i noe dis blog seemed to b pretty negative nw... but this is d only place i can vent out my frustration... so jus ignore for nw...

Early in mornin, mood totally spoilt... Huggin d soft toy on my bed got no help. Not even blastin my ears w my mp3 cos it's not loud enough to conceal everything...

At times like this, i really hate being a virgo who thinks & worry bout everything. Y i further my studies? Y i'd to struggle so much nw esp in my studies. Y i choose to work part time & not take any pocket money fr parents?

Of course d main reason is to get a higher qualification but my grades aren't helpin me. D other reason is to hope to get a higher pay so dad no need work so hard. But i noe d pay rise may not b tt great. Esp w my grades, i duno if will get a job so i can only try to gain more experience & exposure nw to enhance my resume.

I never get pocket money cos i noe at times, they oso no money. So i earn & use my own savings. Workin & studyin together is not easy esp when i'm alrdy strugglin w my studies but i perserved till nw. Is it all worth it? I may end up depletin all my hard-earn money for 4 yrs.

Is it really worth it??? Is everything really worth it.

I think all my past grades esp last sem one is addin up to my stress. Includin current sem, thr r only 3 sem to pull up my gpa & i can really feel d pressure. I'm oso scare of failin.

I'm tired oso & i dare not really nap esp if dad hm no matter hw tired i may get. & think w all d pressure & lack of sleep, my health is affected. Thus, all headache, etc...

Y cant they understand more rather than explodin s & when they like. If nw really cos of wat i said bout plannin for trip, i really rather not go anywhr. Tryin hard to please them yet they don appreciate is makin my trip to b like a horror.

Next week is term break. I really feel like gg mia. Mia fr everybody. I'll not go sch, grandma's hse, soka ctr, dear's place. I will mia total to get my mind off everythin except i'll bring notes to study for tests. I will go whr thr's internet access so i can do reports if necessary. But i'll b uncontactable. Not reachable by anyone. Ya. No one. Cos i don wanna b found by parents. I oso don wanna get d person into trouble. So mia totally. Den i can slp or do wat i wan & try to buck up on my studies. But all these r jus my wish. A wish tt can nvr b fulfill.

I'm really worried tt at this rate i'm gg, i'll really give up eventually or go bersek... Yet i cant give myself a break. I can only force myself & cont'd press on. I noe it's not right but thr is no other path. jus hope i can ve d ability to last & clear up my modules for another 1 yr 3-4 mths... sighed...