ytd mornin, can still feel tt mum still haven got over watever she was unhappy bout. But i told her i afternoon may not go back cos of proj discussion though i don intend to stay for afternoon session. Even decided to skip lecture today.
Tut end later & aft tt discuss proj w friends. K la. Everybody did their part so it was pretty ok. So by b4 12, can go le. Gd & bad for me. I don wanna stay sch but i no whr to go. Got hm like don ve cos i don wanna go back to a mine field.
Thus, ended up at JP seein if any movie to watch but there seemed none at tt time. But i went to pick up brochure for hk trip fr d travel agency thr. While i was walkin & readin d brochures, mum called & in a not so happy tone, said tt she'll b cookin dinner & if i wan eat, i eat. Hearin her tone & comment deteriorate my mood completely & made me feel like cryin again but i cant. Esp in a shoppin mall.
So, in d end, i decided to go to west coast park. A place i checked hw to go a nite b4. I wanted a quiet place w min no of ppl. A place tt don remind me of hm, of sch & everythin. I'm jus too saturated tt it's hard to breathe.
& while gg, I accidently injured d back of my left heel s it sank into d wide gap of d drain cover. I noe it hurts. I noe thr shld ve open wound, at lease gauzed wound, but I don care. Tt time, I’m more hurt mentally den physically. It’s only after I reached d bus-stop & looked at it tt I realized it bleed. I nvr even bother to clean up though I noe I shld w all d 1st aid & knowledge fr sch. I jus cant b bothered w d physical injury. In d end, I only ‘clean-up’ d wound after I reached west coast park & I even walked thru a big patches of sand while walkin in. so d wound was v much contaminated then.
Anw, luckily d place's really peaceful. D wind seemed to embrace me & blowin all d troubles far away. D quietness & calmness sooth me. D smell & sound of wave is also something i cant experience usually.
It's even better than indulgin w alcohol. Ya. i stole a can of tiger beer to drink. It cant help me forget anything. I'm not even drunk. It cant do anythin at all. At least nw, i feel better tt i wished i no need to leave d park. I wished tt i could treat it s my hm but it cant b.
Seein d boats ard made me actually feel like doin something crazy. To swim over & steal 1& to get out of everything. But i would end up bein a thief or illegal immigrant. Haiz...
Anw, one can nvr escape fr pro. Like d sea will nvr b calm w d current below & d wind above. Even if it looks calm. Underneath might actually ve strong current. But i cant help but feel i'm bein thrown in d sea & gotta swim against d strong wind & current. V tirin & yet doesnt seemed to b movin or even movin backward.
But in general, I got better after sittin at west coast park. S it was pretty deserted, it helped me esp when d isolation allow me to really let it go. But I still feel reluctant to go back to sch & hm. In d end, dear picked me up aft work & he go back to shower b4 gg back my hse for dinner. Mum not hm when we reached & when she was back, she seemed better mood. Made me much happier.
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