2 days or was it d pain killer suppressin d release of substance P (meanin suppressin d pain)... but i refused to take even panadol today.
d only advantage was tt it does help keep me fr dozin off cos when i nodded off, i felt pain & woke up but... i cant stay focus most of d time...
it only felt better if i use my hand to apply pressure on the sore part but i cant possibly b holdin on to it all d time. d chair oso had no support for my upper back and head and so my head seemed to b straining my neck s time passed...
thus, though today, gg grandma's hse for dinner & ytd, my leader told me today got a soka mtg, i decided to give all a miss & go see d chinese physician.
i was alrdy hungry after class s i only had 2 pcs of plain bread for lunch due to 7 hrs straight of lessons. & 1 of d bread was d last pcs meanin d 'skin' part... but i still decide to go ahead for my neck. it's more impt than my stomach. i would still get to eat eventually but i don wan my neck to drag further.
usually i alrdy hard to stay awake all d time in class but it's making it worst. & tml gonna end late and so tt would mean i could only go on sun. if i get better, den gd for me. if not, i would suffer a few more days.
aft d 推拿 was much loosen but nw it seemed to tighten again... jus hope tml will get better. or i dunno wat i can do le... see doctor only get pain killers. sighed.
WTH is gg on???
i really wanna curse & swear le lah... wat is wrong w me this yr? i may easily caught flu, cough & sorethroat in d past but this is ridiculous leh...
since jan, i been on med (not full 7 days, etc...) but for d flu, sorethroat, & on & off headache, & stiff neck... my hip not to d extent of needin pain killer...
ytd, my neck was much much better & yet... today when i woke up... it was more stiff than ytd... not to d extent like sun but can feel d muscle tighten... WTH is gg on??? sighed...
since jan, i been on med (not full 7 days, etc...) but for d flu, sorethroat, & on & off headache, & stiff neck... my hip not to d extent of needin pain killer...
ytd, my neck was much much better & yet... today when i woke up... it was more stiff than ytd... not to d extent like sun but can feel d muscle tighten... WTH is gg on??? sighed...
Monday, 1 February 2010
neck still pain pain
eventually decided to go see doc... but i sort of regretted cos really give me pain killer which is wat i expected so. furthermore i got d pain killer at hm...
anw, i oso got d med for muscle relaxin. d one which made me go hungry by an hr yr back till i dare not eat. nw no choice. jus try d med again loh.
doc said tt med will cos drowsiness. advice say if cannot den take at night will do. think no diff on me nw. too slpy le. w/o it alrdy cannot make it. w it, don think will ve much effect. so i gave up & took it.
i usually would avoid drowsy med at all course. no matter wat time cos i think d half-life in my body is longer than usual s d drowsy effect nvr go off so quickly.
jus hope i'll survive today. anw, think today only got med cost. cos total less than $10. shld ve asked asked for my hip prob since it's a female doc. anw, since i had gotten pain killer & had taken it, think hip shldn't ve much prob ba... shall see hw...
anw, i oso got d med for muscle relaxin. d one which made me go hungry by an hr yr back till i dare not eat. nw no choice. jus try d med again loh.
doc said tt med will cos drowsiness. advice say if cannot den take at night will do. think no diff on me nw. too slpy le. w/o it alrdy cannot make it. w it, don think will ve much effect. so i gave up & took it.
i usually would avoid drowsy med at all course. no matter wat time cos i think d half-life in my body is longer than usual s d drowsy effect nvr go off so quickly.
jus hope i'll survive today. anw, think today only got med cost. cos total less than $10. shld ve asked asked for my hip prob since it's a female doc. anw, since i had gotten pain killer & had taken it, think hip shldn't ve much prob ba... shall see hw...
neck still pain pain...
darn... neck still pain... pain since sat. though not s stiff s ytd mornin but still not really tt gd...
yet... nw, i oso feel v slpy... actually ytd whole day oso slpy le...jus nw ko in bus but v jialat... cos neck pain. when i doze off (d was 'noddin' my head here & thr), woke up almost immediately cos of neck pain. wanna slp oso cant really slp... but i still overslept. luckily friend & 'boss' wake me up...
'boss' advice me go see doc b4 my neck got worst. shld i? but think mayb doc jus prescribe pain killer? wat shld i do? go see doc? go see chinese physician? or simply jus ignore?
yet... nw, i oso feel v slpy... actually ytd whole day oso slpy le...jus nw ko in bus but v jialat... cos neck pain. when i doze off (d was 'noddin' my head here & thr), woke up almost immediately cos of neck pain. wanna slp oso cant really slp... but i still overslept. luckily friend & 'boss' wake me up...
'boss' advice me go see doc b4 my neck got worst. shld i? but think mayb doc jus prescribe pain killer? wat shld i do? go see doc? go see chinese physician? or simply jus ignore?
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