is d prob lies in me?

while on way hm, think back on all d 'events', made me wonder if thr is a prob w me... m i d one doin weird things instead? things don seemed to be in tandem w wat gg on ard me... is thr a way to improve or avoid? wat else can i do?

oso i wonder if i had changed? changed much... i used to get v anxious over sch work, etc like assignments & always think & worry bout it (a typical virgo). but m i takin it too 'lightly'?

at times, i feel so but at times, i think i'm still d same old me. like today, prob cos i not in gd mood for jokes, while waitin for our samples durin incubation, i typed out today's material & method for a gp report in my hp while my friends were chattin & jokin ard. i jus don wanna delay & wanna get it over & done w but today was jus d 1st prac out of 6 or 7. jus like d elective tutorial presentation.

but at times, i feel like i not s worried s my friends bout d comin datelines. but i alrdy mark in my calendars.

anw, today wasn't really a gd day for me. & i had to drag my feet to get hm esp aft i was jus at d lrt stn near my blk even aft i noe my mum not at hm aft i looked up at my hse.

i oso ended up cookin d last pack of instant bee hoon to eat instead of cookin a proper 'meal'. lazy + not hungry + don feel like eatin but had no choice. i don wanna get in trouble w parents again.

actually cookin d instant bee hoon itself, i alrdy committed suicide. i noe parents wont happy but i cant b bother clearin d evidence. y bother? hide oso no use. at most i cont'd endin off my day badly loh... my day alrdy start off bad. hw bad can it go?

i'm really wishin time could pass & it would be aft exams & sch holi would come. i wanna break fr study, i wan a getaway. if can, away fr all d troubles. away fr reality. away fr sadness. i wanna rest & to relax. i wanna break free fr everythin. i wanna run to a 'deserted' place but hw possible w parents...

but i think i seriously need a break b4 i could really get really recharged to chiong & face everything again. it's jus feb & holi is still 3 mths away... so meanwhile, i can only hang in thr.

jus hope meanwhile, i can fgure out wat is gg on ard me & wat i can do to improve everythin.